[Fic] One Big Happy...
They'd tried finding ways around it. Really, they had. A necromancer and a life-sucking ghoul might've been a match made in... somewhere, but it sure as hell wasn't Chicago. Granted, Schrödinger wasn't at all disturbed by Raziel's appearance, so that was always a good sign...
But it didn't mean they had to be the very bestest of friends, either. Raziel wasn't interested in sex, Schro wasn't interested in being bosom companions, and Schrödinger's insistence on magically prodding at the very essence of Raziel's being in order to find out how, exactly, he functioned...
Well, that very nearly brought things to a speedy and unpleasant end the first time they met. As it turned out, however, Schro might not be afraid of death, but the idea of having his soul devoured creeped him right out. Go figure.
They coexisted in a state of uneasy truce for a while, each ignoring the other, until circumstances dictated otherwise. Circumstances, in this case, being a sudden emergence of a toddler from the Rift, something which was brought to Schro's attention when Raziel brought him a squirming child, surrounded by a small flock of tiny undead ducklings.
"Unless these are your latest pets," Raziel said, depositing the tiny girl in front of Schro and gesturing at the decomposing ducklings, "I can only conclude that this child has powers similar to yours."
Schro stared. Being at a loss for words wasn't something he was used to at the best of times, and his attempt to cover that fact resulted in a long stream of curses in both French and German, which Raziel watched with impatience, claws tapping against a dessicated arm.
"That... Shouldn't be possible," Schro said at last. "I was bringing up kitties at thirteen, yeah, but I was a fucking prodigy. You're telling me that this kid is...?"
"Duckies!" the child exclaimed, clapping her chubby hands excitedly. "Duckies!"
Schro bent down, which gave the girl the chance to reach for his sleeves and cling to them, beaming. "Are those your duckies, liebling?"
She nodded. "Mine! My duckies!" She reached out for one of the ducklings, and it obligingly waddled over, thin bones showing through a partially-decomposing layer of fluff. "Mine," she said again, nodding solemnly.
"Right." Schro looked up at Raziel. "You've brought me a baby necromancer. How thoughtful. But what am I supposed to do with it, mon petit bonbon âme-dévorant?" The sarcasm may have been thick enough to cut with a knife, but Raziel, as usual, appeared completely unmoved.
"It's no concern of mine," Raziel replied, "but I would advise that you do something to limit the child's powers, else the consequences might be... Unfortunate."
Schro raised an eyebrow. "Is that a threat?" He made an effort to keep his usual nonchalance in place... Most people had nothing to threaten him with, and wasn't it just the perfect twist of fate that the one who did was bringing him a kid?
"I have no need to threaten you if you keep your magic to yourself, necromancer." Raziel made the word into something that covered most possible meanings of the word 'epithet', particularly the derogatory ones. "But you must know that to leave a child with the uncontrolled ability to meddle with death has the potential to bring more ruin than even this place deserves."
"So you want me to raise a kid. Charming. Y'know, usually I can at least expect a fun night out before having to worry about potential tiny people." Schro looked down at the girl again. "What's your name, sweetheart?"
She looked confused.
"You don't have a name?"
The girl shook her head. "Nuh-uh."
Raziel made a sound which might have been a snort and turned to leave. "As I said, it's no concern of mine. I have no interest in burdening myself with a human child." He froze, however, at a noise from the toddler, who turned from Schro and took a few wobbly steps towards Raziel.
"No!" she said, and then, more softly, "Noooo..." Tears began to trail down her cheeks as she reached for him, the last denial fading into an inarticulate whine.
Raziel turned back to look at the child. "I have delivered you to one that can see to your needs. What more do you want of me?"
"Daddy," said the girl.
Schro reflected that he'd never seen a ghoul do a double-take before, and worked very, very hard to keep the smirk off his face.
"The only children I could be said to have fathered," Raziel began, "were vampires. I am not your... daddy."
"Daddy," she repeated, with an insistent whine.
"I think she likes you," Schro said. "I'm not the one she's decided is her father, at any rate."
The girl looked from Schro to Raziel, and back to Schro.
"...Mommy?"
For a few minutes, there was silence.
"Well," Schro said at last, "at least you have a flexible definition of gender roles. It's a start." He glanced at Raziel, raising an eyebrow as sardonically as one could when confronted with a tiny necromancer. "Come on, honey, let's get this little terror something to eat."
But it didn't mean they had to be the very bestest of friends, either. Raziel wasn't interested in sex, Schro wasn't interested in being bosom companions, and Schrödinger's insistence on magically prodding at the very essence of Raziel's being in order to find out how, exactly, he functioned...
Well, that very nearly brought things to a speedy and unpleasant end the first time they met. As it turned out, however, Schro might not be afraid of death, but the idea of having his soul devoured creeped him right out. Go figure.
They coexisted in a state of uneasy truce for a while, each ignoring the other, until circumstances dictated otherwise. Circumstances, in this case, being a sudden emergence of a toddler from the Rift, something which was brought to Schro's attention when Raziel brought him a squirming child, surrounded by a small flock of tiny undead ducklings.
"Unless these are your latest pets," Raziel said, depositing the tiny girl in front of Schro and gesturing at the decomposing ducklings, "I can only conclude that this child has powers similar to yours."
Schro stared. Being at a loss for words wasn't something he was used to at the best of times, and his attempt to cover that fact resulted in a long stream of curses in both French and German, which Raziel watched with impatience, claws tapping against a dessicated arm.
"That... Shouldn't be possible," Schro said at last. "I was bringing up kitties at thirteen, yeah, but I was a fucking prodigy. You're telling me that this kid is...?"
"Duckies!" the child exclaimed, clapping her chubby hands excitedly. "Duckies!"
Schro bent down, which gave the girl the chance to reach for his sleeves and cling to them, beaming. "Are those your duckies, liebling?"
She nodded. "Mine! My duckies!" She reached out for one of the ducklings, and it obligingly waddled over, thin bones showing through a partially-decomposing layer of fluff. "Mine," she said again, nodding solemnly.
"Right." Schro looked up at Raziel. "You've brought me a baby necromancer. How thoughtful. But what am I supposed to do with it, mon petit bonbon âme-dévorant?" The sarcasm may have been thick enough to cut with a knife, but Raziel, as usual, appeared completely unmoved.
"It's no concern of mine," Raziel replied, "but I would advise that you do something to limit the child's powers, else the consequences might be... Unfortunate."
Schro raised an eyebrow. "Is that a threat?" He made an effort to keep his usual nonchalance in place... Most people had nothing to threaten him with, and wasn't it just the perfect twist of fate that the one who did was bringing him a kid?
"I have no need to threaten you if you keep your magic to yourself, necromancer." Raziel made the word into something that covered most possible meanings of the word 'epithet', particularly the derogatory ones. "But you must know that to leave a child with the uncontrolled ability to meddle with death has the potential to bring more ruin than even this place deserves."
"So you want me to raise a kid. Charming. Y'know, usually I can at least expect a fun night out before having to worry about potential tiny people." Schro looked down at the girl again. "What's your name, sweetheart?"
She looked confused.
"You don't have a name?"
The girl shook her head. "Nuh-uh."
Raziel made a sound which might have been a snort and turned to leave. "As I said, it's no concern of mine. I have no interest in burdening myself with a human child." He froze, however, at a noise from the toddler, who turned from Schro and took a few wobbly steps towards Raziel.
"No!" she said, and then, more softly, "Noooo..." Tears began to trail down her cheeks as she reached for him, the last denial fading into an inarticulate whine.
Raziel turned back to look at the child. "I have delivered you to one that can see to your needs. What more do you want of me?"
"Daddy," said the girl.
Schro reflected that he'd never seen a ghoul do a double-take before, and worked very, very hard to keep the smirk off his face.
"The only children I could be said to have fathered," Raziel began, "were vampires. I am not your... daddy."
"Daddy," she repeated, with an insistent whine.
"I think she likes you," Schro said. "I'm not the one she's decided is her father, at any rate."
The girl looked from Schro to Raziel, and back to Schro.
"...Mommy?"
For a few minutes, there was silence.
"Well," Schro said at last, "at least you have a flexible definition of gender roles. It's a start." He glanced at Raziel, raising an eyebrow as sardonically as one could when confronted with a tiny necromancer. "Come on, honey, let's get this little terror something to eat."