Wedding rant
It's mid-June, which means it's prime Wedding Season. Beautiful, happy couples are pledging their love to each other, beginning their lives together.
In the midst of all this socially-sanctioned conspicuous consumption, there are a few things everyone really ought to remember:
- No wedding couple "deserves" (or needs) a "perfect day". I am sure they are very nice - I have met some absolutely delightful couples, some of whom went through hard stuff to get to where they were. But "perfect" should not be what anyone aspires to. Perfect means someone has read too many wedding magazines and watched too many movies. Weddings are a loving celebration of real people. Focus on that. In light of which:
- No one is a prop. I repeat: no one is a prop. It can be fun to have people dress in coordinated outfits, and more power to you. But those people should not be chosen for how they will look in those outfits, or in your pictures. They should be chosen for who they are and what their presence and support means to you. That way, if they don't look "perfect", that won't matter. From black eyes or broken bones to cranky children to radical shifts in gender identity between the proposal and the wedding -- the witnesses are not props, they are people you love, and their job is to love you and support you, not help you act out some fantasy.
NOTE! This even applies to children. I'm sure your second cousin's husband's niece is cute, but don't make her your flower girl just for the "look". Children are not props.
- Your guests do not "owe" you a gift worth a certain amount of money. There are no "bad" gifts. Be gracious and grateful. Remember that this is a party, and you are the host. Act like it.
- The bride is not a "princess", she should not be acting out some fantasy to that effect, but she is also not a fragile child. She is a full human being who can both take responsibility for her actions and be expected to operate within normal bounds of decency and reasonable boundaries.
The flip side of all of these is that couples planning weddings find themselves under an awful lot of pressure. The wedding has become a stand-in for consumerist aspirations, a time when people try to be something perfect rather than celebrating what they actually are. Focusing on their (messy, complicated, imperfect) reality will lead to a lower-stress and more meaningful and memorable wedding.
In the midst of all this socially-sanctioned conspicuous consumption, there are a few things everyone really ought to remember:
- No wedding couple "deserves" (or needs) a "perfect day". I am sure they are very nice - I have met some absolutely delightful couples, some of whom went through hard stuff to get to where they were. But "perfect" should not be what anyone aspires to. Perfect means someone has read too many wedding magazines and watched too many movies. Weddings are a loving celebration of real people. Focus on that. In light of which:
- No one is a prop. I repeat: no one is a prop. It can be fun to have people dress in coordinated outfits, and more power to you. But those people should not be chosen for how they will look in those outfits, or in your pictures. They should be chosen for who they are and what their presence and support means to you. That way, if they don't look "perfect", that won't matter. From black eyes or broken bones to cranky children to radical shifts in gender identity between the proposal and the wedding -- the witnesses are not props, they are people you love, and their job is to love you and support you, not help you act out some fantasy.
NOTE! This even applies to children. I'm sure your second cousin's husband's niece is cute, but don't make her your flower girl just for the "look". Children are not props.
- Your guests do not "owe" you a gift worth a certain amount of money. There are no "bad" gifts. Be gracious and grateful. Remember that this is a party, and you are the host. Act like it.
- The bride is not a "princess", she should not be acting out some fantasy to that effect, but she is also not a fragile child. She is a full human being who can both take responsibility for her actions and be expected to operate within normal bounds of decency and reasonable boundaries.
The flip side of all of these is that couples planning weddings find themselves under an awful lot of pressure. The wedding has become a stand-in for consumerist aspirations, a time when people try to be something perfect rather than celebrating what they actually are. Focusing on their (messy, complicated, imperfect) reality will lead to a lower-stress and more meaningful and memorable wedding.