it's there for the first times

[pandastacia]

So.
RushSimone.
It's back with a VENGEANCE.
I swear.
It's rewritten & the plot line is a little different, but I think this works better (with characterizations & such)?
I'm... unsure as to how this will come out, but I have every detail (basically) planned out in my head, after talking to so many people about it.
So this is the FIRST PART of the FIRST

Comments

[hikari_adams]

Excuse me as I flail. This is so cute and nothing has happened! Maybe it's because it's happy and I've been writing the disaster that is SebastianAngel for the past three days. I can't wait for part two!

P.S. I am jealous.

[pandastacia]

Heh, I'm still waiting for them to GROW UP. Writing an eleven year old tests my patience like nothing else. >.< Even if she's a SMART eleven year old.
I can't wait for the next one (well, after I finish this one to its completion). I think that they'll at least be thirteen, which is actually soooo much better than eleven.
SebastianAngel is like a train wreck waiting to happen.

P.S. Of which one?

[hikari_adams]

They'll get there eventually. That is my problem with Iona and Tiz. You can do it!
SebastianAngel is...I wouldn't say a train wreck because...you'll see.

P.S. "Clockwork Angel"

[pandastacia]

Yeah, it is one scene for them, after all. I'm skipping around their lives as I see fit. I hope I can! & if I can, you totally can too. :D Well, you ARE doing it...
I can't wait!

P.S. I started reading it yesterday, but got completely distracted by RushSimone. I am staying in to read it, even though I just got invited to a party... >.>

[xfucktheglasses]

Sonya, I absolutely love this. Like, really.

I love RushSimone so muuuuuuuuch.

And, other than the two things I brought up on MSN, I think this is very, very, very good. Like, srsly.

Hurry with the second paaaaaart! *flails*

(also, do you like my Lady Gaga icon? I love her.)

[pandastacia]

Thank you!

THAT WAS THE FIRST THING I NOTICED

[theycallmeriz]

OMG I LOVE IT!! How even though nothing romantic has happened, the kind of awkward bond between them has been formed. :)
Waiting for the next bit is making me eeeeeee :D
Will Rush find her? Or are you going to skip forward in time again?

So is this replacing the meeting in the garden during Rush's birthday party bit? Or did that happen but they've just forgotten it? :)

[pandastacia]

:D
Rush has kinda sorta been introduced. I'm straying from cliche as far as I can go.
It excites me tooooo. :D

Mmhmm. This is when Simone's 11 & he's 13. & there is a significance to it. ;)

[cutecrazyice]

I just finished reading Clockwork Angel. Tell me what you think after you read it, okay? I won't spoil you. :D

[pandastacia]

OHMYGOD I FINISHED. @_@
I... I HATE CLIFFHANGERS. >.<
But I'm torn between shipping Will/Tessa & Jem/Tessa... Because there's Jem & Sophie. I... I'm undecided about that pairing as of yet.
But I really am not fond of Jessamine. She needs to get a grip & accept that the life she wants is just... I dunno why, but I don't like her all that much.
Actually, I loved Magnus Bane much. But Will... he's kind of an ass.

What thought you?

[cutecrazyice]

I ship Will/Tessa and Jem/Sophie, because Sophie so deserves him! I'm actually not really fond of Will (he's a bit of a jerk, UGH), but let's see how that changes in book 2. Hopefully. JEM. Doesn't he sound dreamy? :D

And I HATE Jessamine. She had no redeeming qualities for me. Henry is so adorable. :D And Magnus! Magnus will ALWAYS be amazing.

[pandastacia]

Will will hopefully grow up. His jokes are kind of sexist, but the banter between him & Jem or him & Gabriel or him & Tessa made me giggle. If you think about it, Gabriel is kind of a parallel with Alec which is ironic just because Jace & Alec are paraboti or however that is spelled.
Sophie does deserve him! Except for the shortened lifespan thing. I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM BUT OH GOD IS HE A DREAMBOAT. |is dazzled|

She's just... I dunno. She wants to be weak, in a way, because she has this life to help the world & instead chooses to moan & bitch about not wanting to know about the Shadow World. I hope SHE grows up too.
I have this distinct feeling that Will & Jessamine will end up being together because Jace has blond hair & whatnot. Because I think Tessa & ANYONE would have to deal with the consequence of Tessa being immortal, you know?
Henry is SO adorable. He's so childish & fixated on his inventions, but he's rather capable when pulled away from that.
Magnus is just amazing. I guess he's bi. I mean, considering he loves Camille &

[epiffannie]

Oh wow. This is so interesting. Not that your old version was bad, but this is just SO much better.

The only complaint I have is that the scene itself is interesting; I can picture it clearly and it's cute, and all the contrasts are just lovely. BUT you're kind of wordy and spend a lot of time on irrelevant points. Stick to the story and details that keep it moving.

[pandastacia]

Thanks! I feel like this flowed so much better & was much more descriptive & vivid.
Yeah, I was trying to put some information in the part, but at the same time, I was trying to let it move faster. I was pretty sure I failed at the second part. :P
&... yeah, I'm rather wordy. >.>

[epiffannie]

You didn't fail at all, and I understand that you want to add in information. That's fine; background details add to the mood.

Your story-telling isn't a problem. The setting is pretty, the mood contrasts beautifully with the innocence of the children and the picture, and that twist at the end is such an abrupt and drastic shift. I like it a lot.

Just watch your wording. Go over your piece. Be critical. Every word that looks like extra padding, every line that adds nothing, delete them. It's hard to do, but it'll be so much better, trust me. Plus, some of your explanations are a bit difficult to understand - all that talk about niceties and such. Keep it simple. And the sand thing, too. Don't overstate or spell things out. Trust your readers to understand what you mean.

Sorry; I really like editing. I really do love where this is going, though.

[pandastacia]

I could probably use what goes later around the whole RushSimone plot to build on the info. Or
pile less of it in at a time... Hmm... I shall think about that while I write the rest of it.
I will. :) I plan on editing at the end, once I finish the whole thing. Else I'll get stuck on that part & never move forward. :P
Yeahhh, I might have gone too deep into everything. :P

It's fine. :) I really appreciate concrit. It's one of the only ways to get better.