People are scared to let go ..because past experience has shown them that there is only one flight out ...
Once people left the windows open but now the cold air chills them to the bone and leaves them weary from waiting.
Don't see it as them wanting to hold you down because even with someone you can be free to be who you want and need to be ..
Parents have a way of making us feel indebted to them for giving us life. I don't have the magic solution that will take that away .. because I know, even now, I allow my mother to control me in some ways no matter how hard I try to run away .. but it is also a security factor in some ways. Knowing that you are grounded within them because no matter how much you dislike how you are treated by them ..sometimes more possession than person, they still love you unconditionally .. maybe that's a small positive ... but I find unconditional love so hard to find and so much harder to keep ...just some rambling thoughts of my own here ... :)
I think I've made LJ think that my family is made up of evil monsters. :)pangaeaAugust 5 2001, 21:07:46 UTC
It's not that I don't feel that my mother loves me. She loves me so much. She loves me too much. And, I can't tell her how to love me, because that's the way she knows best and for me to demand I be loved a certain way doesn't feel right.
It seems though that most of the people I've come across have never made me feel free. I've been unlucky that way and I'm just hoping my unluck runs out soon. Even for awhile. Just long enough to find a way to be free.
I'd show them I have a two-way ticket. But, I don't really know where I'm going and open-ended tickets to wherever are even scarier than one-way tickets to somewhere.
i wish i could know you in person. i just know i'd like you. but maybe that's just because i project you onto someone i want. i would trust, i would let fly, i promise... i do...
Choc - Your moving don't worry too much. Sometimes we are harder on ourselves. I remember reading this in thoreau's book " Public opinion is a poor tyrant to our own private opinion". Believe in yourself, you can fly!
On friends... you'll find the right ones. Letting go or losing some of them is not all bad. Sometimes we meet and make friends and they fade away. Look at it as a season like autumn, it's nice and cool but it will pass away and you may never recapture that feeling again. Other autumns make come but not exactly the same. Other friends may come but not exactly the same. Permanence is not a sign of success or failure.
You notice how no matter if everyone says I worry too much...pangaeaAugust 5 2001, 21:39:09 UTC
I still manage to break that level of much and worry even more. :)
It's not just friends, really. My whole life is ephemeral. Not in the sense of everyone ending eventually, but more of everything ending in the near future. Always. I don't think I've had anything that I can say I had for a long time. I feel rather orphaned.
Boy, that sounds depressed. :) Not really worrying about this 24/7, you know. It just occurred to me while on way to airport and felt it deserved a place in my journal.
You have a good one, too. :) I must now think of my mandatory nice, though since I had a not so good one.
Re: You notice how no matter if everyone says I worry too much...gpovAugust 5 2001, 23:56:37 UTC
Like an athlete you are raising the bar of unnecessary worry to new levels... I wish you would stop. Your getting too good at it. You just might set a world record.... if we could only measure worry, anxiety. Maybe we can count it with buckets. That article was a 6.5, 6.5 buckets of worry. For every article where you are down, sad, anxious, angry or whatever I am going to give you a score.
Nothing in life is permanent. When it does not change than its not alive. Don't worry (that word seems to pop up all the time) about fleeting moments of happiness. They will come andthey will go. Other moments, friends, acquaintances will come.... and go.
Lunch break is over... actually lunch hasn't arrived. Bummer!!!
Worrying is part of my charm. :) Sorry if it's getting on your nerves...pangaeaAugust 6 2001, 05:56:10 UTC
But I can't stop. IT's like asking me to stop breathing. To stop thinking. To stop living. It's not as easy as just saying, stop it. I have to go through this to find my happiness and myself
( ... )
Comments 24
Once people left the windows open but now the cold air chills them to the bone and leaves them weary from waiting.
Don't see it as them wanting to hold you down because even with someone you can be free to be who you want and need to be ..
Parents have a way of making us feel indebted to them for giving us life. I don't have the magic solution that will take that away .. because I know, even now, I allow my mother to control me in some ways no matter how hard I try to run away .. but it is also a security factor in some ways. Knowing that you are grounded within them because no matter how much you dislike how you are treated by them ..sometimes more possession than person, they still love you unconditionally .. maybe that's a small positive ... but I find unconditional love so hard to find and so much harder to keep ...just some rambling thoughts of my own here ... :)
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It seems though that most of the people I've come across have never made me feel free. I've been unlucky that way and I'm just hoping my unluck runs out soon. Even for awhile. Just long enough to find a way to be free.
I'd show them I have a two-way ticket. But, I don't really know where I'm going and open-ended tickets to wherever are even scarier than one-way tickets to somewhere.
Ramble on. I like it.
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Like the open ended ticket imaginery *smiles*
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i wish i could know you in person. i just know i'd like you. but maybe that's just because i project you onto someone i want. i would trust, i would let fly, i promise... i do...
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Thank you for the trust, the freedom to fly, the promise... even if.
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On friends... you'll find the right ones. Letting go or losing some of them is not all bad. Sometimes we meet and make friends and they fade away. Look at it as a season like autumn, it's nice and cool but it will pass away and you may never recapture that feeling again. Other autumns make come but not exactly the same. Other friends may come but not exactly the same. Permanence is not a sign of success or failure.
Okay, I gotta go and have a nice day.... friend!
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It's not just friends, really. My whole life is ephemeral. Not in the sense of everyone ending eventually, but more of everything ending in the near future. Always. I don't think I've had anything that I can say I had for a long time. I feel rather orphaned.
Boy, that sounds depressed. :) Not really worrying about this 24/7, you know. It just occurred to me while on way to airport and felt it deserved a place in my journal.
You have a good one, too. :) I must now think of my mandatory nice, though since I had a not so good one.
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Nothing in life is permanent. When it does not change than its not alive. Don't worry (that word seems to pop up all the time) about fleeting moments of happiness. They will come andthey will go. Other moments, friends, acquaintances will come.... and go.
Lunch break is over... actually lunch hasn't arrived. Bummer!!!
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oh **HUG**
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It's not so bad. It's not very very sad. I have time to do something about it. Now I know... and knowing is half the battle. :)
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