My 1st One Night Stand
I'm not going to be defensive about it. I just want to get all my feelings out and maybe feel better or at least clear my head. So full story under the cut...
I thought this what what I wanted after meeting this guy at the karaoke bar that I go to occasionally. He's a regular, so I've seen & talked to him before. On Friday, however, I really talked to him. I had 1 Patron shot and shared 2 1/2 Texas Teas with my sis. I told myself I would only have 1 or 2 drinks because I'm another person when I drink. I'm bold, daring, & bluntly honest. I'm also talkative & friendly. So I was out because my aunt wanted to have girl's night. My mom was supposed to come, but she wasn't feeling well. I was out with my aunts, sis, & friends. I was so social I made friends with Chad (the guy) & his friends. They got me a Fireball shot. Good times.
Well between every drink I'd see Chad by himself & I'm super aware of loners all the time. Drunk me is overly aware & approaches them. Regular me, a bit more cautious and I may or may not approach. I asked him why he was alone & he said he likes it that way. He's not open to trust. Anyway, several check-ins later, he's 25, he has a daughter ( no baby mama drama), makes $25 and hour fixing pooltables, works nonstop, and thinks I'm cute. I told him stuff too about my guy trust issues (cue stories about exes), my job (will update about my love for my work later), my age...and of course, my dry spell.
Yeah, I did it to myself. Cue the kiss he laid on me & the offer to go to his place. Mind you our convos were really spread out. I was singing, drinking, dancing, & socializing with tons of people. When that happened, I wanted to go because his house was super close to the bar. What stopped me was my sis & I had the sense to remember I was drunk. Also Aunt Flo was visiting, but he said he didn't care-don't judge me, dry spells are ridiculous. Anyway, I go home with my sis.
We text nonstop yesterday. Things were said, which ended up with me sneaking out of the house while my mom was in a drunken sleep (don't get me started). So I arrive at his place at 11 something at night. We watch part of Scott Pilgrim vs The World (his fave movie). I'm nervous because nothing happens for 45 mins. And then we were all over each other. While amazing & totally satisfying. I mean when I think about the act by itself without the before & after, I smile. It was the most rebellious, un-me thing ever. And it felt goooood. It lasted for like ever & I am crazy sore now. Dry spells...wow.
So the after...he promised there would be cuddling because he's a touchy person. There wasn't & when I tried it...so fucking awkward. We watched TV. Then he complained about these anime shows I like. He's a nerd (my type) except he's one of those elitist nerds that only play these video games & what these animes because of [insert ridiculous reason here]. It bugged me.
I got to shower & he gave me his hoodie because I was fucking cold. The wind was so massive last night, my blow-up holiday decorations got knocked down (I fixed it). And btw, I'm a clothes snatcher anyway. If I sleep with you, I get a t-shirt or a jacket. And I keep them, they become mine & no I don't miss you once everything is over. I love my new hoodie. It's huge & it smells like guy...I'm disassociating Chad already.
The only bad thing is I left my bra behind. It was 2 in the morning when I left and he's texting me like come get it -_- I didn't. It wasn't my fave bra anyway. It was the shitty one I wear because I washed the good one & it's air drying now. So he's all what am I supposed to do with it? It's not like we're gonna see each other any time soon because I've got work....blah blah blah. You know I was thinking, "use it as a slingshot, burn it, make it into a hat...I don't give a fuck." I said, "do what you want, I don't care. No biggie."
So now I'm feeling regret. I made it home safely...mom didn't notice I left. I just feel blah! I'm not a one night stand girl...I didn't think I was, but it was on my bucket list. In fact, sneaking out was on there too. I'm almost 30 & I had to sneak out like a teenager. I pay bills and I'm usually responsible, but my mom still treats me like I'm 16. That's another story though.
Right now, I'm satisfied sexually & emotionally confused. I didn't want this...I wanted more, but I settled for temporary pleasure. I don't even think I wanted more from him. I knew exactly what I would get & if I got more, that'd be a rare & pleasant surprise. What the fuck am I doing?