When Stars Align On Borrowed Time - Kris x Tao - 1/3
Title: When Stars Align On Borrowed Time
Author:paranoiascreams
Pairings: Kris x Tao, Chanyeol x Baekhyun
Wordcount: 24, 379
Rating: NC-17
Warning/s: character death
Summary: Sometimes it’s funny when a book tells about your whole existence in every word and every page. That’s what Tao - a boy with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia - thinks when he meets Yifan in a Cancer Support Group meeting. And no, it’s not okay.
Disclaimer: The Fault In Our Stars is John Green’s, not mine. I tried my best to interpret the novel as I see fit for a fanfiction. Crossposted from KTStylefest.
Tao thinks it's funny when he sets the book down on his bed. They say there are books that tell you about your life even if the author is a stranger to you, nor the book's been translated from another language but yeah, Tao thinks it's still funny how this book has become his own biography even without having met John Green.
He is no Hazel Grace. But Tao thinks they have a lot in common and one major factor is that he's got cancer - acute lymphoblastic leukemia - and he's not sure if he's already a survivor since he's only finished chemotherapy 6 months ago. His hair hasn't grown out completely yet - it's not that he's bald but the growth is awkward; his weight is still below normal. His doctor said he needs to be in constant checkups until they're sure he's in complete remission.
"Tao, you have support group in 20 minutes." His mother calls out from the other side of the door. Tao sighs - that - he has too. An overprotective mother just like Hazel's. And the support group and everything 'The Fault in Our Stars' has. Except Augustus Waters.
"Tao! Support group."
"Yes, mom!" He rolls his eyes without removing himself off his bed, right. As if he's ever gonna find a guy as perfect as Augustus Waters in his support group.
-----
"I'll pick you up later at 5." His mom tells him before unlocking the locks of the car, "Make some friends."
"Mom, I'm a dying person and the people in there are dying too! I don't need to add more grief to people than I already do."
"Tao. Just... Just go inside."
Tao knows he shouldn't have said those words when he sees how crestfallen his mom's face becomes. He takes his cap and lowers it on his face. He hates his hair, he hates how thin his face looks and he hates how his medicines are making him depressed and angry all the time.
He steps out of the car in silence and heads inside the warehouse where the support meeting happens. He's been here for at least 3 times now since he only started going out of the house 2 months ago and he still hasn't bothered to befriend anybody within the group.
And just like any other support group, they always just ask how the week's been. Tao's glad that their leader is Sunny, a breast cancer survivor who had to give up her budding career as a model ever since she lost one of her boobs. True to her name, she is a joy to be around, she even jokes about having a hard time looking for a bra made for just a boob. Tao thinks at least this isn't as gloomy as a cancer support group should be.
"Tao?"
"Huh?" Tao looks up from his eyes on the floor and finds Sunny smiling at him, "Oh yeah. I'm Huang Zitao. Still in fear of A.L.L. recurrence. Still alive, I guess."
"We'll pray for your complete remission." Sunny speaks again, "We'll survive this. It's just cancer, not the end of the world." She gives a reassuring smile and Tao knows she's saying those words to give the people in the circle a glimmer of hope that they all will see their own version of their end of the world once they beat cancer and not the other way around.
"I'm Park Chanyeol." Tao turns his head to find a guy on a wheelchair, "Looks like I'll be getting my artificial leg this Friday afternoon."
"That's good news!" Sunny claps her hands and the rest congratulates Chanyeol. Tao sighs. So they have an amputee, but he isn't Augustus Waters. Not with his twitching eye and protruding ears. Way too dorky to be his own Augustus. And he seems like he's taken too, since he's now talking about his fear, and surprisingly, it's not dying - it's about not being with Baekhyun if he dies.
The meeting goes on and on, giving their thanks to the chances they've been given to live another day, and then saying their prayers to those who have passed on - Tao hasn't met anybody yet who's died ever since he came to the meetings. He wonders when he'll be at the end of the list and how the people around him will react; probably as robotic as they all say a short prayer before the end of each session:
"Your suffering has ended; fly and spread your wings into the heavens."
Tao really wonders when.
His mother is waiting in the parking lot when he steps out of the warehouse. She's smiling at him and it hurts because even behind that brilliant smile, there's also suffering. Because of him. Because he's sick.
"Did you make any friends?" She asks and Tao shakes his head, "Are you tired?"
"No."
"Is it okay if we drop by the supermarket? I wasn't able to buy anything for dinner."
Tao checks his watch and he's been at the meeting for 3 hours, enough time for his mother to go shopping. He turns to his mother, "Mom, didn't you leave?"
"I wanted to make sure I'm here if anything happens to you."
Tao sighs and turns to the window, "Let's go. Dinner isn't going to make itself..." The young male feels his mother squeeze his hand before the car drives away to the supermarket.
They've lived in the neighborhood all their lives and it's annoying when everyone they know sees him, and they all ask the same question: 'Are you okay?'
And Tao wants to answer: 'If by okay you mean in constant fear of having a recurrence, then I am more than okay.'
"I'm fine, Mrs. Kim. I'm on remission."
"That's nice to hear." The old lady gives him a slight squeeze in the arm and he whinces a little, "Oh dear, you're all skin and bones!"
'I've just had cancer, thank you very much.'
Tao laughs rather awkwardly and politely tells her, "I've just finished treatment, I'm still getting back my weight."
"Alright. I won't keep you."
'Thank god.'
"Thank you, Mrs. Kim."
"You'll be in my prayers." The woman smiles before walking away. Tao grits his teeth, he didn't want to be in anybody's prayers, it's a burden - on himself and to the person praying for him. He spots another old neighbor who unfortunately spots him too and he wants to run away now, because he really hates shopping with his mother ever since he got out of the hospital. All he does is sit pretty on a lounge area as she does her shopping and every time he's left alone, there will always be someone he barely knows that will engage him in the same conversation he's already had with Mrs. Kim.
"Mrs. Choi, hi!" Tao's mother cuts the woman walking over Tao's and he's never been more relieved for his mother's presence. "Yeah, he's fine. We're hoping that he'll be in complete remission in the future." The older woman speaks again and Tao's mother laughs with her, "He's a strong kid. Don't worry, Mrs. Choi. We should go, we're already late for dinner as it is."
She nods at Tao and her son walks to her. He just nods silently at Mrs. Choi before he and his mother pushes the cart out to the parking lot.
"Are you okay?" His mother asks before she starts the car, Tao turns to him in an exasperated mood, "Mom, please! Not you, too. You'll know if I'm not okay, I'd probably be dead, then."
"Huang Zitao!"
"Take me home mom. I'm really tired." Tao isn't joking. Since he's still recovering, he really can't be out for much longer, he can't be too tired since it's possible for him to faint suddenly if he gets too exhausted. Tao's mother doesn't say anything anymore and drives their way back home. Tao walks straight to his bedroom while his mother seeks solace in the kitchen. His dad will probably catch her crying again when he comes home from work, and Tao will hear them which hurts him, too. It's not easy, not when he's an only child and his parents loved him too much. He has never heard any of his parents say it but he knows in their heads, they're saying what Hazel Grace's mom's fear was - Tao's mom won't be a mother anymore when he dies, nor will his dad be a father, too.
Dinner is silent, ever since he's been sick, they haven't had a fun conversation among the three of them. After today's outburst in the car, Tao's sure there's less things to talk about now. He hasn't been going to school, so scratch anything new, the support group is a big taboo inside the house because Tao hates talking about cancer inside the house which means they can't ask if he's okay. He's not okay, he won't ever be okay.
"Thank you for dinner. I'm going to bed." Tao nods to his parents and leaves the dining area. He's almost out of earshot when he hears his mother's sobs.
'He's shutting himself out from us. Even if he's here, it's like he's not anymore. I miss my baby...'
Tao bites his lower lip and walks faster to his room, no matter how much he wants to be their 'baby boy' again, his condition made him shut himself out from everyone.
-----
"Tao, you'll be late for support group." Tao's mother calls out from the hallway. It's been a week, and it just flew by like that. Tao can barely remember what happened in the past few days, aside from locking himself inside his room and reading a few pages from his collection of books.
He lazily sits up and changes his clothes. Not less than 20 minutes later, he and his mother are driving silently to the warehouse. Once they arrive, Tao turns to his mother, "You don't have to wait. If you need to go to the supermarket, do it please."
"I don't have to go anywhere."
"Mom, please. You don't have to hover me all the time."
"Tao, not today. We'll talk about this at home."
"I just want you to live normally, mom. I just... Okay." Tao says nothing more and steps out of the car. "Just go somewhere else, mom. I'll be fine."
His mother sighs and starts the car, "I'll be at the coffeeshop a block from here." She tells him before speeding away. Tao turns and puts on his earphones as the confrontation lingers in his mind and he keeps walking to the warehouse.
"Watch out!!! WATCH OUT!!!"
Tao doesn't have enough time to process everything when strong arms are around him and he's falling, falling, 'I'm dying, I'm dying!!!' and then a loud thud of him hitting something hard and a loud groan reverberates on his ear.
Tao is shaken but manages to sit upright and this is just embarrassing. He's straddling a complete and beautiful stranger under him, he tries to remove himself immediately from the other male but said male grabs him by the wrist, "Are you okay?!"
For once, Tao doesn't hate the question, "Y-yeah. I'm a bit shaken, but yeah... Thanks, I guess..."
"Yeah... No problem." The blond under Tao groans again as he sits up and leans against his elbows. Tao uses this distraction to remove himself from the stranger, he extends a hand to help him up but the blond smirks, "I'd pull you down with me. Look at you, you're a lightweight."
Tao retracts his hand and the blond struggles to stand from the ground, they see two people running up to them and Tao recognizes the other as Park Chanyeol.
"Hey! Are you okay?" The shorter of the two asks and the blond brushes off his pants from dirt and mumbles an angry, "Fine."
"I told you!" The shorter of the two hits Chanyeol's arm like a punching bag, and the twitchy-eyed boy laughs it off then looks at Tao, "I'm really sorry."
"It's fine." Tao nods his head and walks away from the three. "He's scary..." The shorter male comments and Chanyeol pats his head, "Wait for me, Baekhyun?"
"Of course." Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol, "And give me your skateboard. I told you, a thousand times I told you, you're not yet used to your new leg."
"Sorry, Baekkie. Shall we go?"
"Yeah."
-----
'That can't be right.' Tao thinks when Chanyeol and the blond stranger walks inside the warehouse. Tao decides to ignore them both because he's been ignoring everyone anyway. Tao busies himself by pretending to be listening to the others in the room, and they're all retelling all about themselves for the new guy who's still about to speak.
"Tao? Your turn." Sunny turns to him with a smile and he sighs. When he looks up, the stranger is staring at him, "Uhm. I'm Tao. I've been diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia when I was 15. I've just finished treatment 6 months ago after almost three years. I'm uninteresting, so yeah. I'm still alive, still in fear of recurrence."
"That's what scares you?" The blond across him asks without blinking, Tao shrugs. The other male chuckles and stands up, "I'm Wu Yifan. I have Thymic Carcinoma. It's been a year since my treatment and I'm fine, I guess. I'm in remission and it doesn't bother me at all whether the cancer will come back." Yifan turns to Tao, "I've battled it before, I'm gonna win against it again if the bastard comes back."
Tao lowers his head in shame. He realizes just how strong Yifan's character is, and how weak himself is. The rest of the meeting placed Tao in perpetual unease, aside that he feels humiliated, Yifan won't stop staring at him.
An hour more passes by and the meeting's finally over. Tao tries his best to immediately leave the warehouse but when he gets out, his mother's car is not in the parking lot.
"Hey."
Tao turns his head to find Yifan standing next to him, "What?"
"Wanna grab dinner?"
Tao raises an eyebrow and shakes his head, "My mom's picking me up."
"I'll take you home! Come on! Live a little, Tao."
"No." Tao turns away and waits for his mother. He doesn't have a phone since radiation can be very bad for his condition. Tao feels uneasy because when he looks at Yifan, the blond is still staring at him. "You have a nasty habit, Yifan."
"Nasty habit?"
"Stop staring. It's rude."
"We're living on borrowed time, why deprive ourselves from looking at something beautiful?"
"Now you're just being an asshole." Tao starts walking away but Yifan follows him, "Stop following me!"
"Where are you going?"
"None of your business!"
"Yifan!"
Both Yifan and Tao turns to find Baekhyun running up to him, "We've been waiting for you! Are you coming? Chanyeol needs to go home. He says his new leg hurts."
"Give me a minute and I'll get back to you. I'm still talking with Tao here. I might be taking him home."
"Okay." Baekhyun waves them goodbye then runs back from where he came from. Tao glares at Yifan, "Who says you're coming with me?"
"Me."
"Ugh, you're annoying."
"And you're adorable."
Their conversation ends when a car honks from behind Tao, he turns around to find his mom waving at him, "I'm gonna go, Yifan."
"See you next week."
Tao shrugs then walks to the car. Yifan waves him goodbye before turning to the other direction.
"Made a new friend?"
"I'm not sure."
"He looks like a nice boy."
"He sure does..." Tao sighs and looks out the window, "He looks really healthy."
"Tao... You're going to be healthy. You've just finished treatment."
Tao stays silent, his mother doesn't say anything more. Tao sighs, "Where were you...?"
"I'm so sorry. I met my high school friend and we just started talking. Don't worry, I won't-"
"Mom, it's okay." Tao turns to his mother, "It's really okay. I wouldn't mind you going out once in a while."
"Tao, I can't."
Tao smiles at his mother, "You can, mom. You must."
"Tao... You keep pushing me away."
Tao shakes his head, "No. Mom, I'm not. You won't understand because you don't want to. Just forget it. Let's go home."
-----
"Tao, there's someone looking for you."
Tao removes the pillow over his head and looks at his mother, "What...?"
"I said someone's looking for you." His mother is smiling, which is weird because smiles are almost non-existent in their household lately. Tao raises an eyebrow and looks at his mother in confusion, "Yeah, I heard and again, what?"
"Oh come on, get your body off the bed. He said if you don't come down in 15 minutes, he's coming up!"
"And you didn't think that's strange?"
His mother chuckles and puts her hands on her waist, "He was with you in the parking lot and he seemed nice."
Tao checks the calendar, it's a Saturday and 2 days after support meeting. Parking lot means Yifan, and no. No Yifan.
"Tell him to go away. He's not my friend." Tao grunts and buries himself with a blanket again.
"Hey, that hurts."
Tao sits up immediately to come face to face with Yifan leaning against the doorframe behind his mother. The blond is eating a sandwich obviously offered by Mrs. Huang.
"MOM!"
"He's charming. He's here now so, bye." His mother teases before walking out of the room.
"How the hell did you find me!?"
"Followed the scent of a brooding boy mixed with a raging anger to life."
"Seriously. Stalker." Tao lies back on the bed. Yifan smirks and sits behind Tao, "Get off my bed!"
"Come on. It's a nice Saturday. I already promised Chanyeol and Baekhyun we're all watching movies together." Yifan tells him. When Tao doesn't indicate any intention of getting up, he lies next to him. Tao immediately jumps off the bed and runs to one corner of the room.
"See? Not too hard to get off the bed, right?" Yifan turns to his side to look at Tao, "Though I like your bed, it's soft and fluffy."
"And I need you to get off it."
Yifan smiles, he jumps off the bed and rummages Tao's dresser, the younger squeals and immediately stops him, "What are you doing?!!"
"Making sure you're dressed well. Go and take a shower, I'll take care of your clothes."
"Get out of my room! I can take care of myself."
Yifan closes the dresser and walks out of the room, "I'll wait for you downstairs. I've already charmed your mother, I'm sure she won't mind me walking in on you while you shower."
"GET OUT!" Tao yells and slams the door to his face. Yifan chuckles then walks back to the living room where Tao's mother is waiting for him. "He's coming."
"Thank you, Yifan. He's still falling apart and he's pushing us away. I trust you, you make me want to entrust my son to you, so please, don't exhaust him too much."
"Ma'am, you don't have to worry. He's in good hands."
Tao's mother offers another sandwich to Yifan, in which he didn't refuse. He sits on the couch with her and she starts talking, "Are you new to the support group?"
"Kind of. We moved to Canada when I was going for treatment. We just recently moved back here and Chanyeol, the one-legged dork, was my roommate in the hospital before I flew out of the country. He's the one who told me about the support group."
"I see. That's nice... What made you take interest with Tao?"
"Why not? I'm sure he's nice. I've been depressed and angry, too."
"Okay. I'm glad to know there's someone he can really talk to."
Mrs. Huang stands and excuses herself to prepare Tao's breakfast. Yifan takes the pleasure of scanning the household, and he sees a younger looking Tao laughing and smiling in the pictures. Yifan takes notice that the pictures displayed never showed Tao beyond 15 years old, the latest one displayed is a picture of him maybe around 14, a bit thinner than the older pictures and even with a smile - obviously a bit sadder.
"Stop making yourself at home."
"You were so cute!" Yifan grins and picks up a framed picture of Tao around 3-4 years old smiling cutely to the camera bundled in a fluffy jacket and yellow scarf topped with a matching beanie, "What happened to all of this?"
"Cancer happened." Tao frowns and Yifan grunts, "Yeah, and cold. And fever. Damn, even stomachache happens."
"You're such an annoying prick." Tao huffs and heads to the kitchen. Yifan sets the picture back down to the dresser before following the other. "Just so you know, Tao-didi, I'm 21. I'm your gege."
"Yuck, you're old." Tao teases and Yifan laughs, "And you're still a child."
"Old enough to die." Tao mumbles and Yifan sighs, "You're still alive. I'm gonna kick you if you say anything depressing again."
Tao rolls his eyes and takes the sandwich his mom offered him, "I used to do wushu. I may be weak now, but I can probably kick your ass someday."
Yifan smiles widely and stares at Tao which makes the younger uncomfortable, "What!?"
"So there's a 'someday'. See? There's something to look forward to."
"... I hate you."
Tao's mother clears her throat, "Are you sure the both of you will be okay on your own?"
"We'll be fine, mom. I can take care of myself."
-----
"Just so you know, we are not friends." Tao announces when he gets inside Yifan's car. "You're a stalker."
Yifan chuckles as he starts the car, "Didn't see you complaining when you got in."
"I'm complaining now."
"Breathe." Yifan pinches his cheek lightly and Tao yelps, "So cute."
"Stop it."
"Okay."
"Where are we going?" Tao asks and Yifan doesn't answer. "Yifan!"
"We're picking up the couple. Relax."
"What movie are we watching?"
"Surprise."
"I hate surprises." Tao scoffs and Yifan pinches his cheek again, "You hate everything."
"... Shut up."
They stay in silence until they drive up to a driveway where Chanyeol and Baekhyun are waiting outside the steps of a nice house 5 blocks from Tao's. "Man, you're late." Chanyeol comments as he steps inside the car, Yifan shrugs and looks at the couple on the backseat, "Don't blame me. Blame the princess."
"Hi, I'm Baekhyun. I'm Chanyeol's boyfriend. You must be Yifan's!"
"Yifan's...?" Tao asks then gasps, "No! No-no-no!!! I'm Tao. He abducted me after charming my mother!"
"You're the scary kid with ALL, right?" Chanyeol asks and Tao nods, "I'm sorry about the other day. I lost control of the skateboard."
"No harm done, I think." Tao tells Chanyeol, Yifan chuckles from behind the wheel, "I got Tao to straddle me, so I'm thankful."
"YOU'RE A CREEP!!!!" Tao yells and the three with him laughs.
-----
"You're kidding." Tao stares at the posters lined up in the theater, "You're fucking kidding me."
"It will be fun." Yifan puts an arm around his shoulders and Tao shakes him off, "It's the horror-flick festival! We're watching movies all day for the price of one ticket!"
"Take me home!!!" Tao whines and stomps his feet, "I'm not joking, Yifan. Take me home."
"You don't have to be scared. I'm here."
Tao sighs, "I really hate you." Tao doesn't even have the energy to protest anymore when Yifan wraps an arm around him again and leads him to the concession stands while Chanyeol and Baekhyun buy their tickets. "Any comfort food you'd want to eat?"
"Everything tastes blah."
Yifan scoffs at Tao and proceeds to buy popcorn and chips. They're still buying when the couple runs up to them to hand over their tickets. "Movie starts in 10 minutes. Let's go! I wanna see the movie trailers!" Baekhyun excitedly tells them, Tao pouts, "Please just let me go home."
"Scared?" Chanyeol teases and Tao shyly nods. Yifan sighs and pushes the snacks to Chanyeol's chest and pulls Tao closer to him again, "You'll be okay."
"Here you go." Chanyeol hands them the tickets, "We made sure we're ways apart. I mean, you know."
"Yeah. I don't wanna hear you eating off Baekhyun's face." Yifan pushes Tao inside the theater to find their seats.
It's 20 minutes into the movie when Tao starts to feel uneasy about everything. Sure, the cinema's full and there aren't any vacant seats around them, but aside from the anxiety of having a lot of people around him, the movie's suspense is starting to pick up.
"You okay?" Yifan whispers without having to look at Tao, the younger only whimpers in response. Yifan sighs and pulls up the armrest, "Come here."
Tao reluctantly pushes himself closer to Yifan's even if he's not really that comfortable to be intimate with Yifan like this. The blond wraps an arm around Tao and the younger leans into the comfort. An hour into the movie and Tao is burying his face on Yifan's chest, "Tao..."
"I don't want to look." Yifan hears the broken voice and feels the wetness on his shirt. He takes a deep breath and sighs, "Let's get out of here."
"But your friends..."
"Chanyeol and Baekhyun can take the bus." Yifan stands and pulls Tao to his feet. Once they're out of the cinema, Yifan walks a few distance from Tao to text Chanyeol about their early departure.
"Come on, let's drive somewhere."
Yifan and Tao walks back to the car; Yifan drives off immediately. "Where are we going?" Tao asks and Yifan just smiles at him.
They live in the suburbs and it's not really a bustling city like Seoul, there are still uninhabited areas and places that are hidden within their city. "Yifan. Really. Where?"
"Don't you trust me?" Yifan smiles at him again and Tao doesn't answer. The drive is fairly quiet after that. Tao notes that they have passed by his block and is driving on. Not more than an hour later they arrive in an abandoned land of green grass. Yifan parks the car on the side of the road and ushers Tao out. They walk further until they reach a small hill with an old oak tree. "Wow, I didn't know there's a place like this here." Tao muses and Yifan smirks, "See? Trust me."
"Okay." Tao looks at Yifan and the other starts to rummage his bag. Tao chuckles softly when Yifan starts to lay out a blanket underneath the tree, "Did you plan this?"
"Yeah. Plan B if Plan A backfired."
"Plan A?"
"Earlier." Yifan pats the space next to him and Tao sits on it. "The movie date was a bust. I didn't mean to make you cry."
"A date? You kidnapped me so we can date?"
"Sort of. I didn't have any means to contact you."
"Which reminds me. How did you find my house?"
"It's a small neighborhood. I saw your mother yesterday in the supermarket and I started talking to her. She remembered me from support group so it didn't turn creepy."
"Ahhh. My mom's been pushing me to find friends."
Yifan smiles at him and lies on the blanket, "But I don't want to be just your friend, Tao."
"What do you mean?"
Yifan turns to his side and puts his head on his palm, "I want to date you. Take you to more hidden places and show you more of the world."
"Isn't this going too fast?" Tao asks with an eyebrow raised, Yifan smiles at him, "We can talk about it tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?"
Yifan nods and lies back on the blanket, "Yes. We'll always have tomorrow, Tao."
"Tomorrow." Tao smiles and lies next to Yifan. "It feels good here."
"Hmn. So, what's your full name?"
Tao's eyes widen and turns to Yifan, "What?"
"Your full name?"
Augustus Waters...?
"H... Huang Zitao."
"I'm Wu Yifan. What's your story?"
"I already told you my story. I'm diagnosed with A.L.L--"
"Not that story. I mean your story."
"I... I used to attend a private school and did wushu. I was a healthy kid until I started drastically losing weight and became weak. Next thing we know I have leukemia. They say it was fortunate they've detected it immediately. I was 15, I was growing up and I had to stop because I needed to be in the hospital and three years later, I'm out. I missed out on everything. I have no story, Yifan."
"I was a captain of the basketball team in high school. The symptoms showed when I started having this pain in my chest and I started having a hard time breathing. Next thing I know I was in the hospital for a year here in South Korea and then in Canada after. I was 16. I stayed in hospitals almost just as long as you. If you think about it, I have no story as well."
"We're sad." Tao chuckles. Yifan sits up and looks at the horizon, the younger joins him and he notices that the sun is setting, "Hey, Zitao."
"It's Tao."
Yifan turns to him with that serene smile of his, "Zitao. Let's make our own story. Let's make a lot of stories with every tomorrow we have."
There's something about Yifan, Tao thinks as he stares at those eyes while the sun is setting. It's not because he completes his own version of his favorite book to be his Gus, but because this is Yifan - Tao's exact opposite. The person who's willing to spend every day with him even if he's often angry and depressed, even if they've only recently met. This is Yifan, full of positivity about life in which he obviously lacks.
"So, Zitao. Tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Tomorrow."
They watch the sunset together before Yifan takes out his flashlight and puts the blanket back into his bag. He takes Tao's hand and leads the way back to his car.
"Are you tired now?" Yifan asks and Tao nods, "Sorry about that. I'll take you home now."
"Yes, please."
They make it back to Tao's place just in time before his dad arrives judging by the absence of his dad's car in the garage. Tao removes his seatbelt and is about to open the door when Yifan stops him, "I have something for you."
"What is it?"
Yifan hands him a walkie-talkie. It's bulky and vintage which makes Tao question Yifan with a confused look, "I already set it up. I can't talk to you over a cellphone so this is what we'll use. Keep it on."
"Thanks."
"Come on, I'll walk you to your door."
"You don't have to. I don't want my mom to fuzz over when he finds you by the doorstep."
"Okay, Zitao. Whatever you want."
Tao nods, "Oh. And... And thank you for today."
"I'll see you tomorrow, Zitao."
"Tomorrow, Yifan." Tao smiles and leaves the car. He waves Yifan goodbye before walking faster to the door. He turns to tell Yifan to leave, the blond waves goodbye before driving away.
"How was your day?" Tao's mother asks the moment he walks in through the door. "It's fine. I'm a bit tired."
"Are you hungry?"
Tao nods, and his mother ushers him to the dining area, "Where's dad?"
"He said he'll be home a little late. Shall we eat?"
The young male just nods again. They eat in silence because his mother can sense that Tao doesn't want to talk about his day with Yifan. Tao heads to his bedroom after his quick dinner and readies himself to sleep when he hears a strange sound coming from his bag.
He rummages his bag and finds the walkie-talkie speaking to him.
'It's Yifan. Zitao, are you there? Over.'
Tao smiles and presses the small button on the side of the device, "I'm here. Over."
'Shouldn't we have an alias or something? Over.'
"Yeah. I guess... Over?"
'You're so cute, peach. I don't like the word 'over'. Let's not use it.'
"Okay? And what's with peach?"
'That's your name, right?'
"Uhm, yeah..."
'Then that's your alias. Feel free to call me however you want.'
"Kris."
'Kris? Why Kris?'
"It was the name of my favorite koala plushie when I was a kid..."
'Does this make me your favorite person now?'
Tao laughs, "Good night, Kris."
'I'll see you tomorrow, Peach.'
"I'll see you tomorrow."
-----
Tao turns to his side but his arm lands on something different. He immediately opens his eyes to find Yifan sleeping soundly next to him.
He sits up and walks silently out of his room to look for his mother. "Mom!"
"Yeah?"
"What is Yifan doing in my room?!"
"Oh." She looks at the wallclock behind Tao, "He's in your room for about an hour now and he said he'll wake you up."
"He's been here since 6am and you just let him in? Just like that? In my room?"
"I trust that boy and I'm sure you do, too. He met your father earlier before he left for his morning jog and he likes Yifan. If anything, you're the only one rejecting him."
"I... I'm going back to bed."
His mother smiles at him, "Alright. Keep the door slightly open."
"MOM!" Tao yells and stalks off. He returns to the room and slide himself quietly back to his place. Yifan stays asleep and Tao stares, he stares until there's movement from the blond and he's waking up. "Hi, Zitao."
"Uh, hi."
"Sorry, I fell asleep."
"You're here way too early. Why are you here?"
Yifan rubs the sleep off his eyes as he presses himself further into the pillow, "Today is tomorrow."
"I didn't think you'd see me this early though. I have a doctor's appointment."
"On a Sunday?"
"Yeah. I'd rather have it on Sundays." Tao tells him softly, Yifan runs a thumb on his cheek, "I like you more like this..."
"Yifan... I... I don't think I can answer you today, either..."
Yifan shrugs and sits up, "Tomorrow?"
Tao nods, "Tomorrow."
The blond grins and tells Tao to get off the bed before running down the hallways. Tao looks at the blue book sitting by his bedside table and sighs, "Maybe 'tomorrow' will be our okay."
When he gets out of his room, Yifan and his dad are talking in the living room while his mother is preparing their breakfast. "Oh Tao. Looks like Yifan and I are gonna be good buddies!"
"Really? Great, I guess." Tao heads to the kitchen, "Mom, what is going on?"
"We're having breakfast and then I'll take you to your doctor."
"No. Not that. With Yifan."
"He's coming, too."
"He's coming to my maintenance therapy? Are you serious?"
"Yes, Peach. I am."
"I don't want you there!" Tao screams and stalks off. His mother is about to chase after him when Yifan stops her, "I'll handle this, ma'am."
Tao's parents watch Yifan knock on their son's door. They sigh when they hear Tao screams, "GO AWAY!!!"
"Let me in..." Yifan whispers, "Tell me what's wrong."
"JUST GO AWAY!!!"
Tao's mother walks to Yifan and pulls him away from the door, "Yifan, I think it's best that you leave him alone for now. It's not good for him to be this upset."
"Okay. I'm really sorry. It wasn't my intention." Yifan bows apologetically to Tao's parents then turns back to the door, "I'll see you tomorrow."
All he hears is a soft sob from the other side of the door but he's sure there's a very, very faint "Tomorrow..." There, too.
Tao doesn't hear anything from Yifan for the rest of the day. He skips dinner and lays on his bed feeling bad about the whole drama that morning. He sits up and reaches for the walkie-talkie by his bedside table. He turns on the device and is met with a static frequency.
"Kris? It's Peach."
Nothing. He tries again, he tries for at least 7 times before giving up. He lies back on his bed when finally, his walkie-talkie responds.
'I'm so sorry, Peach. I really didn't mean to make you upset.'
"I'm sorry, too."
'Can you still go out'
Tao checks the clock and it says 9 PM, "I guess...? I don't know. I never knew if I have a curfew."
'Should we find out?'
"Are you serious?"
'Yeah. I'm already in front of your house.'
"Should I sneak out?"
'Do you want me to talk to your parents?'
"No. Give me 5 minutes."
Tao takes a jacket, his spare keys, and the walkie-talkie before stuffing everything in his bag, he changes his clothes to warmer ones before stepping out of the house. He finds Yifan's car and the blond steps out of his vehicle, "Hey, I'm so sorry."
"Let's not talk here. My parents are still awake."
"Alright."
The drive is fairly quiet and uneventful as there's still an awkward air between them. They drive back to the direction of the hill but this time, Yifan tells Tao they won't have to take the short hike to go to where the oak tree is. The blond lays out the blanket over the trunk of his black 1967 Chevrolet Impala and asks Tao to join him.
"Are you gonna tell me why?" Yifan asks after a few minutes of silence. Tao sighs and nods, "I don't want you to see me in a hospital. I don't want you to know how I fare at the moment."
"But you're fine."
Tao starts to sob silently next to him, "That's why I can't tell you how I feel about you, because I'm not healthy. I may be on remission but who knows what will happen to me? To you? We're both unsure of what to become of us, Yifan. I'm scared. I don't want to leave you heartbroken."
"Oh. I wouldnt mind, Huang Zitao. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."
Tao's eyes widen and looks at Yifan, "What...?"
Yifan smiles at him and leans against the back window of his car, "I've read 'The Fault In Our Stars', too. I saw the book by your bedside table and from the tear and wear, I'm sure you've read it a lot. That book, for some odd reason, has become a sort of bible for cancer survivors. But, Tao, I'm not Augustus Waters, you're not Hazel Grace. How funny it might be that we're living the things John Green wrote in his novel, but remember that we're not them, his book is not our story. I told you, we have to make our own story together."
Yifan looks at Tao who's still got tears in his eyes, "Don't be scared to tell me how you feel because I'm pretty sure we're gonna have a different ending from Hazel and Augustus." Yifan sits up and cups Tao's face between his hands, "We will end up together. Nobody gets left behind."
"Yifan..." Tao sniffs and Yifan smiles, "Don't be scared anymore."
"How can you like me this much?"
"Who says I like you?"
Tao gapes and Yifan smiles, "I love you. It doesn't matter how short the time that I've known you. We're on borrowed time, and if I can tell you I love you everyday, in every tomorrow, I will."
"Yifan..."
"I didn't fall in love the way you fall asleep; slowly and all at once. No." Yifan runs his thumbs on Tao's tear-stricken cheeks, "I fell in love with you just the way I met you the first time."
Tao chuckles and Yifan presses their foreheads together, "I fell in love with you fast and hard."
"Yifan, please... Give me a bit more time. I know nothing of love, and everything is new to me. I like you, that's for sure, but for now, that's all I can offer."
"As long as you'd let me hold you close, and you'd let me keep you beside me, I'm more than glad." Yifan wipes Tao's face, "Stop crying. Your mother says it's bad for you."
Tao nods and lets himself get used to Yifan's warm embrace.
They're lying silently under the stars minutes later. Tao starts to shiver and Yifan covers him with the spare blanket. "I think we should go home, Tao. I'm keeping you out for too long."
"Yeah..." Tao tells Yifan lazily and the older helps him get off the trunk of the car. Yifan drives slowly and the silence between them is comforting. Tao gets off the car and tells Yifan he doesn't have to walk him to his doorstep.
Tao is already preparing to go to bed when his walkie-talkie starts speaking.
'Did you get caught?'
"Nope. They're already in bed when I got home. They never disturb me when I tell them to leave me alone."
'What are we doing tomorrow?'
"I don't know. You tell me."
'We can hang out in Chanyeol's basement. He has a PS3 and we can just play. Baekhyun can join us after his classes.'
"Won't he mind?"
'He won't. I'll pick you up after lunch.'
"Okay. Tomorrow, then."
'Tomorrow.'
"Good night, Kris."
'I love you, Peach.'
Tao smiles and doesn't respond. He hears Yifan laugh and the older tells him good night before the radio line goes dead.
-----
"Are you going out? Do you need me to drive you?" His mom asks the next day after she sees Tao dressed and waiting by the living room after they've eaten lunch.
"No need. Yifan's picking me up."
Tao's mother smiles, "Are you having dinner here?"
Her son thinks for a moment before shaking his head, "I'm gonna ask Yifan to go have dinner somewhere."
"Alright. I'll tell your dad."
"Mom..."
"Yes, dear?"
Tao takes a deep breath before speaking, "Mom, go out and have a nice dinner with dad. Me and Yifan will be fine. I'll take my medicines on time. I... I want you to do normal things you haven't done in 3 years..."
"Tao, dear, you don't have to feel guilty. It's ok."
Tao shakes his head again, "It's not about feeling guilty, I just want you to do something nice with dad again."
His mother sighs and kisses his cheek, "Ok. I'll tell your dad."
There's a knock on the door and Tao opens it to find Yifan standing there. "Hi."
"Hey."
"Do you wanna come in or should we go?"
"Let me greet your mom." Yifan walks past Tao and greets Mrs. Huang. "I'm going to take your son to my friend's house today."
"Just don't make him stay out too late."
"About that, mom." Tao interjects, "Do I have a curfew?"
Tao's mother raises an eyebrow, "Well, I guess I haven't thought about it. Unless it's not past midnight, and you're with Yifan, I'm okay."
"Alright then." Tao smiles, Yifan bows and the both of them walks out of the house. "We did make it last night before your curfew." Yifan tells him after he starts the car, Tao laughs, "Only barely."
"That's true." Yifan chuckles and Tao smiles, "Oh, Yifan, by the way..." The older hums in response and Tao presses on, "D... Do you think we can have dinner somewhere? I want my parents to go out tonight if they could..."
"Are you asking me out?"
"I'm not! I'm just... Forget it." Tao pouts and Yifan pinches his cheek without getting his eyes off the road, "I'd love to have to dinner with you, Zitao."
"Okay..."
They park in front of Chanyeol's house a few minutes later and Yifan lets himself in. He greets Chanyeol's mother, introduces Tao and proceeds to drag the younger boy to the basement. Chanyeol is still asleep and missing a leg when they made it to the room.
"Should we go back?" Tao asks and Yifan grins. The older decides it's okay to hide Chanyeol's artificial leg inside the cupboard, "So mature, Yifan."
"It's funny when he goes ballistic for his leg. I swear."
"You're a meanie." Tao pouts and Yifan sticks his tongue out. The older starts setting up the game console and Tao sits on the floor, waiting. Yifan hands him a controller and Tao gives it back, "I'll just watch you. I don't know how to play."
"Don't be a spoilsport. I'll teach you." Yifan tells him and returns the controller on Tao's lap, "It's just a fighting game. You can just push random buttons and hope to win against me."
"Is that a challenge?" Tao glares at Yifan and the older raises an eyebrow, "Are you up for it?"
"You're on!"
The first few rounds made Tao very frustrated but the succeeding ones makes Yifan break a sweat, "You're getting good at this!" Yifan exclaims and Tao laughs mischievously at him.
"You just extremely suck, Yifan." A voice from behind them speaks and they find Chanyeol watching their game. He sits up and stretches his hands over his head then stops short when he realizes his leg is missing from his bedside. "Fucking hell, Wu. Where's my leg?"
"I don't know."
"What the fuck are you? 5 years old?" Chanyeol grunts and jumps off the bed. Literally, he jumps on one foot looking for his leg - a pant sleeve hangs empty just after his thigh. Tao leans closer to Yifan and whispers, "You're right. He looks funny."
"Told you."
"UGH! WU YIFAN!!!" Chanyeol screams and throws a baseball to Yifan's direction but the blond only catches it perfectly, "Why do you always do this when you come over? What good does it do to you?"
"It gives me a good laugh."
"I'm gonna beat you with a baseball bat if you took it upstairs."
"Don't worry. It's around here somewhere." Yifan shrugs like it's nothing and turns back to the game - in which he loses to immediately after a few kicks and punches from Tao's character.
"Well-fucking-deserved, asshole." Chanyeol comments angrily as he finally pulls his precious leg out of the cupboard, "Yeah, you show him, Tao!"
They spend a few more minutes playing together before Tao trades places with Chanyeol. He settles his head on Yifan's lap, while Chanyeol sits on the bean bag. Moments later, he falls asleep.
"Hey, Wu..." Chanyeol starts without taking his eyes off the screen, "Something going on between you?"
"I'm in love with him. That's something."
"Pfft. Sure is." Chanyeol teases and continues to wrestle with Yifan's character onscreen, "Remember Nana?"
"I remember Nana. She was my gf when I learned about my cancer. You met her when she was visiting me before, right?"
"Yeah. Bumped into her 2 days ago in the convenience store. Looks like she's back from Australia."
Yifan pauses the game and looks at Chanyeol, "Did the two of you talk?"
"She asked about you. A lot about you, actually. With the way her eyes were sparkling, I'm pretty sure she wants to get back together with you."
Yifan shrugs and runs the back of his hand softly against Tao's cheek, "That's impossible. Not when he's here with me."
Chanyeol chuckles and eats a handful of chips, "That's what I told her."
"What?"
"I told her you're in love with another person now. She dumped you barely a year after learning of your cancer, she should never return just because you're better now."
"Good job, Channie."
"I got your back."
Chanyeol unpauses the game and Yifan turns his attention back onscreen, not noticing the small smile that spreads across Tao's face.
-----
Their routine goes for a few more days - Yifan makes sure to drop by Tao's home everyday, except on Fridays since that's when his check up is, most nights they drive to their secret place and look at stars before they separate for the day.
The older boy brings Tao to meet his mother two weeks later after their support group meeting.
"Ah, so you're the boy my son won't stop talking about." The woman tells Tao with a smile and Yifan protests, "Mom! You're embarrassing me!"
"He's such a big baby, isn't he, Tao?" Yifan's mother coos and Tao reluctantly agrees.
"You're on her side, too?"
Tao nods at Yifan, "Rather, I want to be on her good side."
Yifan's mother laughs and tells them she's gonna prepare dinner and that Tao should definitely stay. Yifan drags Tao to the living room and the older turns on the TV while Tao looks around the house, "Hey... Yifan..."
"Hmn?"
"Uh, where's your dad?"
"He's dead."
"Oh. I'm so sorry." Tao bows and Yifan shrugs, "He's dead to me, at least. He left me and my mom when I was five to be with his slut."
"Oh. Well, let's not talk about it." Tao sets down the picture frame he's looking at then sits next to Yifan, "What should we talk about?"
"Hmn. Let's talk after dinner. Let's stay like this for awhile." Yifan tells Tao before leaning his head against the younger's shoulder. "Are you okay?" Tao asks and Yifan shrugs, "I'm fine."
"Did I say something wrong?" Tao insists and Yifan shakes his head, "I just want to be like this with you."
"Okay..."
They stay silent for the rest of the time they're waiting for dinner. Yifan's mother leaves them alone afterwards and the both of them clean the dishes. "Are we driving out tonight?" Tao asks and Yifan nods. "Hey, Zitao."
"Hmn?"
"Wanna learn how to drive?"
"Are you gonna teach me?"
"Yeah."
Tao nods enthusiastlcally and they both rush to finish the dishes.
To say that Tao is hard to teach is an understatement. Tao panics and gets angry. He mistakes the brakes to the gas pedal and more than once, they almost hit an unsuspecting parking meter.
"Slow down! There's a hump!"
"I can't see a damn thing!"
"Slow down!!!!"
"Stop yelling at me!!!!"
"EYES ON THE ROAD!!!!"
"YIFAN!"
"HANDS ON THE WHEEL!!!"
"AHHHHH!!!!"
There's a loud squeeling of wheels against asphalt and the car goes to a sudden halt - mere centimeters from a huge tree by the sidewalk.
"Are you okay?!!?" Yifan turns to Tao who's breathing heavily from behind the wheel, "Zitao!"
Tao doesn't say anything and just scrambles free from his seatbelt hurriedly before pulling Yifan into a kiss. It takes Yifan by surprise and he can tell that Tao is frantic and eager. He returns the kiss and tries to coax the younger boy to relax, and eventually, Tao gives in until he leaves a few lingering pecks on the other's lips before he pulls away in a daze, "I love you, Yifan."
Yifan stares at Tao for a second before pulling him back for another kiss, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to kiss you, Zitao."
Tao stares at Yifan, and the older smiles at him, "Are you okay?"
"No."
"Let's get out of the car, Zitao."
The both of them get out of the car and Yifan walks around to hold Tao close first, "You're shaking..."
Tao nods and starts to cry, Yifan hugs him close to his chest. "I thought we're gonna die! And I thought I was gonna kill you with me! I haven't even told you I love you, too!"
"We're still alive, we're not gonna die like this, and damn it, I'm thankful."
"Thankful about what?!"
"Oh Huang Zitao, I can finally kiss you anytime I want." Yifan cups Tao's face and the younger melts into the kiss, he wraps his arms around Yifan and the older presses their bodies closer if it's any more possible. "I love you, Zitao."
Tao nods his head, "Me, too. I love you. I just... I'm sorry I didn't tell you, we almost had to die before I..." Tao doesn't finish his sentence when he faints and Yifan fortunately catches him in time. "Zitao!!! Fuck!"
Yifan immediately takes Tao back into the car and drives away, he doesn't even check the status of his precious impala as he drives to the hospital. He carries Tao to the emergency and the nurses immediately put Tao on a stretcher while another nurse talks to Yifan. It only takes less than 20 minutes later before Tao's parents are rushing through the hospital doors. "What happened?!" Tao's mother asks Yifan as his father talks to anybody who can explain the current situation of his son.
"I'm so sorry!" Yifan cries out and kneels to the floor, he bows and looks up to Tao's mother, "I was trying to teach him how to drive and I guess I stressed him out and I..." Yifan is cut off when a hard slap gets in contact with his face.
"HONEY!"
"You endangered my son!" Tao's father yells and Yifan bows again, his forehead touching the ground, "If I can trade places with your son, I will. I didn't intend for him to get hurt..." Yifan sobs and he feels Tao's mother lift him up from the floor, the older man sighs and hugs Yifan, "I'm sorry, Yifan. I panicked and he's my only son. I almost lost him to cancer and..." Tao's father starts to cry and Yifan pats the older man's back, "I'm really sorry..."
"Uh, excuse me." A voice from behind the three of them interrupts, "Are you the parents of Huang Zitao?" The nurse asks and the couple nods, "You can go inside the room and the doctor will talk to you inside."
"Can I come?" Yifan asks and the nurse shakes her head, "I'm so sorry, young man. Only family of the patient is allowed inside."
Tao's mother tells her husband to go ahead and she talks to Yifan, "You should go home for tonight, Yifan. I'll make sure to update you if anything happens."
Yifan nods then gives her Tao's bag, "Mrs. Huang, there's a walkie-talkie inside that bag, is it okay if you put it by his bedside?"
"Of course it's okay." She smiles and runs to catch up to her husband and the nurse.
It's around midnight when Tao's mother steps out of his son's room, as there's only one guardian allowed to stay overnight with the patient. She stops on her tracks when she finds Yifan asleep on one of the chairs where she left him two hours prior, she smiles to herself before shaking the blond awake, "Yifan, we should get you home. Your mother must be worried."
"She knows I'm here."
"Come on, let's go home."
Yifan shakes his head, "Please, let me stay. It's my fault he's here."
"Yifan. It won't change a thing. Come on, help me pack some of his things. You're still sick, too and I can't have you neglecting your health."
Yifan reluctantly stands from his seat, his limbs hurting from staying in a bad position for hours. "Can you drive? I'm planning to leave the car here for Tao's dad."
Yifan nods quietly and Tao's mother pulls him out of the hospital. The drive is fairly quiet, and it isn't until they reach the Huang's driveway did Tao's mother speaks, "He's fine now, Yifan, if that's what you're worried about. The doctor said he was just a little stressed. He'll be out of the hospital in a few days, he just needs rest."
"I'm really sorry, Mrs. Huang..."
"But we both think the two of you should refrain from going out until late at night from now on."
"Yes, I understand." Mrs. Huang squeezes Yifan's shoulder before getting out of the car. "Come in, help me pack. You can sleep in his room tonight since it's a little late for you to go home. I'll call your mother."
-----
'I'll see you tomorrow, Peach.'
-----
Tao knows this isn't his room and judging from the strong scent of anesthetic seeping through the cracks, he groans at the realization that he is, in fact, in a hospital.
He turns slowly to his side to find his mother sleeping on a couch and when he sees the clock on the wall, it say 2:35. "Mom?" Tao croaks and his mother comes to attention. "Tao! Thank goodness, you're awake."
"How long was I out?"
"A day and a few hours. Wait, let me get the nurse." His mother leaves the room and he notices the walkie-talkie next to him. He reaches out and presses the button on the side, "Kris? It's Peach."
There's silence from the other end Tao looks out from the tiny space between the curtains that it's dark outside, "2:35 AM, huh..." He mumbles then presses the button of the radio again, "See you tomorrow, Kris."
The nurse returns with his mother inside the room and starts to test him. Tao feels heavy and before he knows it, he's falling back to sleep.
-----
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3
Author:paranoiascreams
Pairings: Kris x Tao, Chanyeol x Baekhyun
Wordcount: 24, 379
Rating: NC-17
Warning/s: character death
Summary: Sometimes it’s funny when a book tells about your whole existence in every word and every page. That’s what Tao - a boy with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia - thinks when he meets Yifan in a Cancer Support Group meeting. And no, it’s not okay.
Disclaimer: The Fault In Our Stars is John Green’s, not mine. I tried my best to interpret the novel as I see fit for a fanfiction. Crossposted from KTStylefest.
Tao thinks it's funny when he sets the book down on his bed. They say there are books that tell you about your life even if the author is a stranger to you, nor the book's been translated from another language but yeah, Tao thinks it's still funny how this book has become his own biography even without having met John Green.
He is no Hazel Grace. But Tao thinks they have a lot in common and one major factor is that he's got cancer - acute lymphoblastic leukemia - and he's not sure if he's already a survivor since he's only finished chemotherapy 6 months ago. His hair hasn't grown out completely yet - it's not that he's bald but the growth is awkward; his weight is still below normal. His doctor said he needs to be in constant checkups until they're sure he's in complete remission.
"Tao, you have support group in 20 minutes." His mother calls out from the other side of the door. Tao sighs - that - he has too. An overprotective mother just like Hazel's. And the support group and everything 'The Fault in Our Stars' has. Except Augustus Waters.
"Tao! Support group."
"Yes, mom!" He rolls his eyes without removing himself off his bed, right. As if he's ever gonna find a guy as perfect as Augustus Waters in his support group.
-----
"I'll pick you up later at 5." His mom tells him before unlocking the locks of the car, "Make some friends."
"Mom, I'm a dying person and the people in there are dying too! I don't need to add more grief to people than I already do."
"Tao. Just... Just go inside."
Tao knows he shouldn't have said those words when he sees how crestfallen his mom's face becomes. He takes his cap and lowers it on his face. He hates his hair, he hates how thin his face looks and he hates how his medicines are making him depressed and angry all the time.
He steps out of the car in silence and heads inside the warehouse where the support meeting happens. He's been here for at least 3 times now since he only started going out of the house 2 months ago and he still hasn't bothered to befriend anybody within the group.
And just like any other support group, they always just ask how the week's been. Tao's glad that their leader is Sunny, a breast cancer survivor who had to give up her budding career as a model ever since she lost one of her boobs. True to her name, she is a joy to be around, she even jokes about having a hard time looking for a bra made for just a boob. Tao thinks at least this isn't as gloomy as a cancer support group should be.
"Tao?"
"Huh?" Tao looks up from his eyes on the floor and finds Sunny smiling at him, "Oh yeah. I'm Huang Zitao. Still in fear of A.L.L. recurrence. Still alive, I guess."
"We'll pray for your complete remission." Sunny speaks again, "We'll survive this. It's just cancer, not the end of the world." She gives a reassuring smile and Tao knows she's saying those words to give the people in the circle a glimmer of hope that they all will see their own version of their end of the world once they beat cancer and not the other way around.
"I'm Park Chanyeol." Tao turns his head to find a guy on a wheelchair, "Looks like I'll be getting my artificial leg this Friday afternoon."
"That's good news!" Sunny claps her hands and the rest congratulates Chanyeol. Tao sighs. So they have an amputee, but he isn't Augustus Waters. Not with his twitching eye and protruding ears. Way too dorky to be his own Augustus. And he seems like he's taken too, since he's now talking about his fear, and surprisingly, it's not dying - it's about not being with Baekhyun if he dies.
The meeting goes on and on, giving their thanks to the chances they've been given to live another day, and then saying their prayers to those who have passed on - Tao hasn't met anybody yet who's died ever since he came to the meetings. He wonders when he'll be at the end of the list and how the people around him will react; probably as robotic as they all say a short prayer before the end of each session:
"Your suffering has ended; fly and spread your wings into the heavens."
Tao really wonders when.
His mother is waiting in the parking lot when he steps out of the warehouse. She's smiling at him and it hurts because even behind that brilliant smile, there's also suffering. Because of him. Because he's sick.
"Did you make any friends?" She asks and Tao shakes his head, "Are you tired?"
"No."
"Is it okay if we drop by the supermarket? I wasn't able to buy anything for dinner."
Tao checks his watch and he's been at the meeting for 3 hours, enough time for his mother to go shopping. He turns to his mother, "Mom, didn't you leave?"
"I wanted to make sure I'm here if anything happens to you."
Tao sighs and turns to the window, "Let's go. Dinner isn't going to make itself..." The young male feels his mother squeeze his hand before the car drives away to the supermarket.
They've lived in the neighborhood all their lives and it's annoying when everyone they know sees him, and they all ask the same question: 'Are you okay?'
And Tao wants to answer: 'If by okay you mean in constant fear of having a recurrence, then I am more than okay.'
"I'm fine, Mrs. Kim. I'm on remission."
"That's nice to hear." The old lady gives him a slight squeeze in the arm and he whinces a little, "Oh dear, you're all skin and bones!"
'I've just had cancer, thank you very much.'
Tao laughs rather awkwardly and politely tells her, "I've just finished treatment, I'm still getting back my weight."
"Alright. I won't keep you."
'Thank god.'
"Thank you, Mrs. Kim."
"You'll be in my prayers." The woman smiles before walking away. Tao grits his teeth, he didn't want to be in anybody's prayers, it's a burden - on himself and to the person praying for him. He spots another old neighbor who unfortunately spots him too and he wants to run away now, because he really hates shopping with his mother ever since he got out of the hospital. All he does is sit pretty on a lounge area as she does her shopping and every time he's left alone, there will always be someone he barely knows that will engage him in the same conversation he's already had with Mrs. Kim.
"Mrs. Choi, hi!" Tao's mother cuts the woman walking over Tao's and he's never been more relieved for his mother's presence. "Yeah, he's fine. We're hoping that he'll be in complete remission in the future." The older woman speaks again and Tao's mother laughs with her, "He's a strong kid. Don't worry, Mrs. Choi. We should go, we're already late for dinner as it is."
She nods at Tao and her son walks to her. He just nods silently at Mrs. Choi before he and his mother pushes the cart out to the parking lot.
"Are you okay?" His mother asks before she starts the car, Tao turns to him in an exasperated mood, "Mom, please! Not you, too. You'll know if I'm not okay, I'd probably be dead, then."
"Huang Zitao!"
"Take me home mom. I'm really tired." Tao isn't joking. Since he's still recovering, he really can't be out for much longer, he can't be too tired since it's possible for him to faint suddenly if he gets too exhausted. Tao's mother doesn't say anything anymore and drives their way back home. Tao walks straight to his bedroom while his mother seeks solace in the kitchen. His dad will probably catch her crying again when he comes home from work, and Tao will hear them which hurts him, too. It's not easy, not when he's an only child and his parents loved him too much. He has never heard any of his parents say it but he knows in their heads, they're saying what Hazel Grace's mom's fear was - Tao's mom won't be a mother anymore when he dies, nor will his dad be a father, too.
Dinner is silent, ever since he's been sick, they haven't had a fun conversation among the three of them. After today's outburst in the car, Tao's sure there's less things to talk about now. He hasn't been going to school, so scratch anything new, the support group is a big taboo inside the house because Tao hates talking about cancer inside the house which means they can't ask if he's okay. He's not okay, he won't ever be okay.
"Thank you for dinner. I'm going to bed." Tao nods to his parents and leaves the dining area. He's almost out of earshot when he hears his mother's sobs.
'He's shutting himself out from us. Even if he's here, it's like he's not anymore. I miss my baby...'
Tao bites his lower lip and walks faster to his room, no matter how much he wants to be their 'baby boy' again, his condition made him shut himself out from everyone.
-----
"Tao, you'll be late for support group." Tao's mother calls out from the hallway. It's been a week, and it just flew by like that. Tao can barely remember what happened in the past few days, aside from locking himself inside his room and reading a few pages from his collection of books.
He lazily sits up and changes his clothes. Not less than 20 minutes later, he and his mother are driving silently to the warehouse. Once they arrive, Tao turns to his mother, "You don't have to wait. If you need to go to the supermarket, do it please."
"I don't have to go anywhere."
"Mom, please. You don't have to hover me all the time."
"Tao, not today. We'll talk about this at home."
"I just want you to live normally, mom. I just... Okay." Tao says nothing more and steps out of the car. "Just go somewhere else, mom. I'll be fine."
His mother sighs and starts the car, "I'll be at the coffeeshop a block from here." She tells him before speeding away. Tao turns and puts on his earphones as the confrontation lingers in his mind and he keeps walking to the warehouse.
"Watch out!!! WATCH OUT!!!"
Tao doesn't have enough time to process everything when strong arms are around him and he's falling, falling, 'I'm dying, I'm dying!!!' and then a loud thud of him hitting something hard and a loud groan reverberates on his ear.
Tao is shaken but manages to sit upright and this is just embarrassing. He's straddling a complete and beautiful stranger under him, he tries to remove himself immediately from the other male but said male grabs him by the wrist, "Are you okay?!"
For once, Tao doesn't hate the question, "Y-yeah. I'm a bit shaken, but yeah... Thanks, I guess..."
"Yeah... No problem." The blond under Tao groans again as he sits up and leans against his elbows. Tao uses this distraction to remove himself from the stranger, he extends a hand to help him up but the blond smirks, "I'd pull you down with me. Look at you, you're a lightweight."
Tao retracts his hand and the blond struggles to stand from the ground, they see two people running up to them and Tao recognizes the other as Park Chanyeol.
"Hey! Are you okay?" The shorter of the two asks and the blond brushes off his pants from dirt and mumbles an angry, "Fine."
"I told you!" The shorter of the two hits Chanyeol's arm like a punching bag, and the twitchy-eyed boy laughs it off then looks at Tao, "I'm really sorry."
"It's fine." Tao nods his head and walks away from the three. "He's scary..." The shorter male comments and Chanyeol pats his head, "Wait for me, Baekhyun?"
"Of course." Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol, "And give me your skateboard. I told you, a thousand times I told you, you're not yet used to your new leg."
"Sorry, Baekkie. Shall we go?"
"Yeah."
-----
'That can't be right.' Tao thinks when Chanyeol and the blond stranger walks inside the warehouse. Tao decides to ignore them both because he's been ignoring everyone anyway. Tao busies himself by pretending to be listening to the others in the room, and they're all retelling all about themselves for the new guy who's still about to speak.
"Tao? Your turn." Sunny turns to him with a smile and he sighs. When he looks up, the stranger is staring at him, "Uhm. I'm Tao. I've been diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia when I was 15. I've just finished treatment 6 months ago after almost three years. I'm uninteresting, so yeah. I'm still alive, still in fear of recurrence."
"That's what scares you?" The blond across him asks without blinking, Tao shrugs. The other male chuckles and stands up, "I'm Wu Yifan. I have Thymic Carcinoma. It's been a year since my treatment and I'm fine, I guess. I'm in remission and it doesn't bother me at all whether the cancer will come back." Yifan turns to Tao, "I've battled it before, I'm gonna win against it again if the bastard comes back."
Tao lowers his head in shame. He realizes just how strong Yifan's character is, and how weak himself is. The rest of the meeting placed Tao in perpetual unease, aside that he feels humiliated, Yifan won't stop staring at him.
An hour more passes by and the meeting's finally over. Tao tries his best to immediately leave the warehouse but when he gets out, his mother's car is not in the parking lot.
"Hey."
Tao turns his head to find Yifan standing next to him, "What?"
"Wanna grab dinner?"
Tao raises an eyebrow and shakes his head, "My mom's picking me up."
"I'll take you home! Come on! Live a little, Tao."
"No." Tao turns away and waits for his mother. He doesn't have a phone since radiation can be very bad for his condition. Tao feels uneasy because when he looks at Yifan, the blond is still staring at him. "You have a nasty habit, Yifan."
"Nasty habit?"
"Stop staring. It's rude."
"We're living on borrowed time, why deprive ourselves from looking at something beautiful?"
"Now you're just being an asshole." Tao starts walking away but Yifan follows him, "Stop following me!"
"Where are you going?"
"None of your business!"
"Yifan!"
Both Yifan and Tao turns to find Baekhyun running up to him, "We've been waiting for you! Are you coming? Chanyeol needs to go home. He says his new leg hurts."
"Give me a minute and I'll get back to you. I'm still talking with Tao here. I might be taking him home."
"Okay." Baekhyun waves them goodbye then runs back from where he came from. Tao glares at Yifan, "Who says you're coming with me?"
"Me."
"Ugh, you're annoying."
"And you're adorable."
Their conversation ends when a car honks from behind Tao, he turns around to find his mom waving at him, "I'm gonna go, Yifan."
"See you next week."
Tao shrugs then walks to the car. Yifan waves him goodbye before turning to the other direction.
"Made a new friend?"
"I'm not sure."
"He looks like a nice boy."
"He sure does..." Tao sighs and looks out the window, "He looks really healthy."
"Tao... You're going to be healthy. You've just finished treatment."
Tao stays silent, his mother doesn't say anything more. Tao sighs, "Where were you...?"
"I'm so sorry. I met my high school friend and we just started talking. Don't worry, I won't-"
"Mom, it's okay." Tao turns to his mother, "It's really okay. I wouldn't mind you going out once in a while."
"Tao, I can't."
Tao smiles at his mother, "You can, mom. You must."
"Tao... You keep pushing me away."
Tao shakes his head, "No. Mom, I'm not. You won't understand because you don't want to. Just forget it. Let's go home."
-----
"Tao, there's someone looking for you."
Tao removes the pillow over his head and looks at his mother, "What...?"
"I said someone's looking for you." His mother is smiling, which is weird because smiles are almost non-existent in their household lately. Tao raises an eyebrow and looks at his mother in confusion, "Yeah, I heard and again, what?"
"Oh come on, get your body off the bed. He said if you don't come down in 15 minutes, he's coming up!"
"And you didn't think that's strange?"
His mother chuckles and puts her hands on her waist, "He was with you in the parking lot and he seemed nice."
Tao checks the calendar, it's a Saturday and 2 days after support meeting. Parking lot means Yifan, and no. No Yifan.
"Tell him to go away. He's not my friend." Tao grunts and buries himself with a blanket again.
"Hey, that hurts."
Tao sits up immediately to come face to face with Yifan leaning against the doorframe behind his mother. The blond is eating a sandwich obviously offered by Mrs. Huang.
"MOM!"
"He's charming. He's here now so, bye." His mother teases before walking out of the room.
"How the hell did you find me!?"
"Followed the scent of a brooding boy mixed with a raging anger to life."
"Seriously. Stalker." Tao lies back on the bed. Yifan smirks and sits behind Tao, "Get off my bed!"
"Come on. It's a nice Saturday. I already promised Chanyeol and Baekhyun we're all watching movies together." Yifan tells him. When Tao doesn't indicate any intention of getting up, he lies next to him. Tao immediately jumps off the bed and runs to one corner of the room.
"See? Not too hard to get off the bed, right?" Yifan turns to his side to look at Tao, "Though I like your bed, it's soft and fluffy."
"And I need you to get off it."
Yifan smiles, he jumps off the bed and rummages Tao's dresser, the younger squeals and immediately stops him, "What are you doing?!!"
"Making sure you're dressed well. Go and take a shower, I'll take care of your clothes."
"Get out of my room! I can take care of myself."
Yifan closes the dresser and walks out of the room, "I'll wait for you downstairs. I've already charmed your mother, I'm sure she won't mind me walking in on you while you shower."
"GET OUT!" Tao yells and slams the door to his face. Yifan chuckles then walks back to the living room where Tao's mother is waiting for him. "He's coming."
"Thank you, Yifan. He's still falling apart and he's pushing us away. I trust you, you make me want to entrust my son to you, so please, don't exhaust him too much."
"Ma'am, you don't have to worry. He's in good hands."
Tao's mother offers another sandwich to Yifan, in which he didn't refuse. He sits on the couch with her and she starts talking, "Are you new to the support group?"
"Kind of. We moved to Canada when I was going for treatment. We just recently moved back here and Chanyeol, the one-legged dork, was my roommate in the hospital before I flew out of the country. He's the one who told me about the support group."
"I see. That's nice... What made you take interest with Tao?"
"Why not? I'm sure he's nice. I've been depressed and angry, too."
"Okay. I'm glad to know there's someone he can really talk to."
Mrs. Huang stands and excuses herself to prepare Tao's breakfast. Yifan takes the pleasure of scanning the household, and he sees a younger looking Tao laughing and smiling in the pictures. Yifan takes notice that the pictures displayed never showed Tao beyond 15 years old, the latest one displayed is a picture of him maybe around 14, a bit thinner than the older pictures and even with a smile - obviously a bit sadder.
"Stop making yourself at home."
"You were so cute!" Yifan grins and picks up a framed picture of Tao around 3-4 years old smiling cutely to the camera bundled in a fluffy jacket and yellow scarf topped with a matching beanie, "What happened to all of this?"
"Cancer happened." Tao frowns and Yifan grunts, "Yeah, and cold. And fever. Damn, even stomachache happens."
"You're such an annoying prick." Tao huffs and heads to the kitchen. Yifan sets the picture back down to the dresser before following the other. "Just so you know, Tao-didi, I'm 21. I'm your gege."
"Yuck, you're old." Tao teases and Yifan laughs, "And you're still a child."
"Old enough to die." Tao mumbles and Yifan sighs, "You're still alive. I'm gonna kick you if you say anything depressing again."
Tao rolls his eyes and takes the sandwich his mom offered him, "I used to do wushu. I may be weak now, but I can probably kick your ass someday."
Yifan smiles widely and stares at Tao which makes the younger uncomfortable, "What!?"
"So there's a 'someday'. See? There's something to look forward to."
"... I hate you."
Tao's mother clears her throat, "Are you sure the both of you will be okay on your own?"
"We'll be fine, mom. I can take care of myself."
-----
"Just so you know, we are not friends." Tao announces when he gets inside Yifan's car. "You're a stalker."
Yifan chuckles as he starts the car, "Didn't see you complaining when you got in."
"I'm complaining now."
"Breathe." Yifan pinches his cheek lightly and Tao yelps, "So cute."
"Stop it."
"Okay."
"Where are we going?" Tao asks and Yifan doesn't answer. "Yifan!"
"We're picking up the couple. Relax."
"What movie are we watching?"
"Surprise."
"I hate surprises." Tao scoffs and Yifan pinches his cheek again, "You hate everything."
"... Shut up."
They stay in silence until they drive up to a driveway where Chanyeol and Baekhyun are waiting outside the steps of a nice house 5 blocks from Tao's. "Man, you're late." Chanyeol comments as he steps inside the car, Yifan shrugs and looks at the couple on the backseat, "Don't blame me. Blame the princess."
"Hi, I'm Baekhyun. I'm Chanyeol's boyfriend. You must be Yifan's!"
"Yifan's...?" Tao asks then gasps, "No! No-no-no!!! I'm Tao. He abducted me after charming my mother!"
"You're the scary kid with ALL, right?" Chanyeol asks and Tao nods, "I'm sorry about the other day. I lost control of the skateboard."
"No harm done, I think." Tao tells Chanyeol, Yifan chuckles from behind the wheel, "I got Tao to straddle me, so I'm thankful."
"YOU'RE A CREEP!!!!" Tao yells and the three with him laughs.
-----
"You're kidding." Tao stares at the posters lined up in the theater, "You're fucking kidding me."
"It will be fun." Yifan puts an arm around his shoulders and Tao shakes him off, "It's the horror-flick festival! We're watching movies all day for the price of one ticket!"
"Take me home!!!" Tao whines and stomps his feet, "I'm not joking, Yifan. Take me home."
"You don't have to be scared. I'm here."
Tao sighs, "I really hate you." Tao doesn't even have the energy to protest anymore when Yifan wraps an arm around him again and leads him to the concession stands while Chanyeol and Baekhyun buy their tickets. "Any comfort food you'd want to eat?"
"Everything tastes blah."
Yifan scoffs at Tao and proceeds to buy popcorn and chips. They're still buying when the couple runs up to them to hand over their tickets. "Movie starts in 10 minutes. Let's go! I wanna see the movie trailers!" Baekhyun excitedly tells them, Tao pouts, "Please just let me go home."
"Scared?" Chanyeol teases and Tao shyly nods. Yifan sighs and pushes the snacks to Chanyeol's chest and pulls Tao closer to him again, "You'll be okay."
"Here you go." Chanyeol hands them the tickets, "We made sure we're ways apart. I mean, you know."
"Yeah. I don't wanna hear you eating off Baekhyun's face." Yifan pushes Tao inside the theater to find their seats.
It's 20 minutes into the movie when Tao starts to feel uneasy about everything. Sure, the cinema's full and there aren't any vacant seats around them, but aside from the anxiety of having a lot of people around him, the movie's suspense is starting to pick up.
"You okay?" Yifan whispers without having to look at Tao, the younger only whimpers in response. Yifan sighs and pulls up the armrest, "Come here."
Tao reluctantly pushes himself closer to Yifan's even if he's not really that comfortable to be intimate with Yifan like this. The blond wraps an arm around Tao and the younger leans into the comfort. An hour into the movie and Tao is burying his face on Yifan's chest, "Tao..."
"I don't want to look." Yifan hears the broken voice and feels the wetness on his shirt. He takes a deep breath and sighs, "Let's get out of here."
"But your friends..."
"Chanyeol and Baekhyun can take the bus." Yifan stands and pulls Tao to his feet. Once they're out of the cinema, Yifan walks a few distance from Tao to text Chanyeol about their early departure.
"Come on, let's drive somewhere."
Yifan and Tao walks back to the car; Yifan drives off immediately. "Where are we going?" Tao asks and Yifan just smiles at him.
They live in the suburbs and it's not really a bustling city like Seoul, there are still uninhabited areas and places that are hidden within their city. "Yifan. Really. Where?"
"Don't you trust me?" Yifan smiles at him again and Tao doesn't answer. The drive is fairly quiet after that. Tao notes that they have passed by his block and is driving on. Not more than an hour later they arrive in an abandoned land of green grass. Yifan parks the car on the side of the road and ushers Tao out. They walk further until they reach a small hill with an old oak tree. "Wow, I didn't know there's a place like this here." Tao muses and Yifan smirks, "See? Trust me."
"Okay." Tao looks at Yifan and the other starts to rummage his bag. Tao chuckles softly when Yifan starts to lay out a blanket underneath the tree, "Did you plan this?"
"Yeah. Plan B if Plan A backfired."
"Plan A?"
"Earlier." Yifan pats the space next to him and Tao sits on it. "The movie date was a bust. I didn't mean to make you cry."
"A date? You kidnapped me so we can date?"
"Sort of. I didn't have any means to contact you."
"Which reminds me. How did you find my house?"
"It's a small neighborhood. I saw your mother yesterday in the supermarket and I started talking to her. She remembered me from support group so it didn't turn creepy."
"Ahhh. My mom's been pushing me to find friends."
Yifan smiles at him and lies on the blanket, "But I don't want to be just your friend, Tao."
"What do you mean?"
Yifan turns to his side and puts his head on his palm, "I want to date you. Take you to more hidden places and show you more of the world."
"Isn't this going too fast?" Tao asks with an eyebrow raised, Yifan smiles at him, "We can talk about it tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?"
Yifan nods and lies back on the blanket, "Yes. We'll always have tomorrow, Tao."
"Tomorrow." Tao smiles and lies next to Yifan. "It feels good here."
"Hmn. So, what's your full name?"
Tao's eyes widen and turns to Yifan, "What?"
"Your full name?"
Augustus Waters...?
"H... Huang Zitao."
"I'm Wu Yifan. What's your story?"
"I already told you my story. I'm diagnosed with A.L.L--"
"Not that story. I mean your story."
"I... I used to attend a private school and did wushu. I was a healthy kid until I started drastically losing weight and became weak. Next thing we know I have leukemia. They say it was fortunate they've detected it immediately. I was 15, I was growing up and I had to stop because I needed to be in the hospital and three years later, I'm out. I missed out on everything. I have no story, Yifan."
"I was a captain of the basketball team in high school. The symptoms showed when I started having this pain in my chest and I started having a hard time breathing. Next thing I know I was in the hospital for a year here in South Korea and then in Canada after. I was 16. I stayed in hospitals almost just as long as you. If you think about it, I have no story as well."
"We're sad." Tao chuckles. Yifan sits up and looks at the horizon, the younger joins him and he notices that the sun is setting, "Hey, Zitao."
"It's Tao."
Yifan turns to him with that serene smile of his, "Zitao. Let's make our own story. Let's make a lot of stories with every tomorrow we have."
There's something about Yifan, Tao thinks as he stares at those eyes while the sun is setting. It's not because he completes his own version of his favorite book to be his Gus, but because this is Yifan - Tao's exact opposite. The person who's willing to spend every day with him even if he's often angry and depressed, even if they've only recently met. This is Yifan, full of positivity about life in which he obviously lacks.
"So, Zitao. Tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Tomorrow."
They watch the sunset together before Yifan takes out his flashlight and puts the blanket back into his bag. He takes Tao's hand and leads the way back to his car.
"Are you tired now?" Yifan asks and Tao nods, "Sorry about that. I'll take you home now."
"Yes, please."
They make it back to Tao's place just in time before his dad arrives judging by the absence of his dad's car in the garage. Tao removes his seatbelt and is about to open the door when Yifan stops him, "I have something for you."
"What is it?"
Yifan hands him a walkie-talkie. It's bulky and vintage which makes Tao question Yifan with a confused look, "I already set it up. I can't talk to you over a cellphone so this is what we'll use. Keep it on."
"Thanks."
"Come on, I'll walk you to your door."
"You don't have to. I don't want my mom to fuzz over when he finds you by the doorstep."
"Okay, Zitao. Whatever you want."
Tao nods, "Oh. And... And thank you for today."
"I'll see you tomorrow, Zitao."
"Tomorrow, Yifan." Tao smiles and leaves the car. He waves Yifan goodbye before walking faster to the door. He turns to tell Yifan to leave, the blond waves goodbye before driving away.
"How was your day?" Tao's mother asks the moment he walks in through the door. "It's fine. I'm a bit tired."
"Are you hungry?"
Tao nods, and his mother ushers him to the dining area, "Where's dad?"
"He said he'll be home a little late. Shall we eat?"
The young male just nods again. They eat in silence because his mother can sense that Tao doesn't want to talk about his day with Yifan. Tao heads to his bedroom after his quick dinner and readies himself to sleep when he hears a strange sound coming from his bag.
He rummages his bag and finds the walkie-talkie speaking to him.
'It's Yifan. Zitao, are you there? Over.'
Tao smiles and presses the small button on the side of the device, "I'm here. Over."
'Shouldn't we have an alias or something? Over.'
"Yeah. I guess... Over?"
'You're so cute, peach. I don't like the word 'over'. Let's not use it.'
"Okay? And what's with peach?"
'That's your name, right?'
"Uhm, yeah..."
'Then that's your alias. Feel free to call me however you want.'
"Kris."
'Kris? Why Kris?'
"It was the name of my favorite koala plushie when I was a kid..."
'Does this make me your favorite person now?'
Tao laughs, "Good night, Kris."
'I'll see you tomorrow, Peach.'
"I'll see you tomorrow."
-----
Tao turns to his side but his arm lands on something different. He immediately opens his eyes to find Yifan sleeping soundly next to him.
He sits up and walks silently out of his room to look for his mother. "Mom!"
"Yeah?"
"What is Yifan doing in my room?!"
"Oh." She looks at the wallclock behind Tao, "He's in your room for about an hour now and he said he'll wake you up."
"He's been here since 6am and you just let him in? Just like that? In my room?"
"I trust that boy and I'm sure you do, too. He met your father earlier before he left for his morning jog and he likes Yifan. If anything, you're the only one rejecting him."
"I... I'm going back to bed."
His mother smiles at him, "Alright. Keep the door slightly open."
"MOM!" Tao yells and stalks off. He returns to the room and slide himself quietly back to his place. Yifan stays asleep and Tao stares, he stares until there's movement from the blond and he's waking up. "Hi, Zitao."
"Uh, hi."
"Sorry, I fell asleep."
"You're here way too early. Why are you here?"
Yifan rubs the sleep off his eyes as he presses himself further into the pillow, "Today is tomorrow."
"I didn't think you'd see me this early though. I have a doctor's appointment."
"On a Sunday?"
"Yeah. I'd rather have it on Sundays." Tao tells him softly, Yifan runs a thumb on his cheek, "I like you more like this..."
"Yifan... I... I don't think I can answer you today, either..."
Yifan shrugs and sits up, "Tomorrow?"
Tao nods, "Tomorrow."
The blond grins and tells Tao to get off the bed before running down the hallways. Tao looks at the blue book sitting by his bedside table and sighs, "Maybe 'tomorrow' will be our okay."
When he gets out of his room, Yifan and his dad are talking in the living room while his mother is preparing their breakfast. "Oh Tao. Looks like Yifan and I are gonna be good buddies!"
"Really? Great, I guess." Tao heads to the kitchen, "Mom, what is going on?"
"We're having breakfast and then I'll take you to your doctor."
"No. Not that. With Yifan."
"He's coming, too."
"He's coming to my maintenance therapy? Are you serious?"
"Yes, Peach. I am."
"I don't want you there!" Tao screams and stalks off. His mother is about to chase after him when Yifan stops her, "I'll handle this, ma'am."
Tao's parents watch Yifan knock on their son's door. They sigh when they hear Tao screams, "GO AWAY!!!"
"Let me in..." Yifan whispers, "Tell me what's wrong."
"JUST GO AWAY!!!"
Tao's mother walks to Yifan and pulls him away from the door, "Yifan, I think it's best that you leave him alone for now. It's not good for him to be this upset."
"Okay. I'm really sorry. It wasn't my intention." Yifan bows apologetically to Tao's parents then turns back to the door, "I'll see you tomorrow."
All he hears is a soft sob from the other side of the door but he's sure there's a very, very faint "Tomorrow..." There, too.
Tao doesn't hear anything from Yifan for the rest of the day. He skips dinner and lays on his bed feeling bad about the whole drama that morning. He sits up and reaches for the walkie-talkie by his bedside table. He turns on the device and is met with a static frequency.
"Kris? It's Peach."
Nothing. He tries again, he tries for at least 7 times before giving up. He lies back on his bed when finally, his walkie-talkie responds.
'I'm so sorry, Peach. I really didn't mean to make you upset.'
"I'm sorry, too."
'Can you still go out'
Tao checks the clock and it says 9 PM, "I guess...? I don't know. I never knew if I have a curfew."
'Should we find out?'
"Are you serious?"
'Yeah. I'm already in front of your house.'
"Should I sneak out?"
'Do you want me to talk to your parents?'
"No. Give me 5 minutes."
Tao takes a jacket, his spare keys, and the walkie-talkie before stuffing everything in his bag, he changes his clothes to warmer ones before stepping out of the house. He finds Yifan's car and the blond steps out of his vehicle, "Hey, I'm so sorry."
"Let's not talk here. My parents are still awake."
"Alright."
The drive is fairly quiet and uneventful as there's still an awkward air between them. They drive back to the direction of the hill but this time, Yifan tells Tao they won't have to take the short hike to go to where the oak tree is. The blond lays out the blanket over the trunk of his black 1967 Chevrolet Impala and asks Tao to join him.
"Are you gonna tell me why?" Yifan asks after a few minutes of silence. Tao sighs and nods, "I don't want you to see me in a hospital. I don't want you to know how I fare at the moment."
"But you're fine."
Tao starts to sob silently next to him, "That's why I can't tell you how I feel about you, because I'm not healthy. I may be on remission but who knows what will happen to me? To you? We're both unsure of what to become of us, Yifan. I'm scared. I don't want to leave you heartbroken."
"Oh. I wouldnt mind, Huang Zitao. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."
Tao's eyes widen and looks at Yifan, "What...?"
Yifan smiles at him and leans against the back window of his car, "I've read 'The Fault In Our Stars', too. I saw the book by your bedside table and from the tear and wear, I'm sure you've read it a lot. That book, for some odd reason, has become a sort of bible for cancer survivors. But, Tao, I'm not Augustus Waters, you're not Hazel Grace. How funny it might be that we're living the things John Green wrote in his novel, but remember that we're not them, his book is not our story. I told you, we have to make our own story together."
Yifan looks at Tao who's still got tears in his eyes, "Don't be scared to tell me how you feel because I'm pretty sure we're gonna have a different ending from Hazel and Augustus." Yifan sits up and cups Tao's face between his hands, "We will end up together. Nobody gets left behind."
"Yifan..." Tao sniffs and Yifan smiles, "Don't be scared anymore."
"How can you like me this much?"
"Who says I like you?"
Tao gapes and Yifan smiles, "I love you. It doesn't matter how short the time that I've known you. We're on borrowed time, and if I can tell you I love you everyday, in every tomorrow, I will."
"Yifan..."
"I didn't fall in love the way you fall asleep; slowly and all at once. No." Yifan runs his thumbs on Tao's tear-stricken cheeks, "I fell in love with you just the way I met you the first time."
Tao chuckles and Yifan presses their foreheads together, "I fell in love with you fast and hard."
"Yifan, please... Give me a bit more time. I know nothing of love, and everything is new to me. I like you, that's for sure, but for now, that's all I can offer."
"As long as you'd let me hold you close, and you'd let me keep you beside me, I'm more than glad." Yifan wipes Tao's face, "Stop crying. Your mother says it's bad for you."
Tao nods and lets himself get used to Yifan's warm embrace.
They're lying silently under the stars minutes later. Tao starts to shiver and Yifan covers him with the spare blanket. "I think we should go home, Tao. I'm keeping you out for too long."
"Yeah..." Tao tells Yifan lazily and the older helps him get off the trunk of the car. Yifan drives slowly and the silence between them is comforting. Tao gets off the car and tells Yifan he doesn't have to walk him to his doorstep.
Tao is already preparing to go to bed when his walkie-talkie starts speaking.
'Did you get caught?'
"Nope. They're already in bed when I got home. They never disturb me when I tell them to leave me alone."
'What are we doing tomorrow?'
"I don't know. You tell me."
'We can hang out in Chanyeol's basement. He has a PS3 and we can just play. Baekhyun can join us after his classes.'
"Won't he mind?"
'He won't. I'll pick you up after lunch.'
"Okay. Tomorrow, then."
'Tomorrow.'
"Good night, Kris."
'I love you, Peach.'
Tao smiles and doesn't respond. He hears Yifan laugh and the older tells him good night before the radio line goes dead.
-----
"Are you going out? Do you need me to drive you?" His mom asks the next day after she sees Tao dressed and waiting by the living room after they've eaten lunch.
"No need. Yifan's picking me up."
Tao's mother smiles, "Are you having dinner here?"
Her son thinks for a moment before shaking his head, "I'm gonna ask Yifan to go have dinner somewhere."
"Alright. I'll tell your dad."
"Mom..."
"Yes, dear?"
Tao takes a deep breath before speaking, "Mom, go out and have a nice dinner with dad. Me and Yifan will be fine. I'll take my medicines on time. I... I want you to do normal things you haven't done in 3 years..."
"Tao, dear, you don't have to feel guilty. It's ok."
Tao shakes his head again, "It's not about feeling guilty, I just want you to do something nice with dad again."
His mother sighs and kisses his cheek, "Ok. I'll tell your dad."
There's a knock on the door and Tao opens it to find Yifan standing there. "Hi."
"Hey."
"Do you wanna come in or should we go?"
"Let me greet your mom." Yifan walks past Tao and greets Mrs. Huang. "I'm going to take your son to my friend's house today."
"Just don't make him stay out too late."
"About that, mom." Tao interjects, "Do I have a curfew?"
Tao's mother raises an eyebrow, "Well, I guess I haven't thought about it. Unless it's not past midnight, and you're with Yifan, I'm okay."
"Alright then." Tao smiles, Yifan bows and the both of them walks out of the house. "We did make it last night before your curfew." Yifan tells him after he starts the car, Tao laughs, "Only barely."
"That's true." Yifan chuckles and Tao smiles, "Oh, Yifan, by the way..." The older hums in response and Tao presses on, "D... Do you think we can have dinner somewhere? I want my parents to go out tonight if they could..."
"Are you asking me out?"
"I'm not! I'm just... Forget it." Tao pouts and Yifan pinches his cheek without getting his eyes off the road, "I'd love to have to dinner with you, Zitao."
"Okay..."
They park in front of Chanyeol's house a few minutes later and Yifan lets himself in. He greets Chanyeol's mother, introduces Tao and proceeds to drag the younger boy to the basement. Chanyeol is still asleep and missing a leg when they made it to the room.
"Should we go back?" Tao asks and Yifan grins. The older decides it's okay to hide Chanyeol's artificial leg inside the cupboard, "So mature, Yifan."
"It's funny when he goes ballistic for his leg. I swear."
"You're a meanie." Tao pouts and Yifan sticks his tongue out. The older starts setting up the game console and Tao sits on the floor, waiting. Yifan hands him a controller and Tao gives it back, "I'll just watch you. I don't know how to play."
"Don't be a spoilsport. I'll teach you." Yifan tells him and returns the controller on Tao's lap, "It's just a fighting game. You can just push random buttons and hope to win against me."
"Is that a challenge?" Tao glares at Yifan and the older raises an eyebrow, "Are you up for it?"
"You're on!"
The first few rounds made Tao very frustrated but the succeeding ones makes Yifan break a sweat, "You're getting good at this!" Yifan exclaims and Tao laughs mischievously at him.
"You just extremely suck, Yifan." A voice from behind them speaks and they find Chanyeol watching their game. He sits up and stretches his hands over his head then stops short when he realizes his leg is missing from his bedside. "Fucking hell, Wu. Where's my leg?"
"I don't know."
"What the fuck are you? 5 years old?" Chanyeol grunts and jumps off the bed. Literally, he jumps on one foot looking for his leg - a pant sleeve hangs empty just after his thigh. Tao leans closer to Yifan and whispers, "You're right. He looks funny."
"Told you."
"UGH! WU YIFAN!!!" Chanyeol screams and throws a baseball to Yifan's direction but the blond only catches it perfectly, "Why do you always do this when you come over? What good does it do to you?"
"It gives me a good laugh."
"I'm gonna beat you with a baseball bat if you took it upstairs."
"Don't worry. It's around here somewhere." Yifan shrugs like it's nothing and turns back to the game - in which he loses to immediately after a few kicks and punches from Tao's character.
"Well-fucking-deserved, asshole." Chanyeol comments angrily as he finally pulls his precious leg out of the cupboard, "Yeah, you show him, Tao!"
They spend a few more minutes playing together before Tao trades places with Chanyeol. He settles his head on Yifan's lap, while Chanyeol sits on the bean bag. Moments later, he falls asleep.
"Hey, Wu..." Chanyeol starts without taking his eyes off the screen, "Something going on between you?"
"I'm in love with him. That's something."
"Pfft. Sure is." Chanyeol teases and continues to wrestle with Yifan's character onscreen, "Remember Nana?"
"I remember Nana. She was my gf when I learned about my cancer. You met her when she was visiting me before, right?"
"Yeah. Bumped into her 2 days ago in the convenience store. Looks like she's back from Australia."
Yifan pauses the game and looks at Chanyeol, "Did the two of you talk?"
"She asked about you. A lot about you, actually. With the way her eyes were sparkling, I'm pretty sure she wants to get back together with you."
Yifan shrugs and runs the back of his hand softly against Tao's cheek, "That's impossible. Not when he's here with me."
Chanyeol chuckles and eats a handful of chips, "That's what I told her."
"What?"
"I told her you're in love with another person now. She dumped you barely a year after learning of your cancer, she should never return just because you're better now."
"Good job, Channie."
"I got your back."
Chanyeol unpauses the game and Yifan turns his attention back onscreen, not noticing the small smile that spreads across Tao's face.
-----
Their routine goes for a few more days - Yifan makes sure to drop by Tao's home everyday, except on Fridays since that's when his check up is, most nights they drive to their secret place and look at stars before they separate for the day.
The older boy brings Tao to meet his mother two weeks later after their support group meeting.
"Ah, so you're the boy my son won't stop talking about." The woman tells Tao with a smile and Yifan protests, "Mom! You're embarrassing me!"
"He's such a big baby, isn't he, Tao?" Yifan's mother coos and Tao reluctantly agrees.
"You're on her side, too?"
Tao nods at Yifan, "Rather, I want to be on her good side."
Yifan's mother laughs and tells them she's gonna prepare dinner and that Tao should definitely stay. Yifan drags Tao to the living room and the older turns on the TV while Tao looks around the house, "Hey... Yifan..."
"Hmn?"
"Uh, where's your dad?"
"He's dead."
"Oh. I'm so sorry." Tao bows and Yifan shrugs, "He's dead to me, at least. He left me and my mom when I was five to be with his slut."
"Oh. Well, let's not talk about it." Tao sets down the picture frame he's looking at then sits next to Yifan, "What should we talk about?"
"Hmn. Let's talk after dinner. Let's stay like this for awhile." Yifan tells Tao before leaning his head against the younger's shoulder. "Are you okay?" Tao asks and Yifan shrugs, "I'm fine."
"Did I say something wrong?" Tao insists and Yifan shakes his head, "I just want to be like this with you."
"Okay..."
They stay silent for the rest of the time they're waiting for dinner. Yifan's mother leaves them alone afterwards and the both of them clean the dishes. "Are we driving out tonight?" Tao asks and Yifan nods. "Hey, Zitao."
"Hmn?"
"Wanna learn how to drive?"
"Are you gonna teach me?"
"Yeah."
Tao nods enthusiastlcally and they both rush to finish the dishes.
To say that Tao is hard to teach is an understatement. Tao panics and gets angry. He mistakes the brakes to the gas pedal and more than once, they almost hit an unsuspecting parking meter.
"Slow down! There's a hump!"
"I can't see a damn thing!"
"Slow down!!!!"
"Stop yelling at me!!!!"
"EYES ON THE ROAD!!!!"
"YIFAN!"
"HANDS ON THE WHEEL!!!"
"AHHHHH!!!!"
There's a loud squeeling of wheels against asphalt and the car goes to a sudden halt - mere centimeters from a huge tree by the sidewalk.
"Are you okay?!!?" Yifan turns to Tao who's breathing heavily from behind the wheel, "Zitao!"
Tao doesn't say anything and just scrambles free from his seatbelt hurriedly before pulling Yifan into a kiss. It takes Yifan by surprise and he can tell that Tao is frantic and eager. He returns the kiss and tries to coax the younger boy to relax, and eventually, Tao gives in until he leaves a few lingering pecks on the other's lips before he pulls away in a daze, "I love you, Yifan."
Yifan stares at Tao for a second before pulling him back for another kiss, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to kiss you, Zitao."
Tao stares at Yifan, and the older smiles at him, "Are you okay?"
"No."
"Let's get out of the car, Zitao."
The both of them get out of the car and Yifan walks around to hold Tao close first, "You're shaking..."
Tao nods and starts to cry, Yifan hugs him close to his chest. "I thought we're gonna die! And I thought I was gonna kill you with me! I haven't even told you I love you, too!"
"We're still alive, we're not gonna die like this, and damn it, I'm thankful."
"Thankful about what?!"
"Oh Huang Zitao, I can finally kiss you anytime I want." Yifan cups Tao's face and the younger melts into the kiss, he wraps his arms around Yifan and the older presses their bodies closer if it's any more possible. "I love you, Zitao."
Tao nods his head, "Me, too. I love you. I just... I'm sorry I didn't tell you, we almost had to die before I..." Tao doesn't finish his sentence when he faints and Yifan fortunately catches him in time. "Zitao!!! Fuck!"
Yifan immediately takes Tao back into the car and drives away, he doesn't even check the status of his precious impala as he drives to the hospital. He carries Tao to the emergency and the nurses immediately put Tao on a stretcher while another nurse talks to Yifan. It only takes less than 20 minutes later before Tao's parents are rushing through the hospital doors. "What happened?!" Tao's mother asks Yifan as his father talks to anybody who can explain the current situation of his son.
"I'm so sorry!" Yifan cries out and kneels to the floor, he bows and looks up to Tao's mother, "I was trying to teach him how to drive and I guess I stressed him out and I..." Yifan is cut off when a hard slap gets in contact with his face.
"HONEY!"
"You endangered my son!" Tao's father yells and Yifan bows again, his forehead touching the ground, "If I can trade places with your son, I will. I didn't intend for him to get hurt..." Yifan sobs and he feels Tao's mother lift him up from the floor, the older man sighs and hugs Yifan, "I'm sorry, Yifan. I panicked and he's my only son. I almost lost him to cancer and..." Tao's father starts to cry and Yifan pats the older man's back, "I'm really sorry..."
"Uh, excuse me." A voice from behind the three of them interrupts, "Are you the parents of Huang Zitao?" The nurse asks and the couple nods, "You can go inside the room and the doctor will talk to you inside."
"Can I come?" Yifan asks and the nurse shakes her head, "I'm so sorry, young man. Only family of the patient is allowed inside."
Tao's mother tells her husband to go ahead and she talks to Yifan, "You should go home for tonight, Yifan. I'll make sure to update you if anything happens."
Yifan nods then gives her Tao's bag, "Mrs. Huang, there's a walkie-talkie inside that bag, is it okay if you put it by his bedside?"
"Of course it's okay." She smiles and runs to catch up to her husband and the nurse.
It's around midnight when Tao's mother steps out of his son's room, as there's only one guardian allowed to stay overnight with the patient. She stops on her tracks when she finds Yifan asleep on one of the chairs where she left him two hours prior, she smiles to herself before shaking the blond awake, "Yifan, we should get you home. Your mother must be worried."
"She knows I'm here."
"Come on, let's go home."
Yifan shakes his head, "Please, let me stay. It's my fault he's here."
"Yifan. It won't change a thing. Come on, help me pack some of his things. You're still sick, too and I can't have you neglecting your health."
Yifan reluctantly stands from his seat, his limbs hurting from staying in a bad position for hours. "Can you drive? I'm planning to leave the car here for Tao's dad."
Yifan nods quietly and Tao's mother pulls him out of the hospital. The drive is fairly quiet, and it isn't until they reach the Huang's driveway did Tao's mother speaks, "He's fine now, Yifan, if that's what you're worried about. The doctor said he was just a little stressed. He'll be out of the hospital in a few days, he just needs rest."
"I'm really sorry, Mrs. Huang..."
"But we both think the two of you should refrain from going out until late at night from now on."
"Yes, I understand." Mrs. Huang squeezes Yifan's shoulder before getting out of the car. "Come in, help me pack. You can sleep in his room tonight since it's a little late for you to go home. I'll call your mother."
-----
'I'll see you tomorrow, Peach.'
-----
Tao knows this isn't his room and judging from the strong scent of anesthetic seeping through the cracks, he groans at the realization that he is, in fact, in a hospital.
He turns slowly to his side to find his mother sleeping on a couch and when he sees the clock on the wall, it say 2:35. "Mom?" Tao croaks and his mother comes to attention. "Tao! Thank goodness, you're awake."
"How long was I out?"
"A day and a few hours. Wait, let me get the nurse." His mother leaves the room and he notices the walkie-talkie next to him. He reaches out and presses the button on the side, "Kris? It's Peach."
There's silence from the other end Tao looks out from the tiny space between the curtains that it's dark outside, "2:35 AM, huh..." He mumbles then presses the button of the radio again, "See you tomorrow, Kris."
The nurse returns with his mother inside the room and starts to test him. Tao feels heavy and before he knows it, he's falling back to sleep.
-----
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3