sixth new york minute;
[Private]
[She hadn't meant to snoop, really. It's just that without all the monsters and the chaos keeping her survival instinct top-priority, she's fallen right back into all the grief and anger and regret. Keeping Feely around with her had helped before, but now it's just painful, and the part of her brain that speaks Emotion knows that it's unhealthy and unhelpful.
So she'd taken him to Barney's room, just to leave him there for when he got back. She hadn't meant to linger any longer than that, hadn't meant to snoop, but she'd found it anyway, the little bear and note he'd put together without telling her.
"Marshmallow The 2nd: To be used as a hug receptacle until the real deal arrives."
She's in her own room now with both bears in her lap and the journal set open next to her... and it all just pours out.]
Marshall-- [she swallows hard, pushing down a sob] I can't do this anymore, Marshall. I thought I could, but I just can't. Everything was fine before-- before all of this, and I just... I miss you so much, and....
[a spatter of tears hits the page before she can wipe them away. There's a long silence while she gets control of herself again.]
I want to go home. So you'll be there, and Ted, and Robin, and Barney... Barney can be okay. I just want to go so I can forget all of this.
I want to go home.
--------
[it's several hours before she's calmed herself down enough to say anything else, after trying to sleep and being inexplicably unable to. Her voice seems to be lacking its usual spark.]
If nothing like that ever happens again, it'll be too soon.