The Thing About Destiny
Title: The Thing About Destiny
Author: paracaerouvoar
Rating: PG
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: None
Summary: "The thing about destiny is you only need one..."
Warning: Lil' bit of swearing. What can I say? Dean has a potty mouth.
It was the beginning. Now, twenty seven years later, it would be the end.
The question plagued me. I lay awake at night, knowing that if push came to shove, I honestly couldn't answer.
I'd seen the future, seen what happens to me if I don't say yes, hell, what happens to Sammy if I don't say yes.
The thing about destiny is, you only need one. If I don't say yes, Sammy does. That's what Zachariah is trying to tell me. I'm telling myself that in the mornings when I look in the mirror and see Michael looking out at me.
He follows me around during the day, another me, a heavenly serenity on my face, out of place amongst the scars and marks covering my body, and the memories of hell lurking within. He watches me at night. It's not like I can sleep, how can I, with three letters hovering over me? Just three letters and the double the sheer batshit insanity that my life has become.
Vampires, werewolves, spirits, even demons, I could handle, but angels? That's just too damned close to heaven for my liking. And heaven? That place I just can't get my head around.
I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the idea that Dad might be up there, drinking with the angels. Maybe Mom's up there too. I dunno. It used to keep me up at night, wondering, but now I've realised, what good does it do? Whether I say yes or keep saying no, I won't get to the freakin' pearly gates if I try. I'll either end up an 'angel condom' until my mind is too fried to care where I go, or, when Lucifer finally wins, back to hell.
And if that doesn't just send fucking shudders down my spine. Hell. It's dominated my every thought, since being pulled back up by Cas. Every dream I have at night, if and when I finally get to sleep, every idle thought I have in daytime, is about that place.
I've said yes once before, I was so positive I never would again.
But one of us has to, and I would die for Sam. Hell, I have died for him.
Which brought me to where I was now.
It sounds melodramatic, but the wind was whipping up a storm, ruffling my hair, longer than usual. The apocalypse kinda takes precedent over good grooming. My eyes water as I watch the world go past without me. There was a world before me, and there will be a world after me.
I watch the world go past and say just one word, the syllable swallowed up by the gale.
But it's enough.
Today, on the second of November, 2010, I said 'Yes.'
Author: paracaerouvoar
Rating: PG
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: None
Summary: "The thing about destiny is you only need one..."
Warning: Lil' bit of swearing. What can I say? Dean has a potty mouth.
It was the beginning. Now, twenty seven years later, it would be the end.
The question plagued me. I lay awake at night, knowing that if push came to shove, I honestly couldn't answer.
I'd seen the future, seen what happens to me if I don't say yes, hell, what happens to Sammy if I don't say yes.
The thing about destiny is, you only need one. If I don't say yes, Sammy does. That's what Zachariah is trying to tell me. I'm telling myself that in the mornings when I look in the mirror and see Michael looking out at me.
He follows me around during the day, another me, a heavenly serenity on my face, out of place amongst the scars and marks covering my body, and the memories of hell lurking within. He watches me at night. It's not like I can sleep, how can I, with three letters hovering over me? Just three letters and the double the sheer batshit insanity that my life has become.
Vampires, werewolves, spirits, even demons, I could handle, but angels? That's just too damned close to heaven for my liking. And heaven? That place I just can't get my head around.
I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the idea that Dad might be up there, drinking with the angels. Maybe Mom's up there too. I dunno. It used to keep me up at night, wondering, but now I've realised, what good does it do? Whether I say yes or keep saying no, I won't get to the freakin' pearly gates if I try. I'll either end up an 'angel condom' until my mind is too fried to care where I go, or, when Lucifer finally wins, back to hell.
And if that doesn't just send fucking shudders down my spine. Hell. It's dominated my every thought, since being pulled back up by Cas. Every dream I have at night, if and when I finally get to sleep, every idle thought I have in daytime, is about that place.
I've said yes once before, I was so positive I never would again.
But one of us has to, and I would die for Sam. Hell, I have died for him.
Which brought me to where I was now.
It sounds melodramatic, but the wind was whipping up a storm, ruffling my hair, longer than usual. The apocalypse kinda takes precedent over good grooming. My eyes water as I watch the world go past without me. There was a world before me, and there will be a world after me.
I watch the world go past and say just one word, the syllable swallowed up by the gale.
But it's enough.
Today, on the second of November, 2010, I said 'Yes.'