(no subject)
Who: Jo Harvelle and Dr. Lance Sweets
What: Therapy
When: Tuesday the 8th early Afternoon.
Where: Dr. Sweets' office in town.
Rating: Just some language.
Jo: [had called Harmony and moved her appointment up. She'd knocked herself down to one visit every few weeks, but once Sam came back she knew she had to talk to someone and the rest of the castle -- just didn't feel like the right group to lay this onto. The call was quick and she was slotted in easily. Of course, once she got to the office and onto the couch, she was unsure of where to start.] I should've come earlier. I mean, I know that. I just -- didn't.
Sweets: [settles in across from her, shakes his head] You need to come when you're ready. There's no right or wrong times for things like this, especially when you're grieving.
Jo: [exhales, a soft smirk] Grieving. You make it sound like it's supposed to go the normal way. Like any of this is normal.
Sweets: [small smirk back] Grieving doesn't just apply to death. It applies to any loss.
Jo: [sighs] I know, but I had enough to grieve when I showed up. Hell, I had to handle my own death and that wasn't exactly the easiest thing.
Sweets: No, it wasn't. Losing someone else on top of that can be difficult.
Jo: [nods, picking at a spot on her jeans] Sam was hurt. He wasn't supposed to get himself killed on top of that.
Sweets: Do you blame him? For dying?
Jo: [shrugs] Not really. I mean, it wasn't like he went out looking for her again. He was asleep.
Sweets: But you're angry.
Jo: [glances up at him, her brow furrowed] Shouldn't I be? I asked for help. I asked people if they'd seen him and no one could figure it out. Then he dies and a castle full of heroes - full of fucking powered up people that tell me to lay off and hang back. They'll handle it, except they don't because the castle won't let 'em. So he dies. He dies and it's the kind of death that no one wants me to even see him. [her mouth goes into a thin line, pausing for a moment] But it's fine. It's alright - cause in two weeks, Hell, he'll be back and I can just go on like it was nothing.
Sweets: But it's not nothing. It's death.
Jo: It's not nothing at all and two weeks isn't even hardly enough time for me to sort through it.... but he's back. He's back and I can't even figure out if I want to see him.
Sweets: Does he want to see you?
Jo: [leans forward, resting her elbows to her knees] I think so. He filtered to me, but I didn't ... I didn't reply.
Sweets: [nods] Why aren't you ready to see him? What are you worried about?
Jo: [exhales, keeping her head in her hands even as she tips her head to the side to glance to him] I'm still angry and I don't want to be angry at him... but I don't have anywhere else to put it.
Sweets: [nods for a minute, before holding up his hands] Put it here. I'm the person you're angry at. Vent your frustration with me.
Jo: [smirks, shaking her head] It's not that simple.
Sweets: No, but it might help a little.
Jo: [exhales, her jaw still set as she tries to figure it out] People'v died here before. I know that, I've read about it and I've even been around for some of it. Somehow this time it all got treated differently and I was supposed to just play along. Just go with what someone else wanted.
Then I do one thing, I make one choice because that bullshit flower candle crap was just reminding me every time I went outside that it was some big deal. The guy claims he wants people to have a reaction - so I reacted and I get yelled at and told I'm the one that's being in the wrong. Then it just goes on. I avoided the journal, which was good, but I went back - I read how he just took this and made it some personal pet project to educate the castle on their rights. Like it's his job, but he's hardly an adult. He's just a fucked up kid that thinks he knows better. So I can't take it out on him, he's just trying to be that guy that is trying to make his mark.
Sweets: He wasn't fair to you. To anyone for that matter. You're not wrong for being angry.
Jo: [chews on her lip for a moment] I shouldn't be angry at him though, he's a kid. He wasn't trying to piss me off - Hell - he didn't even know me.
Sweets: Kid or not, he was trying to tell you how you should handle losing your relationship with someone he didn't even know. And he was angry at you for doing exactly what he wanted you to do. [a pause] What I'm trying to say is ... you bottle so much, Jo. You rationalize away the way you feel and try to push it aside, and that's really not healthy. I admire you not making a bad situation worse, but you can't deny that you really wanted to rip that kid a new one for the way he was treating not only you, but Sam's memory.
Jo: [takes a deep breath, that tickle of emotion coming to her nose, making her think that if she didn't swallow harder she'd end up crying, so she exhales through her mouth, slowly] I don't know what I want to do anymore. Every time I think I'm gonna be fine, this place just kicks my ass for thinking it'd be alright to stay. [sighs] I feel like... like being angry'll just make things worse.
Sweets: Or being angry will make you feel less like you're walking on eggshells.
Jo: [glances to him] I am angry though... I just don't do anything with it.
Sweets: So do something with it! You justify everyone else's feelings, but what about your own?
Jo: [swallows, that thickness coming back in her throat] What if I'm angry at myself? How am I supposed to fix that?
Sweets: Why are you angry with you?
Jo: Because I couldn't find him? Because I let him get taken while I just slept? Because instead of doing something I just... leave?
Sweets: Those are all very natural feelings to have.
Jo: I moved out of the castle, I couldn't even take care of his dogs. I couldn't even reply when all he said was that he was sorry. What kind of girlfriend can't even let him apologize?
Sweets: A natural part of grieving is pushing away the reminders of that person. And as for Sam's apology -- you can't accept it if you're not prepared for it.
Jo: The castle turned Lois into Isis... it let her block everyone from finding her and then when people died it gave me a time limit. It wants me to be thankful it's only two weeks, it wants me to be okay with it already.
Sweets: It's okay if you're not.
Jo: Am I the only one that's not ready? Everyone else is talking to him and having some celebration that it's all over.. but it's hardly been any time at all.
Sweets: People grieve at different speeds. No one expects you to be okay overnight just because Sam's back. In fact, I would be surprised if you were.
Jo: What am I supposed to do until then? Avoid him? It's not his fault.
Sweets: Just tell him you need some space. I don't think he'll fault you for that.
Jo: [nods, tugging her hair back] I missed him, but I'm not ready for him to be back... [there's a short laugh] How fucking normal is that? To miss someone and wish they weren't around all at the same time.
Sweets: [smirks] I think that this place? Doesn't exactly have a standard for normal.
Jo: [takes a breath] This place makes my stomach hurt sometimes.
Sweets: I feel like that's the aim of the game sometimes.
Jo: [nods] I should talk to Sam, you think?
Sweets: I do. I think that would help.
Jo: [nods, exhaling, a soft smirk there] He'd take a hit better than you anyway.
Sweets: [laughs] I'm getting better at it.
Jo: [eyebrow raise] Oh?
Sweets: Well ... I'm still not a fighter, but I've been working out.
Jo: [pardon her while she laughs a bit] Well, if you want to actually learn anything, you can always ask.
Sweets: Really?
Jo: [smiles] Yeah, of course. Hell, it might help with my anger if I had something to hit once in a while.
Sweets: [chuckles] Okay. I'll take you up on that sometime.
Jo: Good. [a beat] I'm glad I can talk to you.
Sweets: I'm glad you feel like you can talk to me.
Jo: [shrugs] It's not exactly common practice for hunters, but the only other people that'll actually understand - they've got enough of their own troubles, they don't need mine too.
Sweets: I'm glad I can help.
Jo: [nods] You do. I mean, I might not be screaming out all the frustration... but I know that I've got to work at it.
Sweets: [nods]
Jo: I'm just too tired to push.
Sweets: I understand.
Jo: What if the space I need... never ends up getting closed?
Sweets: Then maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Jo: [she draws her bottom lip in, nodding a bit, that sting of sadness hitting her again] Yeah...
Sweets: [small smile] But I wouldn't cut yourself off yet. Talk to Sam first.
Jo: [exhales] Yeah, no, I will.
Sweets: Just ... try to keep an open mind about this. Don't let yourself close off any more than you have to.
Jo: [there's a soft laugh] Yeah, well, I can't make any promises.
Sweets: All I ask is that an effort is made.
Jo: Well, I'll try.
Sweets: Good.
Jo: Can I change our schedule? I know I'd cut back... but I'd like to go back to at least once a week. If that's alright.
Sweets: [nods] I'll let Harmony know.
Jo: [nods] Thanks.
Sweets: No problem.
Jo: [hesitates for a bit] Any last minute advice?
Sweets: Be honest. And don't hold back because you're worried about him.
Jo: [smiles] Well, that was more insightful than I'd expected.
Sweets: I find advice helps when it's specific.
Jo: [laughs] Yeah, it tends to be.
Sweets: [smiles back] Good luck.
Jo: [exhales slowly] Thanks.
Sweets: [nods]
Jo: [stands up, rubbing her hands against her jeans] I'll see you next week, then.
Sweets: [gets up to walk her out] See you next week.
Jo: [nods and moves toward the door, heading to leave - she's not sure if she'll head back to her apartment just yet, but she will at the very least try to talk to Sam]
What: Therapy
When: Tuesday the 8th early Afternoon.
Where: Dr. Sweets' office in town.
Rating: Just some language.
Jo: [had called Harmony and moved her appointment up. She'd knocked herself down to one visit every few weeks, but once Sam came back she knew she had to talk to someone and the rest of the castle -- just didn't feel like the right group to lay this onto. The call was quick and she was slotted in easily. Of course, once she got to the office and onto the couch, she was unsure of where to start.] I should've come earlier. I mean, I know that. I just -- didn't.
Sweets: [settles in across from her, shakes his head] You need to come when you're ready. There's no right or wrong times for things like this, especially when you're grieving.
Jo: [exhales, a soft smirk] Grieving. You make it sound like it's supposed to go the normal way. Like any of this is normal.
Sweets: [small smirk back] Grieving doesn't just apply to death. It applies to any loss.
Jo: [sighs] I know, but I had enough to grieve when I showed up. Hell, I had to handle my own death and that wasn't exactly the easiest thing.
Sweets: No, it wasn't. Losing someone else on top of that can be difficult.
Jo: [nods, picking at a spot on her jeans] Sam was hurt. He wasn't supposed to get himself killed on top of that.
Sweets: Do you blame him? For dying?
Jo: [shrugs] Not really. I mean, it wasn't like he went out looking for her again. He was asleep.
Sweets: But you're angry.
Jo: [glances up at him, her brow furrowed] Shouldn't I be? I asked for help. I asked people if they'd seen him and no one could figure it out. Then he dies and a castle full of heroes - full of fucking powered up people that tell me to lay off and hang back. They'll handle it, except they don't because the castle won't let 'em. So he dies. He dies and it's the kind of death that no one wants me to even see him. [her mouth goes into a thin line, pausing for a moment] But it's fine. It's alright - cause in two weeks, Hell, he'll be back and I can just go on like it was nothing.
Sweets: But it's not nothing. It's death.
Jo: It's not nothing at all and two weeks isn't even hardly enough time for me to sort through it.... but he's back. He's back and I can't even figure out if I want to see him.
Sweets: Does he want to see you?
Jo: [leans forward, resting her elbows to her knees] I think so. He filtered to me, but I didn't ... I didn't reply.
Sweets: [nods] Why aren't you ready to see him? What are you worried about?
Jo: [exhales, keeping her head in her hands even as she tips her head to the side to glance to him] I'm still angry and I don't want to be angry at him... but I don't have anywhere else to put it.
Sweets: [nods for a minute, before holding up his hands] Put it here. I'm the person you're angry at. Vent your frustration with me.
Jo: [smirks, shaking her head] It's not that simple.
Sweets: No, but it might help a little.
Jo: [exhales, her jaw still set as she tries to figure it out] People'v died here before. I know that, I've read about it and I've even been around for some of it. Somehow this time it all got treated differently and I was supposed to just play along. Just go with what someone else wanted.
Then I do one thing, I make one choice because that bullshit flower candle crap was just reminding me every time I went outside that it was some big deal. The guy claims he wants people to have a reaction - so I reacted and I get yelled at and told I'm the one that's being in the wrong. Then it just goes on. I avoided the journal, which was good, but I went back - I read how he just took this and made it some personal pet project to educate the castle on their rights. Like it's his job, but he's hardly an adult. He's just a fucked up kid that thinks he knows better. So I can't take it out on him, he's just trying to be that guy that is trying to make his mark.
Sweets: He wasn't fair to you. To anyone for that matter. You're not wrong for being angry.
Jo: [chews on her lip for a moment] I shouldn't be angry at him though, he's a kid. He wasn't trying to piss me off - Hell - he didn't even know me.
Sweets: Kid or not, he was trying to tell you how you should handle losing your relationship with someone he didn't even know. And he was angry at you for doing exactly what he wanted you to do. [a pause] What I'm trying to say is ... you bottle so much, Jo. You rationalize away the way you feel and try to push it aside, and that's really not healthy. I admire you not making a bad situation worse, but you can't deny that you really wanted to rip that kid a new one for the way he was treating not only you, but Sam's memory.
Jo: [takes a deep breath, that tickle of emotion coming to her nose, making her think that if she didn't swallow harder she'd end up crying, so she exhales through her mouth, slowly] I don't know what I want to do anymore. Every time I think I'm gonna be fine, this place just kicks my ass for thinking it'd be alright to stay. [sighs] I feel like... like being angry'll just make things worse.
Sweets: Or being angry will make you feel less like you're walking on eggshells.
Jo: [glances to him] I am angry though... I just don't do anything with it.
Sweets: So do something with it! You justify everyone else's feelings, but what about your own?
Jo: [swallows, that thickness coming back in her throat] What if I'm angry at myself? How am I supposed to fix that?
Sweets: Why are you angry with you?
Jo: Because I couldn't find him? Because I let him get taken while I just slept? Because instead of doing something I just... leave?
Sweets: Those are all very natural feelings to have.
Jo: I moved out of the castle, I couldn't even take care of his dogs. I couldn't even reply when all he said was that he was sorry. What kind of girlfriend can't even let him apologize?
Sweets: A natural part of grieving is pushing away the reminders of that person. And as for Sam's apology -- you can't accept it if you're not prepared for it.
Jo: The castle turned Lois into Isis... it let her block everyone from finding her and then when people died it gave me a time limit. It wants me to be thankful it's only two weeks, it wants me to be okay with it already.
Sweets: It's okay if you're not.
Jo: Am I the only one that's not ready? Everyone else is talking to him and having some celebration that it's all over.. but it's hardly been any time at all.
Sweets: People grieve at different speeds. No one expects you to be okay overnight just because Sam's back. In fact, I would be surprised if you were.
Jo: What am I supposed to do until then? Avoid him? It's not his fault.
Sweets: Just tell him you need some space. I don't think he'll fault you for that.
Jo: [nods, tugging her hair back] I missed him, but I'm not ready for him to be back... [there's a short laugh] How fucking normal is that? To miss someone and wish they weren't around all at the same time.
Sweets: [smirks] I think that this place? Doesn't exactly have a standard for normal.
Jo: [takes a breath] This place makes my stomach hurt sometimes.
Sweets: I feel like that's the aim of the game sometimes.
Jo: [nods] I should talk to Sam, you think?
Sweets: I do. I think that would help.
Jo: [nods, exhaling, a soft smirk there] He'd take a hit better than you anyway.
Sweets: [laughs] I'm getting better at it.
Jo: [eyebrow raise] Oh?
Sweets: Well ... I'm still not a fighter, but I've been working out.
Jo: [pardon her while she laughs a bit] Well, if you want to actually learn anything, you can always ask.
Sweets: Really?
Jo: [smiles] Yeah, of course. Hell, it might help with my anger if I had something to hit once in a while.
Sweets: [chuckles] Okay. I'll take you up on that sometime.
Jo: Good. [a beat] I'm glad I can talk to you.
Sweets: I'm glad you feel like you can talk to me.
Jo: [shrugs] It's not exactly common practice for hunters, but the only other people that'll actually understand - they've got enough of their own troubles, they don't need mine too.
Sweets: I'm glad I can help.
Jo: [nods] You do. I mean, I might not be screaming out all the frustration... but I know that I've got to work at it.
Sweets: [nods]
Jo: I'm just too tired to push.
Sweets: I understand.
Jo: What if the space I need... never ends up getting closed?
Sweets: Then maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Jo: [she draws her bottom lip in, nodding a bit, that sting of sadness hitting her again] Yeah...
Sweets: [small smile] But I wouldn't cut yourself off yet. Talk to Sam first.
Jo: [exhales] Yeah, no, I will.
Sweets: Just ... try to keep an open mind about this. Don't let yourself close off any more than you have to.
Jo: [there's a soft laugh] Yeah, well, I can't make any promises.
Sweets: All I ask is that an effort is made.
Jo: Well, I'll try.
Sweets: Good.
Jo: Can I change our schedule? I know I'd cut back... but I'd like to go back to at least once a week. If that's alright.
Sweets: [nods] I'll let Harmony know.
Jo: [nods] Thanks.
Sweets: No problem.
Jo: [hesitates for a bit] Any last minute advice?
Sweets: Be honest. And don't hold back because you're worried about him.
Jo: [smiles] Well, that was more insightful than I'd expected.
Sweets: I find advice helps when it's specific.
Jo: [laughs] Yeah, it tends to be.
Sweets: [smiles back] Good luck.
Jo: [exhales slowly] Thanks.
Sweets: [nods]
Jo: [stands up, rubbing her hands against her jeans] I'll see you next week, then.
Sweets: [gets up to walk her out] See you next week.
Jo: [nods and moves toward the door, heading to leave - she's not sure if she'll head back to her apartment just yet, but she will at the very least try to talk to Sam]