[Fic] Drifting
Title: Drifting
Author: queen_kat_tun
Rating: Safe
Genre: Angst, a bit of romance
Length: 1k
Warning: Implied Jincident, broken Kame(?)
A/N: Written for gina84. Happy, happy birthday! You already read this so :D Also, I deleted the one that bothers you and grammatical errors are still present I am sure. Again, happy birthday and ILU! <3
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In his dream, Kame is in Okinawa. The sun is low on the horizon; deep pink moving upward to dissolve into warmer shades that colour up the sky. The waters shimmer between a golden rose and a calm blue. He feels the waves lapping at him, getting him drenched as the ripples collide against him. The sand beneath him feels like powder; fine and smooth against the pads of his feet. The place hasn’t lost its beauty, Kame thinks, and he smiles. Okinawa has always been special to him. He isn’t exactly what people would call sentimental but just this once, he feels he really is.
There’s the setting sun miles and miles away in front of him and Kame feels like time is slipping away. The orange clouds continue to move along. He doesn’t chase them. He never will. He walks forward without any hesitations. The water is just right and it soothes him. It brings comfort to his aching heart. Kame welcomes the feeling. It makes him feel alive.
Closing his eyes, he feels the water on his neck and Kame doesn’t have any regrets left. He thinks about Jin. He thinks about him all the time.
Jin has been someone he’s shared a very complicated relationship with. They started as strangers then best friends and ended up being lovers. It isn’t the way Kame wanted to know about love but it’s alright because being with Jin is something Kame cherished. Being with Jin feels normal; natural. It is something Kame knows is inevitable. Then again, Kame has always believed in fate. It is something he grew up with.
The sound of the waves is like music to his ears. He is drowning, drifting, and Kame doesn’t do anything about it, couldn’t even bring himself to care. He’s self-destructing but it’s alright because it brings him inner peace. It’s time to let go. He doesn’t hear the voice shouting his name.
Kame thinks about Jin as he drifts away. He could hear nothing. He could feel himself sway with every movement of the water. He could feel himself slipping away and he’s exhausted. In his head, Kame remembers the difficult times he has faced with Jin. He could hear him laugh, he could hear him talk. He remembers how Jin’s eyes become upside down crescents when he smiles. Kame smiles a little when an image of Jin fidgeting pops up in his mind. Random thoughts fill his head and in a very bizarre way, Kame could hear Jin saying ‘don’t let go, Kazuya’.
Kame still let goes.
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Kame kisses Jin’s shoulder gently and Jin smiles lazily, still half-asleep. "You said you have something important to tell me." Kame says with his voice falling softly like the touch of a feather.
Jin frowns and tries to escape, tries to run away as he replies, "Let's not talk about that. Let's not talk about anything tonight, Kazuya."
Kame knows Jin like the back of his hand. He knows him like he knows every curve of Jin’s back and bumps of Jin’s arms, knows him like he knows Jin’s smell and his tongue. Kame knows all of Jin just as well as Jin knows him. It’s something they are both proud of.
"Ok." Kame says after he’s studied Jin and wraps his arms around him instead.
That’s when Jin’s conscience nags at him, as if tugging from all sides and it hurts him knowing that Kazuya knows that he’s lying, that he’s keeping something a secret from him.
"I'm going to marry her.” Jin admits and he feels the arms around him go stiff. He could hear the clenching and unclenching of Kazuya’s jaw.
In a way, Kame somehow hoped. He has always hoped since it is all he had. He hoped that something is wrong with this one and continues to hope that Jin is playing a trick on him. Yet, Kame knows this is something Jin wouldn’t joke about. Kame knows that this would happen; it is Jin’s ultimate dream after all. He just isn’t prepared for it. Jin should have given him a notice.
"Kazuya?" Jin whispers the name and feels it burn on his tongue.
Kame just nods his head. "I see," he responds after a while. So this is the end. Their end. After all these years of holding Jin, kissing him, making love to him, he is just going to be ripped away from him by someone Kame has had the irony of working with. Kame could even remember admiring her for her work ethics and dedication.
"Do you love her?" Kame couldn’t help but ask, moving closer to Jin to kiss the top of his head, almost forgiving him as he breathes in Jin’s scent.
Jin didn't respond that night. He never responded to that ever.
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A sharp wind carries the faint scent of flowers. Crystalline teardrops hung from half-opened buds on the plum trees lining the street as the morning light pours in. Kame slowly opens his eyes. They feel tired and it’s a little painful to force them to open. Once awake, he looks around and realizes he’s inside a tent. A small, green tent. Kame tries to recall his dream and feels a headache coming instead.
“Don’t ever scare me like that, Kazuya!”
Kame feels a twitch inside his head when he hears the stern voice. Surreal as it may sound, it’s Jin’s.
“Don’t you fucking scare me like that ever again!” Jin could feel himself trembling both in worry and anger. “Damn you, Kazuya.” Jin is so mad and yet, his voice comes out gentle. With his hand shaking a bit, Jin tightens his hold on Kame’s hand, his fingers perfectly filling the gaps in Kame’s own. It feels warm and Jin’s never letting go. He’s sure of that now.
Kame buries himself deeper in the sheets and closes his eyes. Okinawa is magical, he thinks. It brought Jin to him. Kame doesn’t feel like waking up anymore. He’s happy with his dream. He could go on like this forever. Then, in the middle of his reverie, Kame feels warm lips on his own and there’s a soft, gentle whisper of I love you, Kazuya. Don’t ever let me go.
Maybe, he isn’t dreaming after all, Kame tells himself. Maybe, he never did dream.
“I won’t.” And Kame smiles, his heart feels lighter than it ever did in the past years.