Still not enough, chapter 15
Series: Still not enough
Chapter: 15
Written by: Parishs
Rating: nc17
Summary: Reid had a nice New Years night with a gigolo he can't get out of his head (Reid's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!
Previous chapter
This must be what heaven looked like; a huge pond in which birds landed and swam, sun on its surface glistering. A soft breeze on my naked skin made that it wasn't too hot. A mug coffee from the most expensive coffeemaker I had ever seen. A still sleeping man in a bed. This was all I had ever hoped for.
I sat down in the rocking chair and thought about my life. Until a week ago I didn't think that I would ever see Ed again. It made that I functioned but nothing more than that. How could I thank my lover enough for giving in?
I allowed myself now to think about him. When he held the door closed I forced myself not to remember New Year’s Eve because it made me sad, but I didn't succeed, every day my thoughts went back to that life-changing moment when I saw him for the first time. It was true that I was excited to be with a gigolo but that was just the physical part. He was the best I had ever had though, his hands on me and the fire in his eyes made the start of this year unforgettable.
But that wasn't why he kept popping up in my mind and I had been so wrong thinking otherwise. I thought that I could only be with him if we had sex; I was so sure about it that I kept my distance when he told me that he couldn't give me that. I had been such a fool. Not that I could live without it but I made it too important and degraded the mental click we had. Which was immense.
Maybe it was because I didn't recognize it; I had never felt the urge to know people, to bond with them. Casey was an exception and he taught me the importance of it. I had a mental click with my best friend, my only friend but to be honest it excisted because at start Casey kept pushing, he wanted me to answer to his messages and he kept calling me until I answered. He also told me how annoying it was that I didn't respond and he told me that it was important that I showed interest. That I also called him to ask how things had gone. To care really.
It was a subject I had to exercise a lot because it didn't come naturally to me, but I think I showed a learning curve over the years. But with Ed I entered a whole new universe with rules I had no idea of, so I started from zero and did what I thought was important.
And the sex was, o my freaking....I needed it so much that I thought that I could make it a breaking point. And it was a big deal, I had to admit that, but pushing the obvious away because I needed to come...
Last night was one of the most important ones in my life so far with Ed talking about himself, and when we got to bed we just lay close to each other, warming ourselves on the other. I didn't force things because it wasn't the right moment and I could do it, my hand didn't feel the urge to slip down on his body, being with him was more important than having him inside me.
I had told him over and over that I needed him strong, that he being in charge was an aphrodisiac but again I had been wrong, Ed being a timid man talking about the disastrous family he grew up in was heartbreaking.
It was hard for him to share that, I had seen that and it made that I transformed into someone I didn't know, but someone he needed: a man who wanted to protect, with a softness I never had. Gone was the overwhelming need to fuck, it made that I sat next to him for a long time just holding his hand and caressing his fingers.
I went inside the house as silent as I could and searched for my phone. I had a message from Casey:
"o man, you are having it baaaaad. You are so in love with Luke, it was fantastic to look at you two!!! Red and Ed, god Reid what has happened to you? Guess you are quite raw by now huh? Well, hope you lovebirds are still together and are having a nice Saturday. I know you have a shift on Sunday, I am there too, maybe you can show Luke around in the hospital, let him see where all his millions are going to ha ha. Don't forget my reception on Thursday you sucker, I am going to get my diploma! I will be a nurse wooow! I have to thank you for that my friend, you made that possible. And then I am going to study to be a specialist, did you ask Luke for the money already? Have you talked to him about it? It will be fantastic to work with you in a few years!!! Thinking about it, bring Luke with you to the reception, as your date. I was just thinking last night; it's not going to be a problem, right, you and Luke together? You being the doctor who gets the cash and him being your lover and philatrope of your foundation? Maybe I am seeing problems that are not there but it crossed my mind. Well just enjoy my coach and cu!".
Was it my claustrophobia that suddenly blurred my vision? The idea of Casey working for me and Luke paying the bills, it took my breath away for a moment. And although it had been my own plan to let Casey work for me it was too close somehow. Feeling a pressure on my chest I walked through the house looking for my things.
When I was dressed I saw Luke standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He didn't say anything.I walked to him and pulled him against me. "Hey", I said in his ear.
I felt his resistance, his doubt. He didn't give in. "You are leaving?", he just asked.
I nodded. "Yes", I whispered. "But it's not that I don't love you, I just need time to be alone". How could I make him understand something I didn't get myself?
"Would you have left a note?", he asked. "Or would you have woken me up?".
"To be honest I don't think I would have thought about that but next time I will do that if you need that", I said. I would do both now I knew how bewildered he got, how sad his eyes got.
I leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. "You have to tell me what you need Ed", I whispered. "I have never been in a relationship so you have to teach me from scratch. Please don't look so sad, it's not what you did or said I just need some time to think. This thing between us is a little overwhelming".
I felt his muscles relax a little. "So there will be a next time?", he asked.
Why was he so insecure? It was probably my own fault; maybe I wasn't clear enough about my ideas. I grabbed his face between my hands and kissed him hard.
"Luke, listen. I love you, I have never said that before to anyone, and I think that will never change. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love your mind and god, yes your body. You make my heartrate speed up. I feel this spark inside me when I see you. You are my boyfriend and I am going to call you or text you but for now I need to be alone. It's not about you, it's me, I am a loner Luke and I need some time for myself now and then. Please accept that".
Luke nodded. "Okay", he said. "I just thought....it's not because I have been talking about myself for so long last night?".
I shook my head. "Ed, I have asked you about your family so many times, I am interested in your past. It was so intimate to just sit there and listen to you. I am not going to repeat it all day but you have to believe that I love you and I am going nowhere. I just need space. I want you till death do us part. Okay?".
I swept a tear away from his cheek. "I hate it Reid", he said softly. "To be so fucking insecure. I don't want to keep you from whatever you want to do but this is also new for me. I question everything I do, if it's enough for you".
I caressed his hair and noticed that it wasn't as blond as it had been. Slowly he changes back into the man he was. "You don't need to satisfy me", I said softly. "We are in a relationship Luke and you need to figure out what you need it to be instead of wanting to be who you think I need. I want you, the whole package, insecurities and all. Is this what you want too?".
"Yes", he just stated. "It's exactly what I need so that what makes me so emotional, I am afraid of losing this. But I need to listen to you and realize that you are my boyfriend. We can live our lives but there will be this steady knowledge, this certainty that is us. In us having the intention to be together when we want to, and when we can. Because we are good for each other".
"That sounds like a plan", I said. "For me it's a certainty since New Year’s Eve, since I laid eyes on you. Since you seduced me with that gorgeous body, with those eyes that are telling me so much. Even when we are together it's still not enough, you make me greedy".
I felt his cock grow against mine and I heard his breathing deepen. I kissed him slowly while my hand went down on his back, till I held his cheek in my hand. I pulled his hips closer to mine and felt the heat of his dick through my jeans.
It was still a miracle that I could turn him on. I deepened our kiss and let my other hand travel on his chest and then lower, slowly igniting the lust in him, hearing him moan in my mouth. When I caressed the side of his shaft he started to shiver. I sank down on my knees and looked at his beautiful cock showing his need for me. I leaned forward and licked it for the first time. His unfamiliar scent filled my memory banks. I held his hips while my mouth discovered him slowly.
Next chapter
Chapter: 15
Written by: Parishs
Rating: nc17
Summary: Reid had a nice New Years night with a gigolo he can't get out of his head (Reid's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!
Previous chapter
This must be what heaven looked like; a huge pond in which birds landed and swam, sun on its surface glistering. A soft breeze on my naked skin made that it wasn't too hot. A mug coffee from the most expensive coffeemaker I had ever seen. A still sleeping man in a bed. This was all I had ever hoped for.
I sat down in the rocking chair and thought about my life. Until a week ago I didn't think that I would ever see Ed again. It made that I functioned but nothing more than that. How could I thank my lover enough for giving in?
I allowed myself now to think about him. When he held the door closed I forced myself not to remember New Year’s Eve because it made me sad, but I didn't succeed, every day my thoughts went back to that life-changing moment when I saw him for the first time. It was true that I was excited to be with a gigolo but that was just the physical part. He was the best I had ever had though, his hands on me and the fire in his eyes made the start of this year unforgettable.
But that wasn't why he kept popping up in my mind and I had been so wrong thinking otherwise. I thought that I could only be with him if we had sex; I was so sure about it that I kept my distance when he told me that he couldn't give me that. I had been such a fool. Not that I could live without it but I made it too important and degraded the mental click we had. Which was immense.
Maybe it was because I didn't recognize it; I had never felt the urge to know people, to bond with them. Casey was an exception and he taught me the importance of it. I had a mental click with my best friend, my only friend but to be honest it excisted because at start Casey kept pushing, he wanted me to answer to his messages and he kept calling me until I answered. He also told me how annoying it was that I didn't respond and he told me that it was important that I showed interest. That I also called him to ask how things had gone. To care really.
It was a subject I had to exercise a lot because it didn't come naturally to me, but I think I showed a learning curve over the years. But with Ed I entered a whole new universe with rules I had no idea of, so I started from zero and did what I thought was important.
And the sex was, o my freaking....I needed it so much that I thought that I could make it a breaking point. And it was a big deal, I had to admit that, but pushing the obvious away because I needed to come...
Last night was one of the most important ones in my life so far with Ed talking about himself, and when we got to bed we just lay close to each other, warming ourselves on the other. I didn't force things because it wasn't the right moment and I could do it, my hand didn't feel the urge to slip down on his body, being with him was more important than having him inside me.
I had told him over and over that I needed him strong, that he being in charge was an aphrodisiac but again I had been wrong, Ed being a timid man talking about the disastrous family he grew up in was heartbreaking.
It was hard for him to share that, I had seen that and it made that I transformed into someone I didn't know, but someone he needed: a man who wanted to protect, with a softness I never had. Gone was the overwhelming need to fuck, it made that I sat next to him for a long time just holding his hand and caressing his fingers.
I went inside the house as silent as I could and searched for my phone. I had a message from Casey:
"o man, you are having it baaaaad. You are so in love with Luke, it was fantastic to look at you two!!! Red and Ed, god Reid what has happened to you? Guess you are quite raw by now huh? Well, hope you lovebirds are still together and are having a nice Saturday. I know you have a shift on Sunday, I am there too, maybe you can show Luke around in the hospital, let him see where all his millions are going to ha ha. Don't forget my reception on Thursday you sucker, I am going to get my diploma! I will be a nurse wooow! I have to thank you for that my friend, you made that possible. And then I am going to study to be a specialist, did you ask Luke for the money already? Have you talked to him about it? It will be fantastic to work with you in a few years!!! Thinking about it, bring Luke with you to the reception, as your date. I was just thinking last night; it's not going to be a problem, right, you and Luke together? You being the doctor who gets the cash and him being your lover and philatrope of your foundation? Maybe I am seeing problems that are not there but it crossed my mind. Well just enjoy my coach and cu!".
Was it my claustrophobia that suddenly blurred my vision? The idea of Casey working for me and Luke paying the bills, it took my breath away for a moment. And although it had been my own plan to let Casey work for me it was too close somehow. Feeling a pressure on my chest I walked through the house looking for my things.
When I was dressed I saw Luke standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He didn't say anything.I walked to him and pulled him against me. "Hey", I said in his ear.
I felt his resistance, his doubt. He didn't give in. "You are leaving?", he just asked.
I nodded. "Yes", I whispered. "But it's not that I don't love you, I just need time to be alone". How could I make him understand something I didn't get myself?
"Would you have left a note?", he asked. "Or would you have woken me up?".
"To be honest I don't think I would have thought about that but next time I will do that if you need that", I said. I would do both now I knew how bewildered he got, how sad his eyes got.
I leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. "You have to tell me what you need Ed", I whispered. "I have never been in a relationship so you have to teach me from scratch. Please don't look so sad, it's not what you did or said I just need some time to think. This thing between us is a little overwhelming".
I felt his muscles relax a little. "So there will be a next time?", he asked.
Why was he so insecure? It was probably my own fault; maybe I wasn't clear enough about my ideas. I grabbed his face between my hands and kissed him hard.
"Luke, listen. I love you, I have never said that before to anyone, and I think that will never change. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love your mind and god, yes your body. You make my heartrate speed up. I feel this spark inside me when I see you. You are my boyfriend and I am going to call you or text you but for now I need to be alone. It's not about you, it's me, I am a loner Luke and I need some time for myself now and then. Please accept that".
Luke nodded. "Okay", he said. "I just thought....it's not because I have been talking about myself for so long last night?".
I shook my head. "Ed, I have asked you about your family so many times, I am interested in your past. It was so intimate to just sit there and listen to you. I am not going to repeat it all day but you have to believe that I love you and I am going nowhere. I just need space. I want you till death do us part. Okay?".
I swept a tear away from his cheek. "I hate it Reid", he said softly. "To be so fucking insecure. I don't want to keep you from whatever you want to do but this is also new for me. I question everything I do, if it's enough for you".
I caressed his hair and noticed that it wasn't as blond as it had been. Slowly he changes back into the man he was. "You don't need to satisfy me", I said softly. "We are in a relationship Luke and you need to figure out what you need it to be instead of wanting to be who you think I need. I want you, the whole package, insecurities and all. Is this what you want too?".
"Yes", he just stated. "It's exactly what I need so that what makes me so emotional, I am afraid of losing this. But I need to listen to you and realize that you are my boyfriend. We can live our lives but there will be this steady knowledge, this certainty that is us. In us having the intention to be together when we want to, and when we can. Because we are good for each other".
"That sounds like a plan", I said. "For me it's a certainty since New Year’s Eve, since I laid eyes on you. Since you seduced me with that gorgeous body, with those eyes that are telling me so much. Even when we are together it's still not enough, you make me greedy".
I felt his cock grow against mine and I heard his breathing deepen. I kissed him slowly while my hand went down on his back, till I held his cheek in my hand. I pulled his hips closer to mine and felt the heat of his dick through my jeans.
It was still a miracle that I could turn him on. I deepened our kiss and let my other hand travel on his chest and then lower, slowly igniting the lust in him, hearing him moan in my mouth. When I caressed the side of his shaft he started to shiver. I sank down on my knees and looked at his beautiful cock showing his need for me. I leaned forward and licked it for the first time. His unfamiliar scent filled my memory banks. I held his hips while my mouth discovered him slowly.
Next chapter