(no subject)
[friends]
Tomorrow, I'm going to be headed out to the outposts with Rin for at least a few days. If any of you think that building something is a better method of recovery than sitting around contemplating the walls, you're welcome to join us.
[/friends]
[Crowley]
Take as much time as you need, but when you feel up to company again, we are going to go get very drunk together.
[/Crowley]
[Reno]
Drinks tonight? I'll understand if you prefer to be antisocial.
[/Reno]
[some pen taps as he considers what he wants to say, and a nervous breath before he begins. Maybe he doesn't want to say it at all, but he feels it needs to be brought into the open. all of this is slowly and carefully written, because he doesn't trust his voice not to shake.]
Over a year ago now, the castle suffered a week of torments, that no one who lived through it - or died during it, for that matter - will ever be able to forget. Trapped indoors with undead monsters, assaulted by illusions and memories...and those residents who were forcibly driven mad as a part of the event.
I was among those it drove mad. ...I led them.
I'll never forget, either - the way it felt, how utterly right it seemed at the time. As the castle slowly implanted thoughts that weren't mine - and so few! So little influence it needed over me, such an insidious thing that even now, it's hard to understand what was the castle's doing, and what was my own justification for it at the time, or even now that I've woken from that madness. It drove me down paths I'd traveled before I arrived here, it opened up doors within my own psyche that I'd thought I had locked and barred for good - for everyone's good.
[pen taps, and he continues, handwriting wavering a little]
The influence was the castle's, but under that influence, it was myself that chose how to act upon it, how to carry out the impulses, how to justify them to myself. If I had been stronger, if I had even once thought to fight against what I believed was the truth...maybe fewer people would have had to die by my hand.
I remember everything we did. I'll never be able to forget.
[a pause, and then the handwriting grows steadier again]
...I'm not saying that all of the people who turned against us this week suffered from the same thing, although I think it's clear that at least some of them did. I'm not saying we should forgive them all and welcome them back with open arms - I'm not sure I'm ready to do so myself. All I ask is a little time to heal, to let tempers cool and sober judgment take hold, before we hunt them down...and consider that they may be suffering as much violation as we.
Tomorrow, I'm going to be headed out to the outposts with Rin for at least a few days. If any of you think that building something is a better method of recovery than sitting around contemplating the walls, you're welcome to join us.
[/friends]
[Crowley]
Take as much time as you need, but when you feel up to company again, we are going to go get very drunk together.
[/Crowley]
[Reno]
Drinks tonight? I'll understand if you prefer to be antisocial.
[/Reno]
[some pen taps as he considers what he wants to say, and a nervous breath before he begins. Maybe he doesn't want to say it at all, but he feels it needs to be brought into the open. all of this is slowly and carefully written, because he doesn't trust his voice not to shake.]
Over a year ago now, the castle suffered a week of torments, that no one who lived through it - or died during it, for that matter - will ever be able to forget. Trapped indoors with undead monsters, assaulted by illusions and memories...and those residents who were forcibly driven mad as a part of the event.
I was among those it drove mad. ...I led them.
I'll never forget, either - the way it felt, how utterly right it seemed at the time. As the castle slowly implanted thoughts that weren't mine - and so few! So little influence it needed over me, such an insidious thing that even now, it's hard to understand what was the castle's doing, and what was my own justification for it at the time, or even now that I've woken from that madness. It drove me down paths I'd traveled before I arrived here, it opened up doors within my own psyche that I'd thought I had locked and barred for good - for everyone's good.
[pen taps, and he continues, handwriting wavering a little]
The influence was the castle's, but under that influence, it was myself that chose how to act upon it, how to carry out the impulses, how to justify them to myself. If I had been stronger, if I had even once thought to fight against what I believed was the truth...maybe fewer people would have had to die by my hand.
I remember everything we did. I'll never be able to forget.
[a pause, and then the handwriting grows steadier again]
...I'm not saying that all of the people who turned against us this week suffered from the same thing, although I think it's clear that at least some of them did. I'm not saying we should forgive them all and welcome them back with open arms - I'm not sure I'm ready to do so myself. All I ask is a little time to heal, to let tempers cool and sober judgment take hold, before we hunt them down...and consider that they may be suffering as much violation as we.