my darlings, i need your help...

[pandoralily]

to my poetry-minded friends (and the rest of you), i need so constructive criticism. there's a potery contest at school about the holocaust and "passing on the torch" as such. i have a poem i would like to submit, but i'm not sure if it's that good. so it would be wonderful if you could look at it and suggest some things. thank you so much

Comments

[the_bugg]

Even though I know you wrote it like this on purpose, my suggestion is to add some structure to it. Sure it completely takes away from the message your sending out, but I like structured poems. That is why I suggest that. So don't listen to me. Because it works just the way it is.

[pandoralily]

send mixed messages much? and i don't do "structure" so i'm glad it works they way it does :P

[autumnsea]

I just got rid of some of the punctuation and capital letters (and corrected spelling) which were unnecessary (in my opinion) and I changed a line or two just a little. I hope that is ok with you. :) I really like this poem though Rachel. I just played with the syntax/structure to hopefully improve the fluidity of the message/story

[ayoub]

In addition... I'd take the "we" out of the last line... but yeah, Suzy pretty much said what I was thinking... :D

home cooking with Paula

[anonymous]

spell "legacies" right.

[alwaysnothin]

FREE VERSE YO!!!! a bit of a strech from the angsty poety but generally i like it...but there's something i don't like but i can't tell what it is and it isn't the structure... lemme get back to you...