Torn
Title:Torn
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/Drama
Paring: GRI
Summary: "but the thought of living out the rest of his life with people who loved him second best made his heart beat uncomfortably."
Sorry about the angstyness overload lately. I’m kinda having a rough time IRL. I swear I’ll start doing something fluffier soon. I also have three smut pieces on the way, so watch for them! Thanks for reading!
~*~
He watched them all together and it shouldn’t have torn his heart to shreds to see them happy, but it did. Things hadn’t been going well and for awhile, being around them had made him so happy. Happy to be accepted and loved for once.
But over time, it became so clear how very much on the outside he was. No matter how many times he tried, he still always ended up with his foot in his mouth and shaking hands. He laid silently under the stars and ached to just find someone who loved him more than everyone else. He knew it was selfish, but the thought of living out the rest of his life with people who loved him second best made his heart beat uncomfortably.
He reached his hand up, wishing he could just tear the offending thing out all together.
He walked down the raging beach and thought vaguely about throwing himself in the numbing waters. The maddening thought pushed and pulled at him until an insane laugh bubbled up. He dropped to his knees and shook and clenched and tears fell to the ground in fat drops. He didn’t know when the laughter tearing at his body, turned into sobs that fought to get out. His fists shook and gripped at his hair and arms. His mouth greedily sucked in breath after breath and he screamed, pounding at the ground. He threw his head back in a silent scream and shook, every tendon in his body, tensed.
Then, it was as if all the fight washed back away with the tide and he collapsed on the ground, gasping into his elbow. His lips hurt from where he’d bitten them to hold in his agony and his fingertips were sore from clutching too tightly.
He opened his eyes and glanced out at the water, chest heaving and tried to ignore the sound of someone walking over to him. A body sat down next to his still shaking frame and touched his hair.
“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t ok?”
He stared out and let Jiyong smooth his hair in a comforting way.
“I could have-I would have done something to fix it.”
He scoffed low in his chest, and it came out bitterly.
“You would have tried.”
Jiyong’s hand stilled and he knew the words were more vicious than he meant them.
“I would have found a way, Seungri.”
He said it as if there was no other option. As if the world bent to Kwon Jiyong.
Typically it did. At least his anyways. He sat up and let the hand fall to the sand.
“Please, don’t do this to me anymore, Jiyong.”
“Why can’t you just let me help?”
“Because I’m not a child anymore. I have real problems and real feelings that you can’t just soothe over with a smile and some liquor.” He sighed and stood up, brushing himself off. “Just let me hurt for a while, please.”
He looked down and the leader looked so much smaller than he was used to. He nearly felt bad, but a figure walked across the beach towards them and he was hit full in the chest with their situation again.
“Ri..”
“You’re husband is coming. Better tend to him.”
“I’m tending to you right now. He can wait.”
He closed his eyes and just. breathed. in.
“I can’t though. Not anymore.”
The crashing waves would have served for a perfect backdrop of his dramatic exit if he didn't feel like turning back around every three seconds. He was sure by now, Jiyong was cuddled up with his husband, whispering words of heartache and loss. The very lack of it in his life made his laugh bitter and he forced himself to keep walking.
Even if it felt like he was torn in two, he just kept walking.
Sometimes it was all he could do.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/Drama
Paring: GRI
Summary: "but the thought of living out the rest of his life with people who loved him second best made his heart beat uncomfortably."
Sorry about the angstyness overload lately. I’m kinda having a rough time IRL. I swear I’ll start doing something fluffier soon. I also have three smut pieces on the way, so watch for them! Thanks for reading!
~*~
He watched them all together and it shouldn’t have torn his heart to shreds to see them happy, but it did. Things hadn’t been going well and for awhile, being around them had made him so happy. Happy to be accepted and loved for once.
But over time, it became so clear how very much on the outside he was. No matter how many times he tried, he still always ended up with his foot in his mouth and shaking hands. He laid silently under the stars and ached to just find someone who loved him more than everyone else. He knew it was selfish, but the thought of living out the rest of his life with people who loved him second best made his heart beat uncomfortably.
He reached his hand up, wishing he could just tear the offending thing out all together.
He walked down the raging beach and thought vaguely about throwing himself in the numbing waters. The maddening thought pushed and pulled at him until an insane laugh bubbled up. He dropped to his knees and shook and clenched and tears fell to the ground in fat drops. He didn’t know when the laughter tearing at his body, turned into sobs that fought to get out. His fists shook and gripped at his hair and arms. His mouth greedily sucked in breath after breath and he screamed, pounding at the ground. He threw his head back in a silent scream and shook, every tendon in his body, tensed.
Then, it was as if all the fight washed back away with the tide and he collapsed on the ground, gasping into his elbow. His lips hurt from where he’d bitten them to hold in his agony and his fingertips were sore from clutching too tightly.
He opened his eyes and glanced out at the water, chest heaving and tried to ignore the sound of someone walking over to him. A body sat down next to his still shaking frame and touched his hair.
“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t ok?”
He stared out and let Jiyong smooth his hair in a comforting way.
“I could have-I would have done something to fix it.”
He scoffed low in his chest, and it came out bitterly.
“You would have tried.”
Jiyong’s hand stilled and he knew the words were more vicious than he meant them.
“I would have found a way, Seungri.”
He said it as if there was no other option. As if the world bent to Kwon Jiyong.
Typically it did. At least his anyways. He sat up and let the hand fall to the sand.
“Please, don’t do this to me anymore, Jiyong.”
“Why can’t you just let me help?”
“Because I’m not a child anymore. I have real problems and real feelings that you can’t just soothe over with a smile and some liquor.” He sighed and stood up, brushing himself off. “Just let me hurt for a while, please.”
He looked down and the leader looked so much smaller than he was used to. He nearly felt bad, but a figure walked across the beach towards them and he was hit full in the chest with their situation again.
“Ri..”
“You’re husband is coming. Better tend to him.”
“I’m tending to you right now. He can wait.”
He closed his eyes and just. breathed. in.
“I can’t though. Not anymore.”
The crashing waves would have served for a perfect backdrop of his dramatic exit if he didn't feel like turning back around every three seconds. He was sure by now, Jiyong was cuddled up with his husband, whispering words of heartache and loss. The very lack of it in his life made his laugh bitter and he forced himself to keep walking.
Even if it felt like he was torn in two, he just kept walking.
Sometimes it was all he could do.