musesandlyrics | 2.21. The Eels lyrics
2.21. It's a Motherfucker
Being here without you
Thinking 'bout the good times
Thinking 'bout the bad
And I won't ever be the same
It's a Motherfucker - The Eels
Co-written with pullmysteth
[Follows THIS]
Andrew had never dreaded being in the back of an ambulance more than he did that night. He wasn't a paramedic then, just a terrified husband-to-be and father-to-be. All he wanted to do was take Ali's pain away, but nothing could be done until they reached the hospital and knew what was going on. When they left the party, most of the guests seemed to know something had happened; what, exactly, no one could be really sure. One minute the party was in full swing, and the next Ali was being taken away in an ambulance. He might feel guilty about it later, but Andrew didn't give the guests a second thought. It was taking all his effort to not break down in front of Ali. As much as he wanted to bury himself in delusion, he was still a paramedic... he knew what was happening. Of course he did.
At some point after arriving at the Emergency Department, Ali had given verbal permission to the attending doctors to allow Riley to act as a go-between. She was in shock, but rational enough to know she didn't want Andrew trying to deal with everything. Riley was a doctor, and she trusted him. She wasn't sure at this point who else she really wanted to trust beyond Andrew not to leave her alone. At some point in her haze of fear, she forgot to reach out to James and Izzy because she didn't know if they would be there like they hadn't in the past. There wasn't even any request for them to collect Jamie and make sure she was okay, like godparents probably should do. Instead, Andrew firmly insisted the baby girl stay with his mother.
Andrew sat in the hallway of the corridor, his knee bouncing anxiously as he wrung his hands so tightly in front of him, his knuckles were white. They ended up making the decision to sedate Ali through the examinations when she rapidly lost trust to let even the doctors touch her. It had been tough decision for Andrew to make to let them administer the sedative before any news either way was known. But he didn't want Ali's mental health to deteriorate again when she was just recovering from the Post-Natal Depression.
Riley came up beside Andrew and squeezed his shoulder softly. "They're about to do the ultrasound, mate. Do you want to be there for it?" he asked quietly.
Andrew stood up without hesitation. "Yes," he said shortly, focusing on keeping his breathing calm. He didn't want for Riley to lead the way. He knew the ER. A good portions of his call-outs ended up here, and his eyes hadn't left the bay Ali was in. The only reason he had been waiting outside during the examination was so he didn't get in the way and prolong anything. Ali was asleep, oxygen prongs in her nose and an IV line feeding her some IV fluids. Andrew didn't say anything to obstetrician who was waiting to start the ultrasound, he just stood beside Ali's head and took her hand in his, cradling her fingers in his palm.
Riley kept his distance, remaining more out of the bay than in it, but enough to let Andrew know he was still there. It was just all process by this point. Ali had been bleeding heavily, all the classic signs were there. He didn't show it, but he was spooked. Worry for Evie and his babies burned sharply in his gut and he really hoped he managed to explain to her calmly and rationally that he wanted her to go on maternity leave sooner rather than later. He couldn't know what Andrew was feeling right now, but he remembered how Lachlan reacted, and it was like his whole world was falling apart. He could only imagine how it would feel to lose an unborn baby, and Riley nearly broke down himself just at the thought of it. He wouldn't cope if they lost one. And Ali was in her second trimester. Thirteen weeks. The baby would have little fingers and toes... it would be a tiny person already. Their son or daughter.
The obstetrician kept it brief she found the image of the fetus, but no heartbeat was heard over the speakers. No movement. Not even a clear image of a baby there anymore. The woman looked up at Andrew with a small shake of her head. "I'm sorry, Mr Connor," she murmured. "The baby's died. We will need to take Ali into surgery for a currette as soon as possible to avoid infection or complications. It's a simple procedure. We'll have her admitted to the ward and comfortable as soon as possible."
Andrew couldn't stop himself breaking down into devastated tears. He buried his face in his hand, but he nodded. Making sure Ali was safe was always the number one priority. He wasn't sure he would have ever been able to risk her life for an unborn baby's, if he had been faced with a situation like that. He couldn't lose her, but hearing they had lost their baby crushed him. How was he supposed to tell her their baby, that little piece of them both they had become so excited to be sharing, had died?
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 878
Being here without you
Thinking 'bout the good times
Thinking 'bout the bad
And I won't ever be the same
It's a Motherfucker - The Eels
Co-written with pullmysteth
[Follows THIS]
Andrew had never dreaded being in the back of an ambulance more than he did that night. He wasn't a paramedic then, just a terrified husband-to-be and father-to-be. All he wanted to do was take Ali's pain away, but nothing could be done until they reached the hospital and knew what was going on. When they left the party, most of the guests seemed to know something had happened; what, exactly, no one could be really sure. One minute the party was in full swing, and the next Ali was being taken away in an ambulance. He might feel guilty about it later, but Andrew didn't give the guests a second thought. It was taking all his effort to not break down in front of Ali. As much as he wanted to bury himself in delusion, he was still a paramedic... he knew what was happening. Of course he did.
At some point after arriving at the Emergency Department, Ali had given verbal permission to the attending doctors to allow Riley to act as a go-between. She was in shock, but rational enough to know she didn't want Andrew trying to deal with everything. Riley was a doctor, and she trusted him. She wasn't sure at this point who else she really wanted to trust beyond Andrew not to leave her alone. At some point in her haze of fear, she forgot to reach out to James and Izzy because she didn't know if they would be there like they hadn't in the past. There wasn't even any request for them to collect Jamie and make sure she was okay, like godparents probably should do. Instead, Andrew firmly insisted the baby girl stay with his mother.
Andrew sat in the hallway of the corridor, his knee bouncing anxiously as he wrung his hands so tightly in front of him, his knuckles were white. They ended up making the decision to sedate Ali through the examinations when she rapidly lost trust to let even the doctors touch her. It had been tough decision for Andrew to make to let them administer the sedative before any news either way was known. But he didn't want Ali's mental health to deteriorate again when she was just recovering from the Post-Natal Depression.
Riley came up beside Andrew and squeezed his shoulder softly. "They're about to do the ultrasound, mate. Do you want to be there for it?" he asked quietly.
Andrew stood up without hesitation. "Yes," he said shortly, focusing on keeping his breathing calm. He didn't want for Riley to lead the way. He knew the ER. A good portions of his call-outs ended up here, and his eyes hadn't left the bay Ali was in. The only reason he had been waiting outside during the examination was so he didn't get in the way and prolong anything. Ali was asleep, oxygen prongs in her nose and an IV line feeding her some IV fluids. Andrew didn't say anything to obstetrician who was waiting to start the ultrasound, he just stood beside Ali's head and took her hand in his, cradling her fingers in his palm.
Riley kept his distance, remaining more out of the bay than in it, but enough to let Andrew know he was still there. It was just all process by this point. Ali had been bleeding heavily, all the classic signs were there. He didn't show it, but he was spooked. Worry for Evie and his babies burned sharply in his gut and he really hoped he managed to explain to her calmly and rationally that he wanted her to go on maternity leave sooner rather than later. He couldn't know what Andrew was feeling right now, but he remembered how Lachlan reacted, and it was like his whole world was falling apart. He could only imagine how it would feel to lose an unborn baby, and Riley nearly broke down himself just at the thought of it. He wouldn't cope if they lost one. And Ali was in her second trimester. Thirteen weeks. The baby would have little fingers and toes... it would be a tiny person already. Their son or daughter.
The obstetrician kept it brief she found the image of the fetus, but no heartbeat was heard over the speakers. No movement. Not even a clear image of a baby there anymore. The woman looked up at Andrew with a small shake of her head. "I'm sorry, Mr Connor," she murmured. "The baby's died. We will need to take Ali into surgery for a currette as soon as possible to avoid infection or complications. It's a simple procedure. We'll have her admitted to the ward and comfortable as soon as possible."
Andrew couldn't stop himself breaking down into devastated tears. He buried his face in his hand, but he nodded. Making sure Ali was safe was always the number one priority. He wasn't sure he would have ever been able to risk her life for an unborn baby's, if he had been faced with a situation like that. He couldn't lose her, but hearing they had lost their baby crushed him. How was he supposed to tell her their baby, that little piece of them both they had become so excited to be sharing, had died?
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 878