I'm sad and I'm lonely right now. I was fine at the end of the school year, because it felt like all others. I packed up and I left, and things were basically the same, even though I knew I wasn't going to be coming back. But it's all sinking in now. Now when I know everyone's back, and I see away messages about classes and hanging out. The weather ( Read more... )

I have conversations with myself sometimes because there's no one else to have conversations with ( Read more... )

one of the things that scares me most about living is that you have to keep on living. I don't know how I'm going to survive this summer, and yet I know that I will because I have to, because that's the only thing I can do.

sometimes I wish I wasn't strong enough.

It's nights like these that make me remember how very few friends I have.

...a glimpse of nights to come.

funny statement of the day...
Alicia: "We decided that you're really pretty."

Next year scares me so bad. Thinking about it makes me cry almost every single time...it's gotten to the point where I really just have to block it out of my mind. I keep telling myself that once I teach real children I'll be fine, but I don't think it's going to happen. It's not happening with my lesson students ( Read more... )

It occured to me this weekend that even though I'm always by myself, I rarely feel lonely. I get bored and restless, but I never feel like I did last year. It's kinda funny that I would feel more alone in a house of people than by myself. But that's the way it is. I was afraid that living alone would make me feel like that, completely alone, all ( Read more... )

everything is changing. everyone is changing.

I don't understand it. I don't know how to accept it. and it hurts.

So today just reaffirms everything I've felt.

I do not want to teach. There no joy in it for me. I want to play. I really want to play.

If only I was good enough.

( procrastination )