(no subject)
It's at this point in the school year I'm thankful that I'm not roleplaying at the moment. Every year(Semester, term, whatever), there is a point where I get stressed and depressed.
It's the work. I'm a procrastinator, always was, and I doubt it'll change a lot. Well, that's not entirely true, I've gotten better for the most part unless I'm really not motivated to do something that I don't enjoy in the least.
And as a result, it piles up a bit. Not so much that I'm losing it, but enough that my demeanor is affected, as well as my willpower. It's like the simplest things can make me feel so damn small in this world. The crap I posted earlier today makes me worry about the world, and makes me fear for my time spent filling myself with amusement on the internet. Yes, sounds empty, but I feel that I balance myself out by going out a lot with my friends(Not drinking too, a bonus to my health) and spending a good chunk of time by talking to those that I care about.
Concerning my time talking that I mentioned, I know I've been... more or less absent. I blame my easily distracted self for that and extend an apology to those who don't see me online anymore.
Where was I? Oh yeah, stress, and school.
On a related note, I know I'm only at school for four years, but dammit. I wish I had the gonads to fucking step back(and drop) from a class the moment I even REMOTELY suspect that I'm not going to enjoy it. Didn't do that, so now I spent the fucking semester going to a class with a guy who teaches in a method that is useful to people who can retain information like a computer and spill it out coherently onto paper when it is due. I'm not fucking like that. Hence my problem here aside from the fact that he does not stop talking for three. Fucking. Hours. Lord knows that it's a struggle for me to stay awake for how damn early it is without him talking in a monotone voice about this shit with a bland power point on the screen.
*Sigh*
Ok, got that out of the way. As a mental note, I'm not touching Philosophy again. Really enjoyed it for the first class that I ever had where we discussed many things and the other class was difficult, but still enjoyable from time to time. This was the final straw on that matter though. Need a different elective.
On another note, my brother... has not been making it easy on me for the last year or so. I've lost count on how long he's been like this. He's at the age where testosterone is peaking through the fucking roof of his head. It's... annoying to say the least. As being one of the few people on the earth who knows exactly which buttons to push, it's been hard not to clobber him when he's being an absolute dick-wad. Haven't hit him for years in comparison to what I used to do, proud, but also bitter about that fact.
I'm not sure if I've ever been as bad as him, in rage, yes, in reason? I'm skeptical. But great scott, I NEVER yelled that loudly when I played a video game that I got frustrated at. It's rigoshdarndiculous... Ever day he comes home, plays the same game, yells for the same reasons, and claims it to be the worst game he's ever played. Yet, he goes back to it like it's coke in a straw...
If he doesn't change in the later years and mature, we're both going to need some therapy. Him for his attitude, and me so we can actually tolerate each other most of the time as opposed to 20% of the time.
I think that's all my problems of the now in a nutshell... A very large text induced nutshell... But yeah. Feeling better now that I've written that. If only a bit. Time to take a look at my homework and see if I can take a crack at it.
It's the work. I'm a procrastinator, always was, and I doubt it'll change a lot. Well, that's not entirely true, I've gotten better for the most part unless I'm really not motivated to do something that I don't enjoy in the least.
And as a result, it piles up a bit. Not so much that I'm losing it, but enough that my demeanor is affected, as well as my willpower. It's like the simplest things can make me feel so damn small in this world. The crap I posted earlier today makes me worry about the world, and makes me fear for my time spent filling myself with amusement on the internet. Yes, sounds empty, but I feel that I balance myself out by going out a lot with my friends(Not drinking too, a bonus to my health) and spending a good chunk of time by talking to those that I care about.
Concerning my time talking that I mentioned, I know I've been... more or less absent. I blame my easily distracted self for that and extend an apology to those who don't see me online anymore.
Where was I? Oh yeah, stress, and school.
On a related note, I know I'm only at school for four years, but dammit. I wish I had the gonads to fucking step back(and drop) from a class the moment I even REMOTELY suspect that I'm not going to enjoy it. Didn't do that, so now I spent the fucking semester going to a class with a guy who teaches in a method that is useful to people who can retain information like a computer and spill it out coherently onto paper when it is due. I'm not fucking like that. Hence my problem here aside from the fact that he does not stop talking for three. Fucking. Hours. Lord knows that it's a struggle for me to stay awake for how damn early it is without him talking in a monotone voice about this shit with a bland power point on the screen.
*Sigh*
Ok, got that out of the way. As a mental note, I'm not touching Philosophy again. Really enjoyed it for the first class that I ever had where we discussed many things and the other class was difficult, but still enjoyable from time to time. This was the final straw on that matter though. Need a different elective.
On another note, my brother... has not been making it easy on me for the last year or so. I've lost count on how long he's been like this. He's at the age where testosterone is peaking through the fucking roof of his head. It's... annoying to say the least. As being one of the few people on the earth who knows exactly which buttons to push, it's been hard not to clobber him when he's being an absolute dick-wad. Haven't hit him for years in comparison to what I used to do, proud, but also bitter about that fact.
I'm not sure if I've ever been as bad as him, in rage, yes, in reason? I'm skeptical. But great scott, I NEVER yelled that loudly when I played a video game that I got frustrated at. It's rigoshdarndiculous... Ever day he comes home, plays the same game, yells for the same reasons, and claims it to be the worst game he's ever played. Yet, he goes back to it like it's coke in a straw...
If he doesn't change in the later years and mature, we're both going to need some therapy. Him for his attitude, and me so we can actually tolerate each other most of the time as opposed to 20% of the time.
I think that's all my problems of the now in a nutshell... A very large text induced nutshell... But yeah. Feeling better now that I've written that. If only a bit. Time to take a look at my homework and see if I can take a crack at it.