What You Seize Is What You Get
Title: What You Seize Is What You Get
Pairing:Kai/D.O
Genre: Humour?
Rating:G
Word Count:~1.4k
Summary: Jongin is Seoul's worst robber and Kyungsoo is the city's nicest cop.
A/N: For prompt from anon on exopromptmeme here. Sorry if this wasn't as crack-ish as you wanted heh. It's kinda fast-paced/here and there, so sorry if you didn't want that either >.<
Title is a pun because puns are punny :3
The Mission Impossible theme song plays in Jongin’s head as he sneaks around the back of a jewelry shop in the heart of Seoul. It was well past 2 AM, the perfect time to carry out his ingenious plan. Dressed all in black, as if one with the night, the robber presses himself up against the window to admire the invaluable diamond pieces of jewelry in each of their locked cases inside the shop. He saw a camera scanning around the inside of the room, and ducked down quickly before it could view the window he was positioned at. Pulling out a black beanie from his pocket as a make-shift mask, he pulls it over his head to complete the ninja outfit. Jongin closes his eyes, getting himself in the zone;
“Here I am with my ninja clan. Ninja clan, here we stand,” Jongin whispers to himself and opens his eyes, wondering why his vision was still pitch black.
“Um, what are you doing?” Jongin freezes at the deep, male voice he hears behind him. At least hethinksit’s behind him, seeing as he can’t, well,see anything at the moment. The almost-robber turns around slowly, trying to face whoever was interrupting his self-pep-talk time. The voice sounds extremely confused as he asks again,
“Seriously, what are you doing? Why do you have a hat over your face? Oh no, you sneaked out of the psychiatric institution down the road, didn’t you?” The voice sounded genuinely worried now.
“What?! No! I’m on a mission, and you’re interrupting me!” It finally occurred to Jongin to pull the beanie off of his face, also noticing he was still not facing the stranger in the right direction. But when he does turn the right way, the first thing Jongin notices about him is that wow, he’s very attractive.
“Did you just call me attractive?” The man asks quizzically. Shoot he didn’t meant to say that out loud.
“Um. No.” Nice save, Jongin.
“Are you talking to yourself again?” Now the stranger now looked highly concerned about Jongin’s wellbeing.
“No! I’m perfectly sane, I swear.” The man didn’t look so convinced. It was then Jongin noticed that the stranger was wearing a uniform. A policeman’s uniform, to be exact. Jongin felt panic wash over him at the sight. He was too young to go to prison, dammit!
“Well, I’m Officer Do Kyungsoo, and I have some questions for you, uh, Mr. Ninja,” the cop didn’t seem hostile or angry at all, just curious as to what Jongin was hoping to accomplish what with his ninja getup and all.
“I was just trying to get that bracelet for my mom! She’s sick and in the hospital and her birthday is coming up and I’m just a poor broke college kid I just wanted to be a good son and make her happy please don’t send me to prison I’m too young to die there!” Jongin’s rambling and almost sobbing broke off when he heard Officer Do’s low chuckles.
“Relax, nobody’s arresting you. It’s not like you did actually did anything,” Jongin was mesmerized by Kyungsoo’s vibrant laughter, who didn’t seem bothered at all by Jongin’s attempt at robbery.
“You seem like a good enough person, so I’ll pretend I didn’t see anything. And here,” the policeman handed Jongin a pair of scissors which seemed to have come out of nowhere, “to fix your failed attempt at making a mask,” he clarifies when Jongin frowns at him in askance.
Jongin fixes the beanie sheepishly, pulling it back over his face afterwards.
“Um, thank you, Officer Do, I uh-“
“No need for that. Now run along before I do actually send you to the station, Mr. Ninja.” And that was Jongin’s cue to scramble up and run around the corner, Kyungsoo’s heart shaped smile frozen in his mind.
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The next time Jongin meets Kyungsoo is when he’s walking down a street in the outskirts of Seoul a few weeks later, coincidentally at 2 AM again. Jongin was holding five dog leashes in each hand, leading ten dogs down the street. He kept turning around in confusion, getting his legs tangled up in the leashes and trying to figure out where he parked his van. How was he supposed to make a quick getaway now? He froze in surprise when a police van pulled alongside him, slowing to a stop right next to Jongin.
“Oh, Mr. Ninja, I was wondering when I’d see you again! I like the mask!” Kyungsoo greeted him from the driver’s side, cheerful as ever. Jongin was shocked to say the least. The dogs then decided it was a good idea to run in all different directions, trapping Jongin in between which caused him to take a nose dive as his life flashed before his eyes. When he opened them again, he was sprawled on the ground with at least half the animals licking at his face and body, a concerned Officer Do also hovering over him.
“Oh I’m glad you’re not dead, that was a pretty dramatic fall just then!” He helps him up with a gracious smile and crescent eyes full of mirth. Judging the violins playing in the background and the figurative doves flying everwhere, Jongin’s pretty sure he’s in love. Or dead. But the first seemed more probable.
“I’m fine!” Jongin insists, pulling is mask off (he has to remain cool and suave in front of Kyungsoo, of course). “And it’s just Jongin, not Mr. Ninja. Well, not always, anyway.” He had a feeling that revealing his true identity was a bad idea, since Kyungsoo was a cop - after all - but something about his sweet smile and bright eyes made Jongin feel like he could trust him easily.
“Ah, it’s nice to finally put a name to your face. Now care to explain to me why you’re walking around in the middle of the night with ten dogs?”
“Oh, I stole them! But for good reason, I promise! They were trapped in that pound down the street, and these were the last dogs they owned. They were gonna be put down tomorrow before the pound goes out of business, so I saved their lives!” Jongin ended with a bright smile, thinking that what he was doing was perfectly alright. Kyungsoo seemed to think the same as he smiled fondly up at the man.
“Well, then, what are you doing out here?” Jongin shyly rubbed the back of his head at this,
“I…uh…forgot where I parked my van. To escort these kids to the dog shelter.”
“Well, do you need a ride, then? I’m off duty so I can make sure no one knows about this,” Kyungsoo was so compassionate that Jongin wanted to melt in his presence right then and there.
“That would be much appreciated. Thank you, Kyungsoo.”
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Twenty minutes later, with all of the dogs delivered to the shelter (and a few tears shed on Jongin’s behalf at saying goodbye to the sweet children) sees Jongin and Kyungsoo sitting in the front seat of the police car in a comfortable silence.
“Why are you always so nice to me?” Jongin decides to break the silence, because he genuinely wants to know the reason behind Kyungsoo’s kindhearted manner. “How come you never arrest me or anything?”
“Because I believe you do these things for the right reasons. Though you need to work on your executions for said things, I think you’re a humane enough person to not deserve jail time for doing the right thing,” Kyungsoo smiles that gorgeous smile again, and Jongin feels his pulse quicken.
“Thank you,” he replies quietly. “How can I repay you, for your kindness?” Jongin was eager to return the benevolence that Kyungsoo had shown him multiple times.
“How about, you take me out sometime?” The smile turned into an expectant smirk as Jongin struggled to control his breathing. So this thing wasn’t one-sided after all!
“Jongin, you’re talking to yourself again.” The policeman chuckled breathily, amused at how dorky Jongin was acting.
“I - um - sorry. Yes! I mean yes! I would love to,” the kind-of-but-not-really robber blushed profusely and sheepishly agreed. He reached for Kyungsoo’s hand and gently kissed it, “You know, I think you’re the real robber, here.”
“And why is that?” Kyungsoo’s doe-like eyes twinkled under the light of the streetlamp.
“Because you stole my heart away.”
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(“Ow! Why did you hit me?”
“Because you’re being cheesy as hell.”
“It’s not my fault that you’re a ticket that has ‘fine’ written all over you!”
“Shut up, you’re ruining the moment.”)