(no subject)
[there's a contemplative hum, and then a few pen taps before Abel's handwriting begins over the page...]
Tres & Caterina
Tres opened the door in a manly fashion. It banged against the wall, echoing - manly-like - before he set his eyes on his wife and master, Caterina. She arches a brow at his manliness, inwardly squeeing like a 5 year old on pixie sticks, before getting up and walking over to him and laying her hands on his manly chest of manliness.
"Duchess," he said. "I have returned from slaying the centaur. Victory was recorded in 2.4 seconds. I looked at it, and it exploded from my sheer manliness."
Caterina tried not to faint from the waves of awesome.
"Good job, Gunslinger." She laid a finger across his lips. "No need to speak further. Come, and take your prize."
Her clothes fell to the floor as Tres' flexed, because they just exploded.
Then Tres proved why he is the most manly man to ever man in Paradisa.
----
Faith & Reno
Out in the flower fields of Paradisa, amongst the fragrant fragrance of brilliant color that painted the expanse of grass with a beautiful palate of.... beauty, was one Faith, and one Reno. Reno's hair sparkled in the sunlight like rubies, Faith couldn't help but notice with a contented sigh. Reno heard her and looked over to his smokin' hawt wifey wife, smiling roguishly. How had he bagged her? No man truly knew. And perhaps no man ever would.
"What are you thinking?" He asked.
"'Bout how I wanna chain you up do something special."
"Special?"
"Yup. Y'know how Daddy keeps sayin' we should give the old man grandkids..."
Reno gave a girlish gasp of delight. He'd secretly wanted to listen to Abel for years!! YEARS!! How had she known?!
Faith just smiled at her wife... husband... ........wife and nodded in a sagely manner. "Time's a-wastin', sugarbutt."
And then the scene faded to black because even I have moral standards.
-----
Bern & Lambda
"Oh Beee~eeern!"
Lamby's sweet, sing-song voice called out across the room. Bern looked up from the ball of yarn she'd been playing with, blinking at her adorable if slightly creepy yet somehow still adorable as earlier stated, friend.
"Yes, Lamby-pants?"
"I have something to a~sk yo~u!"
Lamby-pants walked over and tapped Bern on the nose; she scrunched it (adorably) and tilted her head. "What is it?"
She abruptly produced a spoon from nowhere because she's sort of creepy (but still adorable) and shoved it in Bern's mouth. It had cheesecake on it. Bern made a face before realizing what it was; she purred then rolled onto her back and pawed the air (adorably).
"See? I knew you'd like it."
"Only because Father Abel has good tastes."
"I know! That man is a genius! Now let's cuddle and watch movies about adorable but creepy witches with cat ears who scare the living daylights out of hapless priests yet somehow end up making dessert dates with them, anyway."
"Only if you continue to feed me cheesecake. ...And rub my stomach."
"HO HO HO HO! I, LAMBY-PANTS, THE WITCH OF CERTAINTY, SAY IT WILL BE SO!"
And so they did.
-----
Tres, Dojima, Nanako
"Daddy! Help meeee!"
The cries came from the burning building in town; a little girl was tragically trapped inside and no one could possibly save her! Dear Lord! Is there no man manly enough to rescue her despite these overwhelming odds?!
HARKEN.
FOR TWO MANLY MEN HAVE ANSWERED THE CALL. ...FOR MANLY MEN.
No one saw them enter... but EVERYONE SAW THEM LEAVE, EXPLODING out of the side of the building and dropping four stories before landing - unharmed - upon the ground like those robots in that one super scary movie about... robots. Or something. Do you know the one I'm talking about? With the red eye? And the big buff guy? I think he had an accent. And that catchphrase of-- wait wait I'm getting off topic.
Holding Nanako tightly to his shoulder, Dojima frowned in a super intimidating and fatherly fashion as Tres holstered his guns. Both of them had a few rips in their shirts to expose their manly, rippling abs but neither of them were damaged from the flames or the fall. The townspeople began crying and clapping at this impossible demonstration of sheer manliness as they walked away from the building and into the streets back towards the castle.
The flames EXPLODED behind them--
And neither of them.
Looked.
Back.
-----
Wisely & no one ever
"Won't you please go out with me?" Wisely's pathetic plea came seconds before he was tossed back into the fountain, splashing water all over some poor unsuspecting passer-by's dress.
"No!! Stop asking me out, you creep!" Another woman flounced off as the now-wet townsperson glowered at him with her soaking dress. Her husband - who was super manly in comparison to Wisely, yet this is no indicator of his true manliness, as ANYONE is manly in comparison to Wisely - proceeded to drag him out of the fountain. Only to punch him in the face, and land him squarely in the water again.
"Loser!! Stay away from my girl!"
"I'm sorry!! If only I were half as cool and handsome as Father Abel... chicks from everywhere would flock to me... what should I do?"
He lamented his pathetic patheticness in patheticnessocity. Clearly he wouldn't be remedying this problem, as the failure stemmed from an innate failure to be awesome. If only Tres' cool would rub off on him.
Alas. Tres' cool is too cool to rub off on someone as uncool as Wisely.
Thus, he lives out the rest of his poor, pathetic, uncool life alone, uncool, and pathetic. And King Arthur hates him.
The end.
-----
Elektra & Matt
Elektra stared meaningfully into Matt's eyes as he touched her cheek. He stared back. Elektra knew he could see her, even if his eyes were blind. Because they're soulmates and soulmates can do that sort of thing. No, really, they can. Have you ever tried? What? You're not blind? You haven't found your soulmate? THEN YOU CAN'T DISPROVE IT.
"I love you, Elektra," he said.
"I love you too, Matt," she said in return, smiling in that cute way that makes her eyes crinkle that she'd kill you for mentioning you notice.
Matt takes her hand, running his fingers over her knuckles that have beaten the ever-loving crap out of innocent priests one too many times before. And would again. "...There's something I've been meaning to ask you."
"What is it?"
Matt slid down to one knee, taking a deep breath. Elektra gasped like a girl (IT'S POSSIBLE) and touched a hand to her mouth. "What... are you... doing, Matt?"
Matt produced a ring box from his coat. "Father Abel opened my eyes, Elektra-pie. Honey bunches of cuteness... will you marry me?"
The ringbox opened, and the bestest most awesome ring that even Tres' manliness couldn't explode was sitting inside. She gasped like a girl (IT IS POSSIBLE) again, touching it before her eyes began to mist.
"Of course I'll marry you. How else can we give Abel forty thousand nieces and nephews?"
"Clearly we should get to work."
"Yes. Let's race Faithykins and Reno."
"Yes, let's."
And then this faded to black too because I am already a dead man.
----
Crowley & Castiel
It was a bright, sunny, beautiful morning in which one (1) Mr. Serpent has engaged in a ritualistic game of catch with the orphans of Paradisa in town. Such a generous soul, that Serpent. So generous, in fact, he donated his entire life savings to the local church in order to fund a program that will teach them life skills like "how to slither under couches" and "how to tempt women with apples."
Castiel is watching from afar with a hazy and fond look in his eyes. Crowley... a true man after his own heart. He never would've thought it would be the Serpent of Eden who'd win his hard-earned affections, but who is he to deny true love? When Crowley looked at him, he could see all the devotion in the world in those slightly creepy serpentine eyes. Yes. It's like destiny or something equally poetic and romantic.
"You're a good man, Crowley," Castiel says, laying a hand on the snake's shoulder as he gives an ice cream cone to an adorable girl with a hug.
Crowley smiles warmly back. "I know. I love you, Castiel. More than the moon loves the sun. If the moon loves the sun. If it doesn't, then I love you way more than that."
"Aww. You're so sweet..."
"Do you want to hug?"
"I'd love to hug." And then they hugged. Forever. And Crowley fed ice cream to babies and hugged toddlers and gave cute little kittens lots of pettings until they purred and his supposedly cold, dead heart beat again and it was beautiful.
The end.
[...it isn't until these last words are written that a chair creak is heard as he leans back, stretching and cracking his knuckles with a satisfied hum. this is some GOOD MATERIAL. a GOOD DAY'S WORK.
and then a pause...
...a longer pause...
and a horrified choked squawk.]
W-wait. Did I--
[a thump, and some rustling. then more rustling. another choked noise of SHOCK AND HORROR]
This--
THIS IS THE WRONG NOTEBOOK?!?!
[ooc: idek....... Abel will be hiding in the church if you need him LMFAO]
Tres & Caterina
Tres opened the door in a manly fashion. It banged against the wall, echoing - manly-like - before he set his eyes on his wife and master, Caterina. She arches a brow at his manliness, inwardly squeeing like a 5 year old on pixie sticks, before getting up and walking over to him and laying her hands on his manly chest of manliness.
"Duchess," he said. "I have returned from slaying the centaur. Victory was recorded in 2.4 seconds. I looked at it, and it exploded from my sheer manliness."
Caterina tried not to faint from the waves of awesome.
"Good job, Gunslinger." She laid a finger across his lips. "No need to speak further. Come, and take your prize."
Her clothes fell to the floor as Tres' flexed, because they just exploded.
Then Tres proved why he is the most manly man to ever man in Paradisa.
----
Faith & Reno
Out in the flower fields of Paradisa, amongst the fragrant fragrance of brilliant color that painted the expanse of grass with a beautiful palate of.... beauty, was one Faith, and one Reno. Reno's hair sparkled in the sunlight like rubies, Faith couldn't help but notice with a contented sigh. Reno heard her and looked over to his smokin' hawt wifey wife, smiling roguishly. How had he bagged her? No man truly knew. And perhaps no man ever would.
"What are you thinking?" He asked.
"'Bout how I wanna chain you up do something special."
"Special?"
"Yup. Y'know how Daddy keeps sayin' we should give the old man grandkids..."
Reno gave a girlish gasp of delight. He'd secretly wanted to listen to Abel for years!! YEARS!! How had she known?!
Faith just smiled at her wife... husband... ........wife and nodded in a sagely manner. "Time's a-wastin', sugarbutt."
And then the scene faded to black because even I have moral standards.
-----
Bern & Lambda
"Oh Beee~eeern!"
Lamby's sweet, sing-song voice called out across the room. Bern looked up from the ball of yarn she'd been playing with, blinking at her adorable if slightly creepy yet somehow still adorable as earlier stated, friend.
"Yes, Lamby-pants?"
"I have something to a~sk yo~u!"
Lamby-pants walked over and tapped Bern on the nose; she scrunched it (adorably) and tilted her head. "What is it?"
She abruptly produced a spoon from nowhere because she's sort of creepy (but still adorable) and shoved it in Bern's mouth. It had cheesecake on it. Bern made a face before realizing what it was; she purred then rolled onto her back and pawed the air (adorably).
"See? I knew you'd like it."
"Only because Father Abel has good tastes."
"I know! That man is a genius! Now let's cuddle and watch movies about adorable but creepy witches with cat ears who scare the living daylights out of hapless priests yet somehow end up making dessert dates with them, anyway."
"Only if you continue to feed me cheesecake. ...And rub my stomach."
"HO HO HO HO! I, LAMBY-PANTS, THE WITCH OF CERTAINTY, SAY IT WILL BE SO!"
And so they did.
-----
Tres, Dojima, Nanako
"Daddy! Help meeee!"
The cries came from the burning building in town; a little girl was tragically trapped inside and no one could possibly save her! Dear Lord! Is there no man manly enough to rescue her despite these overwhelming odds?!
HARKEN.
FOR TWO MANLY MEN HAVE ANSWERED THE CALL. ...FOR MANLY MEN.
No one saw them enter... but EVERYONE SAW THEM LEAVE, EXPLODING out of the side of the building and dropping four stories before landing - unharmed - upon the ground like those robots in that one super scary movie about... robots. Or something. Do you know the one I'm talking about? With the red eye? And the big buff guy? I think he had an accent. And that catchphrase of-- wait wait I'm getting off topic.
Holding Nanako tightly to his shoulder, Dojima frowned in a super intimidating and fatherly fashion as Tres holstered his guns. Both of them had a few rips in their shirts to expose their manly, rippling abs but neither of them were damaged from the flames or the fall. The townspeople began crying and clapping at this impossible demonstration of sheer manliness as they walked away from the building and into the streets back towards the castle.
The flames EXPLODED behind them--
And neither of them.
Looked.
Back.
-----
Wisely & no one ever
"Won't you please go out with me?" Wisely's pathetic plea came seconds before he was tossed back into the fountain, splashing water all over some poor unsuspecting passer-by's dress.
"No!! Stop asking me out, you creep!" Another woman flounced off as the now-wet townsperson glowered at him with her soaking dress. Her husband - who was super manly in comparison to Wisely, yet this is no indicator of his true manliness, as ANYONE is manly in comparison to Wisely - proceeded to drag him out of the fountain. Only to punch him in the face, and land him squarely in the water again.
"Loser!! Stay away from my girl!"
"I'm sorry!! If only I were half as cool and handsome as Father Abel... chicks from everywhere would flock to me... what should I do?"
He lamented his pathetic patheticness in patheticnessocity. Clearly he wouldn't be remedying this problem, as the failure stemmed from an innate failure to be awesome. If only Tres' cool would rub off on him.
Alas. Tres' cool is too cool to rub off on someone as uncool as Wisely.
Thus, he lives out the rest of his poor, pathetic, uncool life alone, uncool, and pathetic. And King Arthur hates him.
The end.
-----
Elektra & Matt
Elektra stared meaningfully into Matt's eyes as he touched her cheek. He stared back. Elektra knew he could see her, even if his eyes were blind. Because they're soulmates and soulmates can do that sort of thing. No, really, they can. Have you ever tried? What? You're not blind? You haven't found your soulmate? THEN YOU CAN'T DISPROVE IT.
"I love you, Elektra," he said.
"I love you too, Matt," she said in return, smiling in that cute way that makes her eyes crinkle that she'd kill you for mentioning you notice.
Matt takes her hand, running his fingers over her knuckles that have beaten the ever-loving crap out of innocent priests one too many times before. And would again. "...There's something I've been meaning to ask you."
"What is it?"
Matt slid down to one knee, taking a deep breath. Elektra gasped like a girl (IT'S POSSIBLE) and touched a hand to her mouth. "What... are you... doing, Matt?"
Matt produced a ring box from his coat. "Father Abel opened my eyes, Elektra-pie. Honey bunches of cuteness... will you marry me?"
The ringbox opened, and the bestest most awesome ring that even Tres' manliness couldn't explode was sitting inside. She gasped like a girl (IT IS POSSIBLE) again, touching it before her eyes began to mist.
"Of course I'll marry you. How else can we give Abel forty thousand nieces and nephews?"
"Clearly we should get to work."
"Yes. Let's race Faithykins and Reno."
"Yes, let's."
And then this faded to black too because I am already a dead man.
----
Crowley & Castiel
It was a bright, sunny, beautiful morning in which one (1) Mr. Serpent has engaged in a ritualistic game of catch with the orphans of Paradisa in town. Such a generous soul, that Serpent. So generous, in fact, he donated his entire life savings to the local church in order to fund a program that will teach them life skills like "how to slither under couches" and "how to tempt women with apples."
Castiel is watching from afar with a hazy and fond look in his eyes. Crowley... a true man after his own heart. He never would've thought it would be the Serpent of Eden who'd win his hard-earned affections, but who is he to deny true love? When Crowley looked at him, he could see all the devotion in the world in those slightly creepy serpentine eyes. Yes. It's like destiny or something equally poetic and romantic.
"You're a good man, Crowley," Castiel says, laying a hand on the snake's shoulder as he gives an ice cream cone to an adorable girl with a hug.
Crowley smiles warmly back. "I know. I love you, Castiel. More than the moon loves the sun. If the moon loves the sun. If it doesn't, then I love you way more than that."
"Aww. You're so sweet..."
"Do you want to hug?"
"I'd love to hug." And then they hugged. Forever. And Crowley fed ice cream to babies and hugged toddlers and gave cute little kittens lots of pettings until they purred and his supposedly cold, dead heart beat again and it was beautiful.
The end.
[...it isn't until these last words are written that a chair creak is heard as he leans back, stretching and cracking his knuckles with a satisfied hum. this is some GOOD MATERIAL. a GOOD DAY'S WORK.
and then a pause...
...a longer pause...
and a horrified choked squawk.]
W-wait. Did I--
[a thump, and some rustling. then more rustling. another choked noise of SHOCK AND HORROR]
This--
THIS IS THE WRONG NOTEBOOK?!?!
[ooc: idek....... Abel will be hiding in the church if you need him LMFAO]