Recap for BSG episode 3x06/"Torn"
Now that LJ appears to be behaving again, I'll finally post this recap. :-D
InvisiSix: *lying on the beach with a skimpy red bikini* Hi Gaius; miss me?
Gaius: Yes; I never know when you’ll show up. You know life is bad when a guy actually looks forward to experiencing psychotic breaks with his imaginary girlfriend.
InvisiSix: I know I’m a bit unpredictable, but a man who loves women as much as you should know this by now.
Gaius: Did you say, “loves women much” or “loves much women”, because I’ve done a lot of both…
Gaius: *wakes up on basestar in boxers*
Piano Music: *becomes somber & foreboding*
Cinematography: *develops severe inner ear infection & becomes dizzy in a Stanley Kubrick way*
Gaius: I really need to lay off those Cylon ‘shrooms…
Six: Gaius, be a good hostage and tell us where Earth is.
Gaius: Earth? Is that a planet of some kind? I have no idea.
D’anna: Let me rephrase the question: Gaius, be a good hostage and tell us where Earth is or we’ll kill you.
Gaius: Oh, you mean that Earth! Why didn’t you say so? I studied the map Adama & Roslin found, and can give you all sorts of useful information…as long as you don’t hurt me. Just out of curiosity, why do you ask?
D’anna: We’ve decided Earth is going to be our new home. Aren’t you as excited about The Plan as we are?
Gaius: If by ‘excited’ you mean ‘about to shit a brick and become violently ill’, then yes - yes I am.
Lee: Since I’ve been demoted to Major without telling anyone, I’ll be conducting these Viper training exercises with Kat. Now Starbuck, do you think it’s possible to follow my orders since we’re on the same team? Please promise me you won’t break formation and try to shoot down Kat.
Kara: I promise I’ll listen to you as long as Kat keeps her big mouth shut.
Kat: *starts mouthing off*
Kara: *breaks formation & runs into Kat’s Viper*
Lee: Why do I even bother?
Lee: Kara, I don’t care how you managed to land your Viper after it ran out of fuel - you are permanently grounded! Oh, and I’m still angry with you for some unknown reason the audience won’t hear about for several more episodes.
Kara: Well I’m still pursuing my narcissistically self-destructive behavior, so *pfffffft!*
Lee/Kara: *walk off in opposite directions*
Chief: Amazing.
HotDog: It’s amazing Starbuck landed her Viper with no fuel?
Chief: No, it’s amazing this is the extent of the big Lee/Kara reunion the audience will get.
Tigh: *shares an intimate moment with some booze*
Tigh: *thinks he hears Ellen’s voice in the corridor*
Tigh: *runs after a blond woman & grabs her*
Not!Ellen: Get away from me, you worthless drunk!
Tigh: *sniffles* It’s truly amazing how much you sound like my wife. But the beer goggles - they do nothing!
Kasey: *acts completely adorable* Kawa! Kawa! Kawa!
Kara: Of all the corridors, in all the ships, in all the fleet, she had to walk into mine.
Kasey’s Very Human Mother: Hi Captain! We’ve been looking for you; you don’t call, you don’t write…
Kara: Look, could you please just stay away from me? I’m a hardcore grinch right now, and I fear Cindy-Lou Crouton’s cuteness is contagious. So bug off! *walks away*
Kasey’s Very Human Mother: Godsdammit, now where will I get free babysitting?
Lee: *weighs himself* Woohoo! I’m completely buff again! Wanna see me flex my muscles?
Helo: Way to go, Slim; how’d you do it? Pilates? Bowflex? Lipo?
Lee: Nah, I finally enrolled in the Noodle Eaters Anonymous program. Remind me never to let that happen ever again.
Helo: Well, you’re looking good my man! But what’s that typing sound I hear?
Lee: Hundreds of fans just started writing Apollo/Helo slash fic.
Gaeta: I’ve been going over Baltar’s research on the path to Earth. He’s been comparing our star charts with passages from the scroll of Pythia, and found a connection.
Laura: Mr. Gaeta, how do you know we can trust his notes? Baltar’s never exactly been flying on all thrusters, you know…
Gaeta: Yes, but his self-preservation always trumps his batshit insanity. And in this case, scripture actually has a basis in reality.
Adama: But the scrolls mention a great lion with a mighty blinking eye; where are we going to find one of those?
Gaeta: What about that pulsar in the Lion's Head Nebula up ahead?
Laura: Bill, did your IQ drop sharply for this scene? How does an intelligent, well-read man suddenly not understand the concept of metaphors?
Adama: My mind must’ve blanked while I was staring at your breasts. It happens.
Gaius: I’m not sure I really fit in here on the basestar, and it’s hard to find my way around. This hallway looks like an exact replica of the last one, which I guess is fitting in this place.
Six: Well I see a beautiful forest instead. Cylons are able to project their thoughts; it’s like daydreaming. Have you ever daydreamed, Gaius?
Gaius: *walks past a naked Sharon model*
Zen!Sharon: *doing Tai Chi au naturale*
Gaius: Um, what was that question again? My mind wandered…
InvisiSix: Did you ever stop to think just how similar your daydreaming is to Cylon projection?
Gaius: I fail to see how my ability to have imaginary conversations with imaginary women in imaginary settings has any relation to Cylon project-…oh. OH MY GOD!!!
Racetrack: Look Boomer, I know I’ve hated your guts in the past, but in the spirit of rewriting canon relationships this season, you’re now my favorite flight partner.
Sharon: Thanks, but I’m not really Boomer.
Helo: Listen up, people! My wife needs a new call sign; any suggestions?
Pilots: Chromedome! Raptor Adapter! Toaster Babe!
HotDog: Athena!
Helo: Even though it doesn’t have much to do with anything about Sharon, I’ve decided on Athena. I’ll send out a memo to have people repeat this name frequently throughout the episode, because I’m sure the typical rabid BSG fan needs this plot point hammered home ten times before picking up on it.
Tigh: Whatever you say, toaster lover; I’m just going to sit here and remain bitter about you having my old job.
Kat: Why do you & Starbuck always have to shoot your mouths off and annoy everyone?
Kara: Pot, meet kettle.
Gaius: In all this time, I’ve only seen seven Cylon models - but you told me there were twelve. Who are the Final Five models?
Six: Look, we have two rules about the Final Five. First rule: never talk about the Final Five.
Gaius: And the second rule?
Six: Never talk about the Final Five.
Gaius: I should’ve known…
D’anna: You know that basestar we sent to the coordinates Gaius gave us? Well it’s infected with some strange virus that’s killing everyone! At least, that’s what I think its Hybrid said; she’s even more incoherent than usual. We should send someone to check it out.
Simon: The virus could infect everyone - even our Raiders. And if an infected Cylon dies & passes it on through the resurrection process…well, we can kiss our collective positronic ass goodbye! We need to send someone who’s immune to the virus. Someone who’s not a Cylon.
InvisiSix: Why don’t you volunteer, Gaius? If you drop dead over there, at least you’ll know you’re not human.
Gaius: There's a cheerful thought. I mean, hey, why don’t I go over to the basestar and check things out? I could take a Raptor or something.
Six: Wow, you are truly a selfless human being.
Gaius: *coughs* If you say so.
Pilots: *drinking in the mess hall*
Tigh: Hey Kara! Let’s sit here, get drunk and continue to be bitter about life together so we can destroy morale.
Kara: Sounds like a plan!
Kat: Will you two whiners shut up already? We had it just as bad as the people on New Caprica, you know!
Kara: Oh really? You mean you guys were kidnapped, tortured, starved and lived in tents without indoor plumbing too? Not to mention the whole Cylon martial law bit.
Kat: Well, uh, no…but sometimes we had to wait a whole 60 seconds for the water to heat up in the shower!
Kara: Hear that music, Kat? It’s the world’s smallest violin playing for you…
Helo: Sharon and Racetrack will be leaving soon to check out the pulsars.
Adama: You mean Athena and Racetrack.
Helo: I see you got my memo, sir. Did you also read the part where I explain how Starbuck and Colonel Tigh are badmouthing everyone and destroying morale?
Adama: Yeah, and I think I might have to choke a bitch pretty soon.
Six: Gaius, I’d like you to meet our Hybrid.
HybridTubGirl: blah blah poetry blah blah blah technobabble blah poetry blah blah technobabble blah blah…
Gaius: Not much of a conversationalist, is she?
Six: She’s aware of everything on the basestar, serving as its consciousness. She hears any and all conversations between us. She sees everything we see.
Gaius: No wonder she’s insane. What’s she talking about now?
HybridTubGirl: blah blah blah end of line…
Six: Oh, Leoben must be watching Tron again.
Gaius: The only things I see on this infected basestar are dozens of dead & dying Cylons. This is so incredibly disturbing, I feel compelled to take pictures of it all. *click!* *click!* *click!*
Doral (via the comlink): When you’re done being Hell’s Tourist, check around for any clue as to how everyone got infected.
Gaius: *walks toward Six model dying next to a strange mechanical probe thing*
Dying!Brunette!Six: *cough* *gasp* We found a probe… *gasp* …from the thirteenth colony… *wheeze* …infected with a virus to kill us all… *gasp* *cough* Frakkin’ humans! *gasp*
Gaius: The resurrection ship is out of range, so let me help you!
Dying!Brunette!Six: *gasp* You led us to these coordinates! *wheeze* *cough* It’s all your fault, and I’m telling! *gasp*
Gaius: OMG, SHUT UP! *chokes Dying!Brunette!Six & kills her*
Doral (via the comlink): Do you see anything significant over there, Gaius?
Gaius: *looks at the probe*
Gaius: *looks at the Six he just murdered*
Gaius: Um, no…
Cylons: *arguing* Do we attempt to rescue our people or leave them to die? *more arguing*
D’anna: Meh. They’re dead already, and we will be too unless we leave.
HybridTubGirl: *screams*
Doral: The Hybrid disagrees with you.
D’anna: Oh yeah? Well TubGirl doesn’t get a vote, so tough noogies! Let’s concentrate on Gaius’ pictures and see if we can figure something out. Are you sure you didn’t see anything important over there, Gaius?
Gaius: Nope - nothing, nada, niente.
Six: *looks at a picture, notices the mechanical probe*
Six: *looks directly at Gaius* Worst. Traitor. Ever!
Adama: All right you two, I’m only going to say this once. See this loaded gun? You can either pick up this gun and shoot me, or shape up. Considering I already took two to the chest last year and lived, it’s in your best interest to choose option B. Comprende?
Kara: Yeah, well, I’m not through being a total bitch yet…
Adama: *smacks Kara out of her chair* You’re no longer my surrogate daughter anymore; you’re a malcontent and a cancer. You think it was magic baby blood that cured Roslin? Hell no! It was my Death GlareTM and massive gonads - scared the cancer right out of her. So shape up or I'll squash your nuts!
Kara: *slinks away*
Adama: And you, Saul - you’re full of bile. I’m sure Ellen had something to do with that, even before she died. I suggest you stay in your quarters until you’re ready to be the man I used to know.
Tigh: Well then I hope Galactica has room service, because this could take a while…
Kara: *storms into community bathroom*
Kara: *looks in bathroom mirror*
Kara: *pulls out large knife*
Kara: *chops off her hair*
PilotChickWithVeryLongHairStandingNextToKara: Don’t get any ideas, girlfriend…
Racetrack: Athena, look at that! It’s the Lion’s Head Nebula - complete with blinking pulsar eye! We’ve found the road to Earth! Athena, are you listening to me? Athena?
Sharon/Racetrack: *notice the drifting Raiders and basestar*
Racetrack: OH FRAK! Athena, we need to get out of here! Athena, do you hear me? Athena?!?
Sharon: *continues to stare blankly out the window*
Racetrack: Dammit, don’t tell me we have to spend the next episode working on your call sign recognition too…
to be continued...
As always, comments are love! :-)
InvisiSix: *lying on the beach with a skimpy red bikini* Hi Gaius; miss me?
Gaius: Yes; I never know when you’ll show up. You know life is bad when a guy actually looks forward to experiencing psychotic breaks with his imaginary girlfriend.
InvisiSix: I know I’m a bit unpredictable, but a man who loves women as much as you should know this by now.
Gaius: Did you say, “loves women much” or “loves much women”, because I’ve done a lot of both…
Gaius: *wakes up on basestar in boxers*
Piano Music: *becomes somber & foreboding*
Cinematography: *develops severe inner ear infection & becomes dizzy in a Stanley Kubrick way*
Gaius: I really need to lay off those Cylon ‘shrooms…
Six: Gaius, be a good hostage and tell us where Earth is.
Gaius: Earth? Is that a planet of some kind? I have no idea.
D’anna: Let me rephrase the question: Gaius, be a good hostage and tell us where Earth is or we’ll kill you.
Gaius: Oh, you mean that Earth! Why didn’t you say so? I studied the map Adama & Roslin found, and can give you all sorts of useful information…as long as you don’t hurt me. Just out of curiosity, why do you ask?
D’anna: We’ve decided Earth is going to be our new home. Aren’t you as excited about The Plan as we are?
Gaius: If by ‘excited’ you mean ‘about to shit a brick and become violently ill’, then yes - yes I am.
Lee: Since I’ve been demoted to Major without telling anyone, I’ll be conducting these Viper training exercises with Kat. Now Starbuck, do you think it’s possible to follow my orders since we’re on the same team? Please promise me you won’t break formation and try to shoot down Kat.
Kara: I promise I’ll listen to you as long as Kat keeps her big mouth shut.
Kat: *starts mouthing off*
Kara: *breaks formation & runs into Kat’s Viper*
Lee: Why do I even bother?
Lee: Kara, I don’t care how you managed to land your Viper after it ran out of fuel - you are permanently grounded! Oh, and I’m still angry with you for some unknown reason the audience won’t hear about for several more episodes.
Kara: Well I’m still pursuing my narcissistically self-destructive behavior, so *pfffffft!*
Lee/Kara: *walk off in opposite directions*
Chief: Amazing.
HotDog: It’s amazing Starbuck landed her Viper with no fuel?
Chief: No, it’s amazing this is the extent of the big Lee/Kara reunion the audience will get.
Tigh: *shares an intimate moment with some booze*
Tigh: *thinks he hears Ellen’s voice in the corridor*
Tigh: *runs after a blond woman & grabs her*
Not!Ellen: Get away from me, you worthless drunk!
Tigh: *sniffles* It’s truly amazing how much you sound like my wife. But the beer goggles - they do nothing!
Kasey: *acts completely adorable* Kawa! Kawa! Kawa!
Kara: Of all the corridors, in all the ships, in all the fleet, she had to walk into mine.
Kasey’s Very Human Mother: Hi Captain! We’ve been looking for you; you don’t call, you don’t write…
Kara: Look, could you please just stay away from me? I’m a hardcore grinch right now, and I fear Cindy-Lou Crouton’s cuteness is contagious. So bug off! *walks away*
Kasey’s Very Human Mother: Godsdammit, now where will I get free babysitting?
Lee: *weighs himself* Woohoo! I’m completely buff again! Wanna see me flex my muscles?
Helo: Way to go, Slim; how’d you do it? Pilates? Bowflex? Lipo?
Lee: Nah, I finally enrolled in the Noodle Eaters Anonymous program. Remind me never to let that happen ever again.
Helo: Well, you’re looking good my man! But what’s that typing sound I hear?
Lee: Hundreds of fans just started writing Apollo/Helo slash fic.
Gaeta: I’ve been going over Baltar’s research on the path to Earth. He’s been comparing our star charts with passages from the scroll of Pythia, and found a connection.
Laura: Mr. Gaeta, how do you know we can trust his notes? Baltar’s never exactly been flying on all thrusters, you know…
Gaeta: Yes, but his self-preservation always trumps his batshit insanity. And in this case, scripture actually has a basis in reality.
Adama: But the scrolls mention a great lion with a mighty blinking eye; where are we going to find one of those?
Gaeta: What about that pulsar in the Lion's Head Nebula up ahead?
Laura: Bill, did your IQ drop sharply for this scene? How does an intelligent, well-read man suddenly not understand the concept of metaphors?
Adama: My mind must’ve blanked while I was staring at your breasts. It happens.
Gaius: I’m not sure I really fit in here on the basestar, and it’s hard to find my way around. This hallway looks like an exact replica of the last one, which I guess is fitting in this place.
Six: Well I see a beautiful forest instead. Cylons are able to project their thoughts; it’s like daydreaming. Have you ever daydreamed, Gaius?
Gaius: *walks past a naked Sharon model*
Zen!Sharon: *doing Tai Chi au naturale*
Gaius: Um, what was that question again? My mind wandered…
InvisiSix: Did you ever stop to think just how similar your daydreaming is to Cylon projection?
Gaius: I fail to see how my ability to have imaginary conversations with imaginary women in imaginary settings has any relation to Cylon project-…oh. OH MY GOD!!!
Racetrack: Look Boomer, I know I’ve hated your guts in the past, but in the spirit of rewriting canon relationships this season, you’re now my favorite flight partner.
Sharon: Thanks, but I’m not really Boomer.
Helo: Listen up, people! My wife needs a new call sign; any suggestions?
Pilots: Chromedome! Raptor Adapter! Toaster Babe!
HotDog: Athena!
Helo: Even though it doesn’t have much to do with anything about Sharon, I’ve decided on Athena. I’ll send out a memo to have people repeat this name frequently throughout the episode, because I’m sure the typical rabid BSG fan needs this plot point hammered home ten times before picking up on it.
Tigh: Whatever you say, toaster lover; I’m just going to sit here and remain bitter about you having my old job.
Kat: Why do you & Starbuck always have to shoot your mouths off and annoy everyone?
Kara: Pot, meet kettle.
Gaius: In all this time, I’ve only seen seven Cylon models - but you told me there were twelve. Who are the Final Five models?
Six: Look, we have two rules about the Final Five. First rule: never talk about the Final Five.
Gaius: And the second rule?
Six: Never talk about the Final Five.
Gaius: I should’ve known…
D’anna: You know that basestar we sent to the coordinates Gaius gave us? Well it’s infected with some strange virus that’s killing everyone! At least, that’s what I think its Hybrid said; she’s even more incoherent than usual. We should send someone to check it out.
Simon: The virus could infect everyone - even our Raiders. And if an infected Cylon dies & passes it on through the resurrection process…well, we can kiss our collective positronic ass goodbye! We need to send someone who’s immune to the virus. Someone who’s not a Cylon.
InvisiSix: Why don’t you volunteer, Gaius? If you drop dead over there, at least you’ll know you’re not human.
Gaius: There's a cheerful thought. I mean, hey, why don’t I go over to the basestar and check things out? I could take a Raptor or something.
Six: Wow, you are truly a selfless human being.
Gaius: *coughs* If you say so.
Pilots: *drinking in the mess hall*
Tigh: Hey Kara! Let’s sit here, get drunk and continue to be bitter about life together so we can destroy morale.
Kara: Sounds like a plan!
Kat: Will you two whiners shut up already? We had it just as bad as the people on New Caprica, you know!
Kara: Oh really? You mean you guys were kidnapped, tortured, starved and lived in tents without indoor plumbing too? Not to mention the whole Cylon martial law bit.
Kat: Well, uh, no…but sometimes we had to wait a whole 60 seconds for the water to heat up in the shower!
Kara: Hear that music, Kat? It’s the world’s smallest violin playing for you…
Helo: Sharon and Racetrack will be leaving soon to check out the pulsars.
Adama: You mean Athena and Racetrack.
Helo: I see you got my memo, sir. Did you also read the part where I explain how Starbuck and Colonel Tigh are badmouthing everyone and destroying morale?
Adama: Yeah, and I think I might have to choke a bitch pretty soon.
Six: Gaius, I’d like you to meet our Hybrid.
HybridTubGirl: blah blah poetry blah blah blah technobabble blah poetry blah blah technobabble blah blah…
Gaius: Not much of a conversationalist, is she?
Six: She’s aware of everything on the basestar, serving as its consciousness. She hears any and all conversations between us. She sees everything we see.
Gaius: No wonder she’s insane. What’s she talking about now?
HybridTubGirl: blah blah blah end of line…
Six: Oh, Leoben must be watching Tron again.
Gaius: The only things I see on this infected basestar are dozens of dead & dying Cylons. This is so incredibly disturbing, I feel compelled to take pictures of it all. *click!* *click!* *click!*
Doral (via the comlink): When you’re done being Hell’s Tourist, check around for any clue as to how everyone got infected.
Gaius: *walks toward Six model dying next to a strange mechanical probe thing*
Dying!Brunette!Six: *cough* *gasp* We found a probe… *gasp* …from the thirteenth colony… *wheeze* …infected with a virus to kill us all… *gasp* *cough* Frakkin’ humans! *gasp*
Gaius: The resurrection ship is out of range, so let me help you!
Dying!Brunette!Six: *gasp* You led us to these coordinates! *wheeze* *cough* It’s all your fault, and I’m telling! *gasp*
Gaius: OMG, SHUT UP! *chokes Dying!Brunette!Six & kills her*
Doral (via the comlink): Do you see anything significant over there, Gaius?
Gaius: *looks at the probe*
Gaius: *looks at the Six he just murdered*
Gaius: Um, no…
Cylons: *arguing* Do we attempt to rescue our people or leave them to die? *more arguing*
D’anna: Meh. They’re dead already, and we will be too unless we leave.
HybridTubGirl: *screams*
Doral: The Hybrid disagrees with you.
D’anna: Oh yeah? Well TubGirl doesn’t get a vote, so tough noogies! Let’s concentrate on Gaius’ pictures and see if we can figure something out. Are you sure you didn’t see anything important over there, Gaius?
Gaius: Nope - nothing, nada, niente.
Six: *looks at a picture, notices the mechanical probe*
Six: *looks directly at Gaius* Worst. Traitor. Ever!
Adama: All right you two, I’m only going to say this once. See this loaded gun? You can either pick up this gun and shoot me, or shape up. Considering I already took two to the chest last year and lived, it’s in your best interest to choose option B. Comprende?
Kara: Yeah, well, I’m not through being a total bitch yet…
Adama: *smacks Kara out of her chair* You’re no longer my surrogate daughter anymore; you’re a malcontent and a cancer. You think it was magic baby blood that cured Roslin? Hell no! It was my Death GlareTM and massive gonads - scared the cancer right out of her. So shape up or I'll squash your nuts!
Kara: *slinks away*
Adama: And you, Saul - you’re full of bile. I’m sure Ellen had something to do with that, even before she died. I suggest you stay in your quarters until you’re ready to be the man I used to know.
Tigh: Well then I hope Galactica has room service, because this could take a while…
Kara: *storms into community bathroom*
Kara: *looks in bathroom mirror*
Kara: *pulls out large knife*
Kara: *chops off her hair*
PilotChickWithVeryLongHairStandingNextToKara: Don’t get any ideas, girlfriend…
Racetrack: Athena, look at that! It’s the Lion’s Head Nebula - complete with blinking pulsar eye! We’ve found the road to Earth! Athena, are you listening to me? Athena?
Sharon/Racetrack: *notice the drifting Raiders and basestar*
Racetrack: OH FRAK! Athena, we need to get out of here! Athena, do you hear me? Athena?!?
Sharon: *continues to stare blankly out the window*
Racetrack: Dammit, don’t tell me we have to spend the next episode working on your call sign recognition too…
to be continued...
As always, comments are love! :-)