Into the Fold, Chapter Forty-one
Title: Into the Fold
Author: Pasi
Rating: 15
Category: Gen
Fic Summary: Severus Snape is going straight to hell. The people he calls his friends are helping him get there.
Chapter Summary: Severus and James both keep the oath that Dumbledore gave them, but it seems that James alone is rewarded for it.
Chapter Index
Living the Lie
The Hogwarts school year, 1976-1977
It kept Severus company all summer, that memory of Lily taking Dilsey's hand and, in the midst of the bustle of Acute Spell Damage, disappearing into another world. That world belonged to Healer Meed, and the only person dwelling in it last June had been James Potter.
The swelled-headed, stuck-on-himself, arrogant toerag, James Potter. Lily's words, not Severus's. Had she changed her opinion? Or had she lied all along?
Tobias treated him better. Severus never would have credited it, but the Muggle seemed to have developed a certain sensitivity, as if he knew somehow that Severus had come as close to murder as anyone could without killing. He gave Severus a wide and silent berth when they were at home together and even put in a grudging word at the local pub when Severus applied there for a summer job as a bartender. Severus wasn't surprised, however, when Tobias found another watering-hole after he got the job.
He didn't like tending to customer after customer who in their braying laughter and loud demands reminded him of Tobias. But at least it kept him from any chance of seeing Lily. The place he worked in, like the part of town he lived in, was nowhere she would ever be found.
And so he didn't see her again until he returned for his final year at Hogwarts.
She was always there, in all his N.E.W.T.s classes--Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Magical Theory--and always hanging about there, in front of his face, with Potter.
At first Severus angrily thought it was because Potter had broken his oath and told Lily what had really happened. But when absolutely no word got around about the Sectumsempra at the Whomping Willow, he realised that couldn't be so. Once such a sensational story got out, it would have spread like wildfire.
The story that did spread was the one Dumbledore had told Potter to tell. Indeed, Severus heard Potter himself expounding it.
"Yeah, I practically got killed!" he said with undisguised relish. "It was a nice warm spring night; who wouldn't want to go out into the Forbidden Forest? If he knew how to get away with it, that is."
In general, the audience surrounding him gawked in wonder at his words. But Lily was in one of those crowds once, unbeknownst to Potter until she retorted, "Well, knowing what's in there, I wouldn't be so stupid."
Potter jerked his head around to look at her, and his face went serious. "Yeah--yeah, it was stupid. I should have known something would happen."
Indeed you should, thought Severus, who was also listening.
"A manticore stung me," said Potter. "I was paralysed. If Dumbledore hadn't found me and got me to St Mungo's, I'd be dead."
An undercurrent of fear ran beneath the annoyance in Lily's eyes. (Severus knew those eyes and their expressions very well.) "So you weren't as clever as you thought," she said. "Dumbledore found you out."
Potter reddened beneath her irritated look. "I wasn't too clever at all, really. I'm lucky to be alive."
Lily tried to keep her face stern, but Severus saw her soften. He knew what that looked like. He turned to leave before he saw more and caught Black's eye.
"Eh, Snivelly?"
Severus instinctively went for his wand and Black pulled his.
"Sirius!" said Potter sharply.
"Yes, James?" Black grinned. He and Severus pointed their wands at each other.
"Shut it down," said Potter.
Black, watching Severus, didn't respond.
"You've got some nerve, Black," said Lily with a short laugh. "With the Head Boy and the Head Girl here. How many days of detention do you want?"
"Oh, all right," said Black, shrugging. He tossed his wand in the air and with a jut of his hip caught it in his robe pocket.
Nobody asked Severus why he had been absent at the end of spring term the year before--certainly not Lily. Paying him no heed at all, she began chatting with Potter about a Charms assignment they were working on together. Black made a rude gesture at Severus, then ran to catch them up.
Severus filed away Black's insult, to be dealt with another day when he could catch Black alone. Then he made his way toward the Slytherin dungeon. He had his own homework to do.
****
Severus hadn't volunteered his story to anyone, not even the Slytherins, much less to the sundry adoring audiences and hangers-on that Potter regaled at every turn with the lie that Dumbledore had given him to tell. But his house mates gave him curious looks from the first day of autumn term, and it wasn't long before someone pressed him.
That someone was Evan Rosier. "Where were you last June, out in the woods with Potter? You made such a to-do over your Potions project, then you weren't even there when Evans turned in your Veritaserum."
"It didn't matter. She turned in my notes too. We both got top marks."
"Yeah, I don't doubt it," said Evan, with a touch of admiration. "Slughorn said the assay was purer than most he'd seen from Auror apprentices. So why weren't you there to gloat?"
"My father got sick. He was bad for a while, so I went home to be with my mother."
"Oh," said Evan after a moment, leaving Severus to wonder how much people at Hogwarts knew about Tobias. He'd always said as little as he could about his parents. Even so, one person, Lily, knew more than he liked. Had she ever told anyone else? Did he have to worry, when he told the lie Dumbledore had given him to tell, that people would assume Tobias's illness came from a drunkard's bad liver?
"Is he all right?" asked Evan.
"He's fine."
"Oh," said Evan unrevealingly, doing nothing to lessen Severus's humiliating fear. "Good."
****
Severus didn't speak to Lily any longer. But, exposed to her in all his classes, he slipped back into longing. He was very good at hiding himself, so when he resumed following her around, no one discovered him.
Sometimes he told himself, well, they were in the same school, they took the same classes, of course they'd often end up in the same places. At other times, he didn't bother.
It was no good thinking about it, no good asking why he tortured himself. Severus couldn't stop following and watching Lily. He saw her at Potter's side ever more frequently as the year dragged on. If he'd hoped that he and Lily could reconcile when they went to St Mungo's for post-Hogwarts training, that hope was dashed when Potter was accepted into the Auror training programme in London.
Too bad he hadn't been the one to catch them out on the grounds after dark. Pringle, the caretaker, had found them instead, sentencing Lily to her very first detention. Predictably, the escapade made them all the more popular, with Lily, blushing and laughing, uncharacteristically at a loss for words as guffawing Gryffindors loudly demanded to know what, precisely, Pringle had caught them doing.
"Nothing, you filthy-minded gits!" said Potter. "Absolutely nothing!" And seeing the look of frustration on Potter's face, Severus was inclined to believe him.
Strangely enough, it was when he wasn't looking for Lily Evans and James Potter that he discovered what they did when they went off alone together. Or at least all he could stand to know.
It was mid-June, near the end of spring term, one year almost to the day since he had cast Sectumsempra on Potter. His acceptance from the St Mungo's Apothecary Apprenticeship Programme was in his pocket along with the offer of a stipend large enough to support him. He was wandering the lawns, his heart brimming with mixed feelings. Soon he would escape. He would travel to London, learn a profession, be his own man. On the other hand, he would leave Hogwarts, his home for the past seven years, a place of joy and sorrow, hatred and the wonder of new things, things he couldn't possibly have dreamt of in his dingy bedroom at home, lying on his bed staring at the cracked ceiling, dreaming of all the things he would do and be when he went to Hogwarts.
Hogwarts had been, he decided, less than he had hoped for but more than he had expected. Then he heard mewling.
He was by the lake, near the large beech tree. The sounds seemed to be coming from the shore side of the tree, which, being opposite, he couldn't see. At first he thought it was a kitten, but when he took a step closer, he heard a gasp punctuate the whimpers. And whimpers they were: human sounds. A child? Or some dangerous illusion, an enchantment to lure the unwary?
Severus drew his wand and tiptoed silently around the tree. He drew closer, recognising the mewling voice just as he saw the fall of dark red hair along the trunk and Potter's face buried in Lily Evans's neck.
Severus backed away carefully, then darted into a nearby copse of fir trees. He closed his eyes. His heart beat painfully against his ribs. The lump that rose in his throat nearly choked him. And yet he couldn't stop himself. Opening his eyes, he peered through the branches at Lily and Potter.
Potter had lifted his head. He didn't have his glasses on, but he didn't look as though he needed them. Gazing intently at Lily, he looked as though he saw everything he wanted. Leaning against the tree trunk, she looked up at him, her collar rumpled, her lips parted, her eyes misted yet bright.
Severus had never seen that look in Lily's eyes before, but he knew what it was. Desire.
Without taking his eyes off Lily's face, Potter explored the rest of her with his hands. Severus felt sick, his knees trembled, but he did not look away from Potter's roaming hands.
"James," Lily groaned.
Potter covered her mouth with his own before she could make another sound. He shifted, blocking Severus's sight of Lily with his body. Slender arms, white against the black of Potter's school robe, snaked around his waist. Lily drew Potter close. Severus could see her clutching fingers, the cords in her wrists.
At last Severus looked away. He also had seen all he wanted.
He should have been angry. At any other time he would have been, but at the moment he didn't have the energy. Quietly, he slipped away. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked toward the castle, felt the letter from Melusine Morgan, Apothecary-in-Chief at St Mungo's Hospital and Head of the Apothecary Apprenticeship Programme. He'd be independent. But the stipend wouldn't permit any luxuries. It would be a hardscrabble struggle to get his licence and establish himself in his career, with no one to greet him at the end of his work shift, no one to ask him how his day had gone.
While Potter would become an Auror, with family money to round out his skimpy Auror's salary. He'd have a rich man's comforts and a loved man's pleasures, with a woman he didn't deserve walking beside him into the rest of his life.
Author: Pasi
Rating: 15
Category: Gen
Fic Summary: Severus Snape is going straight to hell. The people he calls his friends are helping him get there.
Chapter Summary: Severus and James both keep the oath that Dumbledore gave them, but it seems that James alone is rewarded for it.
Chapter Index
Living the Lie
The Hogwarts school year, 1976-1977
It kept Severus company all summer, that memory of Lily taking Dilsey's hand and, in the midst of the bustle of Acute Spell Damage, disappearing into another world. That world belonged to Healer Meed, and the only person dwelling in it last June had been James Potter.
The swelled-headed, stuck-on-himself, arrogant toerag, James Potter. Lily's words, not Severus's. Had she changed her opinion? Or had she lied all along?
Tobias treated him better. Severus never would have credited it, but the Muggle seemed to have developed a certain sensitivity, as if he knew somehow that Severus had come as close to murder as anyone could without killing. He gave Severus a wide and silent berth when they were at home together and even put in a grudging word at the local pub when Severus applied there for a summer job as a bartender. Severus wasn't surprised, however, when Tobias found another watering-hole after he got the job.
He didn't like tending to customer after customer who in their braying laughter and loud demands reminded him of Tobias. But at least it kept him from any chance of seeing Lily. The place he worked in, like the part of town he lived in, was nowhere she would ever be found.
And so he didn't see her again until he returned for his final year at Hogwarts.
She was always there, in all his N.E.W.T.s classes--Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Magical Theory--and always hanging about there, in front of his face, with Potter.
At first Severus angrily thought it was because Potter had broken his oath and told Lily what had really happened. But when absolutely no word got around about the Sectumsempra at the Whomping Willow, he realised that couldn't be so. Once such a sensational story got out, it would have spread like wildfire.
The story that did spread was the one Dumbledore had told Potter to tell. Indeed, Severus heard Potter himself expounding it.
"Yeah, I practically got killed!" he said with undisguised relish. "It was a nice warm spring night; who wouldn't want to go out into the Forbidden Forest? If he knew how to get away with it, that is."
In general, the audience surrounding him gawked in wonder at his words. But Lily was in one of those crowds once, unbeknownst to Potter until she retorted, "Well, knowing what's in there, I wouldn't be so stupid."
Potter jerked his head around to look at her, and his face went serious. "Yeah--yeah, it was stupid. I should have known something would happen."
Indeed you should, thought Severus, who was also listening.
"A manticore stung me," said Potter. "I was paralysed. If Dumbledore hadn't found me and got me to St Mungo's, I'd be dead."
An undercurrent of fear ran beneath the annoyance in Lily's eyes. (Severus knew those eyes and their expressions very well.) "So you weren't as clever as you thought," she said. "Dumbledore found you out."
Potter reddened beneath her irritated look. "I wasn't too clever at all, really. I'm lucky to be alive."
Lily tried to keep her face stern, but Severus saw her soften. He knew what that looked like. He turned to leave before he saw more and caught Black's eye.
"Eh, Snivelly?"
Severus instinctively went for his wand and Black pulled his.
"Sirius!" said Potter sharply.
"Yes, James?" Black grinned. He and Severus pointed their wands at each other.
"Shut it down," said Potter.
Black, watching Severus, didn't respond.
"You've got some nerve, Black," said Lily with a short laugh. "With the Head Boy and the Head Girl here. How many days of detention do you want?"
"Oh, all right," said Black, shrugging. He tossed his wand in the air and with a jut of his hip caught it in his robe pocket.
Nobody asked Severus why he had been absent at the end of spring term the year before--certainly not Lily. Paying him no heed at all, she began chatting with Potter about a Charms assignment they were working on together. Black made a rude gesture at Severus, then ran to catch them up.
Severus filed away Black's insult, to be dealt with another day when he could catch Black alone. Then he made his way toward the Slytherin dungeon. He had his own homework to do.
****
Severus hadn't volunteered his story to anyone, not even the Slytherins, much less to the sundry adoring audiences and hangers-on that Potter regaled at every turn with the lie that Dumbledore had given him to tell. But his house mates gave him curious looks from the first day of autumn term, and it wasn't long before someone pressed him.
That someone was Evan Rosier. "Where were you last June, out in the woods with Potter? You made such a to-do over your Potions project, then you weren't even there when Evans turned in your Veritaserum."
"It didn't matter. She turned in my notes too. We both got top marks."
"Yeah, I don't doubt it," said Evan, with a touch of admiration. "Slughorn said the assay was purer than most he'd seen from Auror apprentices. So why weren't you there to gloat?"
"My father got sick. He was bad for a while, so I went home to be with my mother."
"Oh," said Evan after a moment, leaving Severus to wonder how much people at Hogwarts knew about Tobias. He'd always said as little as he could about his parents. Even so, one person, Lily, knew more than he liked. Had she ever told anyone else? Did he have to worry, when he told the lie Dumbledore had given him to tell, that people would assume Tobias's illness came from a drunkard's bad liver?
"Is he all right?" asked Evan.
"He's fine."
"Oh," said Evan unrevealingly, doing nothing to lessen Severus's humiliating fear. "Good."
****
Severus didn't speak to Lily any longer. But, exposed to her in all his classes, he slipped back into longing. He was very good at hiding himself, so when he resumed following her around, no one discovered him.
Sometimes he told himself, well, they were in the same school, they took the same classes, of course they'd often end up in the same places. At other times, he didn't bother.
It was no good thinking about it, no good asking why he tortured himself. Severus couldn't stop following and watching Lily. He saw her at Potter's side ever more frequently as the year dragged on. If he'd hoped that he and Lily could reconcile when they went to St Mungo's for post-Hogwarts training, that hope was dashed when Potter was accepted into the Auror training programme in London.
Too bad he hadn't been the one to catch them out on the grounds after dark. Pringle, the caretaker, had found them instead, sentencing Lily to her very first detention. Predictably, the escapade made them all the more popular, with Lily, blushing and laughing, uncharacteristically at a loss for words as guffawing Gryffindors loudly demanded to know what, precisely, Pringle had caught them doing.
"Nothing, you filthy-minded gits!" said Potter. "Absolutely nothing!" And seeing the look of frustration on Potter's face, Severus was inclined to believe him.
Strangely enough, it was when he wasn't looking for Lily Evans and James Potter that he discovered what they did when they went off alone together. Or at least all he could stand to know.
It was mid-June, near the end of spring term, one year almost to the day since he had cast Sectumsempra on Potter. His acceptance from the St Mungo's Apothecary Apprenticeship Programme was in his pocket along with the offer of a stipend large enough to support him. He was wandering the lawns, his heart brimming with mixed feelings. Soon he would escape. He would travel to London, learn a profession, be his own man. On the other hand, he would leave Hogwarts, his home for the past seven years, a place of joy and sorrow, hatred and the wonder of new things, things he couldn't possibly have dreamt of in his dingy bedroom at home, lying on his bed staring at the cracked ceiling, dreaming of all the things he would do and be when he went to Hogwarts.
Hogwarts had been, he decided, less than he had hoped for but more than he had expected. Then he heard mewling.
He was by the lake, near the large beech tree. The sounds seemed to be coming from the shore side of the tree, which, being opposite, he couldn't see. At first he thought it was a kitten, but when he took a step closer, he heard a gasp punctuate the whimpers. And whimpers they were: human sounds. A child? Or some dangerous illusion, an enchantment to lure the unwary?
Severus drew his wand and tiptoed silently around the tree. He drew closer, recognising the mewling voice just as he saw the fall of dark red hair along the trunk and Potter's face buried in Lily Evans's neck.
Severus backed away carefully, then darted into a nearby copse of fir trees. He closed his eyes. His heart beat painfully against his ribs. The lump that rose in his throat nearly choked him. And yet he couldn't stop himself. Opening his eyes, he peered through the branches at Lily and Potter.
Potter had lifted his head. He didn't have his glasses on, but he didn't look as though he needed them. Gazing intently at Lily, he looked as though he saw everything he wanted. Leaning against the tree trunk, she looked up at him, her collar rumpled, her lips parted, her eyes misted yet bright.
Severus had never seen that look in Lily's eyes before, but he knew what it was. Desire.
Without taking his eyes off Lily's face, Potter explored the rest of her with his hands. Severus felt sick, his knees trembled, but he did not look away from Potter's roaming hands.
"James," Lily groaned.
Potter covered her mouth with his own before she could make another sound. He shifted, blocking Severus's sight of Lily with his body. Slender arms, white against the black of Potter's school robe, snaked around his waist. Lily drew Potter close. Severus could see her clutching fingers, the cords in her wrists.
At last Severus looked away. He also had seen all he wanted.
He should have been angry. At any other time he would have been, but at the moment he didn't have the energy. Quietly, he slipped away. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked toward the castle, felt the letter from Melusine Morgan, Apothecary-in-Chief at St Mungo's Hospital and Head of the Apothecary Apprenticeship Programme. He'd be independent. But the stipend wouldn't permit any luxuries. It would be a hardscrabble struggle to get his licence and establish himself in his career, with no one to greet him at the end of his work shift, no one to ask him how his day had gone.
While Potter would become an Auror, with family money to round out his skimpy Auror's salary. He'd have a rich man's comforts and a loved man's pleasures, with a woman he didn't deserve walking beside him into the rest of his life.