because this is ridiculously becoming my favourite tradition :D
i wouldn't even know where to begin explaining this one!
P: That TWIT! that good for nothing, lame-ass TWIT!
H: you’re going to have to be a little specific huni. We’re in Hollywood. There’re a lot of twits.
P: (slams magazine on the table) THAT twit. Look familiar?
H: Huh? OHHHHH. MY twit? Oh dear.
P: Oh dear?! Did you know about this?
H: Of course I didn’t know about this. But I’m starting to understand why he was all nervous on the day of the shoot.
P: What?
H: Well before he went out, he was acting all jittery. You know how he is. Only time he acts like that is when he thinks he’s doing something I won’t necessarily like. Like the time he decided to go up sailing with Tom on a day with a full-blast gale.
P: *grunts* I would think he’d be all cocky about the fact that he got us back.
H: Huh? You’re right. Unless....
P: *widens eyes as realisation hits her* Oh he’s dead. He is legally, we’re talking ‘Patrick Swayze in ‘Ghost’ DEAD *storms out*
H: Wait for me!
***
R: Uh oh! Incoming! It was nice knowing you mate.
D: *still laughing at a joke* What? *turns around* Oh ...bollocks! *puts on an enthusiastic smile* Hello hen.
P: *taps foot with arms crossed*
D: Erm... you’re looking lovely as usually love. Leighton called while you were gone. Said she missed her favourite buddy and she’s invited us to a party. You know the whole gang?
P: *tapping increases*
D: And I got something for you. Only the best for my girl you know. There’s a small velvet box waiting for you at home.
R: *rolls his eyes* Oh cripes he is an idiot.
H: He didn’t get her anything did he?
R: No... but he will. Oh he will.
H: Incidentally, you’re not exactly off the hook either. I just find it a little more difficult to put up the drama charade.
R: Wait what? Charade?
H: *nods proudly* Wait and see.
R: I don’t know whether to be scared or amused.
H: How often do you see Dan quiver?
R: Rarely...You’re right. Pull up a chair love. I’ll go and get us some popcorn from the cupboard.
P: *yelling* Let me explain something to you, you Blighty Neanderthal! What we did was a joke! People don’t mind it when it’s you two. You’re ruddy blokes. You revel in sex jokes anyway. But it’s downright degrading with us women. It’s the damn patriarchal values that dictate our society!
H: *whispers to Rob and takes a popcorn* Oh she’s good.
R: Why?
H: She’s throwing ’10 Things I Hate About You’ quotes at him. If he weren’t so petrified, he’d be able to figure out she’s taking the piss out of him.
R: Right! Note to self: Watch ’10 Things I Hate About You!’... again!
H: *pats Rob on the head* A healthy dose of Heath will only do you good dear.
P: But to write that about us! To have a tshirt MADE with such words about your girlfriend. I thought you were one of the good ones Daniel.
R: Ooo full name. That’s harsh.
P: Shut it you. Or I’ll have your hair shaved and sold to the highest bidder.
R: *looks afraid* What’s she taking it out on me for? This is only fun if Danny boy gets the brunt of it.
H: Shh shh hun. It’s fine. She’s just using tactics.
R: TACTICS? You women! You’re brutal. What tactics?
H: She’s attacking you so it looks like he doesn’t even have back-up in the other male involved.
R: *looks from Hela to Pam in awe* Why we didn’t leave the war of the Roses up to you birds is beyond me. It could have been over in a few days. *munches on a popcorn* Twenty pounds says he begs for mercy.
H: Thirty pounds says he proposes.
R: Done
*Shake hands while still watching*
D: I honestly thought it was funny love. I mean really and truly it’s a compliment to you both. I didn’t realise it would offend you love. I’m sorry I was an idiot.
P: It was VULGAR. And what’s worse you let poor Robby take the whole brunt of it. So not only do you not respect me, you don’t even respect your best friend.
D: He did it willingly.
P: Oh so what you’re telling me is if he willingly would want to jump off a cliff, you’d PUSH him! Hela dear I am so sorry you had to hear this.
H: *puts on a fake look of hurt* It’s alright Pam. I know it’s not your fault. *sniffles*
R: *whisper to hela* Cheater. You’re helping your cause.
H: *winks* We didn’t set out any rules Mr. Pattinson
D: Now wait a second love. Don’t you think you’re blowing this a little out of proportion.
H: I may be a cheater. But he is just stupid. He’s lucky Pam isn’t actually fussy on these sorts of thing.
R: *shakes his head in a disappointed way*
P: OUT OF PROPORTION?!
D: *jumps back in fright*
P: You think me respecting and defending my dignity is OUT OF PROPORTION. You think that you, YOU ridiculing your own girlfriend on such a scale makes you macho or something?
D: *panics* No of course not. I don’t think that at all. Please Pam, you misunderstood...
P: *bursts into tears* Oh Dan how could you? Hela and I will be the laughing stocks of ... of ... of the World!!
R: *cringes* Not the tears. For God’s sake woman have some mercy.
H: *laughing hysterically*
R: What are you laughing at? This is inhumane treatment is what it is.
H: *laughs even more*
P: Can’t even get respect from their own boyfriends. Treated like common whores.
D: I do respect you. I love you. I take full blame for it. I’ll issue a damn press release if I have to. Please Pam, just calm down honey. Please don’t cry *moves to hug her*
P: No you’re right. I brought this on myself. Oh the shame I’ve brought on my family.
H: *gives a knowing look to Rob*
R: Alright alright. He is a twit if he can’t see past that one.
D: Pam stop it. You haven’ done anything. I was a moron. I was a completely blundering idiot. I made a twisted joke and I hurt you. I honestly thought I was being funny. But I hurt you and for that I’m sorry. I love you Pam. I really do. I never want to do anything that you don’t like. I want to spend the rest of my life with you sweetheart.
H: HAHA! That’s closer to mine than it is to yours. Pay up ... sweetheart
R: *grumbles* Blubbering blithering whipped best mate.
D: I’ll do everything in my willpower to take it back. And ask anything and it’s yours hen. Anything. *takes her in into a tight hug and closes his eyes*
P: *mumbles*
D: *pops one eye open* What?
P: *leans back* I said ... Even go out and get me some Cookie-flavoured haagen dazs? *grins widely*
D: Why YOU?! Of all the....*laughs* That’s my girl *hugs her tightly, still laughing* Rob, did you see that?
R: I saw thirty quid leaving my pocket. That’s what I saw!