I am not impressed
So I had one of those a-ha moments in the shower today.
Now first I'll start with a history lesson. This one blue wolf was not born but was raised in a small town in a desert type area, below the legal drinking age your options were to hang out with friends and a game/movie or participate in a hobby, I kind of went all over the internet like a bad rash. We grew older, got jobs, still played games and watched movies. nothing special.
After a set point I found myself in what was to me, a big city ( lol Perth! ) Where I found work, held a relationship for a year which I called off, felt bad about doing it but also felt it needed to be done. took up evening shift work, lost touch with my old buddies due to the time differences and wound up getting into know some Americans ( Sup Topher, Asi ) and it was kind of good.
Slowly my old buddies moved to the city, we picked up an apartment together, I went toward day-work and switched from IT support to Labouring and it was good again, playing games, enjoying the days but having the money to do it. good times.
Again as a couple of years passed, friends started working with their own circle of peers, some picked up partners and time as ever, marched on. I still try at least to catch them when I can, and proudly offer my services and assistance in any way I can, after all, a good friend is dependable.
But getting back to this a-ha moment, and why I am not impressed. I am open to peoples choices in life, even if I don't agree that doesn't give me any permission to object. And I don't mean things like orientation ( yeah ok thats not a choice, don't hurt me! ) I mean things like friends who have chosen their partners, made splits, tangled the webs of their connections they once so proudly embraced. the group, I feel, is socially in tatters, who doesn't want to be in the same room as who, and this STUPID game of 'well I'd go but I don't want to offend the other guy for "snubbing him off" ' really grinds my gears. I don't want to take sides in the fustercluck because I don't have beef anywhere.
But the girlfriends / fiancées / wives. lord Stig help me if thats not just a ball of machinations waiting to happen. the chaps are all very dedicated to their partners and I respect that. I'm not going to go into the old bros before hoes thing, it's moot for this topic. no what's really pissing me off is while I don't have problems with friends' partners, a number of them are causing problems for me. I thought about it and I think only two have my full respect directly, not by proxy. they're both honest, agreeable and intelligent people and even with little interaction I've had I find they are firmly grounded and well adjusted. wouldn't you know it, all the circles in all directions are fine with not just these two individuals but the couples together.
Now we move onto one friend. a close one who I've helped him get off the ground, onto his feet so he could fight another day. this guy seems to have a bad habit of getting himself into trouble. and it's with the girls that sparks these fires. He seems to really want a stable relationship but I don't know if he's outright suited for it. I've kept quiet and done what I can to be there for him but even his partner is apparently making mountains out of molehills which is just adding stress to his relationship. oh look, they have a kid on the way too. That'd make the third time this guy hasn't wrapped his shit properly, the first was aborted, the second is his son from his first marriage and he's engaged to this current girl.
I get a message this morning
"Hey man (name redacted) didn't know I told you she was preg [sic] and asked if Patrio was my best mate, why didn't he write on my facebook a omg wow etc could you write something for her benefit please"
Want to know why, friend? let me make a list.
1)Because you should have told her that I knew
2)It looks real dumb on my part, a week or so after the fact to be suddenly surprised
3)I don't think another child will do any favours for your relationships stability
4)I have the right mind to just tell her directly, myself.
5) ok congrats, you're bringing another new life into this world. ever considered that I might be bitter over the fact that others struggle to do this, and I, as single as I may be, might never have such an honour of being a father myself?
I really hate leaving something like that message unanswered, but I have no valid reply, apart from the above. the situation does not make me happy and if I did play along, and post the grats, I'd feel cheap, she'd see it coming because it's likely to of been a discussed issue and would happen 'all too conveniently'
This relationship stuff is hard, even without me being in one properly. to those in happy partnerships, I salute you. to those with great turmoil I can only say this; Re-evaluate your shit. stop with the damned little games. Don't stash crap in your closet with your baggage and skeletons, it'll spew out and it won't help. work together to clean them out properly.
I needed to get this off my chest, and I need to have a serious think about posting this onward to facebook, where the friend and his partner in question will have access to see it. or I could just man up and tell them straight. this is the fire I may have to light under his ass; Stop the deceit.
Any additional thoughts?
Now first I'll start with a history lesson. This one blue wolf was not born but was raised in a small town in a desert type area, below the legal drinking age your options were to hang out with friends and a game/movie or participate in a hobby, I kind of went all over the internet like a bad rash. We grew older, got jobs, still played games and watched movies. nothing special.
After a set point I found myself in what was to me, a big city ( lol Perth! ) Where I found work, held a relationship for a year which I called off, felt bad about doing it but also felt it needed to be done. took up evening shift work, lost touch with my old buddies due to the time differences and wound up getting into know some Americans ( Sup Topher, Asi ) and it was kind of good.
Slowly my old buddies moved to the city, we picked up an apartment together, I went toward day-work and switched from IT support to Labouring and it was good again, playing games, enjoying the days but having the money to do it. good times.
Again as a couple of years passed, friends started working with their own circle of peers, some picked up partners and time as ever, marched on. I still try at least to catch them when I can, and proudly offer my services and assistance in any way I can, after all, a good friend is dependable.
But getting back to this a-ha moment, and why I am not impressed. I am open to peoples choices in life, even if I don't agree that doesn't give me any permission to object. And I don't mean things like orientation ( yeah ok thats not a choice, don't hurt me! ) I mean things like friends who have chosen their partners, made splits, tangled the webs of their connections they once so proudly embraced. the group, I feel, is socially in tatters, who doesn't want to be in the same room as who, and this STUPID game of 'well I'd go but I don't want to offend the other guy for "snubbing him off" ' really grinds my gears. I don't want to take sides in the fustercluck because I don't have beef anywhere.
But the girlfriends / fiancées / wives. lord Stig help me if thats not just a ball of machinations waiting to happen. the chaps are all very dedicated to their partners and I respect that. I'm not going to go into the old bros before hoes thing, it's moot for this topic. no what's really pissing me off is while I don't have problems with friends' partners, a number of them are causing problems for me. I thought about it and I think only two have my full respect directly, not by proxy. they're both honest, agreeable and intelligent people and even with little interaction I've had I find they are firmly grounded and well adjusted. wouldn't you know it, all the circles in all directions are fine with not just these two individuals but the couples together.
Now we move onto one friend. a close one who I've helped him get off the ground, onto his feet so he could fight another day. this guy seems to have a bad habit of getting himself into trouble. and it's with the girls that sparks these fires. He seems to really want a stable relationship but I don't know if he's outright suited for it. I've kept quiet and done what I can to be there for him but even his partner is apparently making mountains out of molehills which is just adding stress to his relationship. oh look, they have a kid on the way too. That'd make the third time this guy hasn't wrapped his shit properly, the first was aborted, the second is his son from his first marriage and he's engaged to this current girl.
I get a message this morning
"Hey man (name redacted) didn't know I told you she was preg [sic] and asked if Patrio was my best mate, why didn't he write on my facebook a omg wow etc could you write something for her benefit please"
Want to know why, friend? let me make a list.
1)Because you should have told her that I knew
2)It looks real dumb on my part, a week or so after the fact to be suddenly surprised
3)I don't think another child will do any favours for your relationships stability
4)I have the right mind to just tell her directly, myself.
5) ok congrats, you're bringing another new life into this world. ever considered that I might be bitter over the fact that others struggle to do this, and I, as single as I may be, might never have such an honour of being a father myself?
I really hate leaving something like that message unanswered, but I have no valid reply, apart from the above. the situation does not make me happy and if I did play along, and post the grats, I'd feel cheap, she'd see it coming because it's likely to of been a discussed issue and would happen 'all too conveniently'
This relationship stuff is hard, even without me being in one properly. to those in happy partnerships, I salute you. to those with great turmoil I can only say this; Re-evaluate your shit. stop with the damned little games. Don't stash crap in your closet with your baggage and skeletons, it'll spew out and it won't help. work together to clean them out properly.
I needed to get this off my chest, and I need to have a serious think about posting this onward to facebook, where the friend and his partner in question will have access to see it. or I could just man up and tell them straight. this is the fire I may have to light under his ass; Stop the deceit.
Any additional thoughts?