Stupid *#$%en Headache(s)
Yep, it’s been a rough day. Well, more like a rough past 4 days, both on physical and emotional levels.
Physically, things suck. The truth is that I don’t know if I have been experiencing one big headache that won’t really go away for if I’ve been getting new headaches every single day for 13 out of the last 14 days. It doesn’t really matter either way; I just know I want relief. I don’t think I really went into details on here, but on December 28th, I had an MRI of my brain/pituitary gland. I had asked the doctor to repeat the test done in September 2010 as I was not convinced that there was truly “nothing wrong” due to ongoing symptoms, including (but not limited to) severe, frequent headaches and never ending nasal drip on the right side only (I’ll spare you the gruesome TMI symptoms). Thankfully the doctor I asked to repeat the test was willing to humor me and do it because lo and behold, there was what appeared to be a pituitary macroadneoma on the right side of the gland that was replacing my pituitary gland. I was told that I *MUST* go see a neurosurgeon immediately and have it removed, as well as go see a new endocrinologist who could treat the symptoms better (and do any hormone replacement I might need after the surgery. Well, after 10 torturous day of waiting, I did see the neurosurgeon, only to be told that she though it wasn’t a pituitary macroadneoma but more likely an autoimmune disorder of the pituitary gland. WTF?! So I was to follow up with the endocrinologist immediately, but his office claimed he couldn’t see me for another three months after that, no matter what. *sigh* So at that hopeless news, I scheduled that far-out appointment and then called up Stanford University to visit their pituitary center. The could see me in less than a month. So that consult came around in February, and they felt that perhaps the “issue” was more a normal size variation that could happen. And that my symptoms aren’t related and that I should find another doctor to deal with the symptoms because this was out of their scope (i.e. NOT related to the pituitary, in their mind). *snort* I did finally get in here with the local endocrinologist, he didn’t have much more to add, other than now he wants me to see a neurologist. OK - no problem with that on my end, but the neurologist that took four weeks to hear back from only ended up telling me the doctor I was referred to wasn’t taking new patients, and their other staff wasn’t seeing new patients until August. REALLY?! I TOOK FOUR WEEKS TO BE TOLD THAT!!!! I was irate to say the least. So now I’m playing phone tag with my endocrinologist trying to get another referral to a neurologist...and oh, let’s not forget my new doctor - the pain specialist - because my primary care doctor didn’t want to write scripts for more pain meds. Which I get (I don’t want or need an addiction issue on top of all of this), but still, it’s getting frustrating. The pain doctor was actually a nice guy who seems to want to help...but still, it is yet another doctor with even more drugs...and we really do not know what the problem even is. At this point, it still could be a pituitary macroadneoma (aka a brain tumor), or the pain might just be as simple as migraines (which I guess has a different treatment protocol). Regardless, I don’t care what the problem is...I just want the pain to stop!!!! I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say it is truly becoming debilitating.
Okay, so that my friends is the physical pain drama. The emotional pain is actually a little more tender, in relation to the heart...and I’m sure it’s not helping the headache situation. Mr. Cruise went out with a guy friend Friday night and got drunk off his a$$. Okay, I’m fine with that. But when he came home at 2 AM on Saturday and proceeded to pick a fight with me and say some hurtful things, that wasn’t really okay. Moreover, I’m peeved because it turns out he blacked out the entire episode, so it ‘s been rather difficult to talk it all out. His stance is that it doesn’t matter what he said - he wasn’t in his right mind, and therefore I need to just not take it seriously and drop it. Me - I’m upset about what he said, of course, but now I’m even more wary because this is sort of a red flag to me that maybe he has some alcohol issues, amongst his other issues that I was talking about before. Honestly, I think I could drop the stuff he said and his getting blitzed if he would just own his behavior and sincerely apologize. But the fact that he’s blaming everyone/everything but himself is NOT sitting well with me, and frankly it’s freaking me out. Some of it is my past baggage with my dad and his 3rd wife who died directly from her alcoholism while I was a junior in high school. Alcoholics just don’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy. And the thought that I might be with a problem drinker is something I am not sure about. I mean, up to and including the point that it might be a relationship deal-breaker in the long run if things don’t start changing a bit around here in general. We’ll see, though. I don’t want to brush this under the rug. Nor do I want it to happen again. But I also have lots of other stuff on my plate (like the headaches)...and other big stuff too. Such as graduation and my business I am trying to start.
So yes, I need to keep my head in the game for six more weeks so that I can graduate from college in May. I am so fricken close; I can practically taste it. I didn’t do my homework this week. Ick. I need to see if I can make some of it up for partial credit, but even if I don’t, it’s OK. Before this, I had over a 100% in the class. I think technically I could still get an A even if I don’t turn this in. It’s just killing me that I wasn’t feeling well enough to do it.
But in addition to health issues, Mr. Cruise issues, school issues, and activities of normal daily living, I am looking at maybe starting up my own business. I won’t share much yet, but needless to say, I think I could support myself a bit if I could get this off the ground. We’ll see how it goes. Bought a domain name yesterday, and tomorrow I am going to a small business start-up class to see if I could really get this idea of the ground.
Okay, the most recent pain pill has kicked in, and I think the sleeping pill will be kicking in next. Goodnight world! Thanks for listening; I needed it tonight.
Physically, things suck. The truth is that I don’t know if I have been experiencing one big headache that won’t really go away for if I’ve been getting new headaches every single day for 13 out of the last 14 days. It doesn’t really matter either way; I just know I want relief. I don’t think I really went into details on here, but on December 28th, I had an MRI of my brain/pituitary gland. I had asked the doctor to repeat the test done in September 2010 as I was not convinced that there was truly “nothing wrong” due to ongoing symptoms, including (but not limited to) severe, frequent headaches and never ending nasal drip on the right side only (I’ll spare you the gruesome TMI symptoms). Thankfully the doctor I asked to repeat the test was willing to humor me and do it because lo and behold, there was what appeared to be a pituitary macroadneoma on the right side of the gland that was replacing my pituitary gland. I was told that I *MUST* go see a neurosurgeon immediately and have it removed, as well as go see a new endocrinologist who could treat the symptoms better (and do any hormone replacement I might need after the surgery. Well, after 10 torturous day of waiting, I did see the neurosurgeon, only to be told that she though it wasn’t a pituitary macroadneoma but more likely an autoimmune disorder of the pituitary gland. WTF?! So I was to follow up with the endocrinologist immediately, but his office claimed he couldn’t see me for another three months after that, no matter what. *sigh* So at that hopeless news, I scheduled that far-out appointment and then called up Stanford University to visit their pituitary center. The could see me in less than a month. So that consult came around in February, and they felt that perhaps the “issue” was more a normal size variation that could happen. And that my symptoms aren’t related and that I should find another doctor to deal with the symptoms because this was out of their scope (i.e. NOT related to the pituitary, in their mind). *snort* I did finally get in here with the local endocrinologist, he didn’t have much more to add, other than now he wants me to see a neurologist. OK - no problem with that on my end, but the neurologist that took four weeks to hear back from only ended up telling me the doctor I was referred to wasn’t taking new patients, and their other staff wasn’t seeing new patients until August. REALLY?! I TOOK FOUR WEEKS TO BE TOLD THAT!!!! I was irate to say the least. So now I’m playing phone tag with my endocrinologist trying to get another referral to a neurologist...and oh, let’s not forget my new doctor - the pain specialist - because my primary care doctor didn’t want to write scripts for more pain meds. Which I get (I don’t want or need an addiction issue on top of all of this), but still, it’s getting frustrating. The pain doctor was actually a nice guy who seems to want to help...but still, it is yet another doctor with even more drugs...and we really do not know what the problem even is. At this point, it still could be a pituitary macroadneoma (aka a brain tumor), or the pain might just be as simple as migraines (which I guess has a different treatment protocol). Regardless, I don’t care what the problem is...I just want the pain to stop!!!! I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say it is truly becoming debilitating.
Okay, so that my friends is the physical pain drama. The emotional pain is actually a little more tender, in relation to the heart...and I’m sure it’s not helping the headache situation. Mr. Cruise went out with a guy friend Friday night and got drunk off his a$$. Okay, I’m fine with that. But when he came home at 2 AM on Saturday and proceeded to pick a fight with me and say some hurtful things, that wasn’t really okay. Moreover, I’m peeved because it turns out he blacked out the entire episode, so it ‘s been rather difficult to talk it all out. His stance is that it doesn’t matter what he said - he wasn’t in his right mind, and therefore I need to just not take it seriously and drop it. Me - I’m upset about what he said, of course, but now I’m even more wary because this is sort of a red flag to me that maybe he has some alcohol issues, amongst his other issues that I was talking about before. Honestly, I think I could drop the stuff he said and his getting blitzed if he would just own his behavior and sincerely apologize. But the fact that he’s blaming everyone/everything but himself is NOT sitting well with me, and frankly it’s freaking me out. Some of it is my past baggage with my dad and his 3rd wife who died directly from her alcoholism while I was a junior in high school. Alcoholics just don’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy. And the thought that I might be with a problem drinker is something I am not sure about. I mean, up to and including the point that it might be a relationship deal-breaker in the long run if things don’t start changing a bit around here in general. We’ll see, though. I don’t want to brush this under the rug. Nor do I want it to happen again. But I also have lots of other stuff on my plate (like the headaches)...and other big stuff too. Such as graduation and my business I am trying to start.
So yes, I need to keep my head in the game for six more weeks so that I can graduate from college in May. I am so fricken close; I can practically taste it. I didn’t do my homework this week. Ick. I need to see if I can make some of it up for partial credit, but even if I don’t, it’s OK. Before this, I had over a 100% in the class. I think technically I could still get an A even if I don’t turn this in. It’s just killing me that I wasn’t feeling well enough to do it.
But in addition to health issues, Mr. Cruise issues, school issues, and activities of normal daily living, I am looking at maybe starting up my own business. I won’t share much yet, but needless to say, I think I could support myself a bit if I could get this off the ground. We’ll see how it goes. Bought a domain name yesterday, and tomorrow I am going to a small business start-up class to see if I could really get this idea of the ground.
Okay, the most recent pain pill has kicked in, and I think the sleeping pill will be kicking in next. Goodnight world! Thanks for listening; I needed it tonight.