an explosive one; deserving of recognition
I've been thinking, which is always a dangerous thing. I am also quite chilled (this tends to happen when you drink ice water while walking home in ripped jeans, enduring wind and wet).
I remember the beginning of my year not as New Years, but a bit before. I'm sure that you (Fiona) can remember that night at Emma's. Remember that we didn't even go to sleep, opting to keep awake watching movies and doing stupid things online. We also dished dirt on Leah, our lives still wrapped up in (now that I think about it) one of the stupidest (Yes, that is not a word. Sue me.) dramas ever. We, as that triumvirate, were each others friends; we didn't have anyone else.
Fast forward to now. Emma has been replaced by other people, we actually socialize with more than one other. Unfortunately, when she left, she had done some damage. That was without a doubt one of the worst "friendships" I have ever been in.
Remember, Fiona, how we ended up falling out with her earlier than planned (even though our plan was supposedly not to have one)? How I was royally pissed at her for talking about me behind my back, saying that I had no real personality or friends?
That comment of hers made me think; still does. Do I have a personality?
When I first meet new people, I'm quiet, and I observe. I analyze their behavior. If I find them amicable, I get way louder, and more outgoing. If I disagree with their personality, I'm a bitch.
I have a temper, but usually, I don't explode. I usually just wait for the perfect time for revenge.
I know a lot about other people's business. I don't even have to go snooping for it, people just tell me gossip for some reason.
Relating to that, I can be manipulative, so I get what I want, usually that sort of information. It's called leverage. (However, sometimes, people tell me stuff that I DON'T want to know.) I think I just contradicted myself. Oh well.
I don't trust people easily, because I know that there are other people like me. I could probably count the number of people that I actually trust on my hands.
I don't forgive easily. It's a bad combo with the quick temper.
I definitely have a personality. I don't know the word to describe it, but it's there. Maybe Emma just couldn't categorize me like she did everyone else; and just decided to label me as nonexistent. I don't know.
Something that was a little disconcerting for me this year was our return to school in September. Suddenly, the entire grade was extremely interested in my personal life. That's when I realized that maybe my lack of trust is a good thing, in some ways.
This entry is jumping from topic to topic, but oh well.
Now, I have friends, which is definitely different. In a good way, for the most part. My life has changed so much over the past year, it's confusing.
Zoe + David = Cute, but a lot more trouble than it was worth. Still better than Zoe + Nat, though.
Sitting in Shadow, not doing anything but talking and laughing.
Three-way telephone calls that lasted forever.
Regular telephone calls that lasted forever.
Bitch-fights.
I suddenly have some sort of weird entourage, led by Kyrstyn. This is still a problem, and it's getting really hard to deal with.
My best friend.
I'll take my life as it is, thanks. I have a distinct feeling that whatever happens, it'll be better than in the past. But then, that's what we always say, isn't it?
So, welcome 2006. I hope that you can bring some clarity.
Screw that, that's never going to happen.
I remember the beginning of my year not as New Years, but a bit before. I'm sure that you (Fiona) can remember that night at Emma's. Remember that we didn't even go to sleep, opting to keep awake watching movies and doing stupid things online. We also dished dirt on Leah, our lives still wrapped up in (now that I think about it) one of the stupidest (Yes, that is not a word. Sue me.) dramas ever. We, as that triumvirate, were each others friends; we didn't have anyone else.
Fast forward to now. Emma has been replaced by other people, we actually socialize with more than one other. Unfortunately, when she left, she had done some damage. That was without a doubt one of the worst "friendships" I have ever been in.
Remember, Fiona, how we ended up falling out with her earlier than planned (even though our plan was supposedly not to have one)? How I was royally pissed at her for talking about me behind my back, saying that I had no real personality or friends?
That comment of hers made me think; still does. Do I have a personality?
When I first meet new people, I'm quiet, and I observe. I analyze their behavior. If I find them amicable, I get way louder, and more outgoing. If I disagree with their personality, I'm a bitch.
I have a temper, but usually, I don't explode. I usually just wait for the perfect time for revenge.
I know a lot about other people's business. I don't even have to go snooping for it, people just tell me gossip for some reason.
Relating to that, I can be manipulative, so I get what I want, usually that sort of information. It's called leverage. (However, sometimes, people tell me stuff that I DON'T want to know.) I think I just contradicted myself. Oh well.
I don't trust people easily, because I know that there are other people like me. I could probably count the number of people that I actually trust on my hands.
I don't forgive easily. It's a bad combo with the quick temper.
I definitely have a personality. I don't know the word to describe it, but it's there. Maybe Emma just couldn't categorize me like she did everyone else; and just decided to label me as nonexistent. I don't know.
Something that was a little disconcerting for me this year was our return to school in September. Suddenly, the entire grade was extremely interested in my personal life. That's when I realized that maybe my lack of trust is a good thing, in some ways.
This entry is jumping from topic to topic, but oh well.
Now, I have friends, which is definitely different. In a good way, for the most part. My life has changed so much over the past year, it's confusing.
Zoe + David = Cute, but a lot more trouble than it was worth. Still better than Zoe + Nat, though.
Sitting in Shadow, not doing anything but talking and laughing.
Three-way telephone calls that lasted forever.
Regular telephone calls that lasted forever.
Bitch-fights.
I suddenly have some sort of weird entourage, led by Kyrstyn. This is still a problem, and it's getting really hard to deal with.
My best friend.
I'll take my life as it is, thanks. I have a distinct feeling that whatever happens, it'll be better than in the past. But then, that's what we always say, isn't it?
So, welcome 2006. I hope that you can bring some clarity.
Screw that, that's never going to happen.