Let's Save Seoul! [2/2]
let’s save seoul! [2/2]
paralyzing_time and my LJ-less friend Angelina :3
crack; pg-13; suju+2, lots of ninja!bias pairings, unicorn!Zhou Mi, you get the point…
3849 words
In which Super Junior and others become Sailor Scouts and fight the evilness of SME.
warnings: crack, lameness
notes: Make sure you read part one before reading this.
After a few consecutive sessions of SNSD trying to teach them how to walk on heels, the Super Junior members finally realized how evil their female labelmates can be.
“More like this.” Jessica said and showed them how to run in heels again, repeating what they’ve been doing for the last couple of hours.
“And this is how to jump.” Sooyoung chimes in and jumps with her high heels on, landing gracefully despite the small heel in the back of her shoe. Super Junior looked at her in admiration, secretly wondering how she did that.
“You got it, oppa!” Jessica encouraged Eunhyuk, who was striding like a model on a run way.
“It must be all those shoe lifts.” Kyuhyun commented because he was having trouble with this. “Gives him balance because he also dances with them on.”
Eunhyuk started shucking shoe lifts at Kyuhyun, and that was how the magnae became efficient on heels.
After Sungmin, Zhou Mi, and Henry meandered around Disneyland for a while, the trio managed to make their way to Cinderella castle.
“Sungmin, go through the portal on the left.” A loud voice sounded from above, and Sungmin whipped his head around.
“Is that you, God!?” Sungmin called out.
“No, it’s your awful voice dubber.”
Sungmin pouted and walked through the portal with kitty Henry and unicorn Zhou Mi in tow, not knowing what would happen next.
"We have a kid!?" Sailor Heechul shrieked as he looked at Sailor Sungmin in shock; the latter had just appeared through a spiraling vortex that appeared out of nowhere. Tuxedo Geng, as Sailor Heechul had dubbed him, was just gawking. Heechul's slap snapped him out of it. “And it’s Sungmin!?”
"I-" Tuxedo Geng seemed to have forgotten all his Korean. "I always thought you were a man, Heechul."
"I was pregnant!? I gave birth!?" This was half overwhelming Sailor Heechul, who was unable to lower his voice any softer than screaming. “If I had to have a kid, at least have him be as good-looking as me!”
Sungmin opened his mouth to retort, but the voice dubber took over again and his mouth moved along with the words. “Yes, umma and appa, I am your child from the future.”
“Both my choices suck. One has a voice dubber and HanChul as parents, and the other is a unicorn.” Kyuhyun muttered to himself, and both Sailor Sungmin and unicorn Zhou Mi shot him a death glare.
"Everything I've known is a lie," was the last thing that flooded out of Tuxedo Geng's mouth before Heechul promptly fainted in a dramatic fashion.
Sungmin’s voice dubber made it a point never to call Tuxedo Geng and Sailor Heechul parents, which Sailor Sungmin was grateful for.
“爸爸!” flew out of Henry’s mouth before he could stop it, and he apparently couldn’t control his body either because he went up to Kibum and purred. Kibum, despite being a cat, had a shocked, confused, and horrified expression on his face.
Cat Donghae, who had chased after Kibum when the latter walked away from the situation in disinterest, glared at Kibum. “You were cheating on me with somebody else!? A female, perhaps!? And the child you had with her is Henry, my own band mate?”
Donghae scratched Kibum across the face before huffing and running off. Though Kibum tried to run after Donghae, he was stopped short and fell on his face after a leap. Henry had jumped onto his back.
“爸爸!”
Kibum groaned into the floor.
After getting everything sorted out (Donghae found out Kibum hadn’t cheated because Henry called him ‘mommy’ when they found him), the Sailor Juniors still didn’t have any clue how they could change back.
Out of the blue, a dark, swirling portal appeared in the sky, causing red and black light to shine down on the city as the entrance opened up. A gigantic, black, unpleasant looking blob with arms and SME on its forehead fell down from hell (yes, fell down) and onto the city of Seoul.
“B-But,” Siwon blubbered in disbelief, “isn’t Hell below us?”
The blob gave a strangled garble as an answer.
“Why, God, why!?” Siwon wailed in despair. “The bible never said anything about the end of the world being like this!”
“Wasn’t it supposed to end with aliens?” Kyuhyun asked as he shot Donghae kitty a glare. The latter just hid his eyes under a paw and mewed innocently.
The SME monster roared a devastating roar, destroying buildings as it crawled through Seoul. Its stench reeked of debt and the Sailor Scouts plus four animals looked up at its blob-like form, staring in horror.
“What has SM become!?” Ryeowook cried out.
The SME monster lifted one arm and swiped at them. Tuxedo Geng jumped off the ground and took out a stack of papers from the inside of his jacket, carrying them easily with his magnificent strength.
“Take this!” The mask-covered male shouted as he started to throw the papers at the black blob. The previously flimsy sheets of paper became as sharp as razors and as sturdy as discs, lodging into the SME blob. Cuts formed and out spilled some money, coins dropping onto the asphalt while bills gently flew down.
“It… bleeds money…”
“It’s trying to enslave us!” Heechul cried out as SME screeched in pain before retaliating by flinging an arm in their direction, leashes hurdling towards the Sailor Scouts at rapid speed.
Tuxedo Geng, seeing that Heechul was not going to be able to dodge in time, sharply turned and lunged towards Heechul, pushing him out of the way. One of the collars opened and wrapped around his neck, closing and tightening instantly after. Heechul, on his knees (Tuxedo Geng was caught between staring at those sexy legs and trying to fight the power of the collar), looked on in horror as SME dragged Tuxedo Geng towards its obscene and disgusting form.
“Tuxedo Geng!” Heechul reached out for him before his hand was slapped away by Sailor Leeteuk, who had taken the opportunity to present his motherly authority. “Noooooo!”
Kangin, very annoyed by Heechul’s behavior hindering their escape, pulled out one of Eunhyuk’s dirty socks and pinched his noise before shoving it toward Heechul’s face. When Heechul went limp, the Super Sailors dragged him away and ran for their lives.
I’m coming for you, master! Ddangkkoma thought as he continued to slowly crawl through the streets of Seoul, havoc reeking all around him.
A building fell near him, but Ddangkkoma went on, toward the big black blob.
“What should we do?” Siwon asked, looking as Leeteuk tried to figure something out. They were stuck in a dark alleyway a little away from the black blob destroying Seoul.
Heechul, who had just awakened, immediately sat up in bewilderment, having been knocked out during everyone’s escape. He raised an eyebrow at everyone. He then turned to glare at Kangin, who he knew had put him into this position.
“We need to save Hankyung!”
“Well, first, we obviously need to find a way to defeat that thing.” Kyuhyun deadpanned and motioned to the SME blob in the background, roaring and destroying everything.
“No shit we need to find a way.” Heechul snapped at the magnae. “I need to save Hannie. Who else will make Beijing Fried Rice and give me a good f-”
“We don’t need to know the rest.” Leeteuk cut Sailor Heechul off before he could finish his sentence.
“Didn’t any of you see that it bled money? If we could get close enough to attack it, then maybe it’ll bleed enough…” Ryeowook mumbled to himself, nobody paying attention to him.
“Let’s just go into battle already, aish.” Kangin retorts. “We’ll never know unless we go into the actual fight.”
“Any objections?” Leeteuk asked his sailor children and animals, scanning around the group of people.
Kyuhyun, about to raise his hand, lowered it when he felt Kangin’s glare stab through his back. He shook his head, pouted, and held Sungmin close to him in comfort (Not because Sungmin was wearing a very, very short skirt. Of course not.).
What they were not expecting when they walked toward the SME monster, was for Tuxedo Geng to be waiting very calmly, eyes so glazed over with evil that all the sailor juniors and animals shuddered just from the sight of it.
“You have to admit, that’s kind of hot.” Heechul commented and shivered, not from fear, but from arousal.
During this distraction, Tuxedo Geng had whipped out a new stack of papers and began throwing paper after paper at the Sailor Juniors. Half got pinned down by the weapons and the other half barely managed to dodge them.
“Wh-” Heechul started incredulously, “What is this?”
“They’re- They’re in Chinese.” Sungmin gasped in horror. “We can’t do anything because we can’t understand any of it! Why would Han Geng do this to us!?”
“He’s not Tuxedo Geng.” Shindong pointed out. “He’s now Hankyung, under SME’s control.”
“Super Junior-M are our only hope!” Eunhyuk cried out.
“服务员!” Kyuhyun shouted as he ran toward the SME blob, random Chinese phrases and words spouting from his mouth. “玩游戏!”
Tuxedo Geng reverted back to his old self for a moment despite the collar around his neck to shout at Kyuhyun. “Kyuhyun, that doesn’t make sense! 圭賢,你的中文是不好! 你说什么!?”
“为什么!?” Sailor Kyuhyun shot back.
“Shisus!” Heechul suddenly had a revelation. “Kyuhyun’s bad Chinese is slowly bringing Hannie back! Kyuhyun, keep it up! You too, Siwon! Come on, Super Junior-M!”
“十元!” Siwon added into the battle, bravely moving forward with his fellow SJ-M members.
“Siwon, for the last time, it’s not 十元, it’s 始原! Get your tones right!” Tuxedo Geng barked at him, shaking his fist in frustration. The collar around his neck slowly loosened, becoming a little undone.
Unfortunately, even though this was bringing Tuxedo Geng back, it was at the expense of the two other Chinese members of Super Junior-M, who were trying their best to ignore the horrible Chinese being spouted all over the place. Kitty Henry had resorted to covering his ears with his paws, and unicorn Zhou Mi had developed a nasty twitch that was not going away at the moment.
“Umma’s kids are growing up so fast! I raised them so well.” Leeteuk sniffled in pride. “Their Chinese is so beautiful!”
Donghae, who had sensed the distress his fellow band members were having, knew that he needed to be of some help. It was during this train of thoughts that his body glowed and began to transform, taking on a human shape. He had changed to his human self, but had the same outfit as the others, with cat ears and a tail added. His heels were not as high and thin as the others, so he had better control over his movements.
He pulled at his short skirt; embarrassed that it was too frilly underneath to go down. He was always a modest boy.
After getting over the fact that Donghae had mysteriously turned back into a human male, Kibum decided he had no problem with this transformation and that, in fact, being a cat at this time did indeed have its advantages. He could, after all, look up Donghae’s skirt without getting in trouble.
Sailor Donghae quickly got over this and went forward into battle along with the rest of Super Junior-M, helping to convert Tuxedo Geng back.
“我的宝贝们!我的美女们!我想念你们!” Donghae started his flurry of Chinese phrases. “I learned these all by myself, hyung! You didn’t teach me anything!”
“I taught you all of those! You always take credit for them!” Han Geng shouted back.
“直到视线变得模糊,直到不能呼吸.” Ryeowook started singing ‘At Least I Still Have You’, finding no other way he could help out his team. “让我们形影不离!”
“Your pronounciations are good, Wookie!” Hankyung praised, and the collar around his neck completely fell off, letting him regain control over his own body.
“Han Geng is back!” Heechul immediately yells and tears the papers off his clothes. The papers had become limp and like regular sheets when the collar around Tuxedo Geng’s came off.
They could’ve sworn they heard the SME blob roaring obscenities.
“So that’s what happened?” Han Geng asked after everyone quickly explained everything to him. The SME monster destroyed a few more buildings in the background, looking for the Sailor Juniors. “Wow.”
Donghae, who shifted back into his cat form, snuggled up to cat Kibum and pawed at kitty Henry, who mewed from the attention.
“I think we can defeat SME.” Tuxedo Geng announced. “We need to make it continue to bleed and eventually there will be nothing left.”
“But how?” Kyuhyun asked, a hand on his staff. He shooed Manager-P away from Sungmin, who sent him a grateful look.
“Don’t we all have powers?” Yesung spoke up, slightly in awe. “Like Han Geng, we need to find out what ours are.”
“Yeah, this is a great idea, hyung.” Kyuhyun shot Yesung a deadpanned look.
“I just wanted an excuse to use the staff.” Yesung shrugged, twirling said weapon around.
The others were hard at work trying to beat the SME blob. Ryeowook, who had gained a harp that had magically manifested into his hand, had started playing a rhapsody he made up on the spot, but was taken out by the blob’s arm swipe, throwing him somewhere else. Siwon, being the religious man he was, thought he could somehow use an exorcism to defeat the SME monster, so he threw holy water he got from a church nearby and threw a bible at the enemy, but it did no good, and he got knocked out. Eunhyuk tried dancing up a storm and sent a lightning bolt, but it only caused a small scratch before he was also eliminated.
Yesung sang a long note, the sound amplified by his staff, and although it managed to push off the villain for a while, it bled very little and Yesung ran out of breath, causing him to be rendered useless over time. Leeteuk, being the stereotypical female of his relationship with Kangin, let Sailor Kangin try to beat SME for him (mostly because he never quite figured out what his powers were supposed to be, along with Shindong). Sailor Kangin, with his brute strength, managed to crush the ground underneath the monster. However, since it was a blob, it managed to somehow get out of the hole and attack Kangin, who fell into Leeteuk, who were both knocked out.
Kyuhyun, with his scythe, had made a temporary barrier, which prevented the Sailor Juniors from hearing SME for a little bit. Sungmin raised an eyebrow at this.
“So this is how you ignore me when you’re playing video games.” Sungmin commented, giving Kyuhyun an annoyed glance. Kyuhyun huffed and struggled to hold the monster back from them; he motioned for Sungmin to move their fallen comrades elsewhere.
The barrier was broken just when Sungmin came back, and Kyuhyun was hurled elsewhere. Sungmin glared at SME and its ugly face.
“Only I’m allowed to push Kyu around like that!” Sungmin growled possessively.
After half of his attacks failed (SME wasn’t affected or impressed by pink, sparkly moves, apparently), Sungmin went to his last resort and threw an item into the battle field.
“DBSK, I choose you!” He cried, and the five boy band members appeared, also throwing lawsuit papers at the monster like Tuxedo Geng was also doing. But all six people were defeated with one swipe, knocked down to the ground, and DBSK ultimately disappeared.
The effort, however, wasn’t all wasteful, as SME had gained more cuts and was bleeding even more money, bills and coins dropping to the ground.
Zhou Mi, Henry, Donghae, and Kibum were helpless and unable to do anything but channel their powers to the humans.
“Good thing Siwon taught us how to pray properly.” Zhou Mi quietly neighed to them.
Tuxedo Geng continued to throw his lawsuit papers at SME, who let out a shriek of pain at every cut.
“In the name of Super Junior, I shall punish you!” Heechul announced as he took the Sailor Moon stance, fingers and all. He then started blurting obscenities and gangster English at the monster, his voice being amplified. However, this stops Tuxedo Geng short, because he was caught between laughing and trying to protect his beloved ears, and this distraction cost him. He got wiped out to the side, losing consciousness.
Heechul, almost ridden with despair that almost everyone was too weak to even stand up and the animals were no help, was at loss with what to do to defeat this beast. His words had done little to no damage.
“God, if you’re up there like Siwon says you are, fucking help me out!”
Suddenly, as if God had heard his prayer, he sent a stream of light, shining on one thing: Ddangkkoma.
Heechul almost fell over.
“D-Dangkkoma?” Yesung asked from his place. “Is that you?”
“What is this madness!?” Ryeowook cried from his spot near a broken building. “I’ve lived with that turtle for months, and it’s suddenly going to become our savior!?”
Everyone, including the animals, stared in bewilderment, except for Yesung, who was too busy beaming with pride and trying to hold back his tears of joy.
“Oh, Ddangkkoma! I knew all that money I spent on you was worth it!” He continued to ramble on. “I told them all you weren’t useless, but they didn’t listen to me!” He took the time to glare at Ryeowook after this statement before going on. “I’m so proud of you! Appa loves you so much!”
“This is not right.” Ryeowook muttered to himself.
“How am I supposed to use Ddangkkoma to defeat that?” Heechul asked ferociously, pointing at the blob in the background destroying everything. He was currently having a fight with God’s will.
What he didn’t expect (which he found he should’ve, seeing as he wasn’t expecting to turn into a Sailor Scout either), was for Ddangkkoma to transform. He became larger, and his shell became spiky. He hid himself inside his shell, but it still did not click in Heechul’s head.
“Throw the damn turtle, Heechul!” Kyuhyun shouted, having played Mario recently.
Heechul decided he would punish the magnae for his disrespect later because defeating the monster was first priority. His foot stepped back, and with all his might, he hurled the turtle toward the blob, admiring the speed that Ddangkkoma was going at because of his throw.
“…I can’t believe I just did that.”
He processed Yesung’s background shouts and cheers.
To everyone’s amazement, Ddangkkoma managed to give the monster a great amount of tears because of his spikes, causing money to pour out like water from a fountain. He swirled around SME before returning in Heechul’s direction; the latter caught him and threw him again.
This time, SME had sustained too many injuries and roared its defiance, although it was futile because the money wouldn’t stop flowing out of it. It slowly melted into a puddle of goo as the money oozed out by the truck load and finally, it was no more. The SME monster had finally gone bankrupt.
As if they had just regained their energy back, everyone scrambled to take the money on the floor, grabbing all the bills and coins they could find and fill their clothes and hands with. All the members stuffed the money into their clothes and etc; the unlucky one was, of course, Zhou Mi, who only had hooves. Poor guy. He whinnied his hurt and stomped, which earned him sympathy from Kyuhyun (and a glare from Sungmin). In the end, he was triumphant after all.
Heechul, who was midway through counting the bills in his hand, abruptly stopped when he remembered that Tuxedo Geng was still out cold.
“Hannie!” He called out, running toward the Chinese male. He kneeled next to Han Geng. “How should I wake him up?”
He thought back to his archive of memories of things he would need to remember about Han Geng; a light bulb lit up in his head. He bent down and kissed Han Geng on the lips, and Tuxedo Geng’s eyes slowly fluttered open.
“My babies, not in public!” They both heard Leeteuk wail, but ignored him.
And thus Seoul was saved, and the next day, they all turned back to normal.
(The only bad part was that their money was taken away to pay for damages and Yesung wouldn’t stop gloating about Ddangkkoma for a long, long time.)
THE END
ALTERNATE ENDING
Heechul, almost ridden with despair that almost everyone was too weak to even stand up and the animals were no help, was at loss with what to do to defeat this beast. His words had done little to no damage.
“God, if you’re up there like Siwon says you are, fucking help me out!”
Suddenly, as if God had heard his prayer, he sent a stream of light, shining on one thing: unicorn Zhou Mi.
Heechul almost fell over.
Ddangkkoma, who had somehow gotten to the battle field on time despite his slow speed, began to glow when he made it next to Heechul, and all the Sailor Scouts plus the three cats had rejuvenated and gotten their strength and power back. Nobody questioned Ddangkkoma’s appearance.
“Guys, we must concentrate our powers on Zhou Mi!” Heechul called out to everybody and they all nodded in affirmation. They all closed their eyes and focused. With Ddangkkoma’s supply of energy, they had managed to build up a very, very ghey and sparkly rainbow, which shined all across Seoul. The SME monster squawked in pain and surprise from the light and tried to shield its eyes, but it was futile.
Unicorn Zhou Mi knew his duties. He quickly galloped across the very, very ghey and sparkly rainbow (nobody questioned why he didn’t just fly in the first place) toward the SME monster and leaped a monstrous leap. His horn dug into the brute’s body and tore it apart as Zhou Mi slowly fell down, horn still tearing the villain apart. It seemed like it was raining money from everybody’s perspective, and the very, very ghey and sparkly rainbow only seemed to emphasize the glint of the shower of coins.
The monster screeched its last, hideous screeches before finally melting away, leaving Zhou Mi to bask in his victory and the others to scramble for the money on the ground. The black clouds parted like the red sea, and the very, very ghey and sparkly rainbow shined even more over the city.
And thus Seoul was saved, and the next day, they all turned back to normal.
(Zhou Mi was just a tad disappointed.)
爸爸 - dad/father/papa/daddy
服务员 - waiter
玩游戏 - play games
圭賢,你的中文是不好- kyuhyun (gui xian), your chinese is bad
你说什么 - what are you saying/what did you say
为什么 - why
十元 - ten dollars
始原 - siwon’s chinese name (shi yuan)
我的宝贝们 - my babies/darlings/treasure
我的美女们 - my beauties/beautiful girls
我想念你们 - i miss you all
直到视线变得模糊/直到不能呼吸/让我们形影不离 - (lyrics to At Least I Still Have You) until my eyesight becomes blurry/until i cannot breathe/let us never part
I FINALLY FINISHED THIS. thank you so much to angelina, who came up with almost all the ideas in this fic. :3 sorry for typos
i wanna beat up a monster that bleeds money. :(
...don't ask about the alternate ending.
paralyzing_time and my LJ-less friend Angelina :3
crack; pg-13; suju+2, lots of ninja!bias pairings, unicorn!Zhou Mi, you get the point…
3849 words
In which Super Junior and others become Sailor Scouts and fight the evilness of SME.
warnings: crack, lameness
notes: Make sure you read part one before reading this.
After a few consecutive sessions of SNSD trying to teach them how to walk on heels, the Super Junior members finally realized how evil their female labelmates can be.
“More like this.” Jessica said and showed them how to run in heels again, repeating what they’ve been doing for the last couple of hours.
“And this is how to jump.” Sooyoung chimes in and jumps with her high heels on, landing gracefully despite the small heel in the back of her shoe. Super Junior looked at her in admiration, secretly wondering how she did that.
“You got it, oppa!” Jessica encouraged Eunhyuk, who was striding like a model on a run way.
“It must be all those shoe lifts.” Kyuhyun commented because he was having trouble with this. “Gives him balance because he also dances with them on.”
Eunhyuk started shucking shoe lifts at Kyuhyun, and that was how the magnae became efficient on heels.
After Sungmin, Zhou Mi, and Henry meandered around Disneyland for a while, the trio managed to make their way to Cinderella castle.
“Sungmin, go through the portal on the left.” A loud voice sounded from above, and Sungmin whipped his head around.
“Is that you, God!?” Sungmin called out.
“No, it’s your awful voice dubber.”
Sungmin pouted and walked through the portal with kitty Henry and unicorn Zhou Mi in tow, not knowing what would happen next.
"We have a kid!?" Sailor Heechul shrieked as he looked at Sailor Sungmin in shock; the latter had just appeared through a spiraling vortex that appeared out of nowhere. Tuxedo Geng, as Sailor Heechul had dubbed him, was just gawking. Heechul's slap snapped him out of it. “And it’s Sungmin!?”
"I-" Tuxedo Geng seemed to have forgotten all his Korean. "I always thought you were a man, Heechul."
"I was pregnant!? I gave birth!?" This was half overwhelming Sailor Heechul, who was unable to lower his voice any softer than screaming. “If I had to have a kid, at least have him be as good-looking as me!”
Sungmin opened his mouth to retort, but the voice dubber took over again and his mouth moved along with the words. “Yes, umma and appa, I am your child from the future.”
“Both my choices suck. One has a voice dubber and HanChul as parents, and the other is a unicorn.” Kyuhyun muttered to himself, and both Sailor Sungmin and unicorn Zhou Mi shot him a death glare.
"Everything I've known is a lie," was the last thing that flooded out of Tuxedo Geng's mouth before Heechul promptly fainted in a dramatic fashion.
Sungmin’s voice dubber made it a point never to call Tuxedo Geng and Sailor Heechul parents, which Sailor Sungmin was grateful for.
“爸爸!” flew out of Henry’s mouth before he could stop it, and he apparently couldn’t control his body either because he went up to Kibum and purred. Kibum, despite being a cat, had a shocked, confused, and horrified expression on his face.
Cat Donghae, who had chased after Kibum when the latter walked away from the situation in disinterest, glared at Kibum. “You were cheating on me with somebody else!? A female, perhaps!? And the child you had with her is Henry, my own band mate?”
Donghae scratched Kibum across the face before huffing and running off. Though Kibum tried to run after Donghae, he was stopped short and fell on his face after a leap. Henry had jumped onto his back.
“爸爸!”
Kibum groaned into the floor.
After getting everything sorted out (Donghae found out Kibum hadn’t cheated because Henry called him ‘mommy’ when they found him), the Sailor Juniors still didn’t have any clue how they could change back.
Out of the blue, a dark, swirling portal appeared in the sky, causing red and black light to shine down on the city as the entrance opened up. A gigantic, black, unpleasant looking blob with arms and SME on its forehead fell down from hell (yes, fell down) and onto the city of Seoul.
“B-But,” Siwon blubbered in disbelief, “isn’t Hell below us?”
The blob gave a strangled garble as an answer.
“Why, God, why!?” Siwon wailed in despair. “The bible never said anything about the end of the world being like this!”
“Wasn’t it supposed to end with aliens?” Kyuhyun asked as he shot Donghae kitty a glare. The latter just hid his eyes under a paw and mewed innocently.
The SME monster roared a devastating roar, destroying buildings as it crawled through Seoul. Its stench reeked of debt and the Sailor Scouts plus four animals looked up at its blob-like form, staring in horror.
“What has SM become!?” Ryeowook cried out.
The SME monster lifted one arm and swiped at them. Tuxedo Geng jumped off the ground and took out a stack of papers from the inside of his jacket, carrying them easily with his magnificent strength.
“Take this!” The mask-covered male shouted as he started to throw the papers at the black blob. The previously flimsy sheets of paper became as sharp as razors and as sturdy as discs, lodging into the SME blob. Cuts formed and out spilled some money, coins dropping onto the asphalt while bills gently flew down.
“It… bleeds money…”
“It’s trying to enslave us!” Heechul cried out as SME screeched in pain before retaliating by flinging an arm in their direction, leashes hurdling towards the Sailor Scouts at rapid speed.
Tuxedo Geng, seeing that Heechul was not going to be able to dodge in time, sharply turned and lunged towards Heechul, pushing him out of the way. One of the collars opened and wrapped around his neck, closing and tightening instantly after. Heechul, on his knees (Tuxedo Geng was caught between staring at those sexy legs and trying to fight the power of the collar), looked on in horror as SME dragged Tuxedo Geng towards its obscene and disgusting form.
“Tuxedo Geng!” Heechul reached out for him before his hand was slapped away by Sailor Leeteuk, who had taken the opportunity to present his motherly authority. “Noooooo!”
Kangin, very annoyed by Heechul’s behavior hindering their escape, pulled out one of Eunhyuk’s dirty socks and pinched his noise before shoving it toward Heechul’s face. When Heechul went limp, the Super Sailors dragged him away and ran for their lives.
I’m coming for you, master! Ddangkkoma thought as he continued to slowly crawl through the streets of Seoul, havoc reeking all around him.
A building fell near him, but Ddangkkoma went on, toward the big black blob.
“What should we do?” Siwon asked, looking as Leeteuk tried to figure something out. They were stuck in a dark alleyway a little away from the black blob destroying Seoul.
Heechul, who had just awakened, immediately sat up in bewilderment, having been knocked out during everyone’s escape. He raised an eyebrow at everyone. He then turned to glare at Kangin, who he knew had put him into this position.
“We need to save Hankyung!”
“Well, first, we obviously need to find a way to defeat that thing.” Kyuhyun deadpanned and motioned to the SME blob in the background, roaring and destroying everything.
“No shit we need to find a way.” Heechul snapped at the magnae. “I need to save Hannie. Who else will make Beijing Fried Rice and give me a good f-”
“We don’t need to know the rest.” Leeteuk cut Sailor Heechul off before he could finish his sentence.
“Didn’t any of you see that it bled money? If we could get close enough to attack it, then maybe it’ll bleed enough…” Ryeowook mumbled to himself, nobody paying attention to him.
“Let’s just go into battle already, aish.” Kangin retorts. “We’ll never know unless we go into the actual fight.”
“Any objections?” Leeteuk asked his sailor children and animals, scanning around the group of people.
Kyuhyun, about to raise his hand, lowered it when he felt Kangin’s glare stab through his back. He shook his head, pouted, and held Sungmin close to him in comfort (Not because Sungmin was wearing a very, very short skirt. Of course not.).
What they were not expecting when they walked toward the SME monster, was for Tuxedo Geng to be waiting very calmly, eyes so glazed over with evil that all the sailor juniors and animals shuddered just from the sight of it.
“You have to admit, that’s kind of hot.” Heechul commented and shivered, not from fear, but from arousal.
During this distraction, Tuxedo Geng had whipped out a new stack of papers and began throwing paper after paper at the Sailor Juniors. Half got pinned down by the weapons and the other half barely managed to dodge them.
“Wh-” Heechul started incredulously, “What is this?”
“They’re- They’re in Chinese.” Sungmin gasped in horror. “We can’t do anything because we can’t understand any of it! Why would Han Geng do this to us!?”
“He’s not Tuxedo Geng.” Shindong pointed out. “He’s now Hankyung, under SME’s control.”
“Super Junior-M are our only hope!” Eunhyuk cried out.
“服务员!” Kyuhyun shouted as he ran toward the SME blob, random Chinese phrases and words spouting from his mouth. “玩游戏!”
Tuxedo Geng reverted back to his old self for a moment despite the collar around his neck to shout at Kyuhyun. “Kyuhyun, that doesn’t make sense! 圭賢,你的中文是不好! 你说什么!?”
“为什么!?” Sailor Kyuhyun shot back.
“Shisus!” Heechul suddenly had a revelation. “Kyuhyun’s bad Chinese is slowly bringing Hannie back! Kyuhyun, keep it up! You too, Siwon! Come on, Super Junior-M!”
“十元!” Siwon added into the battle, bravely moving forward with his fellow SJ-M members.
“Siwon, for the last time, it’s not 十元, it’s 始原! Get your tones right!” Tuxedo Geng barked at him, shaking his fist in frustration. The collar around his neck slowly loosened, becoming a little undone.
Unfortunately, even though this was bringing Tuxedo Geng back, it was at the expense of the two other Chinese members of Super Junior-M, who were trying their best to ignore the horrible Chinese being spouted all over the place. Kitty Henry had resorted to covering his ears with his paws, and unicorn Zhou Mi had developed a nasty twitch that was not going away at the moment.
“Umma’s kids are growing up so fast! I raised them so well.” Leeteuk sniffled in pride. “Their Chinese is so beautiful!”
Donghae, who had sensed the distress his fellow band members were having, knew that he needed to be of some help. It was during this train of thoughts that his body glowed and began to transform, taking on a human shape. He had changed to his human self, but had the same outfit as the others, with cat ears and a tail added. His heels were not as high and thin as the others, so he had better control over his movements.
He pulled at his short skirt; embarrassed that it was too frilly underneath to go down. He was always a modest boy.
After getting over the fact that Donghae had mysteriously turned back into a human male, Kibum decided he had no problem with this transformation and that, in fact, being a cat at this time did indeed have its advantages. He could, after all, look up Donghae’s skirt without getting in trouble.
Sailor Donghae quickly got over this and went forward into battle along with the rest of Super Junior-M, helping to convert Tuxedo Geng back.
“我的宝贝们!我的美女们!我想念你们!” Donghae started his flurry of Chinese phrases. “I learned these all by myself, hyung! You didn’t teach me anything!”
“I taught you all of those! You always take credit for them!” Han Geng shouted back.
“直到视线变得模糊,直到不能呼吸.” Ryeowook started singing ‘At Least I Still Have You’, finding no other way he could help out his team. “让我们形影不离!”
“Your pronounciations are good, Wookie!” Hankyung praised, and the collar around his neck completely fell off, letting him regain control over his own body.
“Han Geng is back!” Heechul immediately yells and tears the papers off his clothes. The papers had become limp and like regular sheets when the collar around Tuxedo Geng’s came off.
They could’ve sworn they heard the SME blob roaring obscenities.
“So that’s what happened?” Han Geng asked after everyone quickly explained everything to him. The SME monster destroyed a few more buildings in the background, looking for the Sailor Juniors. “Wow.”
Donghae, who shifted back into his cat form, snuggled up to cat Kibum and pawed at kitty Henry, who mewed from the attention.
“I think we can defeat SME.” Tuxedo Geng announced. “We need to make it continue to bleed and eventually there will be nothing left.”
“But how?” Kyuhyun asked, a hand on his staff. He shooed Manager-P away from Sungmin, who sent him a grateful look.
“Don’t we all have powers?” Yesung spoke up, slightly in awe. “Like Han Geng, we need to find out what ours are.”
“Yeah, this is a great idea, hyung.” Kyuhyun shot Yesung a deadpanned look.
“I just wanted an excuse to use the staff.” Yesung shrugged, twirling said weapon around.
The others were hard at work trying to beat the SME blob. Ryeowook, who had gained a harp that had magically manifested into his hand, had started playing a rhapsody he made up on the spot, but was taken out by the blob’s arm swipe, throwing him somewhere else. Siwon, being the religious man he was, thought he could somehow use an exorcism to defeat the SME monster, so he threw holy water he got from a church nearby and threw a bible at the enemy, but it did no good, and he got knocked out. Eunhyuk tried dancing up a storm and sent a lightning bolt, but it only caused a small scratch before he was also eliminated.
Yesung sang a long note, the sound amplified by his staff, and although it managed to push off the villain for a while, it bled very little and Yesung ran out of breath, causing him to be rendered useless over time. Leeteuk, being the stereotypical female of his relationship with Kangin, let Sailor Kangin try to beat SME for him (mostly because he never quite figured out what his powers were supposed to be, along with Shindong). Sailor Kangin, with his brute strength, managed to crush the ground underneath the monster. However, since it was a blob, it managed to somehow get out of the hole and attack Kangin, who fell into Leeteuk, who were both knocked out.
Kyuhyun, with his scythe, had made a temporary barrier, which prevented the Sailor Juniors from hearing SME for a little bit. Sungmin raised an eyebrow at this.
“So this is how you ignore me when you’re playing video games.” Sungmin commented, giving Kyuhyun an annoyed glance. Kyuhyun huffed and struggled to hold the monster back from them; he motioned for Sungmin to move their fallen comrades elsewhere.
The barrier was broken just when Sungmin came back, and Kyuhyun was hurled elsewhere. Sungmin glared at SME and its ugly face.
“Only I’m allowed to push Kyu around like that!” Sungmin growled possessively.
After half of his attacks failed (SME wasn’t affected or impressed by pink, sparkly moves, apparently), Sungmin went to his last resort and threw an item into the battle field.
“DBSK, I choose you!” He cried, and the five boy band members appeared, also throwing lawsuit papers at the monster like Tuxedo Geng was also doing. But all six people were defeated with one swipe, knocked down to the ground, and DBSK ultimately disappeared.
The effort, however, wasn’t all wasteful, as SME had gained more cuts and was bleeding even more money, bills and coins dropping to the ground.
Zhou Mi, Henry, Donghae, and Kibum were helpless and unable to do anything but channel their powers to the humans.
“Good thing Siwon taught us how to pray properly.” Zhou Mi quietly neighed to them.
Tuxedo Geng continued to throw his lawsuit papers at SME, who let out a shriek of pain at every cut.
“In the name of Super Junior, I shall punish you!” Heechul announced as he took the Sailor Moon stance, fingers and all. He then started blurting obscenities and gangster English at the monster, his voice being amplified. However, this stops Tuxedo Geng short, because he was caught between laughing and trying to protect his beloved ears, and this distraction cost him. He got wiped out to the side, losing consciousness.
Heechul, almost ridden with despair that almost everyone was too weak to even stand up and the animals were no help, was at loss with what to do to defeat this beast. His words had done little to no damage.
“God, if you’re up there like Siwon says you are, fucking help me out!”
Suddenly, as if God had heard his prayer, he sent a stream of light, shining on one thing: Ddangkkoma.
Heechul almost fell over.
“D-Dangkkoma?” Yesung asked from his place. “Is that you?”
“What is this madness!?” Ryeowook cried from his spot near a broken building. “I’ve lived with that turtle for months, and it’s suddenly going to become our savior!?”
Everyone, including the animals, stared in bewilderment, except for Yesung, who was too busy beaming with pride and trying to hold back his tears of joy.
“Oh, Ddangkkoma! I knew all that money I spent on you was worth it!” He continued to ramble on. “I told them all you weren’t useless, but they didn’t listen to me!” He took the time to glare at Ryeowook after this statement before going on. “I’m so proud of you! Appa loves you so much!”
“This is not right.” Ryeowook muttered to himself.
“How am I supposed to use Ddangkkoma to defeat that?” Heechul asked ferociously, pointing at the blob in the background destroying everything. He was currently having a fight with God’s will.
What he didn’t expect (which he found he should’ve, seeing as he wasn’t expecting to turn into a Sailor Scout either), was for Ddangkkoma to transform. He became larger, and his shell became spiky. He hid himself inside his shell, but it still did not click in Heechul’s head.
“Throw the damn turtle, Heechul!” Kyuhyun shouted, having played Mario recently.
Heechul decided he would punish the magnae for his disrespect later because defeating the monster was first priority. His foot stepped back, and with all his might, he hurled the turtle toward the blob, admiring the speed that Ddangkkoma was going at because of his throw.
“…I can’t believe I just did that.”
He processed Yesung’s background shouts and cheers.
To everyone’s amazement, Ddangkkoma managed to give the monster a great amount of tears because of his spikes, causing money to pour out like water from a fountain. He swirled around SME before returning in Heechul’s direction; the latter caught him and threw him again.
This time, SME had sustained too many injuries and roared its defiance, although it was futile because the money wouldn’t stop flowing out of it. It slowly melted into a puddle of goo as the money oozed out by the truck load and finally, it was no more. The SME monster had finally gone bankrupt.
As if they had just regained their energy back, everyone scrambled to take the money on the floor, grabbing all the bills and coins they could find and fill their clothes and hands with. All the members stuffed the money into their clothes and etc; the unlucky one was, of course, Zhou Mi, who only had hooves. Poor guy. He whinnied his hurt and stomped, which earned him sympathy from Kyuhyun (and a glare from Sungmin). In the end, he was triumphant after all.
Heechul, who was midway through counting the bills in his hand, abruptly stopped when he remembered that Tuxedo Geng was still out cold.
“Hannie!” He called out, running toward the Chinese male. He kneeled next to Han Geng. “How should I wake him up?”
He thought back to his archive of memories of things he would need to remember about Han Geng; a light bulb lit up in his head. He bent down and kissed Han Geng on the lips, and Tuxedo Geng’s eyes slowly fluttered open.
“My babies, not in public!” They both heard Leeteuk wail, but ignored him.
And thus Seoul was saved, and the next day, they all turned back to normal.
(The only bad part was that their money was taken away to pay for damages and Yesung wouldn’t stop gloating about Ddangkkoma for a long, long time.)
THE END
ALTERNATE ENDING
Heechul, almost ridden with despair that almost everyone was too weak to even stand up and the animals were no help, was at loss with what to do to defeat this beast. His words had done little to no damage.
“God, if you’re up there like Siwon says you are, fucking help me out!”
Suddenly, as if God had heard his prayer, he sent a stream of light, shining on one thing: unicorn Zhou Mi.
Heechul almost fell over.
Ddangkkoma, who had somehow gotten to the battle field on time despite his slow speed, began to glow when he made it next to Heechul, and all the Sailor Scouts plus the three cats had rejuvenated and gotten their strength and power back. Nobody questioned Ddangkkoma’s appearance.
“Guys, we must concentrate our powers on Zhou Mi!” Heechul called out to everybody and they all nodded in affirmation. They all closed their eyes and focused. With Ddangkkoma’s supply of energy, they had managed to build up a very, very ghey and sparkly rainbow, which shined all across Seoul. The SME monster squawked in pain and surprise from the light and tried to shield its eyes, but it was futile.
Unicorn Zhou Mi knew his duties. He quickly galloped across the very, very ghey and sparkly rainbow (nobody questioned why he didn’t just fly in the first place) toward the SME monster and leaped a monstrous leap. His horn dug into the brute’s body and tore it apart as Zhou Mi slowly fell down, horn still tearing the villain apart. It seemed like it was raining money from everybody’s perspective, and the very, very ghey and sparkly rainbow only seemed to emphasize the glint of the shower of coins.
The monster screeched its last, hideous screeches before finally melting away, leaving Zhou Mi to bask in his victory and the others to scramble for the money on the ground. The black clouds parted like the red sea, and the very, very ghey and sparkly rainbow shined even more over the city.
And thus Seoul was saved, and the next day, they all turned back to normal.
(Zhou Mi was just a tad disappointed.)
爸爸 - dad/father/papa/daddy
服务员 - waiter
玩游戏 - play games
圭賢,你的中文是不好- kyuhyun (gui xian), your chinese is bad
你说什么 - what are you saying/what did you say
为什么 - why
十元 - ten dollars
始原 - siwon’s chinese name (shi yuan)
我的宝贝们 - my babies/darlings/treasure
我的美女们 - my beauties/beautiful girls
我想念你们 - i miss you all
直到视线变得模糊/直到不能呼吸/让我们形影不离 - (lyrics to At Least I Still Have You) until my eyesight becomes blurry/until i cannot breathe/let us never part
I FINALLY FINISHED THIS. thank you so much to angelina, who came up with almost all the ideas in this fic. :3 sorry for typos
i wanna beat up a monster that bleeds money. :(
...don't ask about the alternate ending.