1- Loneliness sucks. I'm sorry to hear that you are bearing a great deal of it right now. *Hug*
2- Being on your own also confers an unusual degree of independence and freedom. This need not suck. I hope that the duties of your office leave you a little space to make use of this fact. Whether it's watching a sunset undisturbed, going to childrens' movies that you wouldn't dare invite your friends to, or dancing in the kitchen (those are my favourites, come up with your own). I'm not so callous as to believe that these fix loneliness, just that if you're going to put up with the burden of being on your own you ought to enjoy the benefits. Your homework: post sometime in the next month about a whim that you indulged. I'll be keeping track.
Take care. May new friendships strengthen you, may the beauties of your parish catch your eye as you go about your day, and may you find the confidence to feel comfortable in your new role.
from here. It's been 15 years since I moved, single, to a new town for a new job. I wasn't collared (nor am I now) but am very introverted...and I remember well the strange, strange feeling.
Awww. *hugs* It's tough to be lonely. I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now.
It seems a certain amount of aloneness is inherent in your job, because of your place in the community hierarchy. If you're a counsellor and/or an authority figure, making friends can be hard. Maybe you should try to socialize outside the Anglican community as much as possible to mitigate those effects? Where do the local Jews (hah!) go to drink?
Really, though, I think you just need to give it time. Moving to a brand new place all by yourself is scary and lonely, but you'll meet people, find places, and integrate after a while. Like you said, stuff is hectic right now, you haven't found your routine, and you don't really know people yet. That will all change with a little time.
Thanks ... :) Believe it or not, there basically aren't any local jews; according to the last cenus there were 3 people who declared themselves jewish on the cenus (and yes, 97% Roman Catholic). And I know it will come - it's just that the in-between time is not easy and wears one down.
I remember the loneliness of first moving to Winnipeg. . . I wasn't alone per say, but a spouse who works 70 hours + a week doesn't really provide the support you might think they would. Friends were far away and I wasn't working so there weren't professional contact. The days were long and although there were things to do I really missed comfortable conversation. All I can say is that it slowly got better as time went on, and it was helpful to diversify life so that when one road got bumpy there were others to enjoy. The other thing I found was that seeking out other new people was way more successful - they seem to approach life looking for new relationships in a way that true locals generally don't. It was easier when we were students. . . student life always seemed to generate these ready made groups of friends - all the lonely souls coming together to keep each other company.
Really, your friends aren't "45 minutes away," we're here on LJ, ready to talk and commiserate. And soon you'll know your parishioners and some of them will become friends as well. Meanwhile, have you thought about getting a cat -- or two -- from the local shelter? Dogs would be great, but perhaps too much responsibility considering your position.
Seriously, thank you for doing this work for the rest of us. You're in my prayers.
ps. In case you were wondering, that's Chichester cathedral in my thumbnail, where I went to an Anglican women's college back in the fifties.
Thanks for the reminder. :) I do love my friends-in-the-computer.
I do have two cats, and they're nice but not quite the same.... But yes, the house isn't empty when I get home. I've thought about getting a dog but the responsibility (and the challenge of getting a dog to "play nice" with the cats) have made me reluctant. Not to mention the wet dog smell!
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2- Being on your own also confers an unusual degree of independence and freedom. This need not suck. I hope that the duties of your office leave you a little space to make use of this fact. Whether it's watching a sunset undisturbed, going to childrens' movies that you wouldn't dare invite your friends to, or dancing in the kitchen (those are my favourites, come up with your own). I'm not so callous as to believe that these fix loneliness, just that if you're going to put up with the burden of being on your own you ought to enjoy the benefits. Your homework: post sometime in the next month about a whim that you indulged. I'll be keeping track.
Take care. May new friendships strengthen you, may the beauties of your parish catch your eye as you go about your day, and may you find the confidence to feel comfortable in your new role.
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It seems a certain amount of aloneness is inherent in your job, because of your place in the community hierarchy. If you're a counsellor and/or an authority figure, making friends can be hard. Maybe you should try to socialize outside the Anglican community as much as possible to mitigate those effects? Where do the local Jews (hah!) go to drink?
Really, though, I think you just need to give it time. Moving to a brand new place all by yourself is scary and lonely, but you'll meet people, find places, and integrate after a while. Like you said, stuff is hectic right now, you haven't found your routine, and you don't really know people yet. That will all change with a little time.
*hugs*
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Believe it or not, there basically aren't any local jews; according to the last cenus there were 3 people who declared themselves jewish on the cenus (and yes, 97% Roman Catholic). And I know it will come - it's just that the in-between time is not easy and wears one down.
This too will pass.
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Lots of hugs!
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Seriously, thank you for doing this work for the rest of us. You're in my prayers.
ps. In case you were wondering, that's Chichester cathedral in my thumbnail, where I went to an Anglican women's college back in the fifties.
Reply
I do have two cats, and they're nice but not quite the same.... But yes, the house isn't empty when I get home. I've thought about getting a dog but the responsibility (and the challenge of getting a dog to "play nice" with the cats) have made me reluctant. Not to mention the wet dog smell!
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