Wow. Every time I start to know where I stand and settle into a routine, things change. We’re getting a new dentist in a few weeks and I’ll be working with him. That brings me up to five days a week; quite often six on the weeks I don’t have college. Our other nurse has quit so now it’s just me. I started training exactly 10 weeks ago and I’m now ( Read more... )

I’m so tired, I was falling asleep on the train earlier and putting things into sentences and being eloquent and articulate and interesting is just too much effort.

Food wise, today was ok. Coped with my meal plan being messed around when I left my after-work snack in the fridge rushing out. It wasn’t really much of a change but usually it’s just ( Read more... )

Barely six in the morning, I’m sat in the kitchen drinking coffee and slowly attempting to regain consciousness and this is what I get -


( Read more... )

There's this one spot in my armpit that hurts like a bastard. I think it must be an ingrown hair but I can't even find the fucker, never mind getting it out. Squeezing hasn't helped, and I don't have a ready supply of sterile needles lying about these days. If I didn't care about keeping my job I would be very tempted to nick a needle or scalpel ( Read more... )

Today has been so much better than yesterday. Yesterday I had a huge anxiety attack in town and ate over 5000 calories. Today I got up at 5.20am, walked the dogs and went to work. We had a full day of patients, including an RCT and one person who was having an extraction in preparation for getting an implant. We couldn't do an immediate placement, ( Read more... )

I’m meant to be getting up in less than six hours, so I can walk the dogs before college. I still have a pile of shirts to iron and some college stuff to finish before I can think about having a bath and going to bed. I predict next to no sleep and plenty of intravenous caffeine in the morning...

What I should be doing today
Go to the bank to pay a cheque in for mum
Post some stuff and get my CRB sent off
Buy hearing aid batteries for an old lady called Margaret
Register at the different, better doctors in town
Iron some shirts
Phone the gym about classes
Overcome the crippling anxiety gyms usually give me and go to a spin class
Write at ( Read more... )

I should feel proud of myself. I’d brought lunch with me to work, but then my boss announced that he was taking us out for lunch. “Us” being him, me, another nurse I barely know and his wife and mother-in-law! I actually managed to eat in a strange place, with unfamiliar people, with no warning and no time to work out what to have. I was ( Read more... )

No, I’m really not ok
Not at all in any way
Went to bed without my dinner
Woke up hoping I’d be thinner
Liquid breakfast, exercise
Don’t need lunch when I’m this size
Veg for tea, a run and then
Next day, do it all again

I need to get off my arse and start doing things, instead of sitting back passively while I drive myself mad. I will soon. Just ( Read more... )

I’m scared of the cold. I’m scared of how it hurts, how it seeps into my bones and can’t be escaped. I can cope with other pain - fuck knows, I’ve been through enough - but coldness terrifies me. It can reduce me to tears and wishing for death.

I’m scared of failure. I don’t try for fear of not succeeding, but then I’ve failed anyway.

I’m ( Read more... )