Different kinds of smiles
Title: Different kinds of smiles---
Author: pe-gret~:sushi:
Pairing: Ruki x Kai
Bands Included:The GazettE; Ruki as narrator
Chapters: One-shot~
Genre: Romance, Drama
Rating: PG-15--
Synopsis: "It’d be pretty awkward to talk about it with all those fangirls out there, writing fan fiction about how gay all of us are and whatnot."
---
Smiling isn’t really my thing.
I can’t stand seeing a smile on anyone’s face.
Oh, Takanori? Why is that?
Too many people ask that. It’s kind of annoying how I can’t have an opinion without it being questioned. Then again, this isn’t an opinion. It’s a passionate hate. Hate for those who actually have something to smile about. I guess it’s sad, now that I think about. Hating the innocent. Then again, it’s not my fault. My favorite word is hate.
Oh, Taka? Why do you hate so much?
That has been asked of me plenty of times before as well. I have never really answered that publically, but I will now share it with those who are willing to listen. If you are, then keep reading this. If you aren’t, please skip a couple paragraphs. I only want to share it with the people who care.
Here I go:
I haven’t had the best life so far.
My parents divorced when I was only 4. My dad hit me as a child, and my mom couldn’t stand to see me in pain. She nearly killed my dad, and I was watching. My little sister, who died 2 years after the divorce due to leukemia, stopped it. But she’s gone now. So is my dad. He died too.
I have always felt guilty because of that, the divorce of my parents. And the death of both my dad and sister, too. She died because we couldn’t pay for her medication. If my dad was with us, it would have helped a lot. And my dad died in a plane crash. If he was with us, he wouldn’t have to take a plane to his summer job.
I dropped out of school a couple years ago; school life really wasn’t for me.
I worked at a burger place for years until I met a man.
He had the brightest smile I had ever seen. I hated him as soon as I saw him. Now that I think about it, I still hate him. Just a little bit. Maybe it’s because he’s the one who taught me how to smile. I don’t like smiling, but he just forced it upon me.
“Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order? We are having our 2 for one apple pie deal. Buy 1 apple pie and get the second one free.” I remember that line perfectly. I said it at least 200 times a day. It pissed me off, but that’s what I remember.
“Your voice is really nice.” The man smiled at me. I tilted my head in confusion before looking at the cash register. I didn’t say anything for a moment. Then I spoke.
“Arigatou.” I bowed slightly before waiting for the man to order. The man spoke this time, not saying what I thought I’d hear.
“I want you to sing for me.”
Again, I felt very confused. He seemed very serious, his eyes never leaving my lips. I shook my head quickly. The man placed a hand on mine and whispered, this time looking directly into my eyes. I could feel the people behind him getting impatient by now.
“Sing.”
“Next, please.” The person behind the man was a petite young lady. She wore a skimpy, pink skirt and a plain shirt that still made her look great. And a flirty smile, the only kind of smile I liked. I gave her a smile back as she told me what she wanted. I still remember. She wanted small fries. That’s all she ordered. Maybe that’s how she kept herself so small.
The man was staring at me as I giggled at the young girl. As I leaned forward to give her the change, and maybe sneak a few peeks at the area men look at the most; if you know what I’m talking about. She didn’t seem to mind though; she gladly leaned over and made life easier for me.
The man walked closer to me again, standing next to my next customer.
“You have time to steal looks at girls, but you don’t have enough time to sing and maybe improve your future a little?” His voice was firm.
Now, I was interested. I didn’t show it though.
“What could you possibly do for me?” I rolled my eyes as I asked this; I felt rather childish after I thought about it for a while.
“I am the manager of this band. The GazettE, we call it. It’s an all boys band. We have two guitars, one bass, and a drum. We just need a vocalist.”
I didn’t respond right away. I looked at him for a couple seconds before looking at my customer and taking their order. I took the order of the next one. And the next one. And the next one too. Finally, I got out of my position and told my friend Kazuki to take my shift for a while.
A singer.
Maybe that’d be nice.
“Sing.” The man said as we walked outside of the restaurant.
“Twinkle, Twinkle…” I began. The man shut me up before I finished.
“Sing this.” He pulled out a paper. I was surprised at how prepared this man was. He gave me a smile as he handed it to me. He gave me a smile as I read over the lyrics. He gave me a smile as I cleared my throat. He just wouldn’t stop giving me a smile.
And so I began…
Daisuki datta no ni owakare desu
Kenka bakari no mainichi deshita
Korekara wa hitori de ikinakucha
Mou nakanai yo…
The man clapped before I finished the rest of the song. I think it was probably good enough for him. I didn’t think my voice was that great; it sounded like a crying man. But he seemed to like it. Again, he gave me a smile.
“With a little bit more practice, you’d be perfect.”
I was slightly offended by this, but somewhat flattered. I didn’t know what exactly I was supposed to feel.
“Join. Please.” He took out a picture that had 4 men in it; they were all dressed in the same style of clothing. They looked rather feminine, but I didn’t comment on it.
“Aoi, Reita, Uruha, and Yune.” He gave another smile. “You’d get a stage name like all of them, of course.”
I stared at the picture before looking back at him.
“You in?”
I nodded.
Now I see this same man. He is sitting on the floor, in front of me. I am sitting on the couch. Just watching him. He looks much older now. A little bit worn out. And his smile is not the same. His smile is not as bright as it was. Now it holds pain in its wrinkles, cracks, and gleams.
Oh, Taka? What is wrong with him?
That is probably what you are thinking right now.
Let’s just say…Yutaka fell in love with the wrong person.
I wish I could tell you who this person is, but he won’t tell me. He is talking to me about how amazing this person is. How much he cares about this person and how much he wishes this person loved him back. His smile just doesn’t fade yet.
I’m looking around the room, not aware of what to do here. I see him smiling. He whispers things in English. I’m not the best at speaking English; Yutaka is fluent though. This always comes in handy. To him, anyways.
I set my eyes on him.
Why was I feeling so brotherly all of the sudden?
Oh, Taka? How do you feel about Yutaka?
That is a question I have never gotten. I’m sure you want me to answer this right now though. I don’t exactly know how to explain it. I guess I’m pretty glad that I haven’t gotten it, too. It’d be pretty awkward to talk about it with all those fangirls out there, writing fan fiction about how gay all of us are and whatnot.
I’ve been asked this about Uruha. And Reita too. That is all. I think it’s only because those are the people everyone thinks I spend my time with. It’s really funny, how people’s minds work. They think they know everything about me.
My message to the world: Twitter is not my diary.
It doesn’t hold my thoughts or feelings or even what I do every day. All it hold are the things that I am willing to share, which isn’t that much.
To be honest, the person I spend most of my time with has to be Yutaka.
It’s not that I choose him over everyone else, or that he forces us to be friends since he’s the leader and I’m the vocalist. Yutaka just seems to like spending time with me. He always smiles at me. He laughs with me. He shares stuff with me.
I like Yutaka.
He’s a good guy, he really is. A good friend, too. I can tell him everything and he’ll just listen with that smile on his face.
I think it’s time I give it to him; what he’s given me.
I get up from the couch and sit next to Yutaka. He doesn’t seem to notice this, his thin eyes were being blinded by thousands of little tear drops that were just waiting to come out. I wanted them to come out. I heard that when you release your tears, you release your sorrow. I wanted Yutaka to release his sorrow.
“Yuta.” I call out to him, hoping he will hear me over his frantic sobs. That smile hadn’t disappeared yet.
He kept sobbing, looking down at his thighs. He was wiping his eyes. He didn’t see me yet, after all, the lights were off. Most would say this setting was kind of romantic. I kind of thought so too. But then again, I wanted to keep myself away from that.
Fangirls always write that type of stuff, I didn’t want to give them a reason to actually want to do it. It always started like this. One of the members is sad. One of the members is lonely. One of the members is in love with the other and don’t know how to say it. It’s always like that.
The setting is in a dark room. Or they are caught alone after work in the recording studio. Or even at each other’s houses ,when they go visit. Or at a park. At a car. And it always starts like that.
They fight. One admits to the other. Or something like that.
It’s funny, I have never even thought of any of this ever happening; the GazettE members dating each other. I wonder why anyone would think that. It’s just really funny to me. This only happens in stories, right?
“Tell me about her, Yutaka.”
Yutaka looks up at me and shakes his head.
“It’s not a her, Taka.”
I had to stare in disbelief. I never thought about the fact that my leader would be like this. Not that I had a problem with it, really. But it was just odd for me to think that all these years, I never knew that he was attracted to the opposite sex. My mother would have frowned upon this; me being best friends with someone like that.
“Tell me about him.”
“Why?”
“Just because.”
Yutaka thought for a bit, pressing his thumb on his bottom lip, rubbing it against it to remove some of its loose and dry feeling I suppose. He thought and thought. I didn’t know when he’d stop thinking but I was glad when he finally did and faced me.
“He’s a good singer.”
That was all he said before he looked away quickly and hummed a quiet tune with his eyes closed. I recognized the tune too, I had written it myself. He smiled as he did this, I guess contemplating on this person.
“How good?”
“As good as you.”
“Oh.”
I don’t like being compared. I really don’t. Yutaka knows that. Is he doing this on purpose?
“He’s good-looking.” Yutaka spoke up again after a long pause.
“How good-looking?”
“As good-looking as you.”
“Oh.”
This made me think he was doing it on purpose even more. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He was getting on my nerves. He didn’t seem to realize this though. He was very calm, looking out the window.
“He is perfect.” He finally said. His smile was a little happier this time.
“How perfect?”
“As perfect as you.”
“Oh.”
By this time, I was fed up. I didn’t want to show it though. I just hated the thought of being compared to someone Yuta was in love with. It was not only awkward to me, but also annoying since he didn’t tell me who it was, just gave me vague descriptions.
“Taka.”
“What?”
“Have you gotten it yet?” Yutaka had a larger smile. His eyes looked relieved.
“What are you talking about?”
Finally, his smile disappeared.
Small note: I haven't written in a while, so I don't know how much this story sucks. >> Comment if you like it, comment if you don't. If you like it, tell me why. If you don't, tell me why as well. :) Comments are love~
I hope ya'll liked it though. It felt good to write it. I know the plot was kind of confusing at first, but I wanted to get into their relationship before the band started as well. Anyways. Thank you. :) *bows*
Author: pe-gret~:sushi:
Pairing: Ruki x Kai
Bands Included:The GazettE; Ruki as narrator
Chapters: One-shot~
Genre: Romance, Drama
Rating: PG-15--
Synopsis: "It’d be pretty awkward to talk about it with all those fangirls out there, writing fan fiction about how gay all of us are and whatnot."
---
Smiling isn’t really my thing.
I can’t stand seeing a smile on anyone’s face.
Oh, Takanori? Why is that?
Too many people ask that. It’s kind of annoying how I can’t have an opinion without it being questioned. Then again, this isn’t an opinion. It’s a passionate hate. Hate for those who actually have something to smile about. I guess it’s sad, now that I think about. Hating the innocent. Then again, it’s not my fault. My favorite word is hate.
Oh, Taka? Why do you hate so much?
That has been asked of me plenty of times before as well. I have never really answered that publically, but I will now share it with those who are willing to listen. If you are, then keep reading this. If you aren’t, please skip a couple paragraphs. I only want to share it with the people who care.
Here I go:
I haven’t had the best life so far.
My parents divorced when I was only 4. My dad hit me as a child, and my mom couldn’t stand to see me in pain. She nearly killed my dad, and I was watching. My little sister, who died 2 years after the divorce due to leukemia, stopped it. But she’s gone now. So is my dad. He died too.
I have always felt guilty because of that, the divorce of my parents. And the death of both my dad and sister, too. She died because we couldn’t pay for her medication. If my dad was with us, it would have helped a lot. And my dad died in a plane crash. If he was with us, he wouldn’t have to take a plane to his summer job.
I dropped out of school a couple years ago; school life really wasn’t for me.
I worked at a burger place for years until I met a man.
He had the brightest smile I had ever seen. I hated him as soon as I saw him. Now that I think about it, I still hate him. Just a little bit. Maybe it’s because he’s the one who taught me how to smile. I don’t like smiling, but he just forced it upon me.
“Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order? We are having our 2 for one apple pie deal. Buy 1 apple pie and get the second one free.” I remember that line perfectly. I said it at least 200 times a day. It pissed me off, but that’s what I remember.
“Your voice is really nice.” The man smiled at me. I tilted my head in confusion before looking at the cash register. I didn’t say anything for a moment. Then I spoke.
“Arigatou.” I bowed slightly before waiting for the man to order. The man spoke this time, not saying what I thought I’d hear.
“I want you to sing for me.”
Again, I felt very confused. He seemed very serious, his eyes never leaving my lips. I shook my head quickly. The man placed a hand on mine and whispered, this time looking directly into my eyes. I could feel the people behind him getting impatient by now.
“Sing.”
“Next, please.” The person behind the man was a petite young lady. She wore a skimpy, pink skirt and a plain shirt that still made her look great. And a flirty smile, the only kind of smile I liked. I gave her a smile back as she told me what she wanted. I still remember. She wanted small fries. That’s all she ordered. Maybe that’s how she kept herself so small.
The man was staring at me as I giggled at the young girl. As I leaned forward to give her the change, and maybe sneak a few peeks at the area men look at the most; if you know what I’m talking about. She didn’t seem to mind though; she gladly leaned over and made life easier for me.
The man walked closer to me again, standing next to my next customer.
“You have time to steal looks at girls, but you don’t have enough time to sing and maybe improve your future a little?” His voice was firm.
Now, I was interested. I didn’t show it though.
“What could you possibly do for me?” I rolled my eyes as I asked this; I felt rather childish after I thought about it for a while.
“I am the manager of this band. The GazettE, we call it. It’s an all boys band. We have two guitars, one bass, and a drum. We just need a vocalist.”
I didn’t respond right away. I looked at him for a couple seconds before looking at my customer and taking their order. I took the order of the next one. And the next one. And the next one too. Finally, I got out of my position and told my friend Kazuki to take my shift for a while.
A singer.
Maybe that’d be nice.
“Sing.” The man said as we walked outside of the restaurant.
“Twinkle, Twinkle…” I began. The man shut me up before I finished.
“Sing this.” He pulled out a paper. I was surprised at how prepared this man was. He gave me a smile as he handed it to me. He gave me a smile as I read over the lyrics. He gave me a smile as I cleared my throat. He just wouldn’t stop giving me a smile.
And so I began…
Daisuki datta no ni owakare desu
Kenka bakari no mainichi deshita
Korekara wa hitori de ikinakucha
Mou nakanai yo…
The man clapped before I finished the rest of the song. I think it was probably good enough for him. I didn’t think my voice was that great; it sounded like a crying man. But he seemed to like it. Again, he gave me a smile.
“With a little bit more practice, you’d be perfect.”
I was slightly offended by this, but somewhat flattered. I didn’t know what exactly I was supposed to feel.
“Join. Please.” He took out a picture that had 4 men in it; they were all dressed in the same style of clothing. They looked rather feminine, but I didn’t comment on it.
“Aoi, Reita, Uruha, and Yune.” He gave another smile. “You’d get a stage name like all of them, of course.”
I stared at the picture before looking back at him.
“You in?”
I nodded.
Now I see this same man. He is sitting on the floor, in front of me. I am sitting on the couch. Just watching him. He looks much older now. A little bit worn out. And his smile is not the same. His smile is not as bright as it was. Now it holds pain in its wrinkles, cracks, and gleams.
Oh, Taka? What is wrong with him?
That is probably what you are thinking right now.
Let’s just say…Yutaka fell in love with the wrong person.
I wish I could tell you who this person is, but he won’t tell me. He is talking to me about how amazing this person is. How much he cares about this person and how much he wishes this person loved him back. His smile just doesn’t fade yet.
I’m looking around the room, not aware of what to do here. I see him smiling. He whispers things in English. I’m not the best at speaking English; Yutaka is fluent though. This always comes in handy. To him, anyways.
I set my eyes on him.
Why was I feeling so brotherly all of the sudden?
Oh, Taka? How do you feel about Yutaka?
That is a question I have never gotten. I’m sure you want me to answer this right now though. I don’t exactly know how to explain it. I guess I’m pretty glad that I haven’t gotten it, too. It’d be pretty awkward to talk about it with all those fangirls out there, writing fan fiction about how gay all of us are and whatnot.
I’ve been asked this about Uruha. And Reita too. That is all. I think it’s only because those are the people everyone thinks I spend my time with. It’s really funny, how people’s minds work. They think they know everything about me.
My message to the world: Twitter is not my diary.
It doesn’t hold my thoughts or feelings or even what I do every day. All it hold are the things that I am willing to share, which isn’t that much.
To be honest, the person I spend most of my time with has to be Yutaka.
It’s not that I choose him over everyone else, or that he forces us to be friends since he’s the leader and I’m the vocalist. Yutaka just seems to like spending time with me. He always smiles at me. He laughs with me. He shares stuff with me.
I like Yutaka.
He’s a good guy, he really is. A good friend, too. I can tell him everything and he’ll just listen with that smile on his face.
I think it’s time I give it to him; what he’s given me.
I get up from the couch and sit next to Yutaka. He doesn’t seem to notice this, his thin eyes were being blinded by thousands of little tear drops that were just waiting to come out. I wanted them to come out. I heard that when you release your tears, you release your sorrow. I wanted Yutaka to release his sorrow.
“Yuta.” I call out to him, hoping he will hear me over his frantic sobs. That smile hadn’t disappeared yet.
He kept sobbing, looking down at his thighs. He was wiping his eyes. He didn’t see me yet, after all, the lights were off. Most would say this setting was kind of romantic. I kind of thought so too. But then again, I wanted to keep myself away from that.
Fangirls always write that type of stuff, I didn’t want to give them a reason to actually want to do it. It always started like this. One of the members is sad. One of the members is lonely. One of the members is in love with the other and don’t know how to say it. It’s always like that.
The setting is in a dark room. Or they are caught alone after work in the recording studio. Or even at each other’s houses ,when they go visit. Or at a park. At a car. And it always starts like that.
They fight. One admits to the other. Or something like that.
It’s funny, I have never even thought of any of this ever happening; the GazettE members dating each other. I wonder why anyone would think that. It’s just really funny to me. This only happens in stories, right?
“Tell me about her, Yutaka.”
Yutaka looks up at me and shakes his head.
“It’s not a her, Taka.”
I had to stare in disbelief. I never thought about the fact that my leader would be like this. Not that I had a problem with it, really. But it was just odd for me to think that all these years, I never knew that he was attracted to the opposite sex. My mother would have frowned upon this; me being best friends with someone like that.
“Tell me about him.”
“Why?”
“Just because.”
Yutaka thought for a bit, pressing his thumb on his bottom lip, rubbing it against it to remove some of its loose and dry feeling I suppose. He thought and thought. I didn’t know when he’d stop thinking but I was glad when he finally did and faced me.
“He’s a good singer.”
That was all he said before he looked away quickly and hummed a quiet tune with his eyes closed. I recognized the tune too, I had written it myself. He smiled as he did this, I guess contemplating on this person.
“How good?”
“As good as you.”
“Oh.”
I don’t like being compared. I really don’t. Yutaka knows that. Is he doing this on purpose?
“He’s good-looking.” Yutaka spoke up again after a long pause.
“How good-looking?”
“As good-looking as you.”
“Oh.”
This made me think he was doing it on purpose even more. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He was getting on my nerves. He didn’t seem to realize this though. He was very calm, looking out the window.
“He is perfect.” He finally said. His smile was a little happier this time.
“How perfect?”
“As perfect as you.”
“Oh.”
By this time, I was fed up. I didn’t want to show it though. I just hated the thought of being compared to someone Yuta was in love with. It was not only awkward to me, but also annoying since he didn’t tell me who it was, just gave me vague descriptions.
“Taka.”
“What?”
“Have you gotten it yet?” Yutaka had a larger smile. His eyes looked relieved.
“What are you talking about?”
Finally, his smile disappeared.
Small note: I haven't written in a while, so I don't know how much this story sucks. >> Comment if you like it, comment if you don't. If you like it, tell me why. If you don't, tell me why as well. :) Comments are love~
I hope ya'll liked it though. It felt good to write it. I know the plot was kind of confusing at first, but I wanted to get into their relationship before the band started as well. Anyways. Thank you. :) *bows*