Lithium and it's Thievery
Being treated for Bi-Polar Disorder is a strange thing. There really is no effective drug to treat the manic side of the disease. Except lithium. As effective as lithium is at bringing down the mania, it has a few drawbacks. Firstly, the levels of lithium in your blood must be checked periodically, or you can have what happened to me on November 1st 2011. My levels had spiked after being told to increase my dosage by my psychiatrist about a week prior. I don't really know what the 'levels' mean, but normal lithium levels range from 0.6-1.6. ? When they get higher than that, you start to feel 'high'. Not manic high, but literally crazy high. Like you are on some sort of controlled substance. But you feel good! Well, my levels were about three times the normal maximum. 3.51 after being admitted into the hospital (where I spent the next five days) to be exact, which was after I was arrested by the MPs while driving on the wrong side of the road entering Ft Bliss. Ironically, I was on my way to get my lithium levels checked. Getting high in a psychotic way when you are trying to reduce a psychotic high is a drawback.
The other drawback to being treated for BPD with lithium is that it saps all your happiness, pleasure, and emotions when on the correct levels. Remember that a person with BPD is either manic, neutral, or depressed (or in transition). In my case, I have very few moments of neutrality. Being depressed sucks for the obvious reasons. Neutral is ok, except that if you are aware that you have BPD, you know you are either going to be manic, or depressed sometime soon. So it kind of fucks neutral up. Being manic is fun. You are confident, happy (most of the time), aggressive, funny, and generally outgoing. It can also be dangerous being manic. I once took my car (a 2007 Ford Focus) out on l-10 in New Mexico and drove it to 120mph for a long stretch at 3:00am. There are other things such as compulsive buying, excessive drinking, fighting, etc. What the lithium does, at the correct levels, is bring you down (or prevent you from getting there) from the mania. That's all well and good... and very effective. But also what it does, since the only time, for the most part, a BPD person feels happy and great is during the manic stages. It robs this of you. After taking lithium, before my levels went through the fucking roof, I was a shell of my formal self. I had no personality that resembled 'me'. I had no sense of humor and didn't laugh. I was interested in doing nothing. It's no wonder a lot of BPD patients choose to stop taking their lithium. I wanted to, but I knew better that if I didn't take it, things would go back to the way they were. But I was very tempted. It had robbed me of my personality.
The other drawback to being treated for BPD with lithium is that it saps all your happiness, pleasure, and emotions when on the correct levels. Remember that a person with BPD is either manic, neutral, or depressed (or in transition). In my case, I have very few moments of neutrality. Being depressed sucks for the obvious reasons. Neutral is ok, except that if you are aware that you have BPD, you know you are either going to be manic, or depressed sometime soon. So it kind of fucks neutral up. Being manic is fun. You are confident, happy (most of the time), aggressive, funny, and generally outgoing. It can also be dangerous being manic. I once took my car (a 2007 Ford Focus) out on l-10 in New Mexico and drove it to 120mph for a long stretch at 3:00am. There are other things such as compulsive buying, excessive drinking, fighting, etc. What the lithium does, at the correct levels, is bring you down (or prevent you from getting there) from the mania. That's all well and good... and very effective. But also what it does, since the only time, for the most part, a BPD person feels happy and great is during the manic stages. It robs this of you. After taking lithium, before my levels went through the fucking roof, I was a shell of my formal self. I had no personality that resembled 'me'. I had no sense of humor and didn't laugh. I was interested in doing nothing. It's no wonder a lot of BPD patients choose to stop taking their lithium. I wanted to, but I knew better that if I didn't take it, things would go back to the way they were. But I was very tempted. It had robbed me of my personality.