Five minute recap
of BSG Episode 3x03 (contains no spoilers beyond this episode). I do deride several characters in this recap, but it's all in jest. :-)
The 5-minute recap of episode 3x03/"Exodus":
Chief: OMG!OMG!OMG! I just got a list of everyone the Cylons are gonna execute, and Cally's on it!
Tigh: Wow, that amazing.
Chief: It's amazing my wife is gonna die?
Tigh: No, it's amazing you got a shave & a haircut within that "one hour earlier" time frame...
Sharon: Go Panthers!
Anders: C-Bucks rule!
Sharon: I think all top secret plans should have catchy codewords, don't you?
Anders: Totally! Speaking of, just what is our top secret plan?
Sharon: On Galactica, we've been calling it Operation Run-Like-Hell.
Anders: That sounds about right.
Selix: The bulletheads are getting ready to execute the prisoners; can I shoot now?
Chief: But Cally's in the line of fire!
Selix: Even better. Uh, I mean, can I shoot now please?
*BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!* *KABOOM!*
Laura: Whew! I'm glad we rolled down this ravine together to escape the deadly Human/Cylon crossfire.
Zarek: Hell yeah, this is the most action I've gotten in over 20 years.
Laura: Why is it guys only flirt with me when I'm about to die?
Chief: Great news everyone! The Galactica is on it's way here!
Laura: Amazing.
Chief: You're amazed that Adama is actually coming back for us?
Laura: No, I'm talking about your amazing new shave & haircut...
D'Anna/#3: *wakes up from bizarre dream* Okay, this is absolutely the last time I read a Philip K. Dick novel before bedtime...or eat a pint of kung pao chicken. Whichever.
Six: There there, honey; impotence can happen to any man. Try not to think about impotence. You just have to put the thought of impotence out of your mind. You know, dwelling on impotence will only make it worse...
Gaius: Shut. Up. Now.
Kara: Don't worry, little Crouton - as your new mom, I'll try not to frak up your life too badly.
Kacey/Crouton: *acts completely adorable*
Kara: *begins to implode into a smoldering heap of estrogen & maternal instinct*
Leoben: Wow, I never saw two season's worth of hardcore characterization erased in under 20 seconds before...
Oracle Honey Bunny: I want candy...the gods see all...chamalla is bitter...Hera is alive...I want more candy...do you have chocolate?
D'anna/#3: Wow, your drugged-out stream-of-consciousness acting in this scene is amazing.
Oracle Honey Bunny: Acting? Who's acting?
Racetrack: Before we leave for New Caprica, I'd like to read some inspirational passages from scripture to boost morale & lift our spirits. *clears throat* "And lo, we shall walketh through the valley of death and be killed. Verily, I say unto thee, we are well and truly frakked. So say we all."
Kat: Margaret, we really need to work on your people skills.
Adama: If I'm not back in 18 hours, take the Pegasus & go find Earth. But I'll definitely be back.
Lee: *sniffles* I'll miss you, Dad! *begins to cry*
Adama: Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, Son.
Lee: *still crying* But doesn't that Celtic background music of Adama!Male!Bonding make you want to cry too?
Adama: I'm saving my tears for an episode that has a shot at an Emmy. This ain't it, so get your ass off my ship.
D'anna/#3: So Doc, how about that hybrid baby?
Cottle: What hybrid baby?
D'anna/#3: *hands Cottle a carton of Marlboros*
Cottle: Oh, that hybrid baby! Ask Roslin...
Cavil: And then, I totally died, and it was like game over, man! GAME OVER! What are we gonna do now? WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
D'anna/#3: We could build a fire, sing a couple of songs, huh? How about that?
Six: We should get back soon because the insurgents mostly come at night...mostly.
Doral: I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Gaius: When did James Cameron start directing this episode?
Resistance Leadership: So here's our master plan: we'll begin with Operation Chaos-and-Mayhem, counterattack with Operation Don't-Get-Shot, and finish up with Operation Every-Man-For-Himself. Agreed?
Resistance: Agreed.
Laura: Oh, and we absolutely must protect baby Isis. Because she's special & because I said so. But mostly just because I said so. I'm not answering any questions about her specialness. Comprende?
Anders: Fine, but what are we gonna do about Ellen? She sold us out!
Tigh: Aw crap, am I gonna hafta choke a bitch?
D'anna/#3: I can't believe you're helping those humans get the launch keys, Sharon. If you only knew the power of the Cylons. Adama never told you what happened to your daughter; Hera is still alive.
Sharon: That's not true. That's impossible!
D'anna/#3: Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Sharon: NOOOO! NOOOO!
D'anna/#3: Come with me; it is the only way.
Sharon: *BANGBANG!*
D'anna/#3: Or not...
Adama: Seeing as we're all going to die in the next 24 hours, I thought I'd give one last inspirational speech before we jump. *clears throat* Brave souls, the lot of you, blah blah blah, we're gonna make it, blah blah blah, not really, I'm just being nice, blah blah blah, we're doomed, blah blah.
Helo: Uh, Sir? You're not actually supposed to say the "blah blah blah" part out loud.
Adama: Look son, you want pretty speeches, you see Picard. You wanna kick some Cylon ass, you see me. Got it? Now make the jump prep.
to be continued...
The 5-minute recap of episode 3x03/"Exodus":
Chief: OMG!OMG!OMG! I just got a list of everyone the Cylons are gonna execute, and Cally's on it!
Tigh: Wow, that amazing.
Chief: It's amazing my wife is gonna die?
Tigh: No, it's amazing you got a shave & a haircut within that "one hour earlier" time frame...
Sharon: Go Panthers!
Anders: C-Bucks rule!
Sharon: I think all top secret plans should have catchy codewords, don't you?
Anders: Totally! Speaking of, just what is our top secret plan?
Sharon: On Galactica, we've been calling it Operation Run-Like-Hell.
Anders: That sounds about right.
Selix: The bulletheads are getting ready to execute the prisoners; can I shoot now?
Chief: But Cally's in the line of fire!
Selix: Even better. Uh, I mean, can I shoot now please?
*BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!* *KABOOM!*
Laura: Whew! I'm glad we rolled down this ravine together to escape the deadly Human/Cylon crossfire.
Zarek: Hell yeah, this is the most action I've gotten in over 20 years.
Laura: Why is it guys only flirt with me when I'm about to die?
Chief: Great news everyone! The Galactica is on it's way here!
Laura: Amazing.
Chief: You're amazed that Adama is actually coming back for us?
Laura: No, I'm talking about your amazing new shave & haircut...
D'Anna/#3: *wakes up from bizarre dream* Okay, this is absolutely the last time I read a Philip K. Dick novel before bedtime...or eat a pint of kung pao chicken. Whichever.
Six: There there, honey; impotence can happen to any man. Try not to think about impotence. You just have to put the thought of impotence out of your mind. You know, dwelling on impotence will only make it worse...
Gaius: Shut. Up. Now.
Kara: Don't worry, little Crouton - as your new mom, I'll try not to frak up your life too badly.
Kacey/Crouton: *acts completely adorable*
Kara: *begins to implode into a smoldering heap of estrogen & maternal instinct*
Leoben: Wow, I never saw two season's worth of hardcore characterization erased in under 20 seconds before...
Oracle Honey Bunny: I want candy...the gods see all...chamalla is bitter...Hera is alive...I want more candy...do you have chocolate?
D'anna/#3: Wow, your drugged-out stream-of-consciousness acting in this scene is amazing.
Oracle Honey Bunny: Acting? Who's acting?
Racetrack: Before we leave for New Caprica, I'd like to read some inspirational passages from scripture to boost morale & lift our spirits. *clears throat* "And lo, we shall walketh through the valley of death and be killed. Verily, I say unto thee, we are well and truly frakked. So say we all."
Kat: Margaret, we really need to work on your people skills.
Adama: If I'm not back in 18 hours, take the Pegasus & go find Earth. But I'll definitely be back.
Lee: *sniffles* I'll miss you, Dad! *begins to cry*
Adama: Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, Son.
Lee: *still crying* But doesn't that Celtic background music of Adama!Male!Bonding make you want to cry too?
Adama: I'm saving my tears for an episode that has a shot at an Emmy. This ain't it, so get your ass off my ship.
D'anna/#3: So Doc, how about that hybrid baby?
Cottle: What hybrid baby?
D'anna/#3: *hands Cottle a carton of Marlboros*
Cottle: Oh, that hybrid baby! Ask Roslin...
Cavil: And then, I totally died, and it was like game over, man! GAME OVER! What are we gonna do now? WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
D'anna/#3: We could build a fire, sing a couple of songs, huh? How about that?
Six: We should get back soon because the insurgents mostly come at night...mostly.
Doral: I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Gaius: When did James Cameron start directing this episode?
Resistance Leadership: So here's our master plan: we'll begin with Operation Chaos-and-Mayhem, counterattack with Operation Don't-Get-Shot, and finish up with Operation Every-Man-For-Himself. Agreed?
Resistance: Agreed.
Laura: Oh, and we absolutely must protect baby Isis. Because she's special & because I said so. But mostly just because I said so. I'm not answering any questions about her specialness. Comprende?
Anders: Fine, but what are we gonna do about Ellen? She sold us out!
Tigh: Aw crap, am I gonna hafta choke a bitch?
D'anna/#3: I can't believe you're helping those humans get the launch keys, Sharon. If you only knew the power of the Cylons. Adama never told you what happened to your daughter; Hera is still alive.
Sharon: That's not true. That's impossible!
D'anna/#3: Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Sharon: NOOOO! NOOOO!
D'anna/#3: Come with me; it is the only way.
Sharon: *BANGBANG!*
D'anna/#3: Or not...
Adama: Seeing as we're all going to die in the next 24 hours, I thought I'd give one last inspirational speech before we jump. *clears throat* Brave souls, the lot of you, blah blah blah, we're gonna make it, blah blah blah, not really, I'm just being nice, blah blah blah, we're doomed, blah blah.
Helo: Uh, Sir? You're not actually supposed to say the "blah blah blah" part out loud.
Adama: Look son, you want pretty speeches, you see Picard. You wanna kick some Cylon ass, you see me. Got it? Now make the jump prep.
to be continued...