a vent post
Well, as many of you know, I started school last week. I think leaving my old school may be the worst mistake I have ever made, but let's not get into that right now, since it's truly not imporatnt at the moment. What is important is that I don't know where I am supposed to turn.
I told you guys I wasn't writing for a while because I wanted to focus, right? Okay, I am sucking at writing at school because the teacher demands us to not write with detail but with facts. I am failing at it because I can't stand there not being detail and I'm losing all motivation and I'm hating this so much.
Secondly, I have no friends. I tried making friends, and I met some people, but there is no one there that truly wants to be my friend. I'm trying my hardest to at least make one friend that truly feels a smile when they see me. At least one.
I made a friend on the first day, and I thought maybe I could hang out with her, but turns out she already had her "chosen" friend. She knows this girl longer than me and they talk about stuff I don't get. They leave early and don't wait for me but I wait for them. They don't talk to me pretty much. I just sit there. I don't know how to get out of it though because I don't have other people to make an excuse to leave them and go somewhere else. I feel sick and tired and it hasn't been long at all. I feel completely unappreciated and I can't help but feel like it may be kind of true. I'm not needed.
I have been thinking lately a lot about my past best friends who I no longer have any contact with and it doesn't help the situation. My first best friend and I got in a fight and when we finally made up, we had nothing in common and we couldn't talk at all, so I haven't really talked to her in months. My other best friend changed and decided to ignore me and not care about me anymore and I really miss her.
I miss my past so much more than I thought I ever would and I miss the people in it. I miss the annoying boys that would poke me in the hallway and the special ed kids that would ask me if I like cars or would tattle on others when they said curse words. I miss that girl I would walk to math class with freshman year even though we wouldn't entirely hang out with each other. We just had short conversations. I even miss the stuck up goth girl that sat next to me in computer class and the annoying little boy that had a crush on me.
I just can't take being alone as well as I could and I just need someone to befriend and it's so hard to find.
I feel like I'm choking.
I just. I don't know what to do.
I'm really sorry about the run-sentences here but I just really needed to say something.