Intro and Small Vent

[turtul]

 
I originally posted this in the ftm group, but was redirected here instead. I'm relieved that a group like this exists for partners of FTMs, since I didn't think my posting in the other community was appropriate.

I wanted to do two things with this post. One, introduce myself, and two, ask a question.

I'm Turtul, female, 22, straight. My boyfriend

Comments

[pandapalace]

Have you tried a strapless strap-on. This is a great way for you both to find pleasure in it and can feel like "real" sex to both people involved. I say this assuming he is okay with penetration himself because the idea of the toy is that it has a side that goes inside him and a side that goes inside you with no straps invovled which can make things seem like "lesbian sex". The "Feeldo" is a good one and can be found at most sex toy stores and comes in three sizes and a variety of colors. If you live anywhere near Philly, "Passional" is a good store to try and if you're near NYC, "Toys in Babeland" is excellent. I think you can also order things from these store online

[pandapalace]

Edit: I meant that straps can make it feel like "lesbian sex" not that the strapless strap on does.

[voiceofanangel]

I wish the Feeldoe was an option for us... But as he's prone to urinary tract infections, extensive stimulation of the g-spot as that would do would put him at a much higher risk. :(

[ichbinkelsey]

Hi again!

OK, so, like rinkori and possibly like you, my boyfriend's had a pretty solid sexual orientation shift since beginning transition, from bisexual-strongly leaning towards women to bisexual-strongly strongly stronglyleaning towards men; in our case, this was coupled with him experiencing a pretty big drop in his sex drive post-hysto. The combination of these two things has left me feeling pretty sexually inadequate/sexually frustrated, and sex has kind of become An Issue for us. It's been getting better, though, via a great deal of communication and a great deal of effort by my partner to be more proactive about actually having sex (as opposed to just talking about it), and by the fact that he is the most reassuring man alive. I just wanted to commiserate on this end, though

[hanwisi]

Hi and welcome,
So on sooooo many levels I could post one comment after another but I would sound judgemental and would like to think about my comments before I become among those that hurt your feelings. What I would like to say is I am a health care provider and please be sure that it is NOT common for partners to cum at the "same time" that is such a hard thing to figure out under the best of curcumstances. Also all the gifts you give are just that. GIFTS!!! warmth your voice etc. blessings

[dirtymindspace]

I'm going through something similar with my boyfriend. He is pre-t and has a really low sex drive. Recently also he has admitted his attraction to me. He is now pretty much only turned on by gay porn, not by me. It's very hard for me to add 'not interested in sex with me' and 'not turned on by me' to 'attracted to men' and not have it equal insecurity. Lately this has become a real issue and sex has become completely awkward. My head fills up with all the insecurity and I find I'm opting out more and more often just because it is easier than having sex. I can't really add anything new to the posts above, except that I know how you feel.

edit

[dirtymindspace]

...he has admitted his attraction to *men*

[loveistheplan]

I def know what it is to feel like the inadequate one in bed when you can't please your trans partner. Sitting down and having long talks and negotiations is very good, and if you can really truly deal with non-monogomy, that can truly open up and relax the pressures of your sexual relationship, increase desire, and increase the love. A lot of talking, patience, and exploration is where it's at. Don't beat yourself up, be kind to yourself, just how you'd want him to be kind to himself were the situation reversed.