Until the train arrives - 2min [1/1]
Until the train arrives | 2min | R | 1300+
au, angst, | unbeta-ed, character death, suicide | promt used: picture
note: Witten for the 13th shawol_haven challenge. I don't know what makes me write character death all the time -.-, kind of unbeta-ed, I'll go through it tomorrow.
Until the train arrives
"...our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real."
-Red Dragon(movie)
“So… why are you here?“
Taemin doesn’t really know why he is asking. Maybe it’s because the silence, that stretches while they wait is kind of annoying. Maybe it’s because Taemin is just curious.
“I think I’m here for the same reason you are.” The tall boy smiles and then it’s quiet again.
***
Taemin tends to believe it was all just a dream.
Or rather than believing it he likes to pretend. He forces himself to pretend or to believe until it all becomes more bearable.
It’s more bearable when he forces a smile and they stop looking at him with those sad, pitying eyes. It’s more bearable when he forces himself to laugh and talk and be like everyone else because then Kibum will stop worrying.
He pretends he is fine until the people stop asking, stop noticing.
***
“It’s late.”
Taemin shifts from one foot to the other, looking at his watch every few seconds.
“Hm?”
“The train. It’s late.”
The other boy chuckles. It’s an empty, sad sound. “Are you nervous?” he asks, his deep voice floating through the cold morning air.
The sound is kind of intimidating and Taemin shudders, stepping a few feet away from the taller boy.
“I’m not.” He says, shaking his head. “I’m not.”
***
So Taemin pretends. He goes to school and acts as if the cold sweat is not running down his neck whenever the people get too close, as if his body is not shivering all over when someone runs a hand through his hair. He acts as if he is not about to vomit when someone tells him he is pretty. He acts as if he is not close to tears every time one of the boys or teachers, or just any man on the streets looks at him.
And it kind of works, or that’s what he tells himself. It works, but it is so extremely exhausting.
***
“You look tired.”
This time it’s the tall boy that breaks the silence. Taemin is surprised, no one ever noticed. He looks up and grins. It’s a fake grin and both boys know, but neither says anything about it. The boy just looks at him, with his big, deep, sad eyes and Taemin shudders, sits down on one of the rails, hugging his knees and starts rocking back and forth.
“Stop looking.” He whispers, almost inaudibly, but the boy understands anyway and looks away.
“I’m Minho.” He says and Taemin stares at him for a few minutes and then he smiles and this time the smile nearly reaches his eyes.
“Taemin.”
***
Taemin doesn’t sleep. Or at least he tries not to.
But of course it’s impossible not to sleep, but Taemin doesn’t know what to do about the images and the sounds flooding his mind as soon as his it slips off to sleep. He hates to wake up, bathed in sweat and crying, just because there is this man in his dreams, pinning him against a cold surface, pushing in and out of him as he whispers ‘you are so beautiful’. Just because there is the knife pressed against his collarbone and the animalistic sounds and the darkness, the suffocating darkness.
So Taemin doesn’t sleep and he is always, always so extremely tired.
***
“Did you say good bye?” Taemin asks. He is playing with a rock.
“I wrote a letter, you?”
“Me too.”
Minho nods and then stares off into the forest surrounding them.
“Do you think they will miss you?” Minho asks, his eyes are still fixed on something far away.
Taemin shrugs and throws the stone against a tree. “I think they will.”
Minho nods.
“Will they miss you?” Taemin looks at Minho, at the way his eyes flutter closed for a moment, before he opens them again.
“I don’t know.” He says and his voice cracks as he does. Taemin doesn’t ask why.
***
So Taemin lives his life, quietly suffering, because he knows that if he is not quiet he will suffer more. Sometimes he wonders why exactly he is still keeping up with this. Why should he bother living when death was so much easier? Why should he keep living when he long ago stopped feeling alive?
And after days and weeks and months of constant fear and nightmares and emptiness inside, he decides that yes: death would be so much easier.
***
“You know… it’s kind of nice when you don’t have to be alone in the last moments of your life.” Minho says and he is smiling at Taemin, a genuine, small smile.
Taemin nods, gulping down the lump that is beginning to form in his throat. “Yes, it kind of is.”
At that moment, Taemin feels as if he doesn’t have to be scared of Minho, that he can maybe get a little bit, just a tiny little bit closer to him. Taemin stands up and slowly, but determinedly walks over to where Minho is sitting on a big stone. He sits next to the taller boy and breathes in, the fresh scent of forest and earth and leaves, but also a sweet scent that comes from Minho -Taemin guesses- filling his nostrils.
“It would have been nice if I would’ve met you sooner.” He whispers, as he closes his eyes and relishes in the feeling of the slowly rising sun throwing its first rays at him.
“Maybe that would have changed things.” Minho answers and a few seconds later their eyes meet in an all-saying gaze.
***
Taemin is fed up and one night, after another nightmare he slips his shoes on, scribbles a short message and places it on the kitchen table before he quietly leaves the house. He whispers his goodbyes and then he runs.
He runs until his lungs give in, until it burns and he can barely keep himself upright. He is in a forest and he walks further and further to the place where he knows the train will be in half an hour.
He stumbles a few times and he is shivering and his heart is racing and he feels alive for the first time in a while. He smiles bitterly, it’s ironic that he finally feels alive just because he knows he is about to die.
But the thought doesn’t stop him from walking further, because he is determined, he finally is.
When he arrives he feels relief wash over him as he stumbles along the railway. He keeps going on and he doesn’t really know why he could just stop where he is and wait for the train to come, but he has this feeling, so he walks on and walks on until he sees a tall, slim figure leaning against a rock next to the railway.
At first Taemin thinks it’s an angel, but then he looks into the boys face and he knows that, no. He is not.
***
“Are you sure?” Minho whispers, his voice hoarse and trembling, his hands gripping Taemin’s tightly. Taemin doesn’t really know when they linked hands, but he doesn’t really care at the moment because the only thing he can think about is his beating heart, the sounds of the train nearing and the thought of finally, after such a long time ending it.
Taemin nods and grips Minho’s hand even tighter. He can feel the other boy trembling and he knows that he is trembling too, but he doesn’t know if it’s because he is scared or because of the anticipation. He doesn’t care.
Minho nods too and then there comes the train, closer and closer and the lights are blinding them and they hear a faint blare, but they keep standing there, waiting and anticipating. Taemin squeezes Minho’s hand one last time, whispering goodbye -goodbye mom, goodbye dad, goodbye Kibum, goodbye school, goodbye nightmares, goodbye fear, goodbye world, goodbye Minho- and then everything disappears.
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note: the promt used is picture promt, though I wanted to use both prompts I kind of forgot to include the whole quote ^^
I apologize for grammar/spelling mistakes english is not my native language.