In response to Shamera's challenge #2
I wanted to write the 3 day novel, only I realized that I spent the entire afternoon just writing a measly 1,501 words
The Tale of The Cowardly King by Saturnine rated G (it's a fairy tale, after all)
Once upon a time, there lived a young king in a fortress surround by moat. He was rich beyond anyone’s dreams and showed off his wealth to other kings, queens, princes, and princesses of the neighboring kingdoms who were invited to dine with him in the great hall. He bragged to the guests that he never had to lift a finger because he had over a hundred servants to toil for him. They did every single unpleasant household chore. The king was so lazy that he had someone wipe his mouth with a napkin at the dinner table.
“Your people must be quite unhappy. You tax them enormously and keep all of the money to yourself,” said Queen Beverly, a rather plain-looking skinny woman with a waif-like, ugly daughter named Princess Agnes who snorted when she laughed.
“I do not care,” said the king, not bothering to hide his haughtiness.
“One day, your people will wish to rebel and gather an army to attack your castle,” said Prince Hector, a handsome muscular man who liked to raze villages.
“My castle is safe!” exclaimed the king. “My people are too poor and too hungry to be able to attack.”
“What will happen to this castle after you die?” asked Prince Charming, an attractive lothario the same age as the king who had been married 5 times. Currently, he was a widower since his last wife jumped off the balcony.
The king was speechless. He was so self-absorbed that he had never thought about naming an heir. He had no wife and no sons or daughters.
“You can marry my daughter,” offered Queen Beverly, who was desperate to marry off her less-than-comely daughter to any man with a royal title, even if he was beneath her.
The king took one glance at Princess Agnes, who smiled at him. It wasn’t really a smile, more like she was baring her teeth, like a wolf. He shuddered, hoping that he wouldn’t have to resort to marrying that ogre. He would throw himself in the river if his children were trolls.
“Erm… I already have my eyes set on Princess Stephanie!” he said quickly.
“My daughter is already engaged to Prince Charming,” growled King Demitri, a man with a hoary beard and a hoarse voice.
“I don’t see why she should be marrying that devil,” said the king thoughtlessly.
“I don’t see why any gal would be deserving of marrying the likes of ya!” said King Demitri. “Prince Charming’s people like him. You can hear them singing their praises. He’s out there riding his white steed while you lock yourself up in this here tower like a hermit!”
“Well, at least I’m not hideous like Princess Agnes!” the king snapped. “I feel sorry for whoever marries her.”
“I’m offended!” cried Queen Beverly.
“Well, it’s not my fault she looks like a horse and don’t you dare say she’s nice!” said the king. “She’s thick, too. She can’t tell the difference between a fork and a spoon!”
“He has a point you know,” said Prince Hector.
Queen Beverly glowered at him and promptly exited the castle along with Princess Agnes. It was getting late and all the kings, queens, princes, and princesses had to journey back to their own kingdoms.
When all the guests had left, all the haughtiness was erased from the king’s face and replaced with worry. It was true that he did not like to go to neighboring kingdoms, being too embarrassed to be among those who had accomplished great deeds. The people who were at dinner had deigned to feast with him and they were among the lowliest of the low.
Prince Charming was just a handsome face with nothing to back it up, but at least he was the master of illusion (more like deception).
Prince Hector was a brutal ruler.
King Demitri only had a pretty daughter to compensate for his obviously weak grip on his kingdom.
And Queen Beverly was a widow and Princess Agnes… well, nothing more needs to be said about her.
However, the king knew he was the worst of them all. He was quite cowardly and for fear of commoners spitting on him, he never ventured out of his castle, hence his skin was always of a ghostly tinge. As he could not hope to ask the hand of any princess other than Agnes, he resorted to capturing his bride. The king ordered one of his guards to kidnap a fair maiden from a village, emphasizing “fair maiden.” Then he waited.
His guard came back after the 3rd day with a sobbing peasant girl who had her hands in her face.
“Let me see her!” cried the king, shoving the guard aside. He pried the fingers out of the girl’s face. She was just a plain-looking girl.
“Is this miserable little wench all you can find?”
The guard nodded. “I couldn’t go into town! The villagers had pitchforks. She was walking in the forest all by herself.”
“You have failed me!” sneered the king. “Be gone!”
He took the girl by her hand and dragged her to a cold room in a tower with only a stack of hay as her bed.
“You will not move from this spot!” he commanded. He locked the door from the outside and retired to his room.
….
Years later, Prince Charming rode his white steed around the king’s fortress, as young and handsome as ever. (There were rumors that he had drunk the magical elixir, allowing him to stay young forever, but that’s another story.) Princess Stephanie had not escaped the fate of Charming’s previous wives, meeting her end when she ate a poisoned apple from a hag.
He had not heard from his old friend, the king, for such a long time that he began to wonder, not out of anxiety, but of curiosity. Weeds were growing out of the murky ditch in the castle and so far, he had not seen a living soul come in or out of the castle.
“Hmmm… I wonder if the commoners had attacked the castle at last,” thought Prince Charming.
If he squinted he thought he could see a figure moving back and forth from the top of a tower, though that could be the effect of the sunlight. Prince Charming waited patiently. From experience, he knew that fair maidens tend to be locked up in towers.
To coax the damsel in distress to look out the window, he sang a cheery wordless song, “Tra-la-la.” His voice was pleasing to the ears, rich and soaring and to Prince Charming’s delight, a girl rushed out to peer out the window. She was not pretty, but she was a girl nevertheless, not like that Princess Agnes, whose father must have been a beast.
“It’s Prince Charming, darling!” he shouted from the top of his lungs. “You must let down your golden locks to escape from your dungeon. I will climb up and save you!” “Golden locks” was a bit of a misnomer as the girl’s coarse brown hair was in no way golden.
The girl shouted back, “I know who you are! You’re that cursed man who kills every woman he ever laid his eyes upon. I’ve rather stay up here than be rescued by you!”
Prince Charming was taken aback. No girl had ever spoken to him so. He didn’t know how to react. Never would he guess that somebody would be immune to his charms. He stared dumbly up at the tower until the sun nearly blinded him and then he rode back to his kingdom, rather defeated.
As for the girl, she found that pigeons make good messengers and so inserted pleas for help in their feathers and released them into the air, hoping that somebody other than Prince Charming would find the message and rescue her. One pigeon reached a Prince Anton, who needed an excuse to attack a castle anyway. He had inherited a peaceful kingdom from his father, so peaceful that the army was useless. Out of the kindness of his heart, he let the soldiers keep their profession though all they did was exchange knock-knock jokes all day.
With a reason to battle, he had to train his soldiers how to fight again. Their skills were rusty. Luckily for them, victory was incredibly easier. They just held siege to the castle and the weak king surrendered after a week, goaded on by his unhappy servants. He ran away and nobody ever saw him again. When the girl saw Prince Anton, she flew into her arms. Prince Anton ruled over the kingdom that once belonged to the king and he was a wise and fair ruler. From then on, Prince Anton and Princess Emily (yes she had a name) lived happily ever after. The end… well, the end of the king’s tale that is. There’s still the tale of Prince Hector, King Demitri and Princess Stephanie, and of course, who could forget Queen Beverly and Princess Agnes?