OMG!
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IT DOESN'T SUCK! ITTTTT DOESNNNN'TT SUUUUCCCCKK!!!!!!!!
I _ALMOST_ FORIGVE MICHAEL BAY FOR ARMAGEDDON.
I saw Transformers tonight, at 8 o'clock. I saw it garbed in a shirt, hat, and Autobot symbol pin, with toys in my hands and pockets. I was very, very worried, and this Least I Could Do strip captured my sentiments going in PERFECTLY. On one hand, you had Steven Speilberg, and PETER CULLEN, the original voice of Optimus Prime, as well as one of the classiest guys on the planet. On the other hand, Michael Bay. Michael Fucking Bay. Michael "I managed to make Armageddon AND Pearl Harbor in the same lifetime" Bay. I will NEVER forgive that man for Armageddon.
I haven't talked about it in this space much, because lack of finances and getting the rest of my life in order have put the hobby on hold, but Transformers has been important beyond words to me. When I was younger I would run home from the bus to get home by 2:30 and watch an episode on WGN out of Chicago the first time we had cable, and then I would wait until 4:30 to watch the same episode again on a local station. I cried when Optimus Prime died, after I begged my mom for a week to take me to see the first movie. When I was older I discovered Beast Wars, which I would still argue is one of the 4 or 5 best scifi shows ever put on tv. I met some of my best friends in the world through the fandom, and saw the country driving to Botcons. The way I look and looked at the world changed because of what I saw in those stories...Bumblebee taught me that short people could be useful. Optimus Prime taught me about leadership, and heroism, compassion, and freedom, among many other things. And later, Dinobot taught me about sacrifice, and honor.
I was so worried about this movie. Although the comics of recent years have been incredible, and the toys generally remain very good, Hasbro hasn't managed to get good video media Transformers stories told since the end of Beast Wars in 1998 (when they fired the two writers that had pretty much singlehandedly revived the franchise). The leaked character designs looked stupid. And again, would Steven Speilberg and Peter Cullen be a match for the sheer suck that is Michael Bay? I knew I was going to see this movie. I'm too much of a sad fanboy not to. But man, I didn't wanna see my heroes butchered...Bob Skir, Bob Budiansky, and everyone other than the voice cast who had anything to do with RiD, Armada, Energon, and Cybertron has already done enough of that. As the trailers faded and the "feature presentation" graphic emerged on the screen, I looked up and whispered a final prayer to all the gods for quality.
The movie, aside from being a complete reboot of continuity, was not the deeper, darker, more introspective side of Transformers storytelling. There's no Burden Hardest To Bear, or Code Of Hero, or Headmasters #1 to be found in it. But that was ok, because this was the other side of Transformers storytelling, the side that is all about wonder, and amazement that are GIANT ALIEN ROBOTS all around us. As Peter Cullen's opening voiceover came on the screen, as Optimus Prime told the story of his people, it was 1984 all over again. It was the first Christmas I remember, unwrapping presents and finding Optimus Prime and Shockwave, my first two Transformers. It was More Than Meets The Eye for the first time, seeing all 5 parts of the pilot, all the characters for the first time, and watching Spike write in his journal about his new friends. It was seeing my heroes come alive, and hearing their voices echo into the ages. My prayers were answered, and the stories are ready to be told anew.