Doesn't Matter
Title:Doesn't Matter
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/Drama
Paring: GRI
Summary: It was a strange feeling always waiting for the axe to fall.
He knew it was coming long before the knock sounded on his bedroom door. It had been a tense day filled with cursed words and thrown furniture. Seungri stayed holed up under the sheets in his room, staring out the window at the gray sky until a door slammed and he heard slow padding footsteps in the hall.
He didn’t say anything as he slid in and somehow that hurt so much more.
“You’re leaving aren’t you?” The quiver in his voice was regrettable, but as Jiyong stood with eyes brimming with pity he found he couldn’t care less.
“I can’t have you both…” and he means more to me than you… his mind supplied the rest of the sentence that hung in the air. He swallowed with some difficulty and scoffed, turning back to the window.
“I understand.” Shuffling sounded from the door, and soon there was pressure on the bed next to him. Just inches away; close enough to feel heat, but too far to be touching. Bitterly he thought how it had always been that way. Just a little bit too far away…
“That’s all?
He nodded his head confidently, holding back the fact that he knew all along he wouldn’t be chosen. There was no way. Not with the way Seunghyun smiled or moved or always seemed to know exactly what the Leadja was thinking. He knew in the beginning he didn’t have a chance.
It was a strange feeling always waiting for the axe to fall.
“That’s all. I understand why, and that’s all there really is to it, right Jiyong?” He turned and so badly wished to reach out a hand to smooth across his jaw and loosen the tense panicked way he clenched it. “Nothing I say is going to make a difference. We both know it.”
Jiyong’s silence spoke volumes.
Desperately, he turned back to the window as a painfully tight feeling washed over his whole body.
“So, when are you leaving?”
The whispered words caught his ears far too close before arms linked around his body.
“I don’t want to go.”
It was too much. Jiyong always pushed just a little too hard. He laid a cold, shaking hand across his, taking in the warmth one last time.
“Yes you do.” He pushed every word out, shoving the hands away. His heart beat strongly in his chest, everything in him, begging to just lean in and take whatever he could get. Whatever scrap he was thrown. Tears pricked at his eyes and he nearly sighed in relief when the weight lifted off the bed.
“I should be out in a week.” He shut his eyes and smiled sadly as the door closed softly. Rain drops pelted the window, and he hated them for fitting the moment so perfectly. He slid out shaking fingers to trail over the window in small patterns.
…you’ve been gone for so long, a week hardly makes a difference…
He laid back on the bed and placed a hand on his beating chest. His eyes slid shut and he breathed deep, dropping back into a world where it didn’t matter.
A slow smile slide over his face and he held onto that as tightly as he could, a lie on his lips, over and over until it stuck as truth.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter.
…it doesn’t…
~*~
Yea, I know I know, I've been promising smut and I'm STILL not finished. >_> I'll finish...eventually....
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/Drama
Paring: GRI
Summary: It was a strange feeling always waiting for the axe to fall.
He knew it was coming long before the knock sounded on his bedroom door. It had been a tense day filled with cursed words and thrown furniture. Seungri stayed holed up under the sheets in his room, staring out the window at the gray sky until a door slammed and he heard slow padding footsteps in the hall.
He didn’t say anything as he slid in and somehow that hurt so much more.
“You’re leaving aren’t you?” The quiver in his voice was regrettable, but as Jiyong stood with eyes brimming with pity he found he couldn’t care less.
“I can’t have you both…” and he means more to me than you… his mind supplied the rest of the sentence that hung in the air. He swallowed with some difficulty and scoffed, turning back to the window.
“I understand.” Shuffling sounded from the door, and soon there was pressure on the bed next to him. Just inches away; close enough to feel heat, but too far to be touching. Bitterly he thought how it had always been that way. Just a little bit too far away…
“That’s all?
He nodded his head confidently, holding back the fact that he knew all along he wouldn’t be chosen. There was no way. Not with the way Seunghyun smiled or moved or always seemed to know exactly what the Leadja was thinking. He knew in the beginning he didn’t have a chance.
It was a strange feeling always waiting for the axe to fall.
“That’s all. I understand why, and that’s all there really is to it, right Jiyong?” He turned and so badly wished to reach out a hand to smooth across his jaw and loosen the tense panicked way he clenched it. “Nothing I say is going to make a difference. We both know it.”
Jiyong’s silence spoke volumes.
Desperately, he turned back to the window as a painfully tight feeling washed over his whole body.
“So, when are you leaving?”
The whispered words caught his ears far too close before arms linked around his body.
“I don’t want to go.”
It was too much. Jiyong always pushed just a little too hard. He laid a cold, shaking hand across his, taking in the warmth one last time.
“Yes you do.” He pushed every word out, shoving the hands away. His heart beat strongly in his chest, everything in him, begging to just lean in and take whatever he could get. Whatever scrap he was thrown. Tears pricked at his eyes and he nearly sighed in relief when the weight lifted off the bed.
“I should be out in a week.” He shut his eyes and smiled sadly as the door closed softly. Rain drops pelted the window, and he hated them for fitting the moment so perfectly. He slid out shaking fingers to trail over the window in small patterns.
…you’ve been gone for so long, a week hardly makes a difference…
He laid back on the bed and placed a hand on his beating chest. His eyes slid shut and he breathed deep, dropping back into a world where it didn’t matter.
A slow smile slide over his face and he held onto that as tightly as he could, a lie on his lips, over and over until it stuck as truth.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter.
…it doesn’t…
~*~
Yea, I know I know, I've been promising smut and I'm STILL not finished. >_> I'll finish...eventually....