(no subject)
Everyone, jump on Ma Bessie's fucking wagon here - kiddies, gather 'round, gather 'round.
OFFICIAL DEITY CITY GUIDE
VERY RELEVANT TO YOUR DAILY EXISTENCE
Q: So I'm in the City.
A: Good for you, do not pass Go, do not collect one hundred, GTFO.
Q: OH MY GOD IT'S A CONSPIRACY WHY AM I HERE WHY WHY WHY WHY?!
A: ...it's all owed to a slick combo of those God damned ugly socks you wore that day, you sick fuck, a sprinkle of gravitation distortion, and that one grudge from good ol' 1999 (Apocalypse favourite, hit with the cultists, no Academy award.) Oh, and some yadda-yadda-yadda about Fortune, the Great Plan, and unpaid bills.
Q: Shall I ever go home?!
A: Sweetheart, do you see Toto anywhere. Work with me here, you ain't goin' home til you find Toto. Incidentally, if yer name's Toto, expect a conveniently Plot Device Death.
Q: Er. I was kinda... dead?
A: Stooge, thank us. Do you know what them fellas do to corpses in morgues these days?! Honest, so help me, you just don't do that with the extra holes in a man's chest. It ain't right.
Q: So, can I pay you to-
A: SOLD.
Q: But my nemesis/long-lost brother/lover/father is here and I have run out of skills / dark pasts secrets to reveal / lube. WHAT DO I DO?
A: See, we deities must have awesomely common faces. People keep confusing us with fellas who give a fuck.
Q: I just died in this City - and I'm back alive - and - and - and - and -
A: - and hyphens are bad for yer bloody health, and yenno why? Cuz we gotta read through all your emo shit every damn day, and I'M GONNA GET YOU, YOU GOD DAMNED ELLIPSES ABUSERS, YOU AND YOUR FANCY DRAMA TOO. I'M GONNA GET YOU WITH A SPORK, YOU MONGRELS. Uch. So yeah. We're cool about these things. Um. Yeah...
Q: Who RUNS this place?!
A: Porn. The network is here for porn. And my personal trustfund. But mostly - porn.
Q: So what's up with the clock?
A: Dunno, man, more of a watch person, m'self.
Q: IS THE WORLD ENDING?
A: Do you want the cosmological, chemical, religious, philosophical, literary, financial or social reply to that? Have you looked at yerselves in the mirror o' late? From the plastic surgeon's point'a'view, the world HAS ended.
Q: So. Uch. What can I do here?
A: Murder, rape and plunder. Intro to Evil Overlord Procedural Thought. Duh.
Now honeys, I hope that helped ye, bless yer hearts, spit'em out, Uncle Paulie loves ye.
[ooc: ...he's so. Er. Helpful, I know. ._.]