(no subject)
When the universe was not so out of whack as it is today, and all the stars were lined up in their proper places, so you could easily count them from left to right, or top to bottom, and the larger and bluer ones were set apart, and the smaller, yellowing types pushed off to the corners as bodies of a lower grade, when there was not a speck of dust to be found in outer space, nor any nebular debris -in those good old days it was the custom for constructors, once they had received their Diploma of Perpetual Omnipotence with distinction, to sally forth ofttimes and bring to distant lands the benefit of their expertise. And so it happened that, in keeping with this ancient custom, Trurl and Klapaucius, who could kindle or extinguish suns as easily as shelling peas, did venture out on such a voyage. When the vastness of the traveled void had erased in them all recollection of their native skies, they saw a planet up ahead ... with one continent only, down the middle of which ran a bright red line: everything on one side was yellow, everything on the other, pink. Realizing at once that here were two neighboring kingdoms, the constructors held a brief council of war before landing.
"With two kingdoms," said Trurl, "it's best you take one, and I the other. That way nobody's feelings get hurt."
"Fine," said Klapaucius. "But what if they ask for military aid? Such things happen."
True, they could demand weapons, or even superweapons," Trurl agreed. "We'll simply refuse."
"And if they insist, and threaten us?" returned Klapautius. "This too can happen." ... "I have an idea," said Klapaucius... "We can use the Gargantius Effect. What do you think?"
"Ah, the Gargantius Effect!" cried Trurl. "I never heard of anyone actually using it. But there's always a first time. Yes, why not?"
[Needless to say, both sides demand weapons, and K and T reveal to kings Ferocitus and Atrocitus, respectively, the principle of Gargantius: the soldiers are linked together such that, at a command, they form a mass mind with a combined intelligence vastly superior to that of any general, and a unity of purpose greater than a much greater force. As larger numbers of soldiers are linked together on each side, however, the mass minds begin to lose focus on the war and engage in philosophical discussions (within themselves). This builds up & up to the kings' dismay, until the mighty final scene, where the armies are facing each other at the front:]
Sensing that something had gone amiss, Ferocitus nodded to the twelve buglers at his right hand. Atrocitus, from the top of his hill, did likewise; the buglers put the brass to their lips and sounded the charge on either side. At this clarion signal each army totally and completely linked up. The fearsome metallic clatter of closing contacts reverberated over the future battlefield; in the place of a thousand bombardiers and grenadiers, commandos, lancers, gunners, snipers, sappers, and marauders-there stood two giant beings, who gazed at one another through a million eyes across a mighty plain that lay beneath billowing clouds. There was absolute silence. That famous culmination of consciousness which the great Gargantius had predicted was now reached on both sides. For beyond a certain point militarism, a purely local phenomenon, becomes civil, and this is because the Cosmos Itself is by nature wholly civilian, and indeed, the minds of both armies had assumed truly cosmic proportions! Thus, though on the outside armor still gleamed, as well as the death-dealing steel of artillery, within there surged an ocean of mutual good will, tolerance, an all-embracing benevolence, and bright reason. And so, standing on opposite hilltops, their weapons sparkling in the sun, while the drums continued to roll, the two armies smiled at one another. Trurl and Klapaucius were just then boarding their ship, since that which they had planned had come to pass: before the eyes of their mortified, infuriated rulers, both armies went off hand in hand, picking flowers beneath the fluffy white clouds, on the field of battle that never was.
Blarg. That was long. Hope to do some writing, & send some email, then sleep. Yeehaw.