Better a perfect memory than a broken reality - Jongkey [Oneshot]

Jul 18, 2011 16:57


Better a perfect memory than a broken reality |  Jongkey,| nc-17 | 1300+ au, angst,  | unbeta-ed , swearing, mentioning of sex | promt used: picture

note: Witten for the 16th shawol_haven challenge.

Better a perfect memory than a broken reality



There is that feeling.

It’s like a bomb inside his body, ticking and just on the verge of exploding. It fills Kibum from head to toe, makes him suffocate, makes him feel hot inside, makes his insides melt into lava and his skin peel off. It’s like anger, but more. It’s a mix of emotions, so powerful that they destroy him, make him shake uncontrollably, make him cry in the inside and scream on the outside.

Hate. Betrayal. Sadness. Shock. Disappointment. Jealously. Hurt.

That’s all his mind can wrap around, all he can think of and all he sees. A black cloud of bitter emotions blurring his vision, making his head spin and his stomach turn.

He trips, sways and he can already feel his body falling to the ground, the wet, dirty ground, the ground that looks just like he feels, but there is an arm around his waist and it holds him up, steadies him.

Suddenly his senses return, the cloud dissolves and swivels around his body until it finds its place deep inside Kibum’s heart and he can see again, hear again and feel again.

And he sees blackness and he hears shouting, desperate and so, oh so false and he feels the rain and the coldness and pain.

He whips around, hands coming up to push the man holding him away.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” he hisses. It’s not there yet, the explosion, the burst, but it’s just about to come.

Kibum glares at Jonghyun, who is sitting on the ground, groaning and wiping his dirty hands on his coat. He turns around and walks away, through the dark alley, through the rain and the coldness, but he doesn’t care, all he cares about is the rage inside and the will to just get out. Out.

He hears Jonghyun running after him, calling his name, but Kibum ignores him, or tries to and walks faster and faster.

“Kibum, Kibum, Ki-“

“I do not want to ever hear my fucking name coming from your filthy mouth again.”

Kibum shrieks as he turns around, palm hitting against Jonghyun’s chest to prevent him from coming closer.

“Ki-“

And there it is, the explosion, the crash of all emotions, coming out as a heart-breaking cry and a slap, right into Jonghyun’s face.

Kibum blinks the tears away, is happy that it’s dark and raining, hates the lights, green and blue and bright around them and hopes Jonghyun doesn’t see.

“I told you to never let my name leave your lips again!” he says, his voice, so calm and hoarse, it surprises himself.

Jonghyun stares at him, all big puppy eyes and sharp jaw and so incredibly beautiful that it hurts. It hurts because Kibum knows that all that beauty is wasted on an asshole, evil, stupid fu-

“Please, just listen Ki-… just listen.” Jonghyun tries and his beautiful melodic voice is whiny and unsure and so extremely annoying. Kibum wants to slap him again, really, really wants to, but Jonghyun has currently both cheeks in his hands, rubbing them and pouting, big eyes looking accusingly at Kibum.

Kibum turns around, scoffs and turns around again, hands running through his hair and eyes flickering from Jonghyun, to the ground, to the right, to the left and to Jonghyun again.

“Listen?! What is there to listen about? HUH?!” he grabs Jonghyun by the collar of his dress-shirt, pulls him close, noses barely brushing and breath tingling and in that moment Kibum is happy that the alley is empty.

He sees Jonghyun’s eyes fluttering, his breath coming out in short puffs and his gaze lingering on Kibum’s lips.

“Oh my god!” Kibum screams, pushing Jonghyun away again.

“Is that all you can think about?! Is your stupid brain only filled with sex?! Is all I am, all I was?! A fuck?!”

This time Kibum’s can’t help his voice cracking and the tears falling down and he hiccups, facing the ground and hand shielding his eyes. And suddenly the cloud changes from a think black cloud to a dull grey cloud, filled with sadness, the anger subsiding and water filling the cracks. He doesn't want to feel like that, doesn't want to show it, not to Jonghyun.

“Kibu-“

“No, Jonghyun. Forget it. You are a fucking asshole do you know that?”

Kibum crouches down and hugs his legs, sniffing into his knees.

“What to you think I am? Who do you think you are? I was happy, I really was and then you go and destroy everything.” He whispers, he knows Jonghyun hears him, because he is kneeling right in front of him and when Kibum looks up, Jonghyun envelops him in a hug.

“I’m sorry, I really am. I wanted to tell you, really. But you were just so great and beautiful and one of the best things that have ever happened to me and I… I was just so scared and selfish and I just didn’t want to destroy what we had.” He whispers into Kibum’s ear, all sweet and caring and Kibum wants to smack and make love to him and hate him and be his forever.

Kibum stands up, takes Jonghyun’s hand and guides him into a smaller alley, completely dark and empty of any person.

He pushes against Jonghyun, chests sliding together and mouths just centimetres apart. He doesn’t say anything just presses in, lips sliding and tongues swirling and teeth biting and soon he is half naked, body cold from the outside and hot from the inside.

Jonghyun’s hands are roaming over his skin, his lips, sucking at his neck and his hips rocking against Kibum’s. He has Kibum pinned against the wall, hands fumbling with his zipper and he grunts as Kibum is mewling.

Normally Jonghyun would have made a comment like ‘I always wanted to do it in an alley’ and Kibum would have laughed and they would have light, happy sex, with fluttering hearts and grins on their faces. But this time it’s not like that, it’s heavy and deep and a show of their deepest emotions, of their love and need.

It’s painful, a sharp burn all the way from his asshole to his spine and it hurts like hell, but Kibum wants it that way, he doesn’t want the pleasure or the moans, no, all he wants is to feel Jonghyun inside him, feel connected, feel as if Jonghyun is his for a moment.

Jonghyun is pushing in and out of him, moaning quietly and Kibum clings onto him, nails leaving red marks on Jonghyun’s back. And as soon as it started it’s over and Jonghyun lets himself slump down to the ground, Kibum in his arms and chest heaving with pants.

Kibum thinks he looks beautiful like that, all sweaty and exhausted; hair messy and lips bruised. Kibum kisses him, slow and sensual, hums into the kiss and runs a hand through Jonghyun’s hair and then he stands up, flinching slightly because of the pain.

He pulls his pants up, pushes his shirt down and runs a hand through his hair. Jonghyun watches him, tongue playing with his lips and eyes half-lidded and Kibum wants to kiss him again.

He leans down, smirks at Jonghyun, takes his face in, every detail, every pore and then he pecks his lips.

“Greetings to your wife.” He says, grinning and stands up, trying his best to look sensual and in control like he always does as he walks away. He waves over his shoulder, ignoring Jonghyun’s protests and walking further away and then he runs, despite the pain and the sudden exhaustion he runs until he is sure Jonghyun won’t find him.

He breaks down, his frame shaking with sobs and cries, pleas leaving his mouth. He clutches his chest heaves out sobs, chokes them out.

There was that feeling.

And then there was an explosion.

And it left behind nothing but the bitter cold rain and a pool of sadness, drowning every last bit of Kibum’s fire. What is left behind is a broken heart and tears to fill the cracks and the knowledge that to Jonghyun he will remain the fiery, unbreakable and charismatic Kim Kibum. And that is enough.

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- I apologize for grammar/spelling mistakes english is not my native language.
Urg I hate this fic -_- but since I wrote it I posted it.
If you liked this fic please vote for me here Comments encourage so they are ♥

pairing: jonghyun / key, rating: nc-17

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