5 in the morning inspiration....
Here is something I wrote this morning. I post it in honor of loyolajd's bashed alarm clock and Paul's expressed wish that I post my entries to the writing contest....one of which this might turn out to be if I can get it up to fighting weight. Here tis!
You cannot solve the problem of the alarm clock. The thing is so inflexible and the dilemma so immediate that it is all but impossible to negotiate. You may ask an alarm clock in the most courteous tone, “Sir, please lower your voice,” and while some of the more sophisticated will obligingly decrease their decibel levels, none will dull their shrill, piercing shrieks. You may calm an alarm clock with a soothing pat, but it will not remain silent for long. The next morning or perhaps only a few minutes later, its screams will begin anew. It cries out for justice at every turn, making very little effort, it seems, to be reasonable. You may explain to it carefully that you have every intention of attending to it later on, but it has no patience in the matter. The thing simply will not be satisfied.
Of course, it has been assumed thusfar that the battle is between a reasonable, intelligent being and a persistent, irrational one. This is unfortunately not the case. Courteous tones and soothing pats are rarely used with respect to alarm clocks; indeed, while the reasoning of the human adversary may be sound, the methods of negotiation are quite barbaric. The alarm clock is almost invariably treated with shocking and brutal cruelty; guttural shrieks and wild beatings follow its most piteous appeal. Neither party allows the other a moment to strategize; neither has the opportunity to make its argument. All reason and patience are abandoned in the impassioned heat of the moment as they make their merciless attacks. Each is so bent on immediate victory that the fight must in fact rage on forever. Screams for attention, volleys of abuse, mews of terror, and battle cries of the most blood-curdling description characterize this daily conflict; no conversation carried on at this volume can possibly bear fruit.
Thus I return to my original assertion: You cannot solve the problem of the alarm clock. The war, by its very nature, must be carried out at such an inconvenient time and in such an awkward place that no real peace may be reached until either time or place is somehow altered. The sad saga of man versus clock must continue until victory is won, and what a bloody, barren victory it must surely turn out to be.
You cannot solve the problem of the alarm clock. The thing is so inflexible and the dilemma so immediate that it is all but impossible to negotiate. You may ask an alarm clock in the most courteous tone, “Sir, please lower your voice,” and while some of the more sophisticated will obligingly decrease their decibel levels, none will dull their shrill, piercing shrieks. You may calm an alarm clock with a soothing pat, but it will not remain silent for long. The next morning or perhaps only a few minutes later, its screams will begin anew. It cries out for justice at every turn, making very little effort, it seems, to be reasonable. You may explain to it carefully that you have every intention of attending to it later on, but it has no patience in the matter. The thing simply will not be satisfied.
Of course, it has been assumed thusfar that the battle is between a reasonable, intelligent being and a persistent, irrational one. This is unfortunately not the case. Courteous tones and soothing pats are rarely used with respect to alarm clocks; indeed, while the reasoning of the human adversary may be sound, the methods of negotiation are quite barbaric. The alarm clock is almost invariably treated with shocking and brutal cruelty; guttural shrieks and wild beatings follow its most piteous appeal. Neither party allows the other a moment to strategize; neither has the opportunity to make its argument. All reason and patience are abandoned in the impassioned heat of the moment as they make their merciless attacks. Each is so bent on immediate victory that the fight must in fact rage on forever. Screams for attention, volleys of abuse, mews of terror, and battle cries of the most blood-curdling description characterize this daily conflict; no conversation carried on at this volume can possibly bear fruit.
Thus I return to my original assertion: You cannot solve the problem of the alarm clock. The war, by its very nature, must be carried out at such an inconvenient time and in such an awkward place that no real peace may be reached until either time or place is somehow altered. The sad saga of man versus clock must continue until victory is won, and what a bloody, barren victory it must surely turn out to be.