Loyalty is a thankless task
Title: Loyalty is a Thankless Task
Author: Pampermousse
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Timing is everything. My take on post 4x17, some spoilers
So it was not such a terrible kiss. In fact, she would go so far as to say it was almost passable. Granted, she had to initiate it, even though it was Humphrey’s suggestion, but he had got there in the end, putting his hand in her hair and pulling her closer. They had broken apart and looked at each other. Dan had licked his lips and Blair had just stared at him. He had moved closer and mumbled,
“Just to be sure,” and kissed her again. And really, the only reason she hadn’t shoved him away was that he had caught her off guard and what was one more? The lift had pinged softly and she had finally pushed him away, trying to paste the sneer back on in time for whoever was walking in. And of course it was Serena and Chuck. She could see Humphrey was barely coherent and decided that she would do the talking for the both of them. She could see a glimmer of something in Serena’s eyes, could see her mind searching for a link she knew was there but could not quite reach.
“Dan, what are you doing here?”
“He’s here to see you of course. He thought you might need a shoulder to cry on.” She looked over to Dan who still seemed to be unable to speak. She stared at Chuck. He looked drunk and desperate, and for once it didn’t consume her. She felt only simple concern.
“Chuck, what is it?”
“I need to speak to you.” He said grabbing her arm and guiding her upstairs. Blair looked down at Dan and Serena and saw Serena moving towards Dan and giving him a hug. So. Everything as it should be then. And that feeling in her stomach? Just plain and simple relief.
******
She met Humphrey as she was walking Chuck to the lift. He was saying goodbye to Serena. She caught his eye and God could he be more obvious? He pretended to need a glass of water and Blair followed him, telling Serena she would handle it and she should get some sleep. She walked and found him, hands on the counter, shoulders hunched. Always the drama queen.
“What are we going to do?”
“About what?”
“Blair.”
“Oh you mean our earlier experiment? Well, I think it’s obvious that it was a bout of temporary insanity. On your part. And that normal service has been resumed.” She turned and opened the fridge. “Still or sparkling?” But it didn’t come out quite right, and there was that damn hesitation in her voice again.
“I felt something.”
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing can happen.”
“Things can’t go back to the way they were.”
“Yes they can and they will.”
He came to stand in front of her, “No they can’t and they won’t. I know you can live for years in denial but I can’t.”
“Well then, you should learn.”
“I want to kiss you again.”
“Serena is upstairs.” And she was aware that it wasn’t a rejection. Anyway, it shook him out of whatever he was thinking and he made a move to leave. She followed him and he looked at her as he got into the lift.
“See you Warldorf.”
“Humphrey.” She stopped him, “timing is everything in these situations. And we don’t have it.”
He doesn’t answer, just turns and leaves.
*******
She shows up two days later at the loft. Dan is lying on the couch contemplating what the fuck happened to his life when she knocks on the door and strides in like she owns the place.
“It’s quite disturbing but I seem to have some kind of brain malfunction where I can’t stop thinking about you.” She pauses and Dan is frozen. “I thought the best way to solve that would be to see you in your natural habitat in all your hipster patheticness.” But the last part comes out a bit strangled and Dan knows a booty call when he sees it.
He walks up to her and decides to do it right this time. He puts one hand at the back of her neck and one arm around her waist and pulls her to him. And this time, they both just give into whatever it is that is between them, and she pulls him back so she is leaning against the kitchen counter. Dan feels some kind of all body tingle, something he hasn’t felt since Serena. He feels ridiculous, like a 13 year old discovering feelings for the first time.
When they finally stop they just stare at each other. He watches Blair touch her swollen lips and says, “So I guess this means something.
******
She is aware that Serena is floating around him, just like Chuck is floating around her. She also knows that when it comes down to it, she will never betray Serena, so this thing with Humphrey will only last as long as Serena doesn’t know. She hasn’t been a bad friend in a while, and it feels unfamiliar. Her and Dan, she forces herself to say, have seen each other about 5 times since the first time. She seems to find herself at the loft and they start off innocently enough, as if they are both trying to return to the status quo but something always breaks them. A brush of an arm here, an extended gaze there, and they are soon kissing. There will soon be sex and then it really will be a full-blown affair.
"It's not an affair Blair, we are both unattached."
“Yet belong to other people.” They are sitting on the couch at the loft, at opposite ends but facing each other.
He snorts, “I don’t belong to anyone. As for you, you are choosing to belong to him.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Explain it to me.”
“I am the only constant in his life. I chose that role and I am not going to leave it.”
“He has other people who care for him.”
“Not in the way that a family does. Not unconditionally.”
“Lily does.”
“Maybe, but he doesn’t believe it and that’s the key. I told him once that I was his family and I meant it.”
And Dan finally understands why she lets him treat her the way he does. “It’s possible for family to cross the line as well you know.”
“Yes, but you’re still there for them when they do. As someone with Little J as a sister I thought you would be more understanding.”
He sighs and gets up and gestures at them, “So this is going nowhere?”
“Nowhere good. Stop acting like you thought anything else.”
“So you should probably leave then.”
“Probably,” is all she says and then goes to him. She thinks he is becoming a habit she can’t shake and the only way it will end is if she tells Serena herself.
“You make things more complicated than they are.” He says as he wraps his arms around her.
“And you choose not to see the complications that already there.” But she kisses him before he can reply.
*****
“I came to tell you that I’m engaged.”
Dan thinks he has mis-heard her. “What?”
“I am engaged. To a prince. He has a kingdom in Europe.”
And Dan realises that she isn’t joking.
“Do I know him?”
“Since he is royalty, I doubt it.”
“Do you know him?” because really, Dan can’t resist. It’s too ridiculous.
Blair glares at him, “We spent a lovely few days in Paris last year.”
“Well, if that isn’t the basis for a long happy marriage I don’t know what is.”
“Don’t make fun of me.”
“A simple no, I am not interested would have sufficed you know. You don’t have to marry royalty.”
“What gives you the idea this has anything to do with you?” But she relents, “It is not a real engagement of course,”
“Of course.”
“He needs to pretend he is getting married, I take it you’re not interested in the complicated reasons why.”
“You’re right.”
“And it helps me elevate my name and take me away from my current problems. The marriage won’t actually happen.”
“So, you’re running and hiding.”
“Trust you to make it vulgar.”
“And trust you to go for a fairy tale when real life becomes a little too, you know, real.”
She turns to leave. “I just wanted to tell you myself. So you know that this” and she points at the space between them, “is over.”
“Okay.”
Blair looks taken aback.
“I’m not going to fight for you Blair, or stalk you, or give you any ultimatums. You know how I feel about you. I want to see where us could go. But I want you to want it too. So I’ll just be here, waiting for when you’re ready.”
“And what if I never am?” and her damn voice catches again.
“Then it will just be one of those what ifs that we wonder about for the rest of our lives.”
And Blair wants to roll her eyes, because really, he is so dramatic sometimes. But she feels unbelievably sad at his words. Maybe she will surprise him, and more importantly herself. Or maybe not.
“See you Humphrey.”
“You know where I live Warldorf.”
“Unfortunately.” Because of course she has to get the last word, and she walks out without looking back."