And I Must Spork: Maradonia, Part VI
It's a minispork! For the weekends, when I do sporks, I'll do two chapters a day instead of four. Because my brain needs the break.
Are you ready? I'm so totes ready.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN - STUCK IN THE JUNGLE
This chapter opens with the oh so lovely description of Joey taking off his clothes and fawning over his compass. Yeah, okay, his clothes are wet and he had to dry them, but I'd be reflecting on my almost-death, not go all 'oooh I hope my compass still works'. Priorities. Learn them.
Maya looks for the doves, but doesn't see them, and soon enough, Joey's clothes dry (and he gets dressed, thank the gods) and our heroes soldier on, complete with more moaning from the prison inside Poseidon Rock.
Arriving at a jungle, they soon realize it's too thick with foliage to move very far. Oh noes!
"Maya", said Joey, "I have something in my backpack that you have not seen since we began this journey."
Your brain? \~/
Joey dropped his backpack and pulled a long, heavy duty kitchen knife out of his bag.
... I almost want to say he did something smart. Almost. I'm sorry, I just can't associate the word 'smart' with this book. It's not possible.
So, thanks to Joey, they continue on, and Maya finally starts to get that the Trespassing Test has started. They soon arrive at the river, which is full of crocodiles, and are confronted once again by a snake.
No, it's not Arabelle, but it does talk, and basically tells them they can't trespass (or pass the area period, for that matter). How do our intrepid heroes respond?
Joey looked at Maya and said, "So be it!" He stormed forward and in a split second he swung the knife like a sword and sliced the snakes head off.
Drink time! \~/\~/ A couple things; do we know how big the snake was? Another, a kitchen knife is not a sword. I think it would take at least two swings to slice a snake's head off, depending on how big the snake was. Am I right? or just tired?
Either way, Joey decides to carry his prize, wrapping the snake's head in a banana leaf and carrying it in his backpack. Maya doesn't do much at all this chapter, instead commenting inwardly about her brother's 'growth'.
And the chapter ends with Hoppy saying he's going to name all his kids Joey. Sigh.
Chapter drinks: 3
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - SUNFLOWER FIELDS
Maya, Joey, and Hoppy now continue their journey, happy that the snake and crocodiles are behind them. Why do I smell another boring chapter ahead?
Suddenly, massive field of sunflowers ahoy! However, the situation goes from 'oh, cool, massive flowers' to 'o shit this is a maze'.
So of course, Maya and Joey get separated. However, not because Joey is a dick; they're just honestly both disoriented. And there's also a curtain of bamboo. Her words, not mine. Anyways, Joey goes Determinator. Or at least tries.
"I have learned during this journey many things and one of these things is that leadership is a privilege and with privilege comes responsibility.
I have responsibility for myself, my sister, even you, little Hoppy. I will not stay in this dirt anymore until I get 'green' like these trees around me!"
Pffft. \~/ That last line killed me. SENSE. WHERE IS IT? *cries, shakes book*
Aaand the chapter ends with Joey cutting through the bamboo like the manly man he's attempting to be. Argh. SO uneventful, I apologize.
Drink count: 1
Drinks this installment: 4
Total drinks this spork: 107
Sorry it wasn't more lol-worthy. After yesterday's massive fail, the book hit a lull, I guess.
Keep on truckin', guys. I know I am.
Are you ready? I'm so totes ready.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN - STUCK IN THE JUNGLE
This chapter opens with the oh so lovely description of Joey taking off his clothes and fawning over his compass. Yeah, okay, his clothes are wet and he had to dry them, but I'd be reflecting on my almost-death, not go all 'oooh I hope my compass still works'. Priorities. Learn them.
Maya looks for the doves, but doesn't see them, and soon enough, Joey's clothes dry (and he gets dressed, thank the gods) and our heroes soldier on, complete with more moaning from the prison inside Poseidon Rock.
Arriving at a jungle, they soon realize it's too thick with foliage to move very far. Oh noes!
"Maya", said Joey, "I have something in my backpack that you have not seen since we began this journey."
Your brain? \~/
Joey dropped his backpack and pulled a long, heavy duty kitchen knife out of his bag.
... I almost want to say he did something smart. Almost. I'm sorry, I just can't associate the word 'smart' with this book. It's not possible.
So, thanks to Joey, they continue on, and Maya finally starts to get that the Trespassing Test has started. They soon arrive at the river, which is full of crocodiles, and are confronted once again by a snake.
No, it's not Arabelle, but it does talk, and basically tells them they can't trespass (or pass the area period, for that matter). How do our intrepid heroes respond?
Joey looked at Maya and said, "So be it!" He stormed forward and in a split second he swung the knife like a sword and sliced the snakes head off.
Drink time! \~/\~/ A couple things; do we know how big the snake was? Another, a kitchen knife is not a sword. I think it would take at least two swings to slice a snake's head off, depending on how big the snake was. Am I right? or just tired?
Either way, Joey decides to carry his prize, wrapping the snake's head in a banana leaf and carrying it in his backpack. Maya doesn't do much at all this chapter, instead commenting inwardly about her brother's 'growth'.
And the chapter ends with Hoppy saying he's going to name all his kids Joey. Sigh.
Chapter drinks: 3
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - SUNFLOWER FIELDS
Maya, Joey, and Hoppy now continue their journey, happy that the snake and crocodiles are behind them. Why do I smell another boring chapter ahead?
Suddenly, massive field of sunflowers ahoy! However, the situation goes from 'oh, cool, massive flowers' to 'o shit this is a maze'.
So of course, Maya and Joey get separated. However, not because Joey is a dick; they're just honestly both disoriented. And there's also a curtain of bamboo. Her words, not mine. Anyways, Joey goes Determinator. Or at least tries.
"I have learned during this journey many things and one of these things is that leadership is a privilege and with privilege comes responsibility.
I have responsibility for myself, my sister, even you, little Hoppy. I will not stay in this dirt anymore until I get 'green' like these trees around me!"
Pffft. \~/ That last line killed me. SENSE. WHERE IS IT? *cries, shakes book*
Aaand the chapter ends with Joey cutting through the bamboo like the manly man he's attempting to be. Argh. SO uneventful, I apologize.
Drink count: 1
Drinks this installment: 4
Total drinks this spork: 107
Sorry it wasn't more lol-worthy. After yesterday's massive fail, the book hit a lull, I guess.
Keep on truckin', guys. I know I am.