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[downandup]

My boyfriend had top half surgory a few years ago and has been on T for roughly 10 years, he has funding for bottom half surgory back where he was living prior to starting university down here, he as yet hasn't registered at a GP down here as is paranoid he will loose the funding for his surgory.  We are in the UK.  He is also on Anti Depressants

Comments

[aineotter]

Yikes. If he's supposed to be on antidepressants, and is not currently taking them then my first priority would be to convince him to get back on them as quickly as possible; everything will feel overwhelming until he does. I can't stress that enough. I'm not in the UK, but one of my partners (OK, I'm poly, one sweetie is a transguy, one is a woman) takes antidepressants, and she's fine with them, but if she misses a day (or gods forbid, runs out, which hasn't happened in some time) it's ugly. Even small things become unmanageable. Whether he needs to make a trip back to where he lived before, or get a GP where you are now, whichever is faster, he needs those meds. Honestly, the bottom surgery issue is secondary to that, given that he's exhibiting suicidal tendancies.

[downandup]

he wont start taking them again as says he 'doesn't need them'

I have tried my hardest to remind him that he is safe and I am trying my hardest to keep calm with him but it is incredibly hard to hear him in such deep emotional pain, I tried to say to him exactly what you have already said that his anti deps have to be the 1st priority and then the surogry, but it is like talking to a brick wall,

we both haven't had the easiest way thus far in life, have only been together since November and are still learning so much about each other, we spend fri-mon together each week as both mature students (I'm 25 he is 27) so busy with our courses etc ........ I'm rambling........ do you mind if i write you away from this community?

x

[ftmichael]

he wont start taking them again as says he 'doesn't need them'

Obviously you can't force him to take them, or get therapy, or see a doctor, or anything really. If he won't take proper care of himself, ultimately you have to decide whether you're willing to watch him engage in self-destructive behaviour, or whether it's healthier for you to get away from him. That's not an easy decision to make, but sooner or later it has to happen. You're not his parent.

[downandup]

I know I'm not his parent, but when someone spends a night in hysterics asking for assistance in a suicide attempt it leaves me feeling helpless,

We are slowly talking things and emotions through, as both acknowldge and are incredibly aware of how vital communication is to our relationship (for a lot of reasons which I can't go into here) as when emotions aren't spoken about the dark clouds of depression linger with more force than if those dark thoughts are voiced.