Dude, he AMBUSH DATED ME last night. He BOUGHT ME FLOWERS. And PAID FOR MY TICKET. I cannot remember the last time I felt this uncomfortable. Because we were all hanging out as a big group of friends, and then OUT OF NOWHERE he's all like, "oh and these are for yoooou, they're stargazer lilies ♥ ♥ ♥" and I was just like, "oh dear god wtf O.o;;" and it was SO AWKWARD. Everything I predicted up there? TOTALLY HAPPENED. With flowers.
[aggravated sigh is aggravated]
Luckily, I think coworker K talked to him cos he backed off during the second half of the night (when we went to sing kareoke) but it was still really, really uncomfortable. (one of the other guys that was there said it best: when I explained what was going on with the whole surprise!date, he started laughing at me and mocked, "oh hey have some flowers! just for you! BUT NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING" -_-;;)
I was hoping it would have gone more like, he would approach me and do that whole "I like you wanna date? [puppy eyes]" thing, and then I could pull from a myriad of reasons why not. (I think going with a mix of "I don't feel comfortable dating right now" and "I don't want to date someone I work with" would have worked, though the evening would be utterly awkward.) But no, instead, he did passive-aggressive stuff like texting "you're cute" when I gave him my number (for contacting purposes, not otherwise) and buying me random flowers, and insisting on buying my ticket to the comedy show in that insistant way that you can't say no to. -_-; It's like he just decided to forego the whole "asking if I even want to date/get woo'd upon" and just do the whole mess anyway, regardless of how I felt about the matter
( ... )
As a guy who has gotten the "I'm not ready/looking for a relationship." shoot down before, I can say that if you deliver it the right way (which is damn difficult I'll admit) you can make it clear that it's not him, it's just not going to happen right now.
If he's smart, he'll back off and sit in the friendzone and, like most guys, wait until he thinks it is a good time to ask again. (Because we all do it.) Just keep being clear in your position.
Don't 'give it a shot' just because you've never had a relationship. I never had a girlfriend until my current one, and I'm her first boyfriend too. Because we both waited, we're both experiencing these steps together and it's making our relationship stronger than if we rushed in just to get it over with.
And oh god I just read the other comments. I'm SO SORRY he did that. That's seriously not an ok move for a guy to pull, and even if he had a remote shot with you, just killed it by basically being a stalker. Holy crap that sucks.
I wish I'd been there so I could have stepped in and forced him to back off. Forget what I said, tell him to put it back in his pants, and chill the F out.
Yeah, it all got sorted out in the end. Basically, I freaked out to coworker K, and she friend-zoned him for me (because I could not freaking deal with the Awkward), and he did back off. Afterward, everyone was all like, "Aw, he was trying to woo you!" and all I could say was, "He has to ask if I want to go on a date before forcing one on me, THE END."
And it's really nice to get a guy's perspective on this, too. Cos all I could think the entire time was, am I just being weird or something? Do other people actually like getting this kind of attention? (Although based on romantic-comedies, I imagine there are plenty of people who think that mild stalking is "romantic".) I really didn't want to pull the "friendzone" card, because I really don't like that term and I feel it sets up an uncomfortable power dynamic, but OMG STILL.
Thanks for being concerned though. :) I appreciate it~
If people are saying that, I'd suggest they take a closer look at how pathetic and inappropriate he was being. Yeah, under no circumstances is any of that ok. I know I'm beating a dead horse here since it's been resolved. But that sort of s**t does not fly with me.
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[aggravated sigh is aggravated]
Luckily, I think coworker K talked to him cos he backed off during the second half of the night (when we went to sing kareoke) but it was still really, really uncomfortable. (one of the other guys that was there said it best: when I explained what was going on with the whole surprise!date, he started laughing at me and mocked, "oh hey have some flowers! just for you! BUT NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING" -_-;;)
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As a guy who has gotten the "I'm not ready/looking for a relationship." shoot down before, I can say that if you deliver it the right way (which is damn difficult I'll admit) you can make it clear that it's not him, it's just not going to happen right now.
If he's smart, he'll back off and sit in the friendzone and, like most guys, wait until he thinks it is a good time to ask again. (Because we all do it.) Just keep being clear in your position.
Don't 'give it a shot' just because you've never had a relationship. I never had a girlfriend until my current one, and I'm her first boyfriend too. Because we both waited, we're both experiencing these steps together and it's making our relationship stronger than if we rushed in just to get it over with.
Ok, there's my 22 cents. Hope it helped.
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I wish I'd been there so I could have stepped in and forced him to back off. Forget what I said, tell him to put it back in his pants, and chill the F out.
...that's all I've got.
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And it's really nice to get a guy's perspective on this, too. Cos all I could think the entire time was, am I just being weird or something? Do other people actually like getting this kind of attention? (Although based on romantic-comedies, I imagine there are plenty of people who think that mild stalking is "romantic".) I really didn't want to pull the "friendzone" card, because I really don't like that term and I feel it sets up an uncomfortable power dynamic, but OMG STILL.
Thanks for being concerned though. :) I appreciate it~
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