why am i doing this to myself? he was out of town for the last six days and as always i was at home, moping around, chainsmoking, just picking away at myself, really
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"i hate the way i can't let go of him. the way i keep letting him come back to me, shred me to pieces." I have felt the somewhat similar with certain friendships, in which I let things slide which are unexceptable..... perhaps we are so far gone that we'll take whatever we can, human interaction wise, so as to "feel" anything, other than simply being stuck in our own heads filled with mindless obsessions.
I really hope that you don't cut yourself. A year without cutting is an amazing accomplishment, and you should be very proud of yourself! :) Please, try not to let him get to you so.... I think that perhaps you need to speak up for yourself, and tell him exactly how you feel. That way, all the cards will be on the table, and he can do as he likes, but you'll know that you were honest and can move on (which one day you will). My point being, that is seems as though you urgently need to get all these thoughts out, because they are eating you from the inside out. *hug*
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I have felt the somewhat similar with certain friendships, in which I let things slide which are unexceptable..... perhaps we are so far gone that we'll take whatever we can, human interaction wise, so as to "feel" anything, other than simply being stuck in our own heads filled with mindless obsessions.
I really hope that you don't cut yourself. A year without cutting is an amazing accomplishment, and you should be very proud of yourself! :)
Please, try not to let him get to you so.... I think that perhaps you need to speak up for yourself, and tell him exactly how you feel. That way, all the cards will be on the table, and he can do as he likes, but you'll know that you were honest and can move on (which one day you will).
My point being, that is seems as though you urgently need to get all these thoughts out, because they are eating you from the inside out. *hug*
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