Afterworld: Into the Arms of Darkness Ch.46

[altfic]

Title: Afterworld: Into the Arms of Darkness
By: Pink Rabbit Productions
Chapter: 46
Date: 18 December, 2010
Rating: R (for sex and violence)

Disclaimer: Hmmm, characters, not mine, situation, mine, though with the proviso that certain scenarios owe a major debt of gratitude to George Romero. Sex? Likely. Genders involved? Likely all female (at least anything on camera). Also there are likely to be very bad things in this story. I'm not one for prodigious amounts of gore, but this is horror and there is likely to be ickiness and things that might disturb some folks. Seriously. If it's gonna bother you, move along.
Summary: When the dead rise, civilization falls.
Author's Notes: Awhile back, just for fun, I did a faux movie poster that set Otalia in a horror setting and used some elements from an idea I've had running around for ages (what can I say---it was the Halloween season). See the poster here: http://altfic.com/artgallery/otalia/glafterworld01b.htm . Sooo, at some point, it seemed like fun to take a gander at writing them in that universe. I've quite deliberately tried to break away from my usual style and make it a bit faster moving, with frequent chapter breaks, deliberate cliffhangers, shorter scenes and more directed pov. We'll see if I can keep to one pov per chapter (well, they are short chapters...lol).
Dedicated to: My mom. Seriously. All of my growing up years, she would constantly throw me these what-if scenarios and press me to figure out logical ways to survive/get out of various emergency situations. Now, she never mentioned the zombie apocalypse, but I'm sure that was just an oversight or a desire not to scare a little kid (because, really, I grew up as the daughter of a top secret type during the cold war...I already had enough fear issues), but really, that odd little game was the genesis of...well...not just this story, but a lot of my love of writing. So, thanks mom.
Previous Chapters: | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24 | Chapter 25 | Chapter 26 | Chapter 27 | Chapter 28 | Chapter 29 | Chapter 30 | Chapter 31 | Chapter 32 | Chapter 33 | Chapter 34 | Chapter 35 | Chapter 36 | Chapter 37 | Chapter 38 | Chapter 39 | Chapter 40 | Chapter 41 | Chapter 42 | Chapter 43 | Chapter 44 | Chapter 45 |

Author's Note: Many thanks for all the comments and kind words. They're definitely appreciated and very helpful when I'm writing. I wish I could spend more time replying individually, but unfortunately, that's not on the docket right now. However, it means a lot that folks take the time to say something.

Afterworld:
Into the Arms of Darkness
Chapter 46

It was pure instinct. As Natalia blinked against the early morning sun, she reached out to the figure that should have been next to her in bed.

And came up empty. Her blindly searching palm encountered only cold sheets.

She had the instant thought that Olivia had grabbed Emma and run while she slept.

Natalia didn't pause to debate whether the panic that washed over her was caused by the thought of losing them or the thought of being alone again. Nor did she even notice that there was never any thought that she'd been reaching for her lost husband, Nicky.

There was only Olivia and the terror that she was gone.

Moving fast, Natalia didn't notice the bedding left strewn in her wake as she hit the floor running, hoping against hope that she could somehow get to them before they left, or find the SUV before it had gone too far.

She pulled up short as stepped through the doorway into the main room of the attic.

There on the floor sat Olivia, Emma on her lap, an open book shared between them.

"So you multiply the bottom numbers, then each bottom number times the other top number," Emma was murmuring under her breath as she wrote in the workbook. "Then add the tops together...but keep the bottoms the same?" As she finished, her voice rose in question and she looked up at her mother.

Unaware of Natalia's perusal, Olivia nodded. "That's right," she confirmed and pointed at the workbook as Emma kept writing. "Then you divide the bottom number by the top to reduce it to its simplest form."

Her pulse still racing, Natalia drank in the sight. Dragging in a deep breath, she grabbed the doorframe to steady herself when relief left her weak kneed and trembling.

Still there. They were still there.

Too shaky to move, she stood watching the math lesson, her expression increasingly tender as she saw how patient Olivia was with her daughter. Successes received gentle praise, while mistakes simply merited more help and explanations without a trace of criticism.

Not wanting to interrupt their time together, Natalia was about to slip out again when Emma looked up and saw her.

"Natalia," the little girl said, her voice automatically soft-she'd learned well how to survive in the new world-but happy sounding. She even smiled. "Mommy said you were still asleep, so we were having school."

"School?" Natalia repeated, a little startled by the term. Schools were long gone. They'd been one of the first institutions to close. Welcome to the world's longest snow day.

Emma nodded. "Stupid 'n' ignorant people don't survive in Afterworld," she said perfectly seriously. Clearly a quote from her mother. "So I'm s'posed'ta have school every day...'cept I couldn't while Mommy was sick." She held up the book in her hand and Natalia saw it was a math workbook. "I'm already on fifth grade math...fractions 'n' stuff." She flashed a quick look at her mother and Olivia beamed proudly.

"That's right," the woman said as she hugged her daughter and rocked her gently. She tousled Emma's hair affectionately. "Got a bouncing baby genius here."

"I can see that," Natalia said and found herself laughing as Olivia started tickling her daughter, eliciting soft giggles.

It wasn't exactly the old world. The giggles and teasing were carried out in stage whispers, loud enough to be heard, but not overheard, and there were no childish shrieks or wild peals of laughter. But at the same time, the happiness was genuine and amazingly light-hearted. After months of nothing but pain and fear and stress, it was a tiny window of normalcy that gave them all a much-needed break from the outside world.

By tacit agreement, the rest of the day was much the same, lighthearted and easy, as though they weren't stuck in an attic, hiding from hordes of living dead. Emma did her schoolwork with her mother's help while Natalia saw to the daily chores.

By the time school was finished, Natalia had lunch ready-tuna and pasta and dry Parmesan cooked on the stove until the edges browned and got crusty. Natalia couldn't help but smile when mother and daughter both tucked into it like they hadn't eaten in a week. It reminded her of old times when Rafe was little. Money, food, and space had often been tight and yet they'd been happy most of the time, the sense of family and belonging making even small comforts seem like heaven.

Heaven. The word clung in Natalia's head as Emma told a silly knock-knock joke, but was giggling too hard to get the punchline out. She was almost afraid to look too closely at the moment for fear it would all get yanked away or she'd wake from some particularly realistic dream.

Better to get lost in a child's silly jokes.

Much better, the thought went through Natalia's head as Emma finally got the punchline out and Natalia chuckled in spite of herself. She'd forgotten how utterly silly children could be and how wonderful it was to share in the absurdity.

Afterward, loathe to let go of the mood, Natalia dug out an old Monopoly game. Olivia didn't argue, in fact seemed equally eager to hold onto the lighthearted emotions. So they lost themselves in the game. There was more giggling as well as Olivia's mock growls every time Emma put up a new hotel and proclaimed herself, "The business mongrel of the world."

Meanwhile, in between dice rolls, passing Go and teasing remarks, the adults traded long looks and genuine smiles. This was what life was supposed to be like for a child.

For a little while it was like the old world never went away, the happiness of the moment infectious enough to wash away the ugliness that existed a short distance away.

Then, after Emma's ultimate victory and Olivia's grumbled concession speech, Natalia cobbled together an oddly celebratory dinner feast from a couple of tomatoes that had just ripened in one of window boxes, some leaf lettuce growing in another, the last of the bacon and the leftover pancakes. All told, it made a pretty good BLT.

After that, Emma provided the evening's entertainment, a screening of Shrek. And if the movie screen was only a few inches across, no one complained because it meant they had to cuddle that much closer to see.

The irony of the moment didn't escape Natalia as she sat on her bed, with Emma snuggled on her lap and Olivia's arms wrapped around both of them from behind. Here she was at the end of the world and happier than she'd been in years. It made no sense and couldn't last, and yet she could no more turn away from it than she could have turned away from her son.

Leaning back, she rested her head against Olivia's shoulder and was unable to contain a soft sigh as Olivia returned the favor by resting her chin on Natalia's shoulder.

Dragon was blowing smoke hearts and Donkey trying desperately to wave them away when Olivia turned toward Natalia, close enough that her soft breath sent shivers down Natalia's spine as she whispered in her ear, "How demented is it that I've always thought this was the most romantic movie made in years?"

Unable to stop her answering grin, Natalia looked over at the other woman. "You aren't the only one," she mouthed. She'd always loved the sweetness of the movie and the gentle byplay in which romance was about matching souls, not societally approved bodies.

Something glittered deep in green eyes and for the briefest second, Natalia thought Olivia meant to do more than just stare.

Then the movie excitement ramped up, breaking the moment.

It was all gentle and pleasant and dangerously safe, the only threat coming from the seductive feel of lush curves pressed close and warm breath against the side of her neck.

But then maybe that was the scariest thing of all because it drove back the loneliness and offered hope and a chance at redemption.

All of which were as much fantasy as the movie on Emma's tiny screen.

For the briefest second, Natalia almost pushed free and fled, terrified of what it all meant and even more terrified that she wouldn't survive when it was lost to her. Because she knew full well the day would come when Olivia and Emma moved on and she was once again alone in her self-imposed prison.

Then Olivia's hold tightened fractionally and Emma giggled softly as Fiona yanked Robin Hood's arrow from Shrek's backside and Natalia couldn't move.

Even knowing she was probably leaping to her own doom, she leaned more firmly into Olivia's hold and clung a little tighter to Emma as she pushed off any dark thoughts and resolved to simply enjoy this amazing gift from god.

Later, there would be pain and regrets and maybe a slow sinking back into a welling pit of despair, but for now there were arms that held her, a child's laughter and a reason to keep living.

Finally, the movie ended and Emma traipsed off to get a bath.

And the new world reasserted itself as Olivia turned her head toward the other bedroom, her expression shifting from lighthearted to grim in an instant. "I want that thing gone before Emma spends another night in there," she said, her tone firm.

No doubt what the thing in question was.

Colin's crib.

Natalia was willing to just shove it out the dormer window in the main room and let it crash to the ground, but Olivia shook her head, dismissing the idea.

"Might be able to use the steel to reinforce the doors downstairs," Olivia pointed out logically.

It was a fair point, Natalia reminded herself as she quashed a shudder of horror. The steel was valuable and hard to come by. Safety was more important than her own distaste.

On the other hand, it meant disassembling the unit. Easier said than done, but not impossible. The sides were welded panels with welded in bars, but they bolted together at the corners. The hinges to the top were welded to a side panel, but the barred undercarriage that prevented anything escaping out the bottom was bolted. No welds would have to be broken to take it down.

It took more than a few bruised knuckles and even Natalia uttered a few curses, but eventually, they had it separated in to individual panels.

Being in pieces robbed the bars of some of their power, allowing Natalia to pretend they were something other than what they were.

As they finished setting the steel panels aside, Natalia did a slow pivot. Without meaning to, her gaze touched on the crib, free now for the first time since Collin's death. Without the shielding of the bars, she could see blood spots on the shredded remains of the mattress and deep, brown streaked gouges in the wood.

Dark eyes snapped closed as she tried to block out the sight and the memories that went with it.

It didn't work.

She felt her stomach kick and roll. She could still hear the childish screams and the sounds he'd made tearing at the wood in an effort to escape. It had driven Reva someplace unreachable and broken Josh. Natalia had tried to help. After all, they'd taken her into their home when Rafe disappeared, but her best efforts had been useless.

Worse than useless, if she was honest.

"Natalia?" Olivia's worried voice washed over her as a gentle hand brushed her upper arm.

"I..." Whatever answer she might have given was forgotten as her stomach clenched violently. Scrambling, she just barely reached the small bathroom attached to Colin's room in time. Wrenching spasms tore through, emptying her stomach, then again and again until there was nothing left and she was just dry-heaving air.

She felt Olivia's hand on her upper back, rubbing gently, the small bit of contact amazingly soothing. "It's okay," she whispered over and over. "You'll be all right."

More dry heaving until her midsection ached from the vicious cramping. Finally, though, the spasms stopped and she sat back on her heels, her breathing still ragged. She waited a long moment, then pushed on back and leaned against the wall in a sitting position. In a daze, she heard water running, then felt the cool brush of a damp washcloth on her face. She caught it from Olivia and scrubbed at her face as though it would stop the sudden rush of tears. It almost made it worse and she felt her skin burn as she shuddered with ragged sobs.

Meanwhile, Olivia just kept petting her hair and whispering soothing nonsense, her gentle support and steadying presence driving back the looming chasm of despair that threatened to swallow Natalia whole.

She wasn't certain how long she'd been sitting there when a hesitant sounding Emma whispered, "Mom?"

Olivia's answering tone was incredibly gentle and clearly directed at Emma. "It's okay, baby," she assured her daughter. When she spoke again, her voice was no less tender, but Natalia realized that gentleness was all for her this time. "Emma's out of the bath. Are you okay if I take a moment and get her settled?"

It was on the tip of Natalia's tongue to say no and beg Olivia to stay, but she nodded limply.

Olivia didn't move and Natalia felt rather than saw or heard a brief moment of communication between mother and daughter. The first real indication of what they'd decided between them came when Olivia sat down next to her.

Pulling the washcloth away from her eyes, Natalia turned her head to peer at Olivia. "No," she said softly and shook her head, rejecting the comfort. "Emma needs you. You need to-"

"She's gonna go crash on your bed," Olivia explained before Natalia could get wound up. "She's okay, just sleepy...but she was worried about you."

Natalia flinched, hating the idea that she'd added to the stresses the child was already under. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I just..." She shook her head as she trailed off. It was all too horrible to contemplate, so she stopped herself right there. More dry heaves weren't likely to help the situation. Instead she just focused on keeping her thoughts as blank as possible. Blank was good. Blank she could survive.

"You wanna talk about it?" Olivia asked after a long moment of silence.

Natalia just shook her head and continued to focus on staying blank. The last thing she wanted to discuss was the damned crib and everything it meant. She just wanted to wipe it out of existence. "No," she whispered raggedly. "I just want it gone."

"Okay," Olivia said softly as she pushed to her feet. "I'll take care of it."

"No," Natalia broke in as she marshalled herself. Taking a deep breath, she blew it out slowly, then straightened her shoulders. "We'll do it together."

"Okay." Olivia didn't bother to argue, just reached down to help Natalia to her feet.

They carried the steel panels into the kitchen and stacked them neatly in the nearly empty larder.

The crib went next, down to the kitchen, then up to the second floor bedroom with its wooden barrier in place of the window. It was where it belonged, Natalia supposed. It was where so many things went wrong, all of them beginning with Colin's death.

Don't think, she admonished herself as she snapped her eyes shut and blocked it out.

"Natalia?" Olivia murmured, her voice gentle and careful, like the verbal equivalent of someone carrying delicate spun glass while on a boat at high seas.

Suddenly feeling like the walls were closing in and the lingering stench of death cutting off all the air, Natalia broke away, crossing the few feet to the undamaged window in a couple of strides. She popped the latches and brace in a moment and pushed the shutters open, then unlatched the window and pushed it up. Several deep breaths of fresh air did a little to clear her head and she could feel her hands trembling where they rested on the window frame.

From her vantage point, she could see a couple of deer nibbling on overgrown grass and flowers. Past them, the forest was dense and deeply shadowed, the setting sun edging it into amber, but throwing the rest of it into darkness. The wild growth was escaping its once neatly-trimmed borders, sending branches and runners forward like pickets riding ahead of an advancing army. Another year and the road probably wouldn't be passable in places. The winter would start shattering the asphalt and without repairs, the encroaching forest would finish the job.

Meanwhile, the decaying remains of several friends and neighbors shambled aimlessly, their movements slow and uncoordinated. She flinched as she saw one of the mercenaries as well, his chest shattered and torn, his clothes stiff with dried blood. As he staggered too close to Josh, he shoved blindly and snapped with shattered teeth.

Josh stumbled, teeth gnashing helplessly and tried to shove the mercenary away.

They clashed, the dead mercenary flailing clumsily at Josh to send him tumbling in an ungainly sprawl. Her old friend cried out as he fell, the sound half roar, half shriek and sounding full of pain and frustration to her ears.

Fierce, wholly illogical resentment slid through her. She didn't see the mercenary as just one more dead to be pitied the way she did the others. He was an outsider. He didn't belong. The others were innocents, dead and dangerous, but not cruel.

The dead mercenary screeched and backhanded Josh as he tried to rise, knocking him back into the deep grass.

Even dead, this one was a bully.

"Natalia?" Olivia said again, her voice louder and a little firmer this time.

Natalia barely heard her.

As Josh crashed into the grass again, his head swung her way and for the briefest second, she thought she saw his expression shift, sadness and accusation seeming to take the place of hunger. For that tiny moment, it was as if he truly saw her, not prey or a target, but her.

Then he screamed, showing broken, bloody teeth.

She flinched, a tiny cry escaping her lips as she stumbled back a pace.

Right into strong hands.

Used to living alone and on edge, she panicked, spinning and lashing out before she could think better of it. Her palms contacted solid flesh, and she instinctively shoved.

Olivia let out a grunt and stumbled back a pace, arms briefly pinwheeling as she fought for balance.

Instantly realizing the mistake she'd made, Natalia was already rushing forward, her expression twisted with guilt as Olivia tumbled. "Oh, God, I'm sorry," she panted as she caught the other woman's arm in an effort to slow her collapse.

It didn't help much and Olivia let out a another pained grunt as a knee slammed into the floor. One hand hit a second later.

Natalia could feel the other woman wavering unsteadily as she tried to stabilize her. "I'm sorry," she repeated.

"S'okay," Olivia groaned. She shook her head sharply, then snapped her eyes shut and let out a soft moan. "So much for my would-be, strong, silent offer of comfort."

"What?" Natalia whispered in confusion.

"Was gonna sorta do the whole, pull her into your arms and let her cry it out thing," Olivia explained, then reached up to massage her temple. "Stupid concussion," she added, totally ignoring Natalia's part in the chaos. "Think I'm doing okay and then everything spins and it kinda gets in the way of being supportive...also being upright," she mumbled disgustedly. "Really gets in the way of that."

God, and she'd had the woman dragging furniture up and down stairs, Natalia realized in a rush. "I'm sorry," she said a third time. It was just that Olivia usually seemed so damned impervious to everything that she forgot how just how sick and injured she'd recently been.

"Stop saying that," Olivia muttered impatiently.

"I just...you shouldn't have been doing all that work...not right now...after everything..." Natalia ran a hand over her hair, scraping it back from her eyes. "You've barely even started to heal and I had you-"

"Stop it," Olivia tried to break in.

Natalia never heard her. "-dragging things around like a damned furniture mover and I-"

"Natalia!" Olivia snapped sharply as she cupped a hand under the other woman's chin, forcing her head up until their eyes met. "It's okay," she said very softly as she searched dark eyes. "Calm," she soothed, her voice so soft Natalia read her lips as much as heard the whispered word. "Calm," Olivia said again.

Natalia was amazed to feel her racing heart rate ease a little.

"It's okay," Olivia repeated, her tone one of absolute confidence.

Feeling captured by the other woman, Natalia managed a slow nod. A long moment passed and then she exhaled a harsh, shuddering sigh.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Olivia breathed.

"I wish that were true," Natalia whispered, shaking her head as everything that had happened in this room rose up and threatened to completely swamp her. Squeezing her eyes shut, she fought the memories, but they weren't so easily pushed back. "Made so many mistakes," she mumbled. All the regrets from the past and threats for the future washed over her as she fought to stay afloat and put them back in their safe lockbox. If she could just make them all go away, maybe she could survive the present.

And then suddenly, she was enveloped in strong arms.

"We all did," Olivia whispered as she held on tight, not letting Natalia go when she might have otherwise bolted. "But you didn't become a monster." Her tone made it clear she'd seen plenty who had. "And you saved Emma and I-"

"After I nearly got you killed," Natalia sobbed, remembering the moment when all that was left of Matt had dug his teeth into Olivia's forearm...because she'd delayed too long and exposed the woman to the dead.

One more mistake for someone else to pay for. One more thing that was her fault.

"What?" Olivia exhaled, her tone confused.

"When we first met," Natalia reminded her, focusing on that moment because, as awful as it was, it was still safer to look at than other sins. "You were bitten because of me...because I...I made a mistake...thought you were a reaver and-"

"No," Olivia said firmly and drew Natalia's chin up. Her expression was dead serious and she continued, over-riding Natalia when she drew breath to argue. "That zed never got through my jacket," she insisted. "I don't know if I was truly bitten or just so cut up and lying in so much blood and saliva that I was exposed...but I was already infected when I met you."

Blinking rapidly, Natalia frowned as she struggled to resolve what the other woman was telling her with what she believed. "But-"

"You saved us," Olivia said before Natalia could get any further. She shook her head slowly, her expression raw and sad. She swallowed hard and seemed to gather herself. "If I hadn't run into you...if I'd gotten back to the SUV...sooner or later..." She trailed off and was silent for a long moment, then drew breath to continue, but the words didn't come. A moment passed, then she tried again. "Sooner or later, I would have changed...and Emma wouldn't have survived." The words came slowly, and she sounded ill as she said them. "You saved us," she said again, pulling Natalia back to the warmth of her body.

The words swept over her, washing away the nagging guilt, and cleansing a tiny corner of Natalia's soul. She didn't fight this time when Olivia tightened her hold. Anchored and brought back to earth when she was on the verge of simply floating away, she nestled into the protection of warm curves and nosed into Olivia's shoulder.

Natalia felt the heat of Olivia's breath as the other woman nuzzled into the loose hair at her temple, a tiny shiver slipping through her in response to the softly repeated mantra, "You saved us."

As the whispered words slid through her and wrapped her in layer of warmth and caring, Natalia held on tightly, the truth so obvious she couldn't escape it. "No," she whispered almost inaudibly, though she knew Olivia heard her by the way she tightened her hold another notch. "You saved me..."

* * * * * *
TBC