FIC: "Holding on to a lie," Part 12/? (Amita/David, Larry, Charlie/Colby, R)
Title: "Never forget"
Series: Holding on to a lie, Part 12/?
Characters: Amita/David, Larry, Charlie/Colby.
Rating: R.
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Non-con.
Summary: Larry starts testing Alan's cold pills. Is there something wrong with them?
Feedback: I love feedback. Every comment is a cup of coffee that keeps me posting. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it. But I do own the original aspects and any OCs.
Beta: The absolutely lovely toomuchfandom, who's suffering from the stress of being my only beta.
Previous chapter: Part 11/? - "Face to face" (Colby/Charlie, David, Larry, Amita, PG-13)
Holding on to a lie
Part 12: “Never forget”
Amita held her breath when she saw David hit Colby. It wasn’t something she had expected. She had thought that David would react dramatically when he saw her for the first time after their last encounter, but violence… it was wrong.
Not that Amita had any rights to claim she knew how to handle a situation like that. She was aware of what she had done to David and regretted every second of it since it had happened. It was painful to know that she had taken advantage of him when he was just trying to help her, when he was trying to be a good friend.
But it was done. There was nothing she could do now to fix things, not even if David could become a problem when she got to perform her plans.
Luckily, Colby didn’t come back to yell at her again. He got up and with a bleeding lip, he left in his car, while a bunch of CalSci students wondered what had happened.
This isn’t the moment to get emotional. This is an important moment, stay focused. She ran through the corridors of the university, trying to find Larry. She talked to a couple of students, who answered to her awkwardly that they had no idea where the Physics professor was. They also seemed to be a little scared of Amita, probably due to the fact that they had seen Colby accuse her of doing something terrible.
Feeling a little disturbed that she was once again the center of attention, Amita continued looking for Larry. She finally found him at the lab, running some data through a computer. The place was quiet and silent; after all, students mostly came there at night, when ideas seemed to hunt them.
She had just said, “Hi, Larry,” when she saw them.
The cold pills. They were in their little bottle, on the table, right beside Larry’s computer.
“Hello, Amita,” he muttered, still focused on the screen.
She went towards him, walking slowly, never taking her eyes off the little, perfect bottle. “Did you finish working with those?” Larry was too concentrated on whatever he was doing at his computer, and he didn’t respond to her question. So she asked, “What are you doing?”
“I’m doing some research. I’m reading about the latest drugs used in cold pills. Constant progress is so overwhelming every single day.”
As Larry seemed to be absorbed by his work, she waited for a response.
“In order to continue, I need to…” He gesture something she didn’t understand and he went away to find whatever he needed at the moment.
An idea. I need an idea.
“You know, I’m experiencing this thing that Don calls ‘gut,’ and it’s telling me that we’re going to find some very interesting data when we test those pills,” he said while he grabbed a couple of bottles at the back of the room, giving his back to Amita.
Or maybe I don’t need any excuses… “Larry, I remembered that Charlie wanted me to take care of Alan for a while. Sorry that I bothered you, but I need to go now…” A little lie. Nothing big.
“Of course. Go, go… There is no problem, Amita.”
As he didn’t turn around, she rapidly grabbed the cold pills and escaped from the lab. He would surely notice that they were gone, but as he sometimes got so distracted about his own theories, he wouldn’t suspect of her as the only person who could have taken them.
I’ve got it covered. I’ve got it covered. She got out of the university as fast as she could and took a cab to her apartment. The constant movement of the car made her felt like she was in some kind of race, like she was about to reach the goal everybody longed for but only a few could get.
Once at her building, she took the elevator to the fifth floor; her whole body was shaking, as if she was running away from someone. Maybe from her own conscience.
Using the keys to open the door was pretty difficult, because people seemed to be watching her, even if all they did was greet her as she tried to enter her apartment.
But once she was in, she felt safe. She had left the outside world behind, and now she could let herself be absorbed by her own obsession.
Everything was exactly the same way it had been since two weeks ago, when she had had that… moment with David. Food, dust, dirtiness, clothes over the floor, very little sun coming from the barely open windows.
Pictures of Charlie and Colby everywhere. In the dark, memories were more disturbing than usual. They covered every single corner of the furniture, especially the sofa where she and David had been. She could see herself and him having the same conversation over and over again. She could still remember every little bit, and every single thing David had confessed to her about the person he had fallen for a long time ago.
“But you kept being into men. You never became completely straight, even if Daniel hurt you that much.”
“I don’t know… I guess that to some extent I’m still trying to change the past when it’s not possible. I think Megan said something about it when we had a case. She said that there are lots of underlying meanings to everything we do, especially when our actions are related to experiences from the past.”
“I see… So that means that I’ll always remember Charlie in everything I do, even if I don’t notice it. That’s such good news.”
Amita could even feel David’s body against her, comforting her while she cried.
“You pretended that those women you were with were actually Daniel, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, sometimes, I guess.”
“For example, could you pretend that I’m him?”
Overwhelmed by her own feelings, she ran towards the windows and opened them widely. Sun bathed her entire body, sending some energy to her nerves, soothing her senses and bringing them back to life the way it should be.
Breathing the thick air of the city wasn’t good enough, but it was something. Something that could maybe put her heart in peace for a while.
She walked backwards, always running her hands through her hair. She didn’t care if she left it ruffled; she wanted to forget about the afternoon in which she had hurt the one person who had really tried to do something good for her.
But she couldn’t.
“Please, David. I need… I need to feel that it’s possible for me to get Charlie to like me. I don’t care if he thinks of Colby when he kisses me or makes love to me, as long as he doesn’t leave me for him. I couldn’t take it.”
“Ok, I think you should juggle that thought around in your head, and if you still decide that you want another chance with him, then you should talk about it with Charlie, because I’m certainly not the best person to tell those things to.”
She had felt so terribly, stupidly angry back then.
“I told you about my fears, I shared my feelings with you. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yes, but I meant to help you, not to offer you get you into some kind of sick lie that doesn’t make any sense,” David had stated.
“It makes sense to me! It is what I need. I need to feel that someone will have me, even if I’m not the one they want. That’s the only hope I have for getting Charlie back.”
“You’re not ok, Amita. Please, let me go, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then you’ll have me, just to prove that I still can get Charlie back with me.”
She grabbed her head, not being able to hold back the tears anymore. No more of those memories. Please, no more.
But there was no way to get rid of them.
“What you’re saying is crazy. Look, I won’t say anything to anyone about it, but could you please calm down?”
“Stop telling me to calm down! Stop. Telling me. To calm. Down. Hands up.”
Why hadn’t David seen it coming, why hadn’t he stopped her from taking his gun and using it to…?
“Stop, stop, stop, stop,” Amita repeated as she walked backwards and stumbled with one of the shelters that were against the wall. “Stop!”
Her remembering process came once again to an end. It always seemed that screaming and yelling at his mind to leave her alone was the only way to make herself go back to normal after a tense day like this.
She took off her shoes and walked barefoot to her room. The state of it was messy and full of stuff that shouldn’t really be there, except for the photographs that covered the floor. Desperate, she walked between them; reached for one of the DVDs she had burnt last night and put into the DVD player.
When the voices of Charlie and Colby making love started to fill the room, everything else seemed to disappear. It was just her and the new, happy couple, having sex in the garage.
She had held herself together while being with Bob. Amita had only shed a few tears, nothing more, shared some words that she hadn’t been able to hide anymore.
Now that she was alone, she could let her feelings truly manifest themselves. And yet, now they seemed not to want to leave.
Gasps, whimpers and moans, expressions of mutual understanding, love and desire, were something she had never had. And maybe Amita couldn’t say anything right now, maybe she couldn’t get her eyes off the TV screen, but she could certainly cry in silence.
Her legs were losing their energy because of the pain she felt in her chest and the way her head seemed to be about to explode, and she had to sit on the floor, very close to the TV, watching every movement and hearing every word said by the lovers.
Her fingers reached for Charlie and Colby’s faces on the screen while their love-making session was coming to an end. She had seen that part fifty times already that day, and yet it always amused her how it had the ability to completely drag her attention and rip off her heart.
Just like she had ripped off David’s.
“Open your pants.”
“What? No.”
“Do it!” She had placed David’s gun on his forehead, making him surrender to her desires. “You’ll take me. You’ll take me and you’ll enjoy it, even if all you do is thinking about Daniel.”
“What the hell are you doing?!”
“Getting hope back…!”
And then she had opened David’s pants, had guided him into her without any kind of preparation. Without any protection.
She cried a little louder, cursing because the memories had come back once again. But the worst part, besides having hurt David, was that it had been useless.
Charlie wanted Colby. Colby. Why the hell had he chosen him?
There was nothing she could learn from Colby about how to put a spell on Charlie because she knew that even if she could, her ex-boyfriend wouldn’t respond. She simply wasn’t Colby; she would never be him.
And suddenly it was so hard to breathe, so hard to keep words in order, so hard to stay in control. As her hands trembled, she sighed, grabbing the little bottle of pills she had stolen from Larry. Maybe those had been a good idea. Maybe not.
She took a couple of them, knowing exactly what they’d do to her system, but she needed to calm down. Pain was taking over every cell of her brain because it was so sad to see her life fall down, be ripped off by facts she had never expected.
As she had never done it before, she put the TV volume at its maximum. She needed to see them one more time, she needed to make herself understand that she couldn’t intervene with what Charlie and Colby had. In a way, she know that she needed to stop herself…
She reached for the remote and played the video once again. The groans and whines now seemed to have an echo. All her previous ideas started to mix inside her head, their organization had suddenly disappeared, and they were loosing and more meaning, like they hadn’t really made sense from the very beginning.
She shouldn’t have changed the pills.
She shouldn’t have taken her job back, she should have started all over again, somewhere else, from scratch.
She shouldn’t have let Patrick Garner change her.
But even if he was dead now, his influence on her was undeniable. Amita hated him so much for ruining her life, she hated him for putting such terrible ideas into her head, ideas she couldn’t stop.
Because she was aware of her mental state, she knew that she was making a huge mistake. But it was late. Too late. Decisions had been made, no matter how many memories hunted her.
“Moan,” she had ordered David while she rode him fiercely, roughly, not caring how much damage she was doing to both of them, both physically and mentally. “ Moan, like I was Daniel… Think about him while we’re together… It doesn’t matter, as long as you take me…”
David had responded before if he didn’t, she would put a bullet into his head.
“Yes, that’s it. That’s it, David, c’mon,” she cried, and she kissed his lips, leaving them bruised. “Now scream my name while you think of him. Scream my name, please!”
She had heard him say her name over and over until he had come deep insider her.
And a while later, she had been taking some birth-control pills at the airport, as she waited for a plane she’d never get into.
Without any restrains, Amita lay on the floor, her back arching in pain. She cried loudly, digging her fingernails into the carpet, wishing someone could save her from what her own mind had planned. The inner voice that obsessed her didn’t want to shut up; it craved her to go for what she wanted.
And she wanted it all back.
“Oh, no, no…” Larry said as he noticed that Alan’s medication was gone. He looked everywhere but couldn’t find it. He also had no idea who could have taken them. Unless Amita… but no, why would she do that?
A printer threw out a set of results right after another one had thrown its own. Larry had been waiting for both of them. He was now thankful that just in case, he had already run two analyses in two different machines, to get the results on the cold pills as soon as possible.
Thinking that the naturist shop would probably be closed because of selling a somehow dangerous medication, he walked towards the printer. He took the piece of paper and read it quickly.
“Oh, for Einstein,” he muttered, his eyes big re-reading the data, as if he was trying to make his brain believe the news.
Eszopiclone. Zolpidem. Triazolam.
Sleeping pills.
Amita?
Series: Holding on to a lie, Part 12/?
Characters: Amita/David, Larry, Charlie/Colby.
Rating: R.
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Non-con.
Summary: Larry starts testing Alan's cold pills. Is there something wrong with them?
Feedback: I love feedback. Every comment is a cup of coffee that keeps me posting. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it. But I do own the original aspects and any OCs.
Beta: The absolutely lovely toomuchfandom, who's suffering from the stress of being my only beta.
Previous chapter: Part 11/? - "Face to face" (Colby/Charlie, David, Larry, Amita, PG-13)
Holding on to a lie
Part 12: “Never forget”
Amita held her breath when she saw David hit Colby. It wasn’t something she had expected. She had thought that David would react dramatically when he saw her for the first time after their last encounter, but violence… it was wrong.
Not that Amita had any rights to claim she knew how to handle a situation like that. She was aware of what she had done to David and regretted every second of it since it had happened. It was painful to know that she had taken advantage of him when he was just trying to help her, when he was trying to be a good friend.
But it was done. There was nothing she could do now to fix things, not even if David could become a problem when she got to perform her plans.
Luckily, Colby didn’t come back to yell at her again. He got up and with a bleeding lip, he left in his car, while a bunch of CalSci students wondered what had happened.
This isn’t the moment to get emotional. This is an important moment, stay focused. She ran through the corridors of the university, trying to find Larry. She talked to a couple of students, who answered to her awkwardly that they had no idea where the Physics professor was. They also seemed to be a little scared of Amita, probably due to the fact that they had seen Colby accuse her of doing something terrible.
Feeling a little disturbed that she was once again the center of attention, Amita continued looking for Larry. She finally found him at the lab, running some data through a computer. The place was quiet and silent; after all, students mostly came there at night, when ideas seemed to hunt them.
She had just said, “Hi, Larry,” when she saw them.
The cold pills. They were in their little bottle, on the table, right beside Larry’s computer.
“Hello, Amita,” he muttered, still focused on the screen.
She went towards him, walking slowly, never taking her eyes off the little, perfect bottle. “Did you finish working with those?” Larry was too concentrated on whatever he was doing at his computer, and he didn’t respond to her question. So she asked, “What are you doing?”
“I’m doing some research. I’m reading about the latest drugs used in cold pills. Constant progress is so overwhelming every single day.”
As Larry seemed to be absorbed by his work, she waited for a response.
“In order to continue, I need to…” He gesture something she didn’t understand and he went away to find whatever he needed at the moment.
An idea. I need an idea.
“You know, I’m experiencing this thing that Don calls ‘gut,’ and it’s telling me that we’re going to find some very interesting data when we test those pills,” he said while he grabbed a couple of bottles at the back of the room, giving his back to Amita.
Or maybe I don’t need any excuses… “Larry, I remembered that Charlie wanted me to take care of Alan for a while. Sorry that I bothered you, but I need to go now…” A little lie. Nothing big.
“Of course. Go, go… There is no problem, Amita.”
As he didn’t turn around, she rapidly grabbed the cold pills and escaped from the lab. He would surely notice that they were gone, but as he sometimes got so distracted about his own theories, he wouldn’t suspect of her as the only person who could have taken them.
I’ve got it covered. I’ve got it covered. She got out of the university as fast as she could and took a cab to her apartment. The constant movement of the car made her felt like she was in some kind of race, like she was about to reach the goal everybody longed for but only a few could get.
Once at her building, she took the elevator to the fifth floor; her whole body was shaking, as if she was running away from someone. Maybe from her own conscience.
Using the keys to open the door was pretty difficult, because people seemed to be watching her, even if all they did was greet her as she tried to enter her apartment.
But once she was in, she felt safe. She had left the outside world behind, and now she could let herself be absorbed by her own obsession.
Everything was exactly the same way it had been since two weeks ago, when she had had that… moment with David. Food, dust, dirtiness, clothes over the floor, very little sun coming from the barely open windows.
Pictures of Charlie and Colby everywhere. In the dark, memories were more disturbing than usual. They covered every single corner of the furniture, especially the sofa where she and David had been. She could see herself and him having the same conversation over and over again. She could still remember every little bit, and every single thing David had confessed to her about the person he had fallen for a long time ago.
“But you kept being into men. You never became completely straight, even if Daniel hurt you that much.”
“I don’t know… I guess that to some extent I’m still trying to change the past when it’s not possible. I think Megan said something about it when we had a case. She said that there are lots of underlying meanings to everything we do, especially when our actions are related to experiences from the past.”
“I see… So that means that I’ll always remember Charlie in everything I do, even if I don’t notice it. That’s such good news.”
Amita could even feel David’s body against her, comforting her while she cried.
“You pretended that those women you were with were actually Daniel, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, sometimes, I guess.”
“For example, could you pretend that I’m him?”
Overwhelmed by her own feelings, she ran towards the windows and opened them widely. Sun bathed her entire body, sending some energy to her nerves, soothing her senses and bringing them back to life the way it should be.
Breathing the thick air of the city wasn’t good enough, but it was something. Something that could maybe put her heart in peace for a while.
She walked backwards, always running her hands through her hair. She didn’t care if she left it ruffled; she wanted to forget about the afternoon in which she had hurt the one person who had really tried to do something good for her.
But she couldn’t.
“Please, David. I need… I need to feel that it’s possible for me to get Charlie to like me. I don’t care if he thinks of Colby when he kisses me or makes love to me, as long as he doesn’t leave me for him. I couldn’t take it.”
“Ok, I think you should juggle that thought around in your head, and if you still decide that you want another chance with him, then you should talk about it with Charlie, because I’m certainly not the best person to tell those things to.”
She had felt so terribly, stupidly angry back then.
“I told you about my fears, I shared my feelings with you. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yes, but I meant to help you, not to offer you get you into some kind of sick lie that doesn’t make any sense,” David had stated.
“It makes sense to me! It is what I need. I need to feel that someone will have me, even if I’m not the one they want. That’s the only hope I have for getting Charlie back.”
“You’re not ok, Amita. Please, let me go, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then you’ll have me, just to prove that I still can get Charlie back with me.”
She grabbed her head, not being able to hold back the tears anymore. No more of those memories. Please, no more.
But there was no way to get rid of them.
“What you’re saying is crazy. Look, I won’t say anything to anyone about it, but could you please calm down?”
“Stop telling me to calm down! Stop. Telling me. To calm. Down. Hands up.”
Why hadn’t David seen it coming, why hadn’t he stopped her from taking his gun and using it to…?
“Stop, stop, stop, stop,” Amita repeated as she walked backwards and stumbled with one of the shelters that were against the wall. “Stop!”
Her remembering process came once again to an end. It always seemed that screaming and yelling at his mind to leave her alone was the only way to make herself go back to normal after a tense day like this.
She took off her shoes and walked barefoot to her room. The state of it was messy and full of stuff that shouldn’t really be there, except for the photographs that covered the floor. Desperate, she walked between them; reached for one of the DVDs she had burnt last night and put into the DVD player.
When the voices of Charlie and Colby making love started to fill the room, everything else seemed to disappear. It was just her and the new, happy couple, having sex in the garage.
She had held herself together while being with Bob. Amita had only shed a few tears, nothing more, shared some words that she hadn’t been able to hide anymore.
Now that she was alone, she could let her feelings truly manifest themselves. And yet, now they seemed not to want to leave.
Gasps, whimpers and moans, expressions of mutual understanding, love and desire, were something she had never had. And maybe Amita couldn’t say anything right now, maybe she couldn’t get her eyes off the TV screen, but she could certainly cry in silence.
Her legs were losing their energy because of the pain she felt in her chest and the way her head seemed to be about to explode, and she had to sit on the floor, very close to the TV, watching every movement and hearing every word said by the lovers.
Her fingers reached for Charlie and Colby’s faces on the screen while their love-making session was coming to an end. She had seen that part fifty times already that day, and yet it always amused her how it had the ability to completely drag her attention and rip off her heart.
Just like she had ripped off David’s.
“Open your pants.”
“What? No.”
“Do it!” She had placed David’s gun on his forehead, making him surrender to her desires. “You’ll take me. You’ll take me and you’ll enjoy it, even if all you do is thinking about Daniel.”
“What the hell are you doing?!”
“Getting hope back…!”
And then she had opened David’s pants, had guided him into her without any kind of preparation. Without any protection.
She cried a little louder, cursing because the memories had come back once again. But the worst part, besides having hurt David, was that it had been useless.
Charlie wanted Colby. Colby. Why the hell had he chosen him?
There was nothing she could learn from Colby about how to put a spell on Charlie because she knew that even if she could, her ex-boyfriend wouldn’t respond. She simply wasn’t Colby; she would never be him.
And suddenly it was so hard to breathe, so hard to keep words in order, so hard to stay in control. As her hands trembled, she sighed, grabbing the little bottle of pills she had stolen from Larry. Maybe those had been a good idea. Maybe not.
She took a couple of them, knowing exactly what they’d do to her system, but she needed to calm down. Pain was taking over every cell of her brain because it was so sad to see her life fall down, be ripped off by facts she had never expected.
As she had never done it before, she put the TV volume at its maximum. She needed to see them one more time, she needed to make herself understand that she couldn’t intervene with what Charlie and Colby had. In a way, she know that she needed to stop herself…
She reached for the remote and played the video once again. The groans and whines now seemed to have an echo. All her previous ideas started to mix inside her head, their organization had suddenly disappeared, and they were loosing and more meaning, like they hadn’t really made sense from the very beginning.
She shouldn’t have changed the pills.
She shouldn’t have taken her job back, she should have started all over again, somewhere else, from scratch.
She shouldn’t have let Patrick Garner change her.
But even if he was dead now, his influence on her was undeniable. Amita hated him so much for ruining her life, she hated him for putting such terrible ideas into her head, ideas she couldn’t stop.
Because she was aware of her mental state, she knew that she was making a huge mistake. But it was late. Too late. Decisions had been made, no matter how many memories hunted her.
“Moan,” she had ordered David while she rode him fiercely, roughly, not caring how much damage she was doing to both of them, both physically and mentally. “ Moan, like I was Daniel… Think about him while we’re together… It doesn’t matter, as long as you take me…”
David had responded before if he didn’t, she would put a bullet into his head.
“Yes, that’s it. That’s it, David, c’mon,” she cried, and she kissed his lips, leaving them bruised. “Now scream my name while you think of him. Scream my name, please!”
She had heard him say her name over and over until he had come deep insider her.
And a while later, she had been taking some birth-control pills at the airport, as she waited for a plane she’d never get into.
Without any restrains, Amita lay on the floor, her back arching in pain. She cried loudly, digging her fingernails into the carpet, wishing someone could save her from what her own mind had planned. The inner voice that obsessed her didn’t want to shut up; it craved her to go for what she wanted.
And she wanted it all back.
“Oh, no, no…” Larry said as he noticed that Alan’s medication was gone. He looked everywhere but couldn’t find it. He also had no idea who could have taken them. Unless Amita… but no, why would she do that?
A printer threw out a set of results right after another one had thrown its own. Larry had been waiting for both of them. He was now thankful that just in case, he had already run two analyses in two different machines, to get the results on the cold pills as soon as possible.
Thinking that the naturist shop would probably be closed because of selling a somehow dangerous medication, he walked towards the printer. He took the piece of paper and read it quickly.
“Oh, for Einstein,” he muttered, his eyes big re-reading the data, as if he was trying to make his brain believe the news.
Eszopiclone. Zolpidem. Triazolam.
Sleeping pills.
Amita?