Stay - Sehun x Luhan - Oneshot
Title: Stay
Chapters: Oneshot
Author: paranoiascreams
Genre: angst, tragedy, supernatural
Warning: unbeta'd. character death
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Sehun x Luhan
Synopsis: Luhan is determined to make Sehun stay no matter what the circumstances are.
Disclaimer: EXO is not mine. Story based on the song here. Lyrics here.
"Hey, Sehun...?" Luhan calls out from the living room, his boyfriend peeks his head from the kitchen, "What is it?"
"Hey, Sehun!"
"What?" Sehun goes out of the kitchen, Luhan runs to him and jumps into his arms, "I got it! My book is getting published!"
"Really?!"
"Yes!!!" Luhan flails as he pepper his boyfriend's face with kisses, "I'm having a meeting with the publisher tomorrow!"
"I'm so proud of you, love!"
Luhan hugs Sehun tighter and the younger can feel his boyfriend's tears soaking the collar of his worn out shirt. They've been together for 5 years since Luhan's senior year, and the two of them had been trying their best to find Luhan a publisher, and today his boyfriend's wish is coming true.
"Dreams really are as good as reality, Sehun. Everything is falling into place!"
"Then let's have dinner out tonight! We haven't had a decent date in weeks."
"I'd love that, Sehun!" Luhan gushes and kisses Sehun, "I love you, Sehun."
"I love you too." Sehun smiles then puts his boyfriend down on the couch, "I'll go to work first, then I'll pick you up later at 6, okay?"
Luhan nods, "Uhm, drive me to the publishing office tomorrow?"
"Alright. I'll ask for a day off."
"You're the best." Luhan smiles and watches as his boyfriend retreat back to the kitchen to finish his breakfast. The older runs to their bedroom and prepares his boyfriend's clothes. Sehun's been working for the both of them as a junior executive for an advertising company, while Luhan writes his unpublished novels at home. Well, at least one is getting published now.
Minutes later, Sehun is fixing his clothes and Luhan steps in front of him to fix his tie, "I can't believe this is happening! We've been looking for a publisher for a year!" The older exclaims, Sehun smies and kisses him, "You deserve it more than anything, love."
"But isn't it scary? My life is becoming perfect!"
"What's to be afraid of? I'm here. I won't go away."
Luhan nods and hugs Sehun, "You're not leaving me, right?"
"I will never leave you. I promised to make you happy, and if I'm not with you, how will I make you?"
The younger chuckles then adds, "Well, except today since I have to go to work because you know, corporate shit."
Luhan laughs and kisses his boyfriend again, Sehun takes his hand and they walk to the front door. "Six o' clock, alright?"
"Yes, love." Luhan smiles and waves his boyfriend goodbye.
-----
"Ei, love." Sehun calls from across the table of the fancy restaurant where they're celebrating the older's milestone in his career.
"Hmn?"
"What do you want to do after dinner?"
Luhan thinks for a moment then shakes his head, "Home. I want to sleep early so I can be presentable tomorrow."
"Alright. I was thinking maybe you want to go somewhere else after. Like you know, watch a movie or something."
"You spoil me too much." Luhan smiles, "We don't have to do everything tonight, we have forever ahead of us."
Sehun sighs then takes Luhan's hand from across the table, "You're right."
"Love... Is something wrong?"
Sehun shakes his head, "Everything is perfect."
They drive back to the apartment an hour later, Luhan takes a shower when they arrive home. He finds Sehun typing away on his laptop when he returns to their bedroom, "Aren't you sleeping, Sehun?"
Sehun turns to his boyfriend then gives him a chaste kiss, "I have to finish this and email it to my boss before I drive you to the publisher. It was the deal I had with him so I can take my day off tomorrow."
"Oh... Then I guess it was a good idea that we went home immediately." Luhan smiles, "Goodnight, Sehun. Finish early so you can have a decent sleep."
-----
Luhan prepares them breakfast as he lets his boyfriend steal a few more minutes of sleep. Once he's done, he walks back to their bedroom and shakes Sehun lightly, "Love, wake up."
Sehun groans and pulls Luhan to him, "Nooooo..."
The older laughs and stays on his boyfriend's chest for a bit, he lets the younger linger in his dreamland for a few second before peppering him with kisses, "Wake up! Wake up!"
"I wanna dream more...." Sehun opens one eye to find Luhan smiling widely at him, "It's no different than real life, love. I'm in there and I'm also here. Unless you're dreaming of someone else then we're gonna have a problem."
Sehun chuckles leans up to kiss Luhan chastely before grinning, "I'm up now. Let's go. Breakfast!"
Luhan nods, jumps off of him then drags Sehun out of the bedroom.
-----
"Are you sure you don't want to come up with me?" Luhan asks after Sehun parks his car in the enclosed parking lot, the younger shakes his head. "I look like total shit and I barely slept. I'll just sleep here and wait for you."
Luhan sighs, "Alright. I'll be gone maybe two hours, I'll call you, okay?"
Sehun nods then hugs Luhan, "You can do it love!"
Luhan pumps his fist as a sign of fighting spirit, kisses Sehun and reluctantly leaves the car.
The young would-be novelist is riding the elevator up alone when he receives a message from his lover: 'I won't be there but I know you, you can do it! Today, everything will change. I love you so much!'
Luhan smiles and immediately replies with: 'You sappy idiot, you're always with me! Thank you and I love you! the older presses send and slides the device back to his pocket.
The meeting takes over two hours - Luhan signs the contract, they talk about how they'll be promoting the novel and all that involves in making his upcoming book a success. When he gets out of the office and checks his phone, he rolls his eyes when he found out that his last message for Sehun had been moved to drafts due to the lack of signal inside the elevator. He shrugs and decides to keep it in that folder since he's meeting his lover soon.
"That's weird..." Luhan looks at his phone, it's calling Sehun but the younger wouldn't answer. Sehun could lack sleep but he wakes up to the slightest sound or movement. He tries again but he's getting connected to voicemail. "Answer the fucking phone!" He grits his teeth as he tries again, his heart is racing already and he's getting really uneasy as he makes his way to the parking lot.
He makes a run for it once he exits the elevator and looks for Sehun's car. His heartbeat races faster when he finds the engine running with his lover inside. Luhan knocks on the glass window on Sehun's side but he gets no response. The older panics and knocks on it harder, shouting Sehun's name alerting the guard by the entrance.
"What seems to be the problem, sir?" The guard asks after walking next to Luhan.
"My boyfriend is not waking up!"
The guard takes a better look inside and he immediately radios for more security saying some code that the doe-eyed Chinese couldn't comprehend, "What's happening?!" Luhan screams, the guard pulls him back, "Sir, calm down."
"What?! Why?!" Luhan tries to remove himself from the guard's grip on his waist but the guard is stronger and keeps pulling him away from the car, "Let go of me! I need to wake up Sehun!"
Luhan stops squirming when he finds an ambulance and police car suddenly arrive, an officer immediately jumps off the patrol car to break the window of Sehun's car to open the door. Two paramedics immediately checks on Sehun, Luhan is still being held back but he tries to crane his neck to look at what's happening.
Luhan is only released when one of the paramedics shakes his head, an officer talks to said paramedic then walks up to him. "I'm PO2 Choi Minho, are you his companion?"
The Chinese nods still speechless, the officer sighs, "I'm so sorry."
"Sorry? For wha-t?" Luhan asks, his voice breaking. Minho shakes his head, "Your companion is gone."
"NO!" Luhan screams, "He's not gone!!!!" He becomes hysterical especially after seeing Sehun get carried inside the ambulance fully covered by a white blanket, "What are you doing?! No! He's not dead!!!" The Chinese falls on the officer, "He can't be dead! He promised he would never leave me!!!!"
Luhan finally breaks down and cries, the ambulance leaves but he stays slumped on the parking lot's floor, Minho asks for Luhan's phone and the Chinese just hands it to him. "Call my cousin Zitao, please..." Luhan begs as he keeps crying, not less than 30 minutes later a racing car enters the parking lot and 2 tall men exits the vehicle, "LUHAN!" The blond runs up to the sobbing man while the raven-haired guy walks to the police officer, "I'm Huang Zitao and he's my cousin, what happened here?"
"Your friend's companion had died. The ambulance had taken him to the hospital, please, go there. We'll be investigating the cause of death here." Minho hands Tao a card, "Call me if you need anything but for now, you all need to go to the hospital." The officer turns and starts inspecting the car, Tao runs up to the other two, "Come on Luhan, Kris."
Kris is still trying to pull Luhan up by the arm but the latter won't budge, he keeps crying that Tao had to pull him by the waist while the blond steadies both of them as the older Chinese has become deadweight and unmindful of his surroundings.
Kris drives while Tao stays with Luhan on the backseat, the raven-haired calls their other friends, while the other just cries next to him.
"He promised me... Zitao, he promised he would never leave me. This is all my fault! I shouldn't have let him drive me there!"
"Calm down, Luhan-ge..." Zitao hugs his older cousin who's still crying next to him.
They arrive at the hospital 20 minutes later, Luhan had stopped crying. "I'm gonna talk to the doctors, Kris stay with him." Zitao tells his boyfriend then looks for the people he needs to talk to.
"It was my fault, wasn't it...?" Luhan mumbles, his head still down while Kris keeps him company, "It's nobody's fault. Stop blaming yourself." The older starts sobbing again, "He should have just gone to work... I just..."
"Shh... Stop. Luhan, don't blame yourself." Kris pulls him in a hug and he lets him cry on his chest. A few minutes later, Zitao walks up to them. He squats in front of Luhan, "Ge..." The older man turns to his cousin, he doesn't say anything, Zitao clears his throat, "...They said it's Carbon Monoxide poisoning. H-he's been dead for an hour and a half or so when the paramedics arrived."
Luhan shakes his head, "Where is he?"
"He's in the morgue."
Luhan cries again, "What do I tell his family? His mother will be so devastated..."
"Luhan!"
They turn to see their other friends coming, Kyungsoo runs up to him and hugs him immediately. Jongin asks the other two about what happened. Yixing and Joonmyun are running behind so they just follow through on what Tao is telling Jongin.
"I want to see him..." Luhan whispers to Tao, the younger nods, he tells Kris to come with him and also tells the others to call a funeral home. "Luhan..." Yixing starts, "I'll... I'll call Sehun's mom. You just go and say goodbye to him." The devastated Chinese nods and takes Tao's hand.
"You go. We'll be outside." Tao tells Luhan once they've made it to the morgue. An attending mortician uncovers Sehun then leaves Luhan inside the room. Tao and Kris talks to him outside while Sehun's lover stares at the younger's corpse.
"Hey..." Luhan starts, "You're so unfair, do you know that...?" He uncovers more of Sehun's body and takes the cold hand and holds it with his warm ones, "You promised me, didn't you? You weren't supposed to leave me, Sehun." Luhan cries and kneels on the floor, hand still holding onto Sehun's, "What will I do now? Aren't we supposed to spend the rest of our lives together?" He keeps crying, he doesn't let go of Sehun even if his own hand starts to get cold. He doesn't realize how long he's been slumped on the floor until Tao enters and sits next to him, "Ge, come on. Kris and I signed everything, Yixing said the Oh family will be arriving tonight. They'll head to funeral home, the service is coming soon to take Sehun."
Luhan shakes his head, "I'm going with them."
"We need to get you home."
"NO!" Luhan turns to Zitao, "This is the last moments I have with him, just... Please."
Tao sighs, "Alright. But let's go outside, okay?"
Luhan stands, he lovingly gazes at Sehun then gives him a kiss on the cheek, "I love you, Sehun."
-----
It's the 2nd day of the wake and Sehun's mother is sitting next to Luhan, "You should go home for tonight. We'll take care of things here."
"... Aren't you mad at me, Mrs. Oh?" Luhan looks at the older woman, she smiles at him, "Why would I be, Luhan? You loved my son more than anyone could. He lived happily with you..."
Luhan tries not to cry when Sehun's mother hugs him, "Go and rest. You've done enough for the past 2 days."
"I'll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Oh."
Sehun's mother smiles at him, "Why so formal? Weren't you supposed to call me 'umma'? I may have lost my own son, but I still have you."
"Umma..." Luhan cries and hugs the older woman, "Thank you..."
Kyungsoo and Yixing accompany Luhan back to the apartment, the older is quiet as he takes a shower and retreats to the bedroom he shared with Sehun. The other two doesn't bother him but Kyungsoo opens the door a little so that they can hear Luhan from the living room.
Luhan doesn't bother when the door is opened a bit, he just covers himself with a blanket and stares at the last text message Sehun had sent him.
'Everything did change, Sehun. I hope it didn't and you're still alive. The book deal wasn't worth losing you over...' Luhan starts crying again, until he falls asleep.
-----
"Luhan-ge." Tao starts as he sits next to his cousin while the cremation is taking place, "I just talked to officer Choi, and they told me what could have happened."
"Does it even matter? It won't bring him back." Luhan stays nonchalant as he stares at box where Sehun's body is currently burning.
"It matters, ge. So you'd stop blaming yourself." Luhan sighs then turns to Tao. He doesn't say anything and his younger cousin continues, "There was an exhaust leak in the car, ge. But, you gave your statement a few days ago, right?" The older nods, still listening and Tao continues, "His cellphone was set on alarm approximately 30 minutes after you left. It was hot in the parking lot so maybe he decided to run the engine for half an hour then wake up eventually to turn it off."
"But he never did, didn't he?" Luhan chokes up a sob, "See? It doesn't change anything... Bottom line is, I never should have asked him to drive me to that office." The older starts crying again, and Tao just holds him in his arms, "He'd be alive by then, right?"
"Ge, you'll be okay."
"NO!" Luhan screams and pushes Tao off him, he ignores the stares from their friends and Sehun's family as he starts screaming at his cousin. "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL, TAO! YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW UNTIL KRIS DIES BEFORE YOU!"
"Stop it, Luhan." Kris steps into the scene and pulls Tao closer to him, "Tao is just trying to help. There's only the two of you here in Korea."
"He has no right to tell me I'll be okay..." Luhan starts sobbing hysterically, their other friends had to restrain him to calm him a bit, "He doesn't know how it feels to be left behind by someone who's never coming back. Not any of you knows how I feel."
Tao is already crying, as most of their friends are. The loss of Sehun finally sinking in and taking its toll on everyone. "Ge, stop being selfish. You're not the only one who lost him," Tao starts, his voice broken, "You may have lost a boyfriend, but his mother lost her son, his sister lost a brother, we all lost a friend so yes, we do feel what you feel. It must not be as strong as yours but we all love Sehun, and his passing hurts everyone. We're just trying to help you."
Luhan sits back on his chair and just cries, face buried on the palms of his hands. Kyungsoo and Yixing decide to stay with him while the rest sits from a distance. Kris comforts Tao a few seats away from the rest.
-----
It's been 2 days after the cremation, and Luhan had requested to be left alone, but promised Tao (they've patched things up even before the cremation process finished) that he'll call him nightly just to let his cousin know he's okay.
'Any news from the publisher?'
Luhan sighs as he shifts on his bed, "It's still a go, but it's been pushed back maybe 3 months from now. I can't deal with anything. It reminds me of everything."
'Alright. Go to sleep, ge.'
"Good night, Tao." Luhan ends the conversation and covers his eyes with one arm, "This is just a nightmare..." Luhan sobs, "Tomorrow I will wake up with you beside me again, Sehun. This is too painful to be real, this isn't what you promised me." He keeps talking to Sehun until eventually, he falls asleep.
Luhan screams when he wakes up to see a pair of eyes staring at him.
"What's wrong? It's just me."
Luhan blinks a hundred times maybe, pinches himself he almost bleeds, "What are you doing to yourself, Luhan? Wake up now. I'm hungry."
"It can't be you."
"And who else might it be?"
"Sehun, it can't be you." Luhan mumbles, holding back his tears because Sehun is standing in front of him, alive and not all ghost-like. The other guy raises an eyebrow and smirks, "Don't you have a meeting with that publisher? You're gonna be late." 'Sehun' walks out of the bedroom, Luhan grabs his phone but the date is right. It still is a week after Sehun's death. He checks his call history and there's the phone call from Zitao from last night. In his inbox, Sehun's last message is still there. He texts Zitao immediately.
'To: Zitao
Sehun's gone, right?'
It takes a few seconds before a reply comes in but it felt like hours for Luhan.
'Fr: Zitao
Yes. Do you want me to come over? I can tell my boss.'
'To: Zitao
No. I'm fine. I'll call you later.'
Luhan shakes his head, he's hallucinating for sure. Sehun can't be here, all fleshy and not transparent as ghosts are supposed to be. It's broad daylight for god's sake. But then 'Sehun' peeks from the bedroom's doorway, "Aren't you getting up?"
Luhan nods and jumps off the bed and follows 'Sehun' out. He finds him flipping the channels on the TV, Luhan reluctantly sits next to him, "Sehun?"
"Hmn?" 'Sehun' doesn't turn to him as he keeps browsing channels, Luhan continues, "Do you remember anything?"
"About last night? Yeah. My dinner sucked and my boss is an asshat for making me take home all the work."
Luhan keeps his distance away from 'Sehun', the younger turns to him, "Isn't your meeting in two hours?"
The older shakes his head, "Uhm, sorry. It's been moved for tomorrow."
"That's okay. More time for me to rest and spend time with you."
Luhan smiles, 'Sehun' does the same before watching a rerun of a basketball game. He concludes that this is Sehun's ghost and he should be afraid, but he doesn't. The older stares at the 'person' next to him, and it's Sehun, his Sehun and he's here and Luhan starts to sob silently because he'll take what he can. If it's a ghost Sehun next to him, then yes, he can live with that forever.
"Love, are you okay?"
Luhan nods, "You're here now and I'm more than okay..."
"You idiot." Sehun smiles then continues to watch the game.
Luhan stands from the couch and walks over the table where the urn that has Sehun's ashes are on display. He wants to take it and hide it somewhere, but the younger notices him, "What are you doing with that vase?"
"V-vase?" Luhan asks, holding the blue urn in his hand, Sehun grins, "Yeah. Keep it there. I promise I'll bring you flowers tomorrow so you can put fresh ones in it."
"I was just... Nevermind." Luhan places the urn back. The vase had already been moved to another table to make room for the urn. He makes his way to the kitchen, he knows that Sehun won't be hungry, unless ghosts do eat human food but he's sure they don't. He prepares himself breakfast and eats silently until Sehun saunters in.
"Eating alone?"
"W-what do you want to eat, then?"
"Hmn. I just want coffee. Call me when it's done." The younger leaves the kitchen and returns to the living room.
Luhan smiles and stands to prepare his boyfriend's coffee. He prepares it just the way Sehun had always had his coffee and it feels nostalgic that Luhan starts sobbing silently. He hasn't done this in a while and he doesn't know how long he's gonna do it again to a manifestation of Sehun roaming around their apartment.
He composes himself after preparing the coffee and then walks to the living room to give Sehun the cup of coffee. Luhan quietly walks back to their bedroom and calls his cousin but then he thinks that calling him won't be the brightest idea since his cousin won't believe him and maybe, this is a dream and when he wakes up tomorrow, Sehun won't be here.
The day goes on with Sehun and Luhan talking as if it's a normal day for the both of them, but the older notices that some things that Sehun's sees aren't what Luhan sees. First was the urn that in Sehun's eyes was a vase he moved. He noticed that the coffee on the table that morning had remained untouched when he walked back to the living room yet Sehun complimented him on how perfect it was. Luhan finds it rather odd, but he thinks it's okay. Sehun's here and he couldn't ask for more.
-----
Luhan wakes up the next day thinking that the ghost of Sehun won't be around anymore, so he sadly walks out of the living room but to his surprise finds Sehun sitting on the couch, "Morning, love."
The older man bites back the lump in his throat, because Sehun's still here and he's not leaving anytime soon. Luhan will make sure to make him stay with him for the rest of his life. "G-good morning."
"You have a meeting with that publisher in two hours, right?" Sehun asks, Luhan scrunches his brows together, "You asked me that yesterday..."
"I did not. You got your email yesterday and we went out for a date."
Luhan nods, "Uh... No. It's moved tomorrow."
"That's okay. More time for me to rest and spend time with you."
And it goes on for a few more days, Sehun's still in the apartment when he wakes up, asking the same question everyday and Luhan answering it with the same response repeatedly. During those days, Luhan has decided to bask in the thought that Sehun is around and he doesn't care about anything else at all. He ignores Tao's calls, even the publisher's. He blocks out everything that doesn't concern Sehun, that he even forgets himself. It isn't until his cousin comes to the apartment one day is he thrust back to reality.
Luhan opens the door to a worried Tao, who just marches inside without a greeting. The younger scans the apartment, noticing how dirty it's becoming, "Ge. You weren't keeping your promise."
"I got busy."
"With what?"
Sehun walks out from the bedroom, "Hi, Tao!" He greets the other Chinese in the room but Tao doesn't notice him. "Rude! Hey, Tao!" Sehun calls again, Luhan looks at his lover, but Tao is still ignoring the young Korean. "Just... busy, Tao. You should go."
"You haven't called me in 5 days. You've been ignoring me. What's happening to you?"
"Look, I'm okay. You don't have to baby me! I'm older than you." Luhan feel aggravated, he pulls on Tao's wrist but the strength of his cousin proves no match to his. Tao wanders about the house and finds two servings of food on the table, one finished and one untouched, "Do you have someone over?!"
"Yes, I'm here!" Sehun calls out again but Tao walks past him. The younger grunts because he really can't take being ignored anymore especially since he and Tao were close too.
"Tao, just go home. I'm okay." Luhan begs but his cousin won't budge.
"You're not." Tao walks around the house some more and finds more of Sehun's stuff lying around the place, the ones they had stored in the closet after the cremation. "Luhan-ge, these are Sehun's... What are you doing to yourself?"
"... Just leave it alone, Huang Zitao."
Tao sighs, "Ge, Sehun's dead. I know it's hard to move on from this, but you have to let him go."
Sehun gasps hearing what Tao just said, "I... I'm dead...?" He asks not to anyone in particular, he looks around their apartment and he finds everything change. He sees the condition of it, he finds the urn, he finds the untouched dishes and he sees the real look of Luhan's depressed features.
"He's here with me, Zitao! He's here! You can't see him but I do!" Luhan starts to yell, tears brimming in his eyes, "He's here with me and I won't let him leave!"
"You're crazy, ge!"
"He's here..." Luhan cries, "Just go away, Zitao. Sehun's with me and I don't need anybody else."
Zitao sighs, he doesn't want to believe in this but he humors his cousin, "Say he's here, he's a ghost... Are you just gonna let him wander about? Are you gonna live your life like a ghost too, cooped up in this place just because he's here? He would be devastated. Luhan, Sehun would want you to live to the fullest, he'd want you to be happy."
"If he wants me to be happy, why did he leave me?!"
Sehun watches his boyfriend break down in front of him, and slowly, the memory of his death flashbacks to him. He remembers turning on the engine because it was really hot in the parking lot and setting his phone on alarm so he can turn it off later. He ignores the dizziness and headache he started feeling as he tries to get his nap, blaming the pain from his lack of sleep. He remembers feeling nauseous but he felt so weak at the same time and then nothing. Everything went black and now he's here.
"Ge, let him crossover." Zitao begs, Luhan shakes his head, "Zitao... I can't."
"Ge..."
"I really can't. I'd rather die than be without him. Life is meaningless."
Zitao hugs his cousin, "You're 27, and you have your whole life ahead of you..."
"My life is gone. And whatever I have of my life, whether he's become a ghost or just my imagination, I don't care."
"... You need a more professional help, ge. You won't listen to me." Zitao releases Luhan, "At least let a professional talk to you. It wouldn't hurt."
"I don't care anymore, Zitao." Luhan sits on the couch, "Because you obviously don't care about me."
Zitao fights the urge to slap his cousin across the face, he just sighs and walks out of the room, "I'll be back." The younger tells Luhan before closing the door. The doe-eyed Chinese sobs quietly and the ghost lets him. He lingers around the apartment, walks around and looks at things that has been moved already. He stares at his urn and it hurts him to realize that he has indeed left Luhan. Sehun walks near Luhan after his boyfriend has calmed down minutes later, "Luhan..."
"... Sehun, I can't live without you." Luhan tells him without looking up.
Sehun sighs and sits next to him, "But Tao is right, this isn't what I want you to be. I want you to be happy, not depressed."
"But what about what I want?" Luhan cries some more, he hates this. He's lost Sehun before and he's gonna lose him again, it just isn't fair. "I want you stay, Sehun. You promised me."
"Luhan..." Sehun starts but doesn't finish when Tao enters the apartment again, Kris comes in next and another shorter guy they don't know. "Ge, I asked Kris to pick him up. He's Byun Baekhyun, he's a paranormal psychologist. He's going to talk to you." The said person nods at Luhan who just gives him a slight gaze, Baekhyun then tilts his head to the side as if looking at something next to Luhan.
"Is that Sehun?" Baekhyun asks, Tao runs to Kris' side and clings on his' arm immediately, "WAH! He's really here?"
"... Yes." Baekhyun turns to Tao with a smile, the raven-haired boy lets out a short whimper, Kris pats his back, "Okay, we're just gonna wait outside. Call us, Baekhyun, if anything happens."
Baekhyun mouths a 'yes', Tao nods and waves awkwardly to Luhan but not really to him, "Sorry, Sehun. I-if you can hear me, you'd understand that I hate ghosts, and even if you're my friend... Sorry!" Tao grabs Kris and runs out. Baekhyun sighs and walks over to Luhan, "And you're Luhan, yes?" The other just nods and lets Baekhyun sit next to him, the side where Sehun isn't sitting.
"I know what you're gonna say, I don't want him to crossover." Luhan tells Baekhyun sternly. The other sighs, and Sehun stands up. Baekhyun looks at Sehun, "You have to stay here, Sehun. You also need to hear what I have to say."
Luhan looks at Baekhyun for a moment before looking back down, "Say what you need to say then."
"They say ghosts have unfinished business, but they just don't always come knowing they have something to do. In your case, even without you telling me what happened, though Kris briefed me on the way here, I know that your strong desire to keep Sehun with you dragged him back to the world of the living, you called him back." Luhan doesn't say anything, Baekhyun takes it as a sign to continue, "But you have to let him crossover or else."
"Or else what?" Luhan asks, finally gaining interest at what this psychologist has to say.
Baekyeol looks at Sehun first then to the Chinese, "No matter how loving and tender Sehun is now, he would become angry and hungry. He'll eventually become vengeful, wandering your place and haunting you." Luhan shakes his head, "He wouldn't do that."
Baekhyun sighs, "I've seen this type of situations before, believe me, he will be vengeful. He'll blame you for not being able to crossover because you held him back."
Sehun looks at Baekhyun, then to his boyfriend, "You have to let me go, Luhan."
"But how...?" Luhan asks, his voice breaking again, "I don't think I would ever learn how to."
Baekhyun turns to Sehun, "What do you think is your unfinished business?"
Sehun thinks for a moment, "Luhan's happiness. Luhan's success...?"
"... Nothing matters anymore." Luhan mumbles and Sehun feels defeated. Luhan's always been stubborn with everything, and he understands because had it been the other way around, god knows how Sehun's gonna survive. But Baekhyun is relentless, even if he's a bit young for his profession, he knows he can make his patient understand the importance of Sehun being let go of.
"Luhan, if you don't let him crossover, you two won't meet again."
Luhan looks up, Sehun listens intently, "Do go on..." The Chinese whispers, Baekhyun puts his hand on Luhan's shoulder and gives it a tight squeeze, "Sehun will be stuck to this place, angry, wandering the halls and haunting. And you, when you die, your soul won't meet. He won't recognize your soul, Luhan... You don't want that."
Luhan shakes his head, "Yes. I don't."
Baekhyun gives his shoulder another squeeze, "You have less than 39 days to release him, if he doesn't cross over before then, you know what will happen."
Luhan sighs, "Okay. C-can you come back another day? I need some time alone."
Baekhyun nods then stands, "I'll see you then." The psychologist walks to the door, Luhan sees him out. "Thank you, Dr. Byun. I'll see you again."
The Chinese closes his door and looks at his lover, "Sehun..."
"You have to try and ignore me while we figure out what's keeping me here, what's my business and what I must do to make you happy again."
"... How do I even do that?"
Sehun doesn't answer and walks away, he ignores Luhan and it hurts the older man. He sighs and grabs all the stuff Sehun had 'used' - a plate of breakfast, a cup of coffee, his change of clothes, everything. It hurts because they look like they fought but back when the younger was still alive, they'd never fight like this, they can never ignore each other.
The day ends with Luhan finally putting away most of the stuff Sehun had used. He ignores Sehun's presence though they can't help but look at each other once in a while. Luhan goes to sleep that night with a heavier heart than before.
-----
Luhan wakes up the next day feeling a tiny bit detached from Sehun even if he finds his presence walking about in the living room. Sehun looks at him but turns away, Luhan sighs and heads to the shower and emerges back 20 minutes later with a change of clothes.
He eats alone and busies himself by locking himself inside their bedroom - reading books, writing short stories, sleeping or browsing the internet. It goes on for the rest of the day, that the only time he leaves the bedroom is to use the bathroom or grab a snack.
Two days of routinary ignorance with each other, Luhan decides to finally change the pace of the day. After showering, he decides to ditch his earliest food for the day, once he's dressed and ready, he picks up his phone and calls his cousin.
"Tao, I'm hungry. Brunch? Bring Kris."
Luhan turns to Sehun even if the presence is not looking at him, "Hey, love. I'm gonna head out for awhile. I might be gone until later." He stops by the door and looks at his lover, "I love you, Sehun." Luhan locks the door when he leaves.
"I love you too." Sehun whispers once he hears Luhan's footsteps fade in the hallway, "I'll see you later."
***
Tao and Kris arrive at the the diner 30 minutes later, Luhan had ordered their usual food, Kris lets Tao sit first then faces Luhan. "How was it? I mean, the talk with Baekhyun. We haven't seen you nor heard from you from that day." Kris asks as he starts to eat, the food has gone a bit cold but the couple aren't really that hungry. They were in the middle of their own private brunch when Luhan called.
"I'm... We're trying to ignore each other. It's hard though."
"Uhm. Is he transparent?" Tao asks apprehensively since he still can't wrap his head around the fact that Sehun's in that apartment. Luhan shakes his head to answer his cousin's question and adds, "He looks alive."
"Weren't you creeped out?" His cousin prods on, Luhan nods, "I was scared for a moment but... I guess, I was won over by the fact that I can see him."
"I'm just glad you took the initiative to go out today." Kris comments, "How's the book deal?"
Luhan shrugs, "No idea. I just... They told me they're giving me time, but I don't know. I just... I don't want to go back to that building. He died there."
"Get your book published, Luhan." Kris tells him with conviction, "I'm sure it's what Sehun would want."
Luhan stops picking on his food then stares at Kris, "You think?"
"I'm sure."
Luhan buries his face on his palms, the couple hears the Chinese across him sobbing, "If it is, oh my god... I swear. I really don't think this book is worth losing Sehun over... I just..."
"Ge... Don't think that way. Sehun loves you, if you think of it positively, your book might be the way for your own success and Sehun won't leave you empty-handed. This is a way of him telling you to live your life. Write more, your success will be his legacy." Tao tells his cousin and Luhan just stays there sobbing as quietly as he can muster.
Kris and Tao let him be as they try to eat. They're both intimidating enough to ward off the stares coming from the other tables. Luhan looks up 10 minutes later, eyes puffy and nose running. He reaches out for a table napkin and wipes off all the wet trails on his face. "I'm so sorry, to the both of you. I just... I just never thought he'd leave me so soon, and I have to let go of him completely... And I'm here ruining our brunch."
Tao shakes his head, "I understand. I'm pretty sure I'll be a bigger mess if Kris leaves me too."
Kris doesn't say anything and just squeezes his boyfriend's hand from under the table. Luhan sighs across them, "I'm gonna miss this. Our double dates."
"We'll still go on double dates."
Luhan shakes his head, "I don't know, Tao. I'm gonna let him go, but I don't think I can ever replace him. He's the love of my life."
"Then, just... As long as you're happy." Tao smiles, Luhan does the same. The younger Chinese gasps and tears up, his cousin raises an eyebrow, "What's wrong?"
"Y-you're smiling. I didn't know how much I missed your smile until now, ge."
"I didn't know that it feels liberating to do so. I'm still hurting but... I guess, I really just have to do this." Luhan sighs again, heavier this time. He bows his head and turns silent for a moment then he looks at the two again, "Uhm, is it okay for me to ask for a favor?"
"Anything, ge." Tao tells him with a smile.
"Drive me to the publishing office?"
"Grab your coat." Kris tells teh two and then walks to the counter to pay for their food. Tao takes Luhan by the hand and they walk out of the restaurant.
They drive in silence, Luhan watches the scene of Seoul's busy streets. Tao looks at the rearview mirror from time to time and he knows that his cousin is fidgety about his decision. But knowing his cousin for this long, he knows that if he doesn't do it now, he won't be doing it tomorrow nor in the future. When they near the building, Kris stops the car in front of the building.
"We're gonna wait until you're done, okay? We'll be in the cafe across the street." Tao tells his cousin, Luhan nods. "You can do it, ge." The older waves them both goodbye with a determined smile.
Two hours later, Luhan sits across the couple with a huge smile on his face and good news. Tao is too happy about the news that Luhan's book will be released in 3 months that he cries like a baby inside the coffee shop. Luhan laughs and it only makes Tao cry even more. Kris chuckles next to him, "He was really too stressed out being the older guy between the two of you." He tells Luhan as he pulls Tao to his chest. Luhan sighs, "Sorry about that, Tao. I swear, you don't have to worry about me now. I'll be fine. I'll be happy."
"Don't apologize, ge." Tao mumbles, he hits Kris' chest even if his face is still buried in it, "It's not like that, Kris!" Luhan laughs again, genuinely feeling good about today.
They stay in the cafe for a while longer, they even call Baekhyun to join them. They finally celebrate a bit about Luhan getting his book published because they didn't have time to. Luhan watches as his companions talk animatedly around him, and it feels nice. He bites back a small lump in his throat and it goes unnoticed by Baekhyun, "You okay, Luhan?"
"Yeah. Just... I feel like I'm forgetting Sehun by having a bit of fun."
Baekhyun pats his back, "You're not. You're letting go, Luhan. You're not forgetting him. Keep him in your memories. He'll always be with you that way." The older nods in understanding, he takes another sip of his coffee then checks his watch. He looks at the people around him and clears his throat, "Sorry guys, uhm, I want to go home..."
"Sure. It's almost sundown anyway." They say goodbye to Baekhyun before the three of them head to Kris' car. Luhan takes a moment and stares at the building across from where he's standing, he sighs and he feels a bit of acceptance wash over him. It's hard, but it's also reality. It isn't as good as the reality he's dreamed to have with Sehun, but it's the only reality he has now.
"Ge, you okay?" Tao asks, Luhan nods and climbs the backseat. Luhan watches the streets in silence again, and in less than an hour they're in Luhan's apartment complex. He bids his goodbyes to his cousin and Kris then walks back to his place. He inhales heavily before opening the front door.
The house is empty.
There is absolutely nothing inside the place. It's quiet, and not even the wind is present. He closes the door and walks around the house. And he feels emptier than the apartment when he finds Sehun gone. He walks back to the living room, he stands by the window and watches the looming sunset outside.
Luhan fishes out his cellphone, and browses through his message folders. He stops when he finds the one remaining message in the drafts. He reads it again and tears up, but not because he's still sad with the loss, but how true the message is even now that Sehun is gone. And it makes him happy with the thought.
'You sappy idiot, you're always with me! Thank you and I love you!
He stares at the message for a bit longer. He's kept all of Sehun's stuff inside the closet but Luhan doesn't care at that moment when he presses 'SEND'. He makes sure that the message is sent this time before he puts the phone back to his pocket.
Luhan closes his eyes for a moment when he notices that the white curtains on the window dances slowly, with the soft gust of wind suddenly filling the room. He feels the wind engulf him for a moment and Luhan smiles.
He knows, and they both know.
MESSAGE RECEIVED.
------------------------
Author's Notes: First HunHan for They're Playing our Song challenge. I'm so sorry it turned out this way, I admit that a quarter to the end of the story, i kind of lost it and it's word vomit.
A little trivia: The song i used is actually the singer's song for her brother who died via carbon monoxide poisoning inside the car as well, so basically inspired by her own story too.
Hope you liked, comments are good too. ^_^
Chapters: Oneshot
Author: paranoiascreams
Genre: angst, tragedy, supernatural
Warning: unbeta'd. character death
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Sehun x Luhan
Synopsis: Luhan is determined to make Sehun stay no matter what the circumstances are.
Disclaimer: EXO is not mine. Story based on the song here. Lyrics here.
"Hey, Sehun...?" Luhan calls out from the living room, his boyfriend peeks his head from the kitchen, "What is it?"
"Hey, Sehun!"
"What?" Sehun goes out of the kitchen, Luhan runs to him and jumps into his arms, "I got it! My book is getting published!"
"Really?!"
"Yes!!!" Luhan flails as he pepper his boyfriend's face with kisses, "I'm having a meeting with the publisher tomorrow!"
"I'm so proud of you, love!"
Luhan hugs Sehun tighter and the younger can feel his boyfriend's tears soaking the collar of his worn out shirt. They've been together for 5 years since Luhan's senior year, and the two of them had been trying their best to find Luhan a publisher, and today his boyfriend's wish is coming true.
"Dreams really are as good as reality, Sehun. Everything is falling into place!"
"Then let's have dinner out tonight! We haven't had a decent date in weeks."
"I'd love that, Sehun!" Luhan gushes and kisses Sehun, "I love you, Sehun."
"I love you too." Sehun smiles then puts his boyfriend down on the couch, "I'll go to work first, then I'll pick you up later at 6, okay?"
Luhan nods, "Uhm, drive me to the publishing office tomorrow?"
"Alright. I'll ask for a day off."
"You're the best." Luhan smiles and watches as his boyfriend retreat back to the kitchen to finish his breakfast. The older runs to their bedroom and prepares his boyfriend's clothes. Sehun's been working for the both of them as a junior executive for an advertising company, while Luhan writes his unpublished novels at home. Well, at least one is getting published now.
Minutes later, Sehun is fixing his clothes and Luhan steps in front of him to fix his tie, "I can't believe this is happening! We've been looking for a publisher for a year!" The older exclaims, Sehun smies and kisses him, "You deserve it more than anything, love."
"But isn't it scary? My life is becoming perfect!"
"What's to be afraid of? I'm here. I won't go away."
Luhan nods and hugs Sehun, "You're not leaving me, right?"
"I will never leave you. I promised to make you happy, and if I'm not with you, how will I make you?"
The younger chuckles then adds, "Well, except today since I have to go to work because you know, corporate shit."
Luhan laughs and kisses his boyfriend again, Sehun takes his hand and they walk to the front door. "Six o' clock, alright?"
"Yes, love." Luhan smiles and waves his boyfriend goodbye.
-----
"Ei, love." Sehun calls from across the table of the fancy restaurant where they're celebrating the older's milestone in his career.
"Hmn?"
"What do you want to do after dinner?"
Luhan thinks for a moment then shakes his head, "Home. I want to sleep early so I can be presentable tomorrow."
"Alright. I was thinking maybe you want to go somewhere else after. Like you know, watch a movie or something."
"You spoil me too much." Luhan smiles, "We don't have to do everything tonight, we have forever ahead of us."
Sehun sighs then takes Luhan's hand from across the table, "You're right."
"Love... Is something wrong?"
Sehun shakes his head, "Everything is perfect."
They drive back to the apartment an hour later, Luhan takes a shower when they arrive home. He finds Sehun typing away on his laptop when he returns to their bedroom, "Aren't you sleeping, Sehun?"
Sehun turns to his boyfriend then gives him a chaste kiss, "I have to finish this and email it to my boss before I drive you to the publisher. It was the deal I had with him so I can take my day off tomorrow."
"Oh... Then I guess it was a good idea that we went home immediately." Luhan smiles, "Goodnight, Sehun. Finish early so you can have a decent sleep."
-----
Luhan prepares them breakfast as he lets his boyfriend steal a few more minutes of sleep. Once he's done, he walks back to their bedroom and shakes Sehun lightly, "Love, wake up."
Sehun groans and pulls Luhan to him, "Nooooo..."
The older laughs and stays on his boyfriend's chest for a bit, he lets the younger linger in his dreamland for a few second before peppering him with kisses, "Wake up! Wake up!"
"I wanna dream more...." Sehun opens one eye to find Luhan smiling widely at him, "It's no different than real life, love. I'm in there and I'm also here. Unless you're dreaming of someone else then we're gonna have a problem."
Sehun chuckles leans up to kiss Luhan chastely before grinning, "I'm up now. Let's go. Breakfast!"
Luhan nods, jumps off of him then drags Sehun out of the bedroom.
-----
"Are you sure you don't want to come up with me?" Luhan asks after Sehun parks his car in the enclosed parking lot, the younger shakes his head. "I look like total shit and I barely slept. I'll just sleep here and wait for you."
Luhan sighs, "Alright. I'll be gone maybe two hours, I'll call you, okay?"
Sehun nods then hugs Luhan, "You can do it love!"
Luhan pumps his fist as a sign of fighting spirit, kisses Sehun and reluctantly leaves the car.
The young would-be novelist is riding the elevator up alone when he receives a message from his lover: 'I won't be there but I know you, you can do it! Today, everything will change. I love you so much!'
Luhan smiles and immediately replies with: 'You sappy idiot, you're always with me! Thank you and I love you! the older presses send and slides the device back to his pocket.
The meeting takes over two hours - Luhan signs the contract, they talk about how they'll be promoting the novel and all that involves in making his upcoming book a success. When he gets out of the office and checks his phone, he rolls his eyes when he found out that his last message for Sehun had been moved to drafts due to the lack of signal inside the elevator. He shrugs and decides to keep it in that folder since he's meeting his lover soon.
"That's weird..." Luhan looks at his phone, it's calling Sehun but the younger wouldn't answer. Sehun could lack sleep but he wakes up to the slightest sound or movement. He tries again but he's getting connected to voicemail. "Answer the fucking phone!" He grits his teeth as he tries again, his heart is racing already and he's getting really uneasy as he makes his way to the parking lot.
He makes a run for it once he exits the elevator and looks for Sehun's car. His heartbeat races faster when he finds the engine running with his lover inside. Luhan knocks on the glass window on Sehun's side but he gets no response. The older panics and knocks on it harder, shouting Sehun's name alerting the guard by the entrance.
"What seems to be the problem, sir?" The guard asks after walking next to Luhan.
"My boyfriend is not waking up!"
The guard takes a better look inside and he immediately radios for more security saying some code that the doe-eyed Chinese couldn't comprehend, "What's happening?!" Luhan screams, the guard pulls him back, "Sir, calm down."
"What?! Why?!" Luhan tries to remove himself from the guard's grip on his waist but the guard is stronger and keeps pulling him away from the car, "Let go of me! I need to wake up Sehun!"
Luhan stops squirming when he finds an ambulance and police car suddenly arrive, an officer immediately jumps off the patrol car to break the window of Sehun's car to open the door. Two paramedics immediately checks on Sehun, Luhan is still being held back but he tries to crane his neck to look at what's happening.
Luhan is only released when one of the paramedics shakes his head, an officer talks to said paramedic then walks up to him. "I'm PO2 Choi Minho, are you his companion?"
The Chinese nods still speechless, the officer sighs, "I'm so sorry."
"Sorry? For wha-t?" Luhan asks, his voice breaking. Minho shakes his head, "Your companion is gone."
"NO!" Luhan screams, "He's not gone!!!!" He becomes hysterical especially after seeing Sehun get carried inside the ambulance fully covered by a white blanket, "What are you doing?! No! He's not dead!!!" The Chinese falls on the officer, "He can't be dead! He promised he would never leave me!!!!"
Luhan finally breaks down and cries, the ambulance leaves but he stays slumped on the parking lot's floor, Minho asks for Luhan's phone and the Chinese just hands it to him. "Call my cousin Zitao, please..." Luhan begs as he keeps crying, not less than 30 minutes later a racing car enters the parking lot and 2 tall men exits the vehicle, "LUHAN!" The blond runs up to the sobbing man while the raven-haired guy walks to the police officer, "I'm Huang Zitao and he's my cousin, what happened here?"
"Your friend's companion had died. The ambulance had taken him to the hospital, please, go there. We'll be investigating the cause of death here." Minho hands Tao a card, "Call me if you need anything but for now, you all need to go to the hospital." The officer turns and starts inspecting the car, Tao runs up to the other two, "Come on Luhan, Kris."
Kris is still trying to pull Luhan up by the arm but the latter won't budge, he keeps crying that Tao had to pull him by the waist while the blond steadies both of them as the older Chinese has become deadweight and unmindful of his surroundings.
Kris drives while Tao stays with Luhan on the backseat, the raven-haired calls their other friends, while the other just cries next to him.
"He promised me... Zitao, he promised he would never leave me. This is all my fault! I shouldn't have let him drive me there!"
"Calm down, Luhan-ge..." Zitao hugs his older cousin who's still crying next to him.
They arrive at the hospital 20 minutes later, Luhan had stopped crying. "I'm gonna talk to the doctors, Kris stay with him." Zitao tells his boyfriend then looks for the people he needs to talk to.
"It was my fault, wasn't it...?" Luhan mumbles, his head still down while Kris keeps him company, "It's nobody's fault. Stop blaming yourself." The older starts sobbing again, "He should have just gone to work... I just..."
"Shh... Stop. Luhan, don't blame yourself." Kris pulls him in a hug and he lets him cry on his chest. A few minutes later, Zitao walks up to them. He squats in front of Luhan, "Ge..." The older man turns to his cousin, he doesn't say anything, Zitao clears his throat, "...They said it's Carbon Monoxide poisoning. H-he's been dead for an hour and a half or so when the paramedics arrived."
Luhan shakes his head, "Where is he?"
"He's in the morgue."
Luhan cries again, "What do I tell his family? His mother will be so devastated..."
"Luhan!"
They turn to see their other friends coming, Kyungsoo runs up to him and hugs him immediately. Jongin asks the other two about what happened. Yixing and Joonmyun are running behind so they just follow through on what Tao is telling Jongin.
"I want to see him..." Luhan whispers to Tao, the younger nods, he tells Kris to come with him and also tells the others to call a funeral home. "Luhan..." Yixing starts, "I'll... I'll call Sehun's mom. You just go and say goodbye to him." The devastated Chinese nods and takes Tao's hand.
"You go. We'll be outside." Tao tells Luhan once they've made it to the morgue. An attending mortician uncovers Sehun then leaves Luhan inside the room. Tao and Kris talks to him outside while Sehun's lover stares at the younger's corpse.
"Hey..." Luhan starts, "You're so unfair, do you know that...?" He uncovers more of Sehun's body and takes the cold hand and holds it with his warm ones, "You promised me, didn't you? You weren't supposed to leave me, Sehun." Luhan cries and kneels on the floor, hand still holding onto Sehun's, "What will I do now? Aren't we supposed to spend the rest of our lives together?" He keeps crying, he doesn't let go of Sehun even if his own hand starts to get cold. He doesn't realize how long he's been slumped on the floor until Tao enters and sits next to him, "Ge, come on. Kris and I signed everything, Yixing said the Oh family will be arriving tonight. They'll head to funeral home, the service is coming soon to take Sehun."
Luhan shakes his head, "I'm going with them."
"We need to get you home."
"NO!" Luhan turns to Zitao, "This is the last moments I have with him, just... Please."
Tao sighs, "Alright. But let's go outside, okay?"
Luhan stands, he lovingly gazes at Sehun then gives him a kiss on the cheek, "I love you, Sehun."
-----
It's the 2nd day of the wake and Sehun's mother is sitting next to Luhan, "You should go home for tonight. We'll take care of things here."
"... Aren't you mad at me, Mrs. Oh?" Luhan looks at the older woman, she smiles at him, "Why would I be, Luhan? You loved my son more than anyone could. He lived happily with you..."
Luhan tries not to cry when Sehun's mother hugs him, "Go and rest. You've done enough for the past 2 days."
"I'll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Oh."
Sehun's mother smiles at him, "Why so formal? Weren't you supposed to call me 'umma'? I may have lost my own son, but I still have you."
"Umma..." Luhan cries and hugs the older woman, "Thank you..."
Kyungsoo and Yixing accompany Luhan back to the apartment, the older is quiet as he takes a shower and retreats to the bedroom he shared with Sehun. The other two doesn't bother him but Kyungsoo opens the door a little so that they can hear Luhan from the living room.
Luhan doesn't bother when the door is opened a bit, he just covers himself with a blanket and stares at the last text message Sehun had sent him.
'Everything did change, Sehun. I hope it didn't and you're still alive. The book deal wasn't worth losing you over...' Luhan starts crying again, until he falls asleep.
-----
"Luhan-ge." Tao starts as he sits next to his cousin while the cremation is taking place, "I just talked to officer Choi, and they told me what could have happened."
"Does it even matter? It won't bring him back." Luhan stays nonchalant as he stares at box where Sehun's body is currently burning.
"It matters, ge. So you'd stop blaming yourself." Luhan sighs then turns to Tao. He doesn't say anything and his younger cousin continues, "There was an exhaust leak in the car, ge. But, you gave your statement a few days ago, right?" The older nods, still listening and Tao continues, "His cellphone was set on alarm approximately 30 minutes after you left. It was hot in the parking lot so maybe he decided to run the engine for half an hour then wake up eventually to turn it off."
"But he never did, didn't he?" Luhan chokes up a sob, "See? It doesn't change anything... Bottom line is, I never should have asked him to drive me to that office." The older starts crying again, and Tao just holds him in his arms, "He'd be alive by then, right?"
"Ge, you'll be okay."
"NO!" Luhan screams and pushes Tao off him, he ignores the stares from their friends and Sehun's family as he starts screaming at his cousin. "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL, TAO! YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW UNTIL KRIS DIES BEFORE YOU!"
"Stop it, Luhan." Kris steps into the scene and pulls Tao closer to him, "Tao is just trying to help. There's only the two of you here in Korea."
"He has no right to tell me I'll be okay..." Luhan starts sobbing hysterically, their other friends had to restrain him to calm him a bit, "He doesn't know how it feels to be left behind by someone who's never coming back. Not any of you knows how I feel."
Tao is already crying, as most of their friends are. The loss of Sehun finally sinking in and taking its toll on everyone. "Ge, stop being selfish. You're not the only one who lost him," Tao starts, his voice broken, "You may have lost a boyfriend, but his mother lost her son, his sister lost a brother, we all lost a friend so yes, we do feel what you feel. It must not be as strong as yours but we all love Sehun, and his passing hurts everyone. We're just trying to help you."
Luhan sits back on his chair and just cries, face buried on the palms of his hands. Kyungsoo and Yixing decide to stay with him while the rest sits from a distance. Kris comforts Tao a few seats away from the rest.
-----
It's been 2 days after the cremation, and Luhan had requested to be left alone, but promised Tao (they've patched things up even before the cremation process finished) that he'll call him nightly just to let his cousin know he's okay.
'Any news from the publisher?'
Luhan sighs as he shifts on his bed, "It's still a go, but it's been pushed back maybe 3 months from now. I can't deal with anything. It reminds me of everything."
'Alright. Go to sleep, ge.'
"Good night, Tao." Luhan ends the conversation and covers his eyes with one arm, "This is just a nightmare..." Luhan sobs, "Tomorrow I will wake up with you beside me again, Sehun. This is too painful to be real, this isn't what you promised me." He keeps talking to Sehun until eventually, he falls asleep.
Luhan screams when he wakes up to see a pair of eyes staring at him.
"What's wrong? It's just me."
Luhan blinks a hundred times maybe, pinches himself he almost bleeds, "What are you doing to yourself, Luhan? Wake up now. I'm hungry."
"It can't be you."
"And who else might it be?"
"Sehun, it can't be you." Luhan mumbles, holding back his tears because Sehun is standing in front of him, alive and not all ghost-like. The other guy raises an eyebrow and smirks, "Don't you have a meeting with that publisher? You're gonna be late." 'Sehun' walks out of the bedroom, Luhan grabs his phone but the date is right. It still is a week after Sehun's death. He checks his call history and there's the phone call from Zitao from last night. In his inbox, Sehun's last message is still there. He texts Zitao immediately.
'To: Zitao
Sehun's gone, right?'
It takes a few seconds before a reply comes in but it felt like hours for Luhan.
'Fr: Zitao
Yes. Do you want me to come over? I can tell my boss.'
'To: Zitao
No. I'm fine. I'll call you later.'
Luhan shakes his head, he's hallucinating for sure. Sehun can't be here, all fleshy and not transparent as ghosts are supposed to be. It's broad daylight for god's sake. But then 'Sehun' peeks from the bedroom's doorway, "Aren't you getting up?"
Luhan nods and jumps off the bed and follows 'Sehun' out. He finds him flipping the channels on the TV, Luhan reluctantly sits next to him, "Sehun?"
"Hmn?" 'Sehun' doesn't turn to him as he keeps browsing channels, Luhan continues, "Do you remember anything?"
"About last night? Yeah. My dinner sucked and my boss is an asshat for making me take home all the work."
Luhan keeps his distance away from 'Sehun', the younger turns to him, "Isn't your meeting in two hours?"
The older shakes his head, "Uhm, sorry. It's been moved for tomorrow."
"That's okay. More time for me to rest and spend time with you."
Luhan smiles, 'Sehun' does the same before watching a rerun of a basketball game. He concludes that this is Sehun's ghost and he should be afraid, but he doesn't. The older stares at the 'person' next to him, and it's Sehun, his Sehun and he's here and Luhan starts to sob silently because he'll take what he can. If it's a ghost Sehun next to him, then yes, he can live with that forever.
"Love, are you okay?"
Luhan nods, "You're here now and I'm more than okay..."
"You idiot." Sehun smiles then continues to watch the game.
Luhan stands from the couch and walks over the table where the urn that has Sehun's ashes are on display. He wants to take it and hide it somewhere, but the younger notices him, "What are you doing with that vase?"
"V-vase?" Luhan asks, holding the blue urn in his hand, Sehun grins, "Yeah. Keep it there. I promise I'll bring you flowers tomorrow so you can put fresh ones in it."
"I was just... Nevermind." Luhan places the urn back. The vase had already been moved to another table to make room for the urn. He makes his way to the kitchen, he knows that Sehun won't be hungry, unless ghosts do eat human food but he's sure they don't. He prepares himself breakfast and eats silently until Sehun saunters in.
"Eating alone?"
"W-what do you want to eat, then?"
"Hmn. I just want coffee. Call me when it's done." The younger leaves the kitchen and returns to the living room.
Luhan smiles and stands to prepare his boyfriend's coffee. He prepares it just the way Sehun had always had his coffee and it feels nostalgic that Luhan starts sobbing silently. He hasn't done this in a while and he doesn't know how long he's gonna do it again to a manifestation of Sehun roaming around their apartment.
He composes himself after preparing the coffee and then walks to the living room to give Sehun the cup of coffee. Luhan quietly walks back to their bedroom and calls his cousin but then he thinks that calling him won't be the brightest idea since his cousin won't believe him and maybe, this is a dream and when he wakes up tomorrow, Sehun won't be here.
The day goes on with Sehun and Luhan talking as if it's a normal day for the both of them, but the older notices that some things that Sehun's sees aren't what Luhan sees. First was the urn that in Sehun's eyes was a vase he moved. He noticed that the coffee on the table that morning had remained untouched when he walked back to the living room yet Sehun complimented him on how perfect it was. Luhan finds it rather odd, but he thinks it's okay. Sehun's here and he couldn't ask for more.
-----
Luhan wakes up the next day thinking that the ghost of Sehun won't be around anymore, so he sadly walks out of the living room but to his surprise finds Sehun sitting on the couch, "Morning, love."
The older man bites back the lump in his throat, because Sehun's still here and he's not leaving anytime soon. Luhan will make sure to make him stay with him for the rest of his life. "G-good morning."
"You have a meeting with that publisher in two hours, right?" Sehun asks, Luhan scrunches his brows together, "You asked me that yesterday..."
"I did not. You got your email yesterday and we went out for a date."
Luhan nods, "Uh... No. It's moved tomorrow."
"That's okay. More time for me to rest and spend time with you."
And it goes on for a few more days, Sehun's still in the apartment when he wakes up, asking the same question everyday and Luhan answering it with the same response repeatedly. During those days, Luhan has decided to bask in the thought that Sehun is around and he doesn't care about anything else at all. He ignores Tao's calls, even the publisher's. He blocks out everything that doesn't concern Sehun, that he even forgets himself. It isn't until his cousin comes to the apartment one day is he thrust back to reality.
Luhan opens the door to a worried Tao, who just marches inside without a greeting. The younger scans the apartment, noticing how dirty it's becoming, "Ge. You weren't keeping your promise."
"I got busy."
"With what?"
Sehun walks out from the bedroom, "Hi, Tao!" He greets the other Chinese in the room but Tao doesn't notice him. "Rude! Hey, Tao!" Sehun calls again, Luhan looks at his lover, but Tao is still ignoring the young Korean. "Just... busy, Tao. You should go."
"You haven't called me in 5 days. You've been ignoring me. What's happening to you?"
"Look, I'm okay. You don't have to baby me! I'm older than you." Luhan feel aggravated, he pulls on Tao's wrist but the strength of his cousin proves no match to his. Tao wanders about the house and finds two servings of food on the table, one finished and one untouched, "Do you have someone over?!"
"Yes, I'm here!" Sehun calls out again but Tao walks past him. The younger grunts because he really can't take being ignored anymore especially since he and Tao were close too.
"Tao, just go home. I'm okay." Luhan begs but his cousin won't budge.
"You're not." Tao walks around the house some more and finds more of Sehun's stuff lying around the place, the ones they had stored in the closet after the cremation. "Luhan-ge, these are Sehun's... What are you doing to yourself?"
"... Just leave it alone, Huang Zitao."
Tao sighs, "Ge, Sehun's dead. I know it's hard to move on from this, but you have to let him go."
Sehun gasps hearing what Tao just said, "I... I'm dead...?" He asks not to anyone in particular, he looks around their apartment and he finds everything change. He sees the condition of it, he finds the urn, he finds the untouched dishes and he sees the real look of Luhan's depressed features.
"He's here with me, Zitao! He's here! You can't see him but I do!" Luhan starts to yell, tears brimming in his eyes, "He's here with me and I won't let him leave!"
"You're crazy, ge!"
"He's here..." Luhan cries, "Just go away, Zitao. Sehun's with me and I don't need anybody else."
Zitao sighs, he doesn't want to believe in this but he humors his cousin, "Say he's here, he's a ghost... Are you just gonna let him wander about? Are you gonna live your life like a ghost too, cooped up in this place just because he's here? He would be devastated. Luhan, Sehun would want you to live to the fullest, he'd want you to be happy."
"If he wants me to be happy, why did he leave me?!"
Sehun watches his boyfriend break down in front of him, and slowly, the memory of his death flashbacks to him. He remembers turning on the engine because it was really hot in the parking lot and setting his phone on alarm so he can turn it off later. He ignores the dizziness and headache he started feeling as he tries to get his nap, blaming the pain from his lack of sleep. He remembers feeling nauseous but he felt so weak at the same time and then nothing. Everything went black and now he's here.
"Ge, let him crossover." Zitao begs, Luhan shakes his head, "Zitao... I can't."
"Ge..."
"I really can't. I'd rather die than be without him. Life is meaningless."
Zitao hugs his cousin, "You're 27, and you have your whole life ahead of you..."
"My life is gone. And whatever I have of my life, whether he's become a ghost or just my imagination, I don't care."
"... You need a more professional help, ge. You won't listen to me." Zitao releases Luhan, "At least let a professional talk to you. It wouldn't hurt."
"I don't care anymore, Zitao." Luhan sits on the couch, "Because you obviously don't care about me."
Zitao fights the urge to slap his cousin across the face, he just sighs and walks out of the room, "I'll be back." The younger tells Luhan before closing the door. The doe-eyed Chinese sobs quietly and the ghost lets him. He lingers around the apartment, walks around and looks at things that has been moved already. He stares at his urn and it hurts him to realize that he has indeed left Luhan. Sehun walks near Luhan after his boyfriend has calmed down minutes later, "Luhan..."
"... Sehun, I can't live without you." Luhan tells him without looking up.
Sehun sighs and sits next to him, "But Tao is right, this isn't what I want you to be. I want you to be happy, not depressed."
"But what about what I want?" Luhan cries some more, he hates this. He's lost Sehun before and he's gonna lose him again, it just isn't fair. "I want you stay, Sehun. You promised me."
"Luhan..." Sehun starts but doesn't finish when Tao enters the apartment again, Kris comes in next and another shorter guy they don't know. "Ge, I asked Kris to pick him up. He's Byun Baekhyun, he's a paranormal psychologist. He's going to talk to you." The said person nods at Luhan who just gives him a slight gaze, Baekhyun then tilts his head to the side as if looking at something next to Luhan.
"Is that Sehun?" Baekhyun asks, Tao runs to Kris' side and clings on his' arm immediately, "WAH! He's really here?"
"... Yes." Baekhyun turns to Tao with a smile, the raven-haired boy lets out a short whimper, Kris pats his back, "Okay, we're just gonna wait outside. Call us, Baekhyun, if anything happens."
Baekhyun mouths a 'yes', Tao nods and waves awkwardly to Luhan but not really to him, "Sorry, Sehun. I-if you can hear me, you'd understand that I hate ghosts, and even if you're my friend... Sorry!" Tao grabs Kris and runs out. Baekhyun sighs and walks over to Luhan, "And you're Luhan, yes?" The other just nods and lets Baekhyun sit next to him, the side where Sehun isn't sitting.
"I know what you're gonna say, I don't want him to crossover." Luhan tells Baekhyun sternly. The other sighs, and Sehun stands up. Baekhyun looks at Sehun, "You have to stay here, Sehun. You also need to hear what I have to say."
Luhan looks at Baekhyun for a moment before looking back down, "Say what you need to say then."
"They say ghosts have unfinished business, but they just don't always come knowing they have something to do. In your case, even without you telling me what happened, though Kris briefed me on the way here, I know that your strong desire to keep Sehun with you dragged him back to the world of the living, you called him back." Luhan doesn't say anything, Baekhyun takes it as a sign to continue, "But you have to let him crossover or else."
"Or else what?" Luhan asks, finally gaining interest at what this psychologist has to say.
Baekyeol looks at Sehun first then to the Chinese, "No matter how loving and tender Sehun is now, he would become angry and hungry. He'll eventually become vengeful, wandering your place and haunting you." Luhan shakes his head, "He wouldn't do that."
Baekhyun sighs, "I've seen this type of situations before, believe me, he will be vengeful. He'll blame you for not being able to crossover because you held him back."
Sehun looks at Baekhyun, then to his boyfriend, "You have to let me go, Luhan."
"But how...?" Luhan asks, his voice breaking again, "I don't think I would ever learn how to."
Baekhyun turns to Sehun, "What do you think is your unfinished business?"
Sehun thinks for a moment, "Luhan's happiness. Luhan's success...?"
"... Nothing matters anymore." Luhan mumbles and Sehun feels defeated. Luhan's always been stubborn with everything, and he understands because had it been the other way around, god knows how Sehun's gonna survive. But Baekhyun is relentless, even if he's a bit young for his profession, he knows he can make his patient understand the importance of Sehun being let go of.
"Luhan, if you don't let him crossover, you two won't meet again."
Luhan looks up, Sehun listens intently, "Do go on..." The Chinese whispers, Baekhyun puts his hand on Luhan's shoulder and gives it a tight squeeze, "Sehun will be stuck to this place, angry, wandering the halls and haunting. And you, when you die, your soul won't meet. He won't recognize your soul, Luhan... You don't want that."
Luhan shakes his head, "Yes. I don't."
Baekhyun gives his shoulder another squeeze, "You have less than 39 days to release him, if he doesn't cross over before then, you know what will happen."
Luhan sighs, "Okay. C-can you come back another day? I need some time alone."
Baekhyun nods then stands, "I'll see you then." The psychologist walks to the door, Luhan sees him out. "Thank you, Dr. Byun. I'll see you again."
The Chinese closes his door and looks at his lover, "Sehun..."
"You have to try and ignore me while we figure out what's keeping me here, what's my business and what I must do to make you happy again."
"... How do I even do that?"
Sehun doesn't answer and walks away, he ignores Luhan and it hurts the older man. He sighs and grabs all the stuff Sehun had 'used' - a plate of breakfast, a cup of coffee, his change of clothes, everything. It hurts because they look like they fought but back when the younger was still alive, they'd never fight like this, they can never ignore each other.
The day ends with Luhan finally putting away most of the stuff Sehun had used. He ignores Sehun's presence though they can't help but look at each other once in a while. Luhan goes to sleep that night with a heavier heart than before.
-----
Luhan wakes up the next day feeling a tiny bit detached from Sehun even if he finds his presence walking about in the living room. Sehun looks at him but turns away, Luhan sighs and heads to the shower and emerges back 20 minutes later with a change of clothes.
He eats alone and busies himself by locking himself inside their bedroom - reading books, writing short stories, sleeping or browsing the internet. It goes on for the rest of the day, that the only time he leaves the bedroom is to use the bathroom or grab a snack.
Two days of routinary ignorance with each other, Luhan decides to finally change the pace of the day. After showering, he decides to ditch his earliest food for the day, once he's dressed and ready, he picks up his phone and calls his cousin.
"Tao, I'm hungry. Brunch? Bring Kris."
Luhan turns to Sehun even if the presence is not looking at him, "Hey, love. I'm gonna head out for awhile. I might be gone until later." He stops by the door and looks at his lover, "I love you, Sehun." Luhan locks the door when he leaves.
"I love you too." Sehun whispers once he hears Luhan's footsteps fade in the hallway, "I'll see you later."
***
Tao and Kris arrive at the the diner 30 minutes later, Luhan had ordered their usual food, Kris lets Tao sit first then faces Luhan. "How was it? I mean, the talk with Baekhyun. We haven't seen you nor heard from you from that day." Kris asks as he starts to eat, the food has gone a bit cold but the couple aren't really that hungry. They were in the middle of their own private brunch when Luhan called.
"I'm... We're trying to ignore each other. It's hard though."
"Uhm. Is he transparent?" Tao asks apprehensively since he still can't wrap his head around the fact that Sehun's in that apartment. Luhan shakes his head to answer his cousin's question and adds, "He looks alive."
"Weren't you creeped out?" His cousin prods on, Luhan nods, "I was scared for a moment but... I guess, I was won over by the fact that I can see him."
"I'm just glad you took the initiative to go out today." Kris comments, "How's the book deal?"
Luhan shrugs, "No idea. I just... They told me they're giving me time, but I don't know. I just... I don't want to go back to that building. He died there."
"Get your book published, Luhan." Kris tells him with conviction, "I'm sure it's what Sehun would want."
Luhan stops picking on his food then stares at Kris, "You think?"
"I'm sure."
Luhan buries his face on his palms, the couple hears the Chinese across him sobbing, "If it is, oh my god... I swear. I really don't think this book is worth losing Sehun over... I just..."
"Ge... Don't think that way. Sehun loves you, if you think of it positively, your book might be the way for your own success and Sehun won't leave you empty-handed. This is a way of him telling you to live your life. Write more, your success will be his legacy." Tao tells his cousin and Luhan just stays there sobbing as quietly as he can muster.
Kris and Tao let him be as they try to eat. They're both intimidating enough to ward off the stares coming from the other tables. Luhan looks up 10 minutes later, eyes puffy and nose running. He reaches out for a table napkin and wipes off all the wet trails on his face. "I'm so sorry, to the both of you. I just... I just never thought he'd leave me so soon, and I have to let go of him completely... And I'm here ruining our brunch."
Tao shakes his head, "I understand. I'm pretty sure I'll be a bigger mess if Kris leaves me too."
Kris doesn't say anything and just squeezes his boyfriend's hand from under the table. Luhan sighs across them, "I'm gonna miss this. Our double dates."
"We'll still go on double dates."
Luhan shakes his head, "I don't know, Tao. I'm gonna let him go, but I don't think I can ever replace him. He's the love of my life."
"Then, just... As long as you're happy." Tao smiles, Luhan does the same. The younger Chinese gasps and tears up, his cousin raises an eyebrow, "What's wrong?"
"Y-you're smiling. I didn't know how much I missed your smile until now, ge."
"I didn't know that it feels liberating to do so. I'm still hurting but... I guess, I really just have to do this." Luhan sighs again, heavier this time. He bows his head and turns silent for a moment then he looks at the two again, "Uhm, is it okay for me to ask for a favor?"
"Anything, ge." Tao tells him with a smile.
"Drive me to the publishing office?"
"Grab your coat." Kris tells teh two and then walks to the counter to pay for their food. Tao takes Luhan by the hand and they walk out of the restaurant.
They drive in silence, Luhan watches the scene of Seoul's busy streets. Tao looks at the rearview mirror from time to time and he knows that his cousin is fidgety about his decision. But knowing his cousin for this long, he knows that if he doesn't do it now, he won't be doing it tomorrow nor in the future. When they near the building, Kris stops the car in front of the building.
"We're gonna wait until you're done, okay? We'll be in the cafe across the street." Tao tells his cousin, Luhan nods. "You can do it, ge." The older waves them both goodbye with a determined smile.
Two hours later, Luhan sits across the couple with a huge smile on his face and good news. Tao is too happy about the news that Luhan's book will be released in 3 months that he cries like a baby inside the coffee shop. Luhan laughs and it only makes Tao cry even more. Kris chuckles next to him, "He was really too stressed out being the older guy between the two of you." He tells Luhan as he pulls Tao to his chest. Luhan sighs, "Sorry about that, Tao. I swear, you don't have to worry about me now. I'll be fine. I'll be happy."
"Don't apologize, ge." Tao mumbles, he hits Kris' chest even if his face is still buried in it, "It's not like that, Kris!" Luhan laughs again, genuinely feeling good about today.
They stay in the cafe for a while longer, they even call Baekhyun to join them. They finally celebrate a bit about Luhan getting his book published because they didn't have time to. Luhan watches as his companions talk animatedly around him, and it feels nice. He bites back a small lump in his throat and it goes unnoticed by Baekhyun, "You okay, Luhan?"
"Yeah. Just... I feel like I'm forgetting Sehun by having a bit of fun."
Baekhyun pats his back, "You're not. You're letting go, Luhan. You're not forgetting him. Keep him in your memories. He'll always be with you that way." The older nods in understanding, he takes another sip of his coffee then checks his watch. He looks at the people around him and clears his throat, "Sorry guys, uhm, I want to go home..."
"Sure. It's almost sundown anyway." They say goodbye to Baekhyun before the three of them head to Kris' car. Luhan takes a moment and stares at the building across from where he's standing, he sighs and he feels a bit of acceptance wash over him. It's hard, but it's also reality. It isn't as good as the reality he's dreamed to have with Sehun, but it's the only reality he has now.
"Ge, you okay?" Tao asks, Luhan nods and climbs the backseat. Luhan watches the streets in silence again, and in less than an hour they're in Luhan's apartment complex. He bids his goodbyes to his cousin and Kris then walks back to his place. He inhales heavily before opening the front door.
The house is empty.
There is absolutely nothing inside the place. It's quiet, and not even the wind is present. He closes the door and walks around the house. And he feels emptier than the apartment when he finds Sehun gone. He walks back to the living room, he stands by the window and watches the looming sunset outside.
Luhan fishes out his cellphone, and browses through his message folders. He stops when he finds the one remaining message in the drafts. He reads it again and tears up, but not because he's still sad with the loss, but how true the message is even now that Sehun is gone. And it makes him happy with the thought.
'You sappy idiot, you're always with me! Thank you and I love you!
He stares at the message for a bit longer. He's kept all of Sehun's stuff inside the closet but Luhan doesn't care at that moment when he presses 'SEND'. He makes sure that the message is sent this time before he puts the phone back to his pocket.
Luhan closes his eyes for a moment when he notices that the white curtains on the window dances slowly, with the soft gust of wind suddenly filling the room. He feels the wind engulf him for a moment and Luhan smiles.
He knows, and they both know.
MESSAGE RECEIVED.
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Author's Notes: First HunHan for They're Playing our Song challenge. I'm so sorry it turned out this way, I admit that a quarter to the end of the story, i kind of lost it and it's word vomit.
A little trivia: The song i used is actually the singer's song for her brother who died via carbon monoxide poisoning inside the car as well, so basically inspired by her own story too.
Hope you liked, comments are good too. ^_^