For Want of Other Idleness by Jayden Scott (Resident Evil)
Title: For Want of Other Idleness
Author: jayden_scott
Fandom: Resident Evil: Extinction
Pairing: Alice/Claire
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own. Umbrella probably does.
Summary: Claire needs something very badly.
A/N: Nom nom nom lesbian angst. I am solely responsible for any fail and/or suck that follows. Also, feedback is love. Please love me long and hard.
For Want of Other Idleness: Prologue
For Want of Other Idleness: Chapter I
For Want of Other Idleness: Chapter II
For Want of Other Idleness: Chapter III
For Want of Other Idleness: Chapter IV
The cabin that Claire and K-mart had shared for so many months suddenly seemed too small, too cluttered, Claire thought as she set the kettle on the wood-burning stove. She removed two cups from the kitchen cabinets and set them on the counter in front of her, trying to ignore the crawl along her spine that told her Alice was intently watching her.
She could always tell when Alice was watching her. Even back in the convoy days when she would feel the weight of eyes on her, and she would look up to see Alice gazing at her from a distance. It was not an unsettling stare, but a knowing, studious gaze that left Claire feeling as if her emotions had been stripped naked. It was always as if Alice could see clear through whatever emotional walls or boundaries that she erected.
Usually, Claire found comfort in the fact she did not, could not, hide anything from Alice. She was the only person that Claire did not have to always be strong for, be calm and collected and in control for. Alice did not need her to be strong all the time, did not depend on her for leadership and decisiveness. There was comfort in being able to be weak sometimes, and Alice allowed her that, allowed her to show the human side without judgment. She could always tell what Claire was feeling and knew just how to approach her, how to hold her, how to comfort her.
Normally, it was comforting that Alice knew her so well. Now, it was on the precipice of being infuriating.
It was just the two of them. K-mart had ushered the two of them into the cabin and promptly left, and was presumably keeping everyone else away. Giving them space that Claire wasn’t sure she wanted. Her mind was cluttered with thoughts as the kitchen was with junk, and she could not organize them in her mind. Every time she tried to narrow her mind on a particular thought, another idea would divert her attention. Focusing on a task helped ease the scream of thoughts, though.
Heat the kettle of water. Set two cups out. Scoop some of the freeze dried instant coffee they had scavenged into each cup. Pour the hot water over the coffee crystals and stir. The hard part was turning around and setting the old mug in front of Alice, facing her again.
Alice sat at the kitchen table where Claire had been seated not minutes ago. Her eyes widened slightly as Claire sat the steaming mug in front of her. “Coffee?” She asked, her voice still barely above a whisper.
“We managed to find a few things. Luxuries.” Claire responded hollowly. Instead of sitting across from her lover, she stayed standing, leaning against the kitchen counter holding her own coffee.
Neither of them spoke for a long while. Claire found that not only could she not think of anything to say, but she also could not look at Alice. Every time she lifted her gaze, her chest tightened and tears stung the back of her eyes. At first she tried simply to focus on Alice’s hands, but even that was a mistake. Those slender, delicate hands wrapped around the coffee mug were the same hands that framed her face, brushed hair from her brow, pulled her close. Claire could not bear to look at them without feeling something within her threatening to break.
Finally, Alice cleared her throat, shifting somewhat uneasily. “Whose idea was the sign?”
“K-mart’s.” Claire said quickly, sharply. “It was her way of honoring you. For giving us this place. Not just her but the other survivors.”
“Oh,”
Claire risked a glimpse at her lover. For as much raw power as Alice possessed, when it came to matters other than fighting or surviving, she was awkward and skittish. She was like a feral animal that had only come to trust humans recently. Claire had been the one person she had come to trust completely, that she was comfortable around. But it was different now; Alice had reverted to being wary, as if the slightest quick movement would startle her.
“I’m back.” She whispered again.
Claire bit down on the inside of her cheek hard, fighting the flood of tears. “Are you, Alice?” She whirled around and slammed her coffee cup on the counter, squeezing her eyes shut. “When will you leave again? I can’t survive it… I can’t.” She drew in a shaky, deep breath and let it out smoothly, feeling the tears subside for the moment.
“I had to.” The words were even softer than before. “Just like you couldn’t stay. You had to make sure your people were safe.” Her tone hardened, just faintly. “We both had our responsibilities.”
“No, Alice.” Claire turned to face her again, finally looking into Alice’s eyes. “I know why you stayed behind, and you’re right. We both had our own responsibilities. But you stayed away. For over a year, I didn’t know if you were dead or alive… I thought you were dead.”
Alice moved with the savage swiftness that Claire knew to expect, but still startled her nonetheless. One moment she was seated at the table, the next she was in front of Claire, her hands on her upper arms. “I am alive.” Alice whispered through clenched teeth.
Although Alice could have easily stopped her if she so desired, Claire shrugged and pushed the hands from her arms. “Don’t touch me.” She could not bear for Alice to touch her, to feel her palms against her skin. It hurt too badly. The thing inside her on the verge of shattering wrenched agony in her chest. “I can’t lose you again.”
“You won’t,” Alice pleaded and reached for Claire again. “It’s us now, only us. I’m back, and I will never leave you again.” Her hands brushed an errant strand of red-blonde hair from Claire’s cheek. “I’m alive. I’m alive because of you.”
That final touch, the ghost of a caress across her cheek, finally caused that indiscernible something within Claire to splinter and break. The tears could not be stopped, the sobs could not be stifled. She fell into Alice, wrapping her arms around the slightly taller woman’s waist and burying her face in her neck. Claire wept: wept for the woman she thought she had lost, wept for all the times she had wanted to cry but hadn’t.
The numbness that had taken root in Claire was replaced by a cruel, overwhelming torrent of emotion. Everything she had not let herself feel in Alice’s absence was suddenly shaken free, and it was all she could do to cry and be held.
Held by the woman she loved. Alice’s lithe, muscular arms held her close, protecting her. Her delicate hands stroked her hair, soothing her. Their bodies fit together, molding against one another as if they had been made for each other. For the first time in over a year, Claire felt safe again.
“I need you,” Claire finally whispered against Alice’s chest when the tears had subsided slightly.
Alice did not so much pull away as shift so that she was gazing into Claire’s eyes. “We need each other.”
Like the first time, the tip of their noses touched first, then lips. Tears streaked both their cheeks, mingling, running together; they could taste the salt sweetness on each other’s lips. It was kiss so soft it was almost torturous, and they held it, neither of them stirring or even wanting to break away to breathe.
To be continued...
Author: jayden_scott
Fandom: Resident Evil: Extinction
Pairing: Alice/Claire
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own. Umbrella probably does.
Summary: Claire needs something very badly.
A/N: Nom nom nom lesbian angst. I am solely responsible for any fail and/or suck that follows. Also, feedback is love. Please love me long and hard.
For Want of Other Idleness: Prologue
For Want of Other Idleness: Chapter I
For Want of Other Idleness: Chapter II
For Want of Other Idleness: Chapter III
For Want of Other Idleness: Chapter IV
The cabin that Claire and K-mart had shared for so many months suddenly seemed too small, too cluttered, Claire thought as she set the kettle on the wood-burning stove. She removed two cups from the kitchen cabinets and set them on the counter in front of her, trying to ignore the crawl along her spine that told her Alice was intently watching her.
She could always tell when Alice was watching her. Even back in the convoy days when she would feel the weight of eyes on her, and she would look up to see Alice gazing at her from a distance. It was not an unsettling stare, but a knowing, studious gaze that left Claire feeling as if her emotions had been stripped naked. It was always as if Alice could see clear through whatever emotional walls or boundaries that she erected.
Usually, Claire found comfort in the fact she did not, could not, hide anything from Alice. She was the only person that Claire did not have to always be strong for, be calm and collected and in control for. Alice did not need her to be strong all the time, did not depend on her for leadership and decisiveness. There was comfort in being able to be weak sometimes, and Alice allowed her that, allowed her to show the human side without judgment. She could always tell what Claire was feeling and knew just how to approach her, how to hold her, how to comfort her.
Normally, it was comforting that Alice knew her so well. Now, it was on the precipice of being infuriating.
It was just the two of them. K-mart had ushered the two of them into the cabin and promptly left, and was presumably keeping everyone else away. Giving them space that Claire wasn’t sure she wanted. Her mind was cluttered with thoughts as the kitchen was with junk, and she could not organize them in her mind. Every time she tried to narrow her mind on a particular thought, another idea would divert her attention. Focusing on a task helped ease the scream of thoughts, though.
Heat the kettle of water. Set two cups out. Scoop some of the freeze dried instant coffee they had scavenged into each cup. Pour the hot water over the coffee crystals and stir. The hard part was turning around and setting the old mug in front of Alice, facing her again.
Alice sat at the kitchen table where Claire had been seated not minutes ago. Her eyes widened slightly as Claire sat the steaming mug in front of her. “Coffee?” She asked, her voice still barely above a whisper.
“We managed to find a few things. Luxuries.” Claire responded hollowly. Instead of sitting across from her lover, she stayed standing, leaning against the kitchen counter holding her own coffee.
Neither of them spoke for a long while. Claire found that not only could she not think of anything to say, but she also could not look at Alice. Every time she lifted her gaze, her chest tightened and tears stung the back of her eyes. At first she tried simply to focus on Alice’s hands, but even that was a mistake. Those slender, delicate hands wrapped around the coffee mug were the same hands that framed her face, brushed hair from her brow, pulled her close. Claire could not bear to look at them without feeling something within her threatening to break.
Finally, Alice cleared her throat, shifting somewhat uneasily. “Whose idea was the sign?”
“K-mart’s.” Claire said quickly, sharply. “It was her way of honoring you. For giving us this place. Not just her but the other survivors.”
“Oh,”
Claire risked a glimpse at her lover. For as much raw power as Alice possessed, when it came to matters other than fighting or surviving, she was awkward and skittish. She was like a feral animal that had only come to trust humans recently. Claire had been the one person she had come to trust completely, that she was comfortable around. But it was different now; Alice had reverted to being wary, as if the slightest quick movement would startle her.
“I’m back.” She whispered again.
Claire bit down on the inside of her cheek hard, fighting the flood of tears. “Are you, Alice?” She whirled around and slammed her coffee cup on the counter, squeezing her eyes shut. “When will you leave again? I can’t survive it… I can’t.” She drew in a shaky, deep breath and let it out smoothly, feeling the tears subside for the moment.
“I had to.” The words were even softer than before. “Just like you couldn’t stay. You had to make sure your people were safe.” Her tone hardened, just faintly. “We both had our responsibilities.”
“No, Alice.” Claire turned to face her again, finally looking into Alice’s eyes. “I know why you stayed behind, and you’re right. We both had our own responsibilities. But you stayed away. For over a year, I didn’t know if you were dead or alive… I thought you were dead.”
Alice moved with the savage swiftness that Claire knew to expect, but still startled her nonetheless. One moment she was seated at the table, the next she was in front of Claire, her hands on her upper arms. “I am alive.” Alice whispered through clenched teeth.
Although Alice could have easily stopped her if she so desired, Claire shrugged and pushed the hands from her arms. “Don’t touch me.” She could not bear for Alice to touch her, to feel her palms against her skin. It hurt too badly. The thing inside her on the verge of shattering wrenched agony in her chest. “I can’t lose you again.”
“You won’t,” Alice pleaded and reached for Claire again. “It’s us now, only us. I’m back, and I will never leave you again.” Her hands brushed an errant strand of red-blonde hair from Claire’s cheek. “I’m alive. I’m alive because of you.”
That final touch, the ghost of a caress across her cheek, finally caused that indiscernible something within Claire to splinter and break. The tears could not be stopped, the sobs could not be stifled. She fell into Alice, wrapping her arms around the slightly taller woman’s waist and burying her face in her neck. Claire wept: wept for the woman she thought she had lost, wept for all the times she had wanted to cry but hadn’t.
The numbness that had taken root in Claire was replaced by a cruel, overwhelming torrent of emotion. Everything she had not let herself feel in Alice’s absence was suddenly shaken free, and it was all she could do to cry and be held.
Held by the woman she loved. Alice’s lithe, muscular arms held her close, protecting her. Her delicate hands stroked her hair, soothing her. Their bodies fit together, molding against one another as if they had been made for each other. For the first time in over a year, Claire felt safe again.
“I need you,” Claire finally whispered against Alice’s chest when the tears had subsided slightly.
Alice did not so much pull away as shift so that she was gazing into Claire’s eyes. “We need each other.”
Like the first time, the tip of their noses touched first, then lips. Tears streaked both their cheeks, mingling, running together; they could taste the salt sweetness on each other’s lips. It was kiss so soft it was almost torturous, and they held it, neither of them stirring or even wanting to break away to breathe.
To be continued...